Tag: greiving

Saying Good bye: 

Saying good bye to you is something I hoped I wouldn’t have to do for a long time. I’m sitting here by the Lake. Here to honor you. I know how much you loved the Great Lakes and the beauty that Michigan has to offer. 

All I can think about is your light. The way that your laugh and energy was absolutely contagious. How we could sit and talk. I knew that I could tell you anything without judgement . You stayed by my side through some rough times. Looked me in the eye and said hat you where there for me no matter what. 

I think about all the fun days. The sunset pictures we’d take while sitting on the on the beach in front of Lake Michigan. Singing karaoke “girls just wanna have fun.” The memories of the good times are endless. 

Maybe what makes it hardest to stay goodbye today is that you where part of my chosen family. For a girl who has never been close with her actual family, the ones that I choose to be in my life, are so much more important to me. Making it so much hard to lose the people I love the most. 

So today as we say good bye, I’m filling my wine glass up and sitting here watching the waves come in from another lake. Celebrating your love and light. Wishing that all of this wasn’t true. 

Keep watching over us, we still need you love and light here too. 

RIP my friend. 

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This Is How Watching Someone Die Can Haunt You Forever

Watching you wither away, each day dying a little bit more, will forever be burned into my mind. But as much as it broke me to watch you die,I couldn’t leave your side. And as much as I hate to admit it, this is how it haunts me forever.

I was there when so many others weren’t,  I couldn’t let you be there scared and alone all those nights, that would’ve broken my heart even more.

I understand why some people chose not to come, they didn’t want the memory of their loved one to be shattered, altered with the memory of their death and deterioration.

But I set aside your pain to give you my undivided attention, to make sure you knew you were loved and so important to me. I risked my happiness, I risked my glistening and glimmering memories of you to see you in your darkest days and I’d do it all over again if I could.

Because the little bit of time you had left on this earth, I wanted to spend it with you. I wish I could have saved you, I wish I could love you so hard that it cured you.

I wish I could have made everything better… But that wasn’t an option, there’s no beating death. So instead, I stuck by your side till your very last breath.

I hope you know that I refuse to allow my memory of you to be tainted from watching you die, the happy memories still shine so bright.

I can still feel your arms around me sometimes, the warmth of being wrapped up in one of your big hugs. I even hear your voice in my head sometimes, it keeps me calm when I need it most.

I miss you every second of every day and I pray that I’m making you proud down here. Everything reminds me of you, both happy and sad, but I know I’m blessed to have had you in my life.

While I wouldn’t wish watching a loved one pass away anyone, I feel lucky to have been the one by your side through it all. You will forever and always be alive in my heart.

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