I’m Actually Doing The Damn Thing.

I’m really doing this…

I am truly adulting and it is the weirdest thing ever.

Recently my fiance and I bought our first home together. Which is honestly a huge step for any couple…We officially have a mortgage, and homeowners insurance and we are choosing to spend the next 30 some-on years together. We both have “real” jobs, “fur babies” and planning a future together…

This is all so shocking to me because if you were to tell me two years ago that I would be with the love of my life, engaged and owning my own home as well as, being on a completely different career path… I don’t think I would have believed you.

You see, two years ago I was out partying and living life completely carefree. Now… no longer are nights of going out to random parties at midnight, drinking god knows what until god knows when. No longer are toxic friendships bringing me down and FINALLY… No more toxic relationships with different f*** boys, who had completely damaged my mental and emotional health.

Finally, I have found myself and I am the happiest I have ever been. I have grown into the person younger me would be so damn proud of.

What happens when you finally stop caring what others think and start living your life for yourself is weird.

I won’t sit here and say it was easy, hell, it was the hardest thing I have done. I let go of old friends I thought of as sisters, girls I talked to sometimes even more than my actual sister… When you spend so much time with people and then they are suddenly no longer there, it’s hard… but I knew it was for the best.

It was a very, very dark time…

Even though that time was hell, that’s when I found myself. Like the real me, not a form of me that was trying to make everyone happy, but me. I had a different glow to me if you will. It was noticeable and everyone was commenting on it. During this time I found someone who made me truly and genuinely happy. He made all of the heartaches I had been through worth it, from the first date I knew he would be the one, and look where we are now. A new house, two fur babies, and, an engagement ring later… We are doing the damn thing.

Like every chapter in life, it has its ups and downs, but the “ups” and the good times completely weigh down the downs. I don’t know where I would be if I was still the person I was back then.

I don’t think about it much. I don’t want to think about it, because none of it matters anymore.

To the girl who is too afraid to let go of the past… do it! I promise it will be the biggest weight off of your chest. Take a moment, take a deep breath, get up and just do the damn thing!

Dear Five-Year-Old Self

Dear five-year-old self,

You didn’t know that bills were going to have to be paid and that learning to drive would come about so quickly. 18 came by quickly. How you wish you could eat crappy food without guilt and run around in day camp without the worries of high school bullying and work drama.

Dear five-year-old self,

You never thought a chronic illness would come about and that you would become disabled. You didn’t think that you would actually get to be an adult and you would have to make choices. You didn’t think that life would go by quickly and that you would have to outgrow Bratz dolls.

Dear five-year-old self,

You had best friends in elementary school but didn’t know you would grow apart in middle school. You didn’t think appearance and popularity would be important until you realized how mean kids really could be. You didn’t know studying could be so hard and just trying to fit in felt like an extra task.

Dear five-year-old self,

You didn’t know the anxiety of adulthood would come about and that the work world would really be something to become an activity on a daily basis. You didn’t know that pressure and drama would occur from college and that innocence of youth was taken away as you realized you had to grow up.

But listen, five-year-old self,

You didn’t know how much you would accomplish as you got older. You didn’t know how smart you were when you achieved academic awards and good grades in high school and college. You didn’t realize how resilient you were when you had to overcome a disability and the adversity and harshness that the world would throw at you for being disabled. You didn’t think you would find love but a boy loves you just the way you are.

You thought as a five-year-old that life would be smooth which was not the case but as you grew up you learned to make choices for yourself and learn how to care for others.

You overcome being fired and laid off from work and being discriminated and bullied against for your disability. You made mistakes you admit and lost friends along the way but you have learned lessons that have made you into a better person. You have become strong and realized to put yourself first and focus on self-care. You have realized that love and laughter are important for happiness and to not stress the small things.

Dear five-year-old self,

Tell your older self to relax and breathe once in a while and to stop overthinking. Tell your older self to give yourself credit for the things you have done and to not beat yourself up over the mistakes you have made. Learn to always overcome fights with parents and loved ones as you continue to grow into a better person each day.

Dear five-year-old self,

Give yourself a chance to let your 27-year-old self be happy and smile. You’re doing the best you can.

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About the Author

Molly Rose lives in PA but is originally from NY. She wrote for Odyssey Online in 2017 and has now started her journey with Puckermob. Molly is getting her Master’s degree online in Human Services at Capella University. She is an advocate for individuals with disabilities. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Milestones and Birthdays

I’m penning this in spite of the party poopers that feel like after 21, there are no more milestones to look forward to (other than getting old). 

Today, in this body, I’ve been witness to so many milestones – both visible and invisible (like, for instance, getting my ears pierced for the first time a few weeks ago!). Looking back, I realize I spent so much time looking forward to society’s markers of adulthood, and now it feels as though I’ve largely arrived.

In a way, like if life were a video game, I do feel a sense of accomplishment in realizing I have gotten to this level and somehow managed to stay alive.

Still, the fervor with which I yearned to reach many of these milestones seems largely displaced. I would surely tell my younger self that driving honestly isn’t that fun, college graduation will most definitely be online, and tequila is the devil. In true Aquarius fashion, I’ve identified my act of defiance: creating my own milestones, ones that hold meaning and are reflective of what matters to me. That’s why, for my 22nd birthday, I’ve decided to launch my own website!

The past few years, though they have been incredible, have arguably been a time of confusion and exploration. I mean, I guess that’s college for everyone, but it has felt so starkly opposite to the clarity of vision I held as my younger self.

My life before college was devoted to riding horses. I lived on farms, drove horse trailers thousands of miles, and dreamt of one day doing it all on my own. There was a fire within me to chase down something that was largely intangible, and that feeling honestly still astonishes me. Clearly, there is so much power in defining and chasing your passion and I’m thankful every day for the people that recognized something in me and went out of their way to support me.

Needless to say, so much of who I am is because of them and I find that so beautiful. 

In many ways, I accomplished what I set out to do: showing at horse shows across the country while never owning a horse of my own, and soaking up all the knowledge I could along the way. It never dawned on me that there might be other sides to myself that I had yet to uncover. Of course, life has an interesting way of redirecting us. 

Going to college, unbeknownst to me, I was steadily investing in my writing skills. Through my coursework, interviews with female entrepreneurs for The Bloom Journal, writing about concerts in DC for WVAU, and lending my voice to The Blackprint, I found myself typing way more than I think I had originally intended.

After working all year, summer break was the first real time in 5 years I truly had no obligations, so obviously I booked a flight to Europe.

It was in the back of a Megabus headed to New York to catch my flight that I thought about keeping a blog to document my travels for my friends and family. For two years, I have maintained my Tumblr page, recounting my experience with police brutality, my love for travel, and even some of my struggles as a young person trying to figure out love and life.

Time and time again, against my better judgment, I pushed back against the people around me when the idea of investing in myself and creating a real site was brought up. Sometimes, the plainest truths rest right under our noses. All along I have been developing my voice and purpose as a writer, though I was arguably the last person to come to that realization. My love for storytelling and traveling has shaped my experiences and the life I live, but I don’t think I ever recognized any real value outside of the fact that they make me happy.

Today, I’m thankful to the people around me that have supported me and pushed me to create. You all saw something I was completely blind to. 

I am a writer, which, I must say, feels kind of crazy to type out. I’m stating it unequivocally because if writing has taught me anything, it’s that our words hold power, far more than we will ever be able to comprehend.

Through lilmigsbigworld.com my aim is to cultivate a space to share my stories. Please go check it out and let me know what you think! It’s been a long time coming, and honestly something I wish I had done ages ago. Alas, one can’t rush the process, and, if anything, continuing to work on this site has shown me how restorative investing in something that is “yours” can be.

Writing might not always be a driving force for me, but, today, it feels like one of the few things that makes sense. There are certainly plenty of unknowns but it feels as though I’ve found my North Star yet again. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in these 22 years, it’s that life is far too short to not be doing something that stirs something within you. I’m not envisioning a fairytale, because, without a doubt, there are tough days where you literally end up crying in a manure pile (ask me how I know lol).

Those days are definitely not fun, but they make the other days, the awesome/phenomenal/insanely blessed days, that much more valuable.

Good or bad, it doesn’t matter… As long as I can find meaning in the effort I’m putting forth, life will handle the rest. Now, I’m learning to breathe in patience. Life really is not a race, and have no intentions of seeing it flash by. I’m setting my own milestones. Who knows, maybe the next one is a book?

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About the Author

Miguel is a senior at American University studying Business Administration with a concentration in Sustainable Change & Analytics. His passions outside of writing are running, traveling, and learning new languages. Follow him on Instagram.

My Mind Is My Worst Enemy

As of today everything seemed normal, thoughts of a normal human would have, then realization happened. I was there thinking again, am I happy? Am I doing the right thing? And am I having a successful life? When do you realize you have a successful life?
When am I going to stop thinking that I deserve something better? And is this how I am going to live the rest of my life? Is my job worth the stress?

The moment of realization

Life happens as I think of all the things that I wish I would have in my life. Thoughts of unhappiness, and sadness barely make any space for the happiness I am supposed to experience. Yet I am trying to make an effort to succeed, to stop thinking I am not doing enough. And to stop comparing myself to others. So I keep going when I don’t even want to get up from bed.

Fighting my mind every second

​As time passes by, I keep catching myself losing track of my goals again; at least that’s what my mind wants me to believe. Beacause my mind keeps playing tricks on me, making me believe I am not doing what a successful person would do. And that I don’t have the right to take a break or sleep more. But at times, I see just how hard working I actually am. And I try to keep myself working towards my goal. I keep telling myself to stay focused and don’t punish myself for having a moment for just me.  However, my mind keeps making me believe a normal human being has no right to be tired, depressed, or feel sick.

Not only my mind but my family?

Then I realize it’s not only my mind that I need to fight. My family and even strangers make me doubt my abilities and ways to make things happen. They keep saying I can do better, and they keep asking why I never further my studies, and why don’t I start looking for another job? I feel overwhelmed by all of those questions, but I keep smiling as if they had the right to choose for me. And then I find myself lost again.

Enduring my reality to succeed

Is this how I am supposed to live? Because I keep having this thought, but I refuse to live like this, I AM working on myself. And I AM creating solutions. Because I am sure that this is my time to shine, I know I have a purpose in life and I know life is changing for good. Because life is showing me, little by little, that the wait was worth it, and that I have finally found my path. And this time, nothing will ever be the same.

Is destiny giving me signals?

Life is trying to tell me to hang in there. And to keep believing good stuff happens and miracles are real. Telling me that my mind played tricks on me all this time just to ensure that I am going to become the woman my young self would be proud of. Life is ever changing, like me, like my mind, my body and soul. This is THE time. Because THIS IS MY TIME.

About The Author

Maria De Leon is a peace searching, coffee lover with an International studies degree. She loves to write about personal experiences, real life scenarios, and all things memorable.

You Will Always Be My Peter Pan

At first, loving you was amazing. How could it not be? Every day was an adventure. You made trips to the grocery store more fun.

Because you were a child at heart and I loved that. And you were the perfect balance to my all work life.

 

I loved being with you and I always just figured, “Eh, he’ll grow up when it counts.” But, you didn’t. You didn’t grow up.

 

Not when you lost your job. And not when we were about to be homeless. Even not when I needed you most.

 

You were perfect in almost every way. Almost. Being with you, I was happier than I ever thought I could be. Waking up with you by my side was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

 

To My Mommy Dearest, Disney’s Evil Step Mothers Have Nothing On You

I remember when I was younger, I dreamed of having any kind of relationship with the woman my dad was marrying, hoping we would wear matching dresses like the mommies and daughters in the movies.

 

I have to admit, I had a very rude awakening at such a vulnerable age of five. Things were going great for a while, until your true colors began to show anyways.

 

Five, that is how old I was when I realized that the evil step mothers could be so much worse than they were in the Disney movies.

 

Five, that is how old I was when you decided it would be okay to hit me and abuse me.

 

Five, the age where kids are supposed to be making messes, playing outside in the mud.. But, I was cleaning blood from my shirt after you busted my lip.

 

Seven years, that is how long it took for someone to rescue my sister and I from you. Seven years can really scar a child.

 

Those seven years where I could have been learning how to color inside the lines, cook macaroni and cheese, maybe even an egg sandwich. Instead, I was learning how to put makeup on to cover the evidence you left in plain sight.

 

I was experiencing things that no child at such a young age should ever have to experience, I was feeling pain that no child should ever have to bear. I was finding a new meaning every day when someone tried to describe what abuse was.

The Ten Commandments of Rebellious Offspring Born by Strict Parents

It all happened so quickly that you don’t quite know how you pulled it off. Emily and you are getting lunch in town at 12, her mom will be driving. It was 11, you had proposed the idea at 10 -THIS SAME DAY- and your parents said yes. You’re a freakin’ goddess, a mass manipulator, lawyer of sorts, peace-negotiator, and overall champion. At the early stages in seventh grade you executed a same-day, late notice, plan with your friend and not only did your parents approve it, they’re funding it.

You love this feeling. You love your life. You love Emily. You love lunch. You love your parents. You love love.

Beep.

It’s only 11:15, Emily and her mom won’t get to your house until 11:45 so it can’t be her. You dog. You popular, plan-making, rebellious, down-and-dirty dog. You’re so cool. You’re so thug. You’re so free.

**Text Message from Emily**

What? No, NO! Okay, it could be nothing calm down. Open it.

“My brother is sick :'(. So instead of my Mom, it will be my Dad driving! See you 11:55.”

You HATE Emily. You hate her brother. You hate her Mom for taking care of him. You hate the kid who got her brother sick. You hate sickness. You hate life.

Do you dare tell your parents or are you, too, sick? Is lunch with Emily worth it? Will it be that enjoyable? You want to go so badly, but the fear of presenting a new plan to your parents with such radical changes of transportation and timing does not seem worth it. So you lie. By omission. Somehow they find out. You get grounded for a month.

A Thank You To My Mom, Everything I Am Is Because of You

From the moment I entered this world, my mom has had my back. She is my absolute everything.

She is the first one I call when something goes wrong and the first one I call when something incredible happens.

She was there when I was a rebellious teen and pushed her away and is still here now that I’m twenty-something and call her thirteen times a day.

I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better woman to be my mother. She is my teacher, my comforter, my home, my best friend. She has never steered me wrong.

She has stood by me through stupid boys, late night study sessions, random phone calls asking what setting the washing machine should be on because I’d never lived away from her before.

Through every smile and every stress-induced, tear-filled, crazy moment, she’s been there.

She knows exactly how I think and how deeply I feel things, and, most importantly, she knows I don’t mean the things I say when I’m hangry.

Without a doubt, she is my rock and will forever be my best friend. I would be lost in this world without this beautiful angel I was assigned.

She carries me when I am weak, picks me up when I fail, and rejoiceswith me when I succeed.

She has taught me that it’s okay to make mistakes and that my ponytails don’t have to be bump-free. She has taught me how to love but also how to stand up for myself.

Everything that I am and hope to be I owe to my mother. I wouldn’t be half of what I am today if not for her guidance, love, and support.

I could write pages about her forgiveness, kindness, strength, unconditional love… But no amount of words could ever express how grateful I am to have her in my life or just how much I love her.

For more from RC, visit her writer’s page here. 

I’m Always Going To Choose My Boyfriend Over My Friends And I’m Not Sorry About It

Choosing my boyfriend over my friends is an easy choice for me. Because growing up, my mother used to tell me that it was a poor choice to ever put a guy before your girlfriends. No matter what happens, or who you date, your friends should always come first. Growing up, I truthfully believed in this notion—because most of my relationships were immature, young-love that wouldn’t last long. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that sometimes, you do need to put your relationship before your friendships and there’s a good reason to do so.

When I started dating someone pretty seriously in my early 20s, not all of my friends were in relationships. In fact, most of them weren’t. I’ve always been the girl who enjoyed being in a full-blown, romance-filled relationship than playing the field. And, while I enjoy the long-term commitment, some of my close friends were single and thriving. This, often times, led to a clash of priorities. My friends always wanted to go out and meet guys at the bar—but, I was taken, not wanting to be their “wing woman,” flirting with the guy’s friend.

Regardless of my relationship, I always made it out. I didn’t want to fulfill my mother’s warning that when you distance yourself from your friends, you look as though your boyfriend means more than your relationship. And I didn’t want my friends to rag on me and call me a sh*tty friend for not putting them as a priority. I told my boyfriend that I had plans almost every weekend—trying to maintain my single girlfriends and my boyfriend at the same time. This led to stumbling home late at night drunk, forgetting to text my boyfriend back. Or, people seeing me out at bars and assuming the worst about me—that I was cheating.

I need to choose my boyfriend over my friend. Here is why. Truth be told, that relationship taught me a lot of lessons—especially because it didn’t last. Now, being in a much more serious relationship, much older, and a lot wiser—I’ve realized that there is nothing wrong with putting my boyfriend and my relationship first when I feel as though it’s better for me and the relationship overall.

I still have friends who are single—in fact, my best friend since 7th grade is single and always looking to mingle. But, now that I’m in my late 20’s and living with my SO, I know that there are things I will turn down and say no to, because the health of my relationship comes first. I’ve changed the way I interact with my friends—sometimes—because I know that there is a future to be had here at home.

This is someone that, eventually, I want to marry and raise a family with. So, if I know that he’s not super comfortable with me going to a party where I’ll run into my ex, or he doesn’t really want me wearing something super tight and revealing—I’m comfortable and okay with putting my boyfriend, before friends.

Does this mean that I’m distancing myself from my friendships entirely for my relationship? Absolutely not.

In all honesty, it’s learning how to maintain both my friendships and my relationship to keep everyone happy—but, most of all, keeping myself happy. My friends know that I’m not going to want to go out and play wing woman with them, drinking until 3 A.M. at the bar and stumbling home. They know that I’m not the girl who’s going to spontaneously hop a flight with them for a random vacation. They understand that I have someone in my life who is a factor in my decision making—and, they’re okay with it because they love me.

Good friends know that life has levels and phases. The girl who would go out every weekend and leave her boyfriend at home—it was a phase in my life, one that I learned from. Now, being in my late 20s, I’m more focused on my future. I’m focused on building my career, nurturing my relationship, and my friendships, but in a different light. I still see my friends frequently, and we talk every day. They know if they need me, I’d come running. But they know if it’s date night, I’m not available. They know that if my boyfriend needs me, I have to be there, too.

It’s not about completely turning your back on your friendships entirely, but it’s about finding those friends who understand that you’re in a new phase of your life—and, helping to adjust to that, too.

33 Things You Learned in Your 20s That Prove You Got Your Shit Together

Sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit and tend to see the glass half empty when in reality it’s half full. You’ve come this far not because of lack of abilities to survive in this chaotic world but because you got what it takes to have come this far. Yes, you’re farther along that you think you are. The truth is, you’re killing it at life, but in case you’re doubting it, here are some things you’ve learned in your twenties that prove you truly have your shit together.

  1. Your third luck isn’t always your charm.

  2. You can’t let others behavior destroy your inner peace.

  3. Not everybody is going to like you…

  4. Therefore, you can’t allow the opinion of others interfere with the opinion of yourself

  5. At the end of the day not everybody that crosses paths with you matters.

  6. You’re worth far more than you sometimes believe yourself to be.

  7. So loving yourself comes first.

  8. Courage will bring you through anything.

  9. So, never doubt God’s plans

  10. And trust that everything is Always going to be ok.

  11. You can’t cling to a mistake no matter how much time you spent making them.

  12. Time heals, even the worst pains.

  13.  And patience definitely is a virtue.

  14.  Ignorance isn’t Bliss.

  15. Some people go through more than three loves in their life.

  16. Even at your best you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person.

  17. A man isn’t going to leave what he knows he won’t find again.

  18.  You should always walk away from what’s not meant for you.

  19.  Because letting go doesn’t mean you stopped caring, it means you stopped forcing others to care.

  20.  Loss teaches us the value of things.

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