It’s these days, the days you should be here that make losing you that much harder. Three years how has it been three years you have been gone. Life just don’t seem quite as good now that you aren’t here. Every major mile stone feels like there is something missing. A piece that we cannot get back.
So today, on your third birthday in heaven I sit here, by your head stone. I know you aren’t here. It’s just the last place that we where with you. I have my coffee and I’m just staring at the sky. Words are mostly lost so I write.
Days like today are the hardest. Your memory is so alive, yet everything feels different. There is an emptiness in days like today. Days when I wish I could be sitting at your feet while you play with my hair. While the cake is baking in the oven. I wish we could go to your favorite restaurant together, and come home to sing happy birthday.
I pass the card isle at the store and think, I’ll never get to buy you a card again. I stand there for a few minutes looking at all the cards marked “Grandma” wishing I could see the smile on your face as you open it up. Seeing the tears in your eyes because you are so touched by it. Grandma, although these memories will stay with me forever, I long for just one more time.
I reach for my phone to call you and tell you all about my day. Even though it’s been three years now. I think about our conversations. How when I would have a hard day I could here you say “stay strong, you can do this.” I look down at my wrist where it’s tattooed on me.
It’s days like today when celebrating you makes my heart ache. When the little things in life feel so empty. When I just wish for one more day, even one more minute to see your smile.
Happy Heavenly Birthday. Keep watching over us! We still need you.