Dear Grief

You came uninvited. You made my heart your home. You took away all the memories we will never make. You stole years that we should have had. You bought tears to those incapable of feelings. You showed me that life is not easy; that life is hard. You showed me that tomorrow is never promised.

But, you also showed me the strength that I never knew I had. You showed me who the true people in my life are. You allowed memories that I had forgotten about to reveal themselves again. You showed me just how much love I really did have in my heart. 

I never wanted you. You were an unwelcome guest.

Yet, without you, I would not be who I am at this moment in time.

I would not understand how precious life is.

How important it is to say I love you.

Because of you, memories are treasured. 

Pictures are taken. 

The simple things mean the most.

Strange as it may sound, grief, I am thankful that you showed up.

I did not like you then, and I probably never will, but you taught me lessons.

Lessons that I never would have learned if it wasn’t for you.

You showed me how valuable life is. How things should not be taken for granted.

I wish I didn’t need you to learn those lessons. But we don’t always get what we want.

You showed me that through tears, come laughter. And the sun will shine again someday. 

To my angels in Heaven, Suzie, Stephanie & Sean, for whom they are the reason grief has visited me, I miss you all. I love you always.

About The Author

My name is Chrissie and I live in New Jersey with my family.  I love reading books. It helps to escape a little bit.  I love spending time with my niece. You can follow my journey at  My Grieving Heart.

Learn How To Properly Deal With A Loved One’s Untimely Death

The death of a loved one can be upsetting and unsettling even for the best of us. The gravity of the situation forces even the coldest of hearts to soften and break down into a million pieces. Although the level of pain is different for everybody and it is rightly said that everybody processes grief in their way. However, certain common ways can be adopted by the majority of individuals to ensure that their grief management gets better.

A loved one’s untimely death can be shocking and put you off-key, yet there are some people who often object to grieving and advocate the concept of moving on. However, it is important to honor mourning and take the necessary time for grieving. This is why we have explained the importance of mourning in this article to optimize the common narrative regarding mourning.

Importance of Mourning and Grieving

We grieve because we care, it is as simple as that. This doesn’t mean that people who reject the concept of mourning are insensitive, the difference lies in the expression of feelings.

Since our loved ones are an important part of our routine life, the void created by their departure is difficult to fill. Although practicality suggests that we move on with our lives and avoid wasting any time, but humans’ emotions aren’t designed this way.

We are required to mourn our loss to ensure we get closure from the incident and move past the void that has been created. For this reason, no matter what scale we choose, we need to stop and take some time out to accept and grieve for our loved ones.

Yes, it is true that the time we spend on mourning results in a decrease in our productivity, but we need to question ourselves, what’s the purpose of all this productivity if we are unable to spare some time from our monotonous schedule for our loved ones.

How to Deal With a Loved One’s Sudden Death?

Dealing with a loved one’s death is a tragic situation, let alone the addition of the “sudden” factor. For this reason, these strategies can be applied to help you deal with the sudden departure of your loved one.

Find Outlets for Expression of Your Feelings

Finding an outlet for the expression of your feelings is important. Bottling up emotions and especially sad emotions can eat a person from the inside. This is why it is always recommended to find outlets to ensure that you don’t keep your feelings contained.

Know When to Get Help

Irrespective of the issue, it is important to understand when you need external help to cope with the loss. If we take the US as an example, Denver stands amongst the top areas that are affected by wrongful death cases. In terms of an untimely or wrongful death, finding a reliable Denver wrongful death attorney will give you the guidance and tools needed to ensure your case isn’t mismanaged. With effective legal consultation, you can be free from the worries of any injustice in your case and take the required time for mourning the loss of your loved one(s).

Mourning is Your Right; Exercise It

Mourning is your right and there is absolutely no problem in exercising it. While there are people who might argue that mourning can be a waste of time, you are the master of your ship. You can take your time to grieve for your loved one.

 

How to Remember Your Loved One?

Many people often struggle to find happy memories to remember their loved ones. This is why we have curated a list of strategies to help you relive some.

Cook their Favorite Meal

Food is an important part of our routine. This is why remembering your closed one by cooking their favorite meal is considered to be an excellent technique.

Create a Shadow Box to Store Their Important Things

Assemble a memory box to store the things that will help you remember them whenever you miss them.

Talk to Them

As absurd as it might sound, talking to your departed loved ones can be an exceptional help. It will provide you with an outlet to discuss your daily life events and help you bring stability to your routine.

Mourning is essential to relieve oneself after the death of a close relative. Although the concept of death isn’t new, the “sudden” factor amplifies the pain for most people. Many people suggest that we shouldn’t allow grief to take over our lives and get back to our routine life as soon as possible. However, psychology experts suggest that grieving is important and should be given its due time before resuming your routine life. Therefore, the aforementioned strategies should help you deal with this great loss.

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How to Handle Stressful Life Events

 

Divorce, losing a family member, changing jobs or being fired from one are just some of the most stressful life events. While some people manage to go through those phases without feeling too hurt, others end up feeling scarred without the ability to overcome the problem. If you’re worried that you won’t be able to cope well with losing a job or healing from an injury, we have a few tips that will make the transition easier.

Coping with divorce

Divorcing a spouse is among the top 5 most stressful life events. Coming to realize that you’re not going to spend the rest of your life with a person you thought you were gonna grow old with can leave permanent scars. One of the beneficial practices you can do to cope with a divorce is to have a strong support system of loyal and trustworthy friends. Spending time in nature and working out will help you de-stress and keep a clear mind. Talking to a therapist will also be beneficial if you can’t find enough comfort in your friends.

 

Moving to a new home

While moving into a new home isn’t as negative a life event such as divorce or the loss of a loved one, it’s still stressful because it disrupts your routine. From looking for a new home to packing, moving and then settling in the new home – it’s all very nerve-racking. You’ve gotten accustomed to living in one neighborhood or a city for a certain number of years, and now you have to change everything and start from scratch. Getting to know the new living area and people living next door is anything but easy. Keeping a positive mindset is one way that will help you go through an entire process as smoothly as possible. Moving to a new home is a beginning of a new chapter, rather than being the ending of something you enjoyed before. You’ll have new routines, new surroundings and a lot of future opportunities to look forward to.

 

Dealing with the loss of a loved one

Losing a parent, a grandparent, a sibling, or a child is another stressful life event that many don’t know how to deal with. When it comes to legal issues, one should always rely on will and estate lawyers to help out with anything from reading a will to making sure the heirs grant the late person’s last wish. Taking some time off work will allow you to grieve and heal enough to be able to engage in mundane activities again. Meditation, yoga and any type of physical activity can be a good outlet. Because it allows you to think of something else other than what you’re going through.

 

Losing a job

A person losing a job can often experience depression and anxiety. Having to live with a sense of humiliation day by day will put a lot of stress on a person after losing a job. That can cause numerous other health problems and potentially prevent them from looking for a new job. On top of that, it can discourage them from looking for new life opportunities. However, losing a job shouldn’t be demotivating for a person. On the contrary, you should see it as a motivation to look for a better position or an entirely new career. You’re not the first nor the last person to lose a job, and you shouldn’t perceive it as something finite. With so many opportunities out there, you should think about your skills, hobbies and interests. And look for other fields of work that may be a much better fit. A life event can easily become a blessing, rather than a curse – it all depends on a point of view.

 

Recovering from an injury

Whether you’re a professional athlete or you love to stay active to lead a healthy lifestyle, suffering an injury can cause a lot of stress on you. And that is especially true for people who have to spend months staying home. And not being able to enjoy their daily workouts. Because breaking the routine for a few days can cause a lot of stress. And even more so, if one is not able to do what they love for a month or even longer. Finding new hobbies and someone to talk to will help deal with the stress.  Find someone who’s been through the same experience and managed to cope with it well. And you’ll have a much better chance at recuperating quickly yourself.

 

Life is full of stressful events, and there’s only so much you can do to cope with them. However, as long as you keep a positive mindset and not give up, you’ll be able to go through anything.  Make sure you have a strong support system and somebody to talk to whenever you need to. Look for new hobbies. And talk to professionals and take time to enjoy new activities that will give purpose to your new life.

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Wake Me When November Ends Poem

It was 12 years ago that I found out I’d never again hear the sound of her laughter or voice, or see the smile on her face or even feel her embrace. It was 12 years ago that I found out my big sissy would not only be missing her birthday and Thanksgiving with us, but would never be coming home. She was taken from us way too soon and not a single day has passed in 12 years that I don’t miss my big sissy. We were like two peas in a pod. No one ever truly understood me and my quirks quite like she did. She was my best friend and I miss her everyday. She spent her entire life feeling unwanted and unloved and not a day goes by that my heart doesn’t break knowing she died all alone probably thinking those exact thoughts. Because of someone’s carelessness my sister died all alone on a cold bathroom floor and wasn’t found for two days.

I wanted to share with you all a poem that I wrote for my beautiful big sister who now lives among the Angels in Heaven.

Fall has come and almost gone,
I wish your face appeared with the dawn.
Twelve years since your time has come to pass,
It hurts that your life went by so fast.
Here comes my tears again,
Drenched in my pain once again.
Please wake me when November ends?
From day one I am waiting for day thirty so it will end,
It holds memories of a pain that won’t mend
My memory rests, but I can’t escape what I lost,
With a loss so deep you never forget the cost.
Wake me when November ends?!
The bond between sisters broken in two,
A world left shattered and blue.
Numb and empty knowing you’re no longer here,
This month arrives and I wish I could disappear.
Wake me when November ends?!
All this time and yet I’m still here drowning in the rain,
Every single day I can still feel the sting of my pain.
This aching hole in my heart that I can’t make whole,
All because of a stupid mistake your life was stole.
Please can someone wake me when November ends?

Hold onto your sisters because they truly are your forever friends. No one has your back like a sister does and there is no one who is a better friend.

Taken Too Soon: To the Guy I Didn’t Get to Say Goodbye to

When I met you, I had no idea what was going to come of us. At the time, I wasn’t even open to the idea of you. I had just gotten out of a bad situation with a guy who was screwing around behind my back with my best friend, and I wasn’t interested in getting played again.

 

A coworker set me up on a blind date with you, and I was seriously thinking about ditching (spoiler alert: I didn’t). When I first met you, I didn’t know how to take you.

 

You were the silly, guarded kid that I didn’t think wanted to be there any more than I did, but somehow we got through that first awkward blind date, and our relationship blossomed from there.

 

I felt instantly comfortable with you, like we had been friends for years, and we had such a huge level of trust for each other right from the get go. The beginning of our relationship was full of all kinds of adventures and shenanigans.

 

It didn’t take us long to fall in love, merely four months, but we had the kind of love you only read about. The kind of love people rarely get to experience for themselves. The kind of love that other couples commented on when we were out together in public; that, simply the way we looked at each other, spoke of how in love we were.

 

Grandmother

A Grandmother is someone who is irreplaceable in the life as a child.

She is the person that you can count on to be there with a big hug and something sweet, while she listens to your troubles. She is someone always up for a shopping spree, no matter how she feels. She is someone who will teach you to make your favorite dish (even if cooking isn’t your strong suit). However, a heart like this cannot be with us forever.

 

Grandma,

Two years ago you gained your wings and I lost a piece of me and I will never be the same. I am so grateful for the many hours of memories that I can pour over in my head. However, none of them will ever be good enough because it is not the real thing. 

 

I often talk to you about my troubles, only now it is a one way conversation and I long for you to come down from the clouds and tell me what the right decision is. I wish to feel your hug one more time and I want to hear your voice tell me that everything is going to be okay even if it might not be. 

 

“I am grieving a loss of someone I never met, only felt.”

Years I have dealt with feeling sadness in strange ways, sadness that brought me down to my knees screaming bloody murder trying to get the internal monster that I battled out of my body.

 

Cutting my skin hoping the blood that trickled out was the inner demons that wouldn’t leave me be.

 

Nothing worked. The sadness that I feel now is different then anything I have ever felt and will ever feel in the rest of my existence.

 

Never in my life did I think my first pregnancy would end up in a tragedy and sadness beyond belief.

 

To My Grandma I Miss with My Whole Heart, You Really Were the Best

I’m terrified that the memories I have of you will one day become blurry. Mom has the video tapes from when I was little and thankfully you were on a few.

 

I remember what you looked like, but your voice, I hate to say I don’t remember it.

 

You were the best grandma I could have asked for.

 

I remember being excited to come see you and I loved spending the nights at your house. The junk food we would eat. The card games we used to play. The trips to the park right down the street we used to play at.

 

Having to be quiet while you watched The 700 Club, but as soon as it was over, your attention was focused on us. Playing downstairs in the basement.

 

Helping to do your housework, yet never willingly helping my mom at home.

 

I remember being really little and you’d sit on the floor and play with my horses for what felt like hours at the time.

I used to love having all my cousins over and running around your yard and hopping the chain link fence, having hula hoop competitions.

 

All the home made cakes you used to make for our birthdays.

 

I feel like I didn’t get to spend enough time with you.

 

I know it was your time to leave and at the time I was okay with that. I still am.

 

Just every now and again, especially lately, I realize how much you are missing out on.

 

I know you’d be here if you could, so I’ll just hope you look down and smile.

 

But honestly, I would rather have the ten years I did with you than to have never had those ten years at all.

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