How to Broach a Difficult Topic With a Friend

 

You care about your friends, maybe even love them like family. Because of that, you want what’s best for them. Your desire to help requires you to bring up challenging subjects from time to time.

 

If you have legitimate concerns about approaching certain issues, your friend might not respond warmly, at least at first. You need to tread lightly to avoid creating a permanent rift.

 

With that in mind, here are hints for how to broach five difficult topics with a friend because sometimes, love requires tough conversations.

Their Health

You walk a particularly fine line when talking about health. Many people understandably resent health advice that comes from someone other than their doctor. It’s usually better to remain quiet unless their habits pose an immediate threat to their health or that of others.

 

For example, if you notice your friend’s drinking going from the occasional happy hour indulgence to a nightly bottle, you should express your concern lovingly and tactfully. Please try to avoid triggering words like “alcoholic,” and instead, say something like, “I’ve noticed you are drinking more than usual lately. Is there something going on that you need to vent?”

 

Try to encourage activities that don’t revolve around problematic behavior. If your friend is in recovery from drugs and alcohol, much of their former existence may have centered around substance use — so help them to keep busy. Create a sober environment and encourage new interests that can occupy their time.

Their Partnership

A person’s marriage, like their dietary choices, is generally off-limits to outside discussion. However, you must act as a loving friend if you suspect someone you care about is caught in an abusive relationship.

 

If you do, please let your friend know that you are concerned about their safety — when their partner is nowhere within earshot, of course. Reassure them that the circumstances are not their fault and that you will support them no matter what they decide to do. Please don’t pressure them into leaving if they don’t feel ready — even a trauma therapist can’t make that determination for another.

 

However, you can help them create a safety plan to get out in a hurry if need be. As an outsider, you can assist with finding alternative living arrangements, even job leads, if they decide to flee.

 

Their Children 

“Don’t you love getting unsolicited advice,” said no parent, ever. Assuming your friend isn’t abusing their child, you have to be careful issuing parenting tips.

 

Please remember that what worked for you and your children may not do the trick for others. Each child is a unique human being — and parents embrace various styles that might not match what you did with your littles. Different doesn’t mean negative.

 

Instead of offering tips, listen and ask questions. Let your friend broach the topic — they will if they want your help.

 

Their Career 

You might feel most comfortable helping your friends with career advice. They may even ask you for tips on how to succeed if you do well while they struggle.

 

However, you still need to exercise tact to avoid sounding like a know-it-all. If your friend is struggling to find a position that pays a living wage, it’s not helpful to recite platitudes about “working your way back up the ladder” — especially if they recently lost a lucrative position amid the pandemic and find themselves in today’s market.

 

However, if they want tips on how to rock their next office happy hour, feel free. Likewise, if you can connect them with available opportunities, they’ll remember your kindness.

 

Their Behavior 

You love your friend for all their quirks — flaws make your pal unique and human. However, if you notice destructive behavioral patterns, please find a caring way to address them. Your friend might not realize that their sarcastic “must be nice” response makes you reluctant to share the news of your upcoming vacation or bathroom remodel.

 

Instead of avoiding them, first, try letting them know how their behavior makes you feel. Use plenty of I-statements so that you don’t sound accusatory or start an argument.  “I feel nervous sharing my good news with you because I’m afraid it will make you feel resentful,” facilitates honest communication much better than, “You’re always such a grouch. What’s the point of even trying to talk with you?”

 

Know How to Broach These 5 Difficult Topics With a Friend

It’s challenging to bring up the five emotionally charged subjects above. However, sometimes true friendship requires you to have conversations about difficult topics — use these tips to help.

Header Image Source 

About The Author

Oscar Collins is the managing editor at Modded. He writes about cars, fitness, the outdoors, and more. Follow @TModded on Twitter for more articles from the Modded team.

This Guy Found Out His Girlfriend Was Using His Gym Socks To Wipe Herself And Um, What?

Relationships are full of surprises. The more time you spend with the same person the more you learn about them, especially once you’ve moved in together.

Living with your significant other teaches you a lot about who they really are—what their weird habits are, what annoys them, and sometimes you find out they have some very odd vices. So odd, in fact, that you seek advice from the internet.

At least, that’s what one boyfriend did after he discovered his girlfriend was wiping herself with his gym socks…

Redditor u/whattodobedroom recently shared a story with the online community about something very odd that happened with his girlfriend.

He titled the post: ‘I (28) think my girlfriend (26) has been using my gym socks to wipe after going to the bathroom.’

Feeling disgusted but curious, we continued reading and um, brace yourselves…

The post reads:

I don’t even know where to start with this. I’m dumbfounded. She just stormed out the house and I’m sitting on the bed asking myself A LOT of questions.

I live a pretty normal life, and I thought so did my girlfriend. We’ve been together for a few months and after things got serious, we moved in together. We started sharing a lot of the household responsibilities, but the one thing she was adamant on doing was the laundry. She would come home and find me in the bedroom getting the laundry together and would quickly ask me to go do something else. I’d come back to finish the laundry and she would have already started it. I always thought it was sweet and never her job to do it alone, but hey, if it makes her happy to do it all the time, I wouldn’t stop her.

This is where it takes a turn for the weird.

I keep all my socks and underwear in the bottom drawer of my dresser. I also go to the gym frequently, so I always keep a good supply of clean gym socks ready to go. I never kept count, but I know by just a visual glance I several pairs. This morning when I went to grab a fresh pair to pack for the gym, I noticed there were several dress socks, but no gym socks. Again, not weird, they must have been in the laundry. I went to check the laundry basket and it was empty, so I checked the washing machine and dryer. Both were empty. I couldn’t figure out where all of my gym socks had gone. So, I did the very natural thing of asking my girlfriend what had happened to them. After all, she is the one who does the laundry all the time. She went silent, turned red and ran out of the room. When I went after her to see if she was okay she wouldn’t talk to me. I told her I wasn’t mad, I was just looking for my socks. She kinda mumbled “I’ll don’t know.” I still wasn’t mad, of course, but I was super confused. Socks just don’t disappear. So I asked her again, even laughed about it and she just looked at me and got mad and said “I’ll buy you new ones!”

The first thought that went through my head was she had somehow managed to destroy my socks while washing them. I thought the sight of that was actually pretty funny, so I joked with her about ruining my socks. Wrong. Thing. To. Say. She started immediately crying. Like, full on sobbing. At this point I don’t care about the socks anymore, I want to know what’s wrong with my girlfriend. I sat down next to her on the bed and put my arm around her and asked her of she was okay. She just kept saying she was sorry and that she would buy me new socks. I tried assuring her again it was okay. Even went so far as to say I would buy new socks and she didn’t have to. I sat with her for a few minutes trying to calm her down and eventually had to get ready for work. I told her loved her and got my things together to leave for the day.

On my way out I grabbed the garbage to take outside. When I got outside I lifted the lid off the garbage can and I noticed a small plastic bag sitting on top of the garbage already in there. I could see through the bag (kind of the semi see through ones) there were socks in the bag. Since I was sure she had somehow managed to ruin the socks washing them, I wanted to see for myself. I opened the bag and immediately regretted my choice. There, inside the bag, were several pairs of my gym socks covered in what looked like poop. As soon as the smell hit me I knew it WAS POOP.

    1. We don’t own any pets.
    2. We don’t have any kids.
    3. WHOSE POOP WAS ON MY SOCKS?

Work could wait. I couldn’t go the rest of the day wondering why my gym socks were covered in poop and inside a plastic bag in the garbage can. I grabbed the bag and walked back inside. As soon as my girlfriend saw the bag she flipped out and started yelling at me. She said I shouldn’t be going through the garbage and that I was disgusting for bringing it back into the house.

I asked her to calm down and that I just wanted an answer as to why there was poop on my socks. I wasn’t blaming her of anything, but she started accusing me of blaming her. That’s when it clicked. I don’t know what it was that lead me to ask this, but everything leading up to this moment had just been so crazy. I asked her “Is this your poop?” She started sobbing again and ran out of the house. I didn’t go after her this time.

So, now I am sitting on my bed with a bag of poopy socks on the floor and a lot of questions in my head. The only conclusion is that she used them after going to the bathroom. Which that alone has its own set of questions above everything else. I sent her text asking her to come back. She hasn’t responded yet. I don’t even know what I’m going to say when (IF) she gets back.

We can imagine the author felt something like this:

Fortunately, it wasn’t long before he posted an update:

I had to leave for work and am now at work. Yes, I threw away the bag of poopy socks. She texted me back and she’s clearly embarrassed but felt she owed me an explanation. She said she didn’t want to talk about it in person and that we could discuss it over texting and to NOT bring it up in person. I’m condensing the conversation and filling in some gaps as best as I can. Her responses are super short, but I’m getting the idea.

I flat out asked her if it was a fetish. It is not a fetish. She confessed to using the socks after going to the bathroom. I found the reason she always does the laundry is because she was hiding the fact that she uses socks to wipe with, primarily her own. I had no reason to question the amount of socks she ever has because who pays attention to that kind of thing? She thought I would notice and think it was weird since she doesn’t own many socks. She admitted she has done this for a long time. Her reasoning, as best as I can understand, is that because she is a germaphobe (her word) and she is afraid toilet paper will tear and is afraid of getting her hands messy in ANY WAY. She uses socks because it covers her entire hand. After she’s done with them, she throws them away. She used mine because she didn’t have other socks.

So, my girlfriend has a fear of getting poop on her hands so she wipes with socks, and has done so for a lone time. It could be worse, I guess. I hope we can laugh about this later. I’m trying to find the humor in it now, but I’m still weirded out.

And people have a lot to say about his situation.  

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need a minute to erase this from our brains.

h/t Reddit

Exit mobile version