15 Things Your Anxious Girlfriend Wants To Hear When Her Anxiety Is At Its Worst

More often today, people are experiencing high levels of anxiety and panic disorders. Whether it be the influx of technology and stimulation we’re becoming accustomed to, or possibly the continuous piles of stress and responsibilities we have to take on—it’s no secret that many of us do suffer from anxiety disorders that, at times, can be debilitating. While doing everyday things can be quite difficult when you have anxiety, being in a healthy relationship is definitely something you have to work on.

Not all partners are understanding and compassionate when it comes to anxiety and anxiety attacks. There are those who understand, who go through it themselves and can relate. But, there are also those who have never dealt with anxiety—and, they believe the go-to mechanism is “relax.”

We all know—there is no worse trigger for anxiety than hearing the words, “just relax.” So, if you’re someone who is in a relationship with a girl who has anxiety and panic attacks—strap in, we’re here to help you out.

Screw You, Getting Attached To A Guy Doesn’t Make Me Weak

So, you meet a guy that you’re really vibing with. Modern dating websites and magazine articles will tell you that it’s all downhill from here. The minute that you feel something that may, down the line, lead to love—run for the hills.

For some reason in today’s society, the girl who feels too much, too soon into a relationship is the one who is prone to getting her heart shattered. Everyone will tell you that getting attached to someone—investing your time and efforts towards another person—will ultimately scare the said person away. They’ll think you want too much, too soon. They’ll stop calling, they’ll stop texting, the dates will become more infrequent in time before they completely stop altogether. So, if this is the solid truth in society—what’s a girl to really do when she feels something for someone? Act heartless and emotionally detached? Talk herself out of something that makes her feel alive?

Absolutely not.

Contrary to what many may tell you, becoming attached to someone is the furthest thing from weak. In fact, it means that you’re a pretty strong person – here’s why:

When you begin to invest your time and emotions into someone, it’s a pretty big step in life. I’m a firm believer that giving someone your time is more important than giving them anything else. The only thing we truly do have control over in our own lives is how we choose to spend our time. With life always being chaotic and hectic as we get older—working, seeing our families, seeing our friends, school, exams, going to the gym, watching our shows—it seems to happen that we have less and less free time available. When you decided to use those slivers of time you have with another person, it’s a big deal.

The more you invest your time in them, the more you’ll inevitably invest yourself and your emotions in them as well. When we fall in love with someone, it’s a universal truth that we begin to give ourselves to them – whether we mean to, or not. We start to include them as part of our lives, make them a priority in our decisions, our plans – our long-term future.

This moment, when we begin to let somebody into our world, takes the most strength. You’re opening up your safe-zone—your world—to somebody and trusting them not to break anything. You’re letting them into your heart and giving them the chance to hurt you—while trusting them not to.

Personally, I believe that takes more balls than it does to just walk away from someone you have potential with. If anything, society has it all wrong. Walking away from someone who can very well turn out to be one of the best things to ever happen to you in fear of being hurt is the ultimate definition of weak.

Sometimes in life, you have to take risks—blindly jump into the open abyss, unsure if whether you’ll fall or fly. Only the coward will watch from the sidelines, fearfully wondering “what if.” It takes a strong person to put themselves out there, not watching life happen but actually making it happen.

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I’m Slowly Learning That Not Everything In Life That Annoys Me Warrants A Reaction

So many times in life, I let little (and big) things drain me. When I’m bothered by something, I let it consume me to the point of no return. I overthink it, I underthink it, I think sideways and backward about it. When something hurts me, offends me, or puts me in a mental space that I don’t like, I immediately react to it—as though someone flipped a switch on my attitude and put a black cloud of rain over my head. My entire day becomes a sequence of verbally spewing the things that bothered me over and over again to anyone who will listen. My entire aura around me becomes disrupted and anything that could make me happy just doesn’t.

The more this happens to me, the more it bothers me. I don’t want to be the person that has a hot trigger on every single part of them. I don’t want to be the girl that gets angry on a whim, who lets every little thing in life get under her skin and drive her mad. Not only is it unhealthy for my mental health, but it puts a bad vibe around me—one that people don’t want to be around.

This year, I’m slowly learning that everything in life that bothers me doesn’t need to disrupt my energy. I’m slowly learning that everything that happens in life does not warrant a reaction from me.

Allowing negative energy to invade my space gives other people and other situations power over me. It allows others to have the power to bring me down and ruin my day. It’s allowing someone to live in my mind—rent free—just because they did something that ticked me off. Reacting to everything that people do wrong won’t make them do things right, it’ll just make me angry.

Instead of complaining, or yelling, or reacting to situations that upset me, I’m learning to rise above it all. I take it all in—realize that whatever has happened has annoyed me and choose to let it go. I roll it off my shoulders, I put it in a safe place, and close the box on it, lock and key.

In life, people think that saying nothing means that you’re a doormat—easy to walk all over and easy to take advantage of. But this year, I’m deciding that saying nothing means you’re a wall—a brick wall—one that cannot be blown over at the sight of adversity and struggle.

Reacting to everything in life won’t change what has happened. It won’t make people love me anymore. It won’t rewind time to fix the situation. Reacting to everything will only drain me—mentally and emotionally. It will allow me to sink below the surface with weights tied to my ankles, struggling to get back to the surface. It will surround my life with grays, and blacks—dull and dark.

This year, instead of letting everyone invade my space, I’m letting things go.

Women Need To Stop Wearing Workout Leggings To All Places That Aren’t The Gym

Leggings everywhere?  No. In a world where women have been held down by the strong, long arm of men—we’ll do just about anything to succeed. Fighting tooth and nail, clawing our way to the top, it takes a lot more for a woman to reach success than it does a man. In all honesty, I’m proud to be a woman—damn proud. But, in order to reach my peak, I have had to fight for my right. And, a lot of this had to do with the way in which I hold and present myself in the public eye.

So often, I see women going out in public—to dinner, shopping, even on job interviews—wearing workout attire. Things such as leggings, shorts, big t-shirts, and hoodies—they make you look sloppy and unpresentable. Sure, comfort is key and many women wish to be more comfortable than walking through the world in heels. And, sure, many women believe that heels were invented by men to make women hard to chase—but, in all reality, some of the things women want to do away with due to “feminism” like skirts, dresses, and heels, actually makes you look professional and confident.

Think about this: if you were to walk into a job interview wearing leggings and Nikes, would you get hired? If you’re looking to work at a gym or fitness company—sure. But, as someone working in the corporate world, you need to dress for success.

But, this shouldn’t stop as soon as you leave your office.

Putting time and effort into the way you look gives you a sense of confidence that can become contagious. The way you feel about yourself can, many times, be read by others meeting you for the first time, or even those you surround yourself with every day. Why would you want to walk the world feeling sluggish and sloppy, when you can walk around feeling successful and thriving?

While social media and trends may dictate your life, you may fall into the traps of looking a certain way to “fit in.” But, fitting in may not always be what’s best for you. Instead of doing what everyone else is doing, and wearing what everyone else is wearing, make your own path. Don’t just reserve your “nice” clothes for important occasions and events—wear them regularly.

Try it out—even for a week, and watch how much your world will change.

My Mom’s My Best Friend And I’m Damn Proud Of It

Throughout my life, friends have come and gone. I’ve been super close with people for years who end up stabbing me in the back, and I’ve had friends who lasted 2.3 minutes. From my hometown to the big city, and all the in-betweens—friendships tend to wither away and die when they run their course. Of course, I maintain the most important ones in my life and keep them by my side through it all. As I’ve gotten older, however, I’ve realized the smaller your circle, the better you’ll feel. Through all the ups and downs, the one who has been there through it all, has been my mom.

I know girls who keep their moms at arms distance—who call them sporadically and tell them only the important details. The girls who couldn’t wait to go away to college and move out—leaving their mothers behind. The ones who have lied and snuck around behind their mom’s backs. This has never been me.

35 Women Who Ditched Their Razors For No-Shave ‘Januhairy’ Share Progress Pics

A new year brings new trends and resolutions to try. This year, many women are out trying to smash the patriarchy and unrealistic beauty standards and expectations of women all over the world. To do this, some have decided to partake in a no-shave “Januhairy.” The idea came from student Laura Jackson, who said that the idea behind the campaign was to empower women to understand more about themselves and about others. Essentially, the goal is that women grow out their hair all January long without shaving. And, to celebrate how far they have come, women have been sharing their progress pictures so far, in the second week of January.

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10 Reasons Why Your Wine Obsession Is Actually Good For You

Everyone who knows me knows that wine is my favorite thing to drink. In high school, my best friend and I would have weekly wine nights and everyone laughed at us but apparently now wine is trendy amongst millennials. We’ve known for years that wine is an all-encompassing magical health drink, and I’m about to share its magic with the world. I am fully convinced that wine is healthy, and here’s why:

10.  There is no specified time to drink wine.

Wine is okay at all times of the day. Ran out of coffee? Just mix rosé with OJ and some fruit and you have a lovely little sangria to go with your toast. Perfect.

9. Wine cannot make you fat.

It’s fat-free, and it actually helps you burn calories so what’s the point in drinking anything else? Drink wine on the treadmill-DOUBLE THE CALORIES BURNED (probably… doesn’t hurt to try).

8. Wine drunk is the BEST kind of drunk.

The world becomes your dancefloor and you love everything and everyone. The world is just a really good place after a bottle of wine. Mental health– duh. 

7. Wine naturally has immune-boosting powers.

Heck ya. Magic. *drops mic*

6. Wine is FULL of antioxidants.

Which is what everyone needs on a daily basis…why not get double the amount by drinking double the wine?

5. It’s so much more socially acceptable…

to drink wine out of the bottle than it is to drink tequila out of the bottle…trust me, I’ve done both… many times.

4. Wine lowers your cholesterol.

Lower cholesterol lessens your chances for heart disease, which essentially means that wine can save your life.

3. WINE HELPS PREVENT CANCER.

No explanation needed, ladies and gentlemen.

2. Wine helps you retain more information.

Hello, 4.0 GPA. Harvard Law, you can accept me at any time.

1. Last but DEFINITELY not least, red wine boosts your sex drive.

Its scent and flavor has sex drive boosting powers. Heck ya x2. Sorry dad.

Wine is beautiful. Wine is happiness. Wine is everything you need in a bottle. I’m a self-proclaimed health freak so naturally, I am willing to do whatever it takes to put my health first, and if that means that I can drink a lot of wine and get away with it, that’s totally okay with me. Anything to validate my wine consumption is a fun time for Yunesta, and maybe I won’t have to lie to my doctor so often about it if everyone knew the benefits to this lovely grape beverage. Now I know I’m not the only one who needs wine to survive, and to everyone else like me, you’re welcome, friends.

This article originally appeared on Unwritten.

I Am Slowly Learning To Lose Control

I am slowly learning to lose control.

I feel myself slipping, releasing my grip on everything that seems to give me power, falling without rescue. The descent is a dizzying whirlwind, an undying headache, a pervasive sense of anxiety that will never subside. But, in my plummet to the ground, lightyears away from the expectations that stifle me, I feel liberated, leaving me with a jittery excitement to discover my destiny.

I am slowly learning to let the universe lead me. Instead of brazenly thrusting myself into the life of my dreams, I am leaving my fate to the capricious will of the stars. I understand that the powers that be know the marks on my soul far more deeply than I know myself. They will let go of what’s not meant to be before I fully understand their plan, but I will allow them gustily open and close the doors of opportunity, steering me in whichever direction they desire. I will let the universe cradle me, rock me, hold me up to my fate as I float through life, uninhibited by my lust for control.

I am slowly learning that what will be, will be. I am willing myself to make peace with what I cannot control, to accept what I cannot change. I am vehemently attempting to see the beauty in the consequences of the decisions the world makes for me, swaying to fit the transient whim of life itself. The samba of c’est la vie enchants the beating of my heart; the chaconne of que sera, sera enraptures the rhythm of my soul. I will dance to life’s tempo alone as it consumes me, leading me through destiny’s music, rocking me to fate’s beat.

I am slowly learning to take life as it comes, to let each day wash over me like the fresh morning dew. I am gradually discovering that each hour is sacred in its lack of expectations, each moment is precious in its absence of control. The days, in their infinite beauty, carry me through life, gently lifting me above my burdens, whispering to me to relinquish my worries. I am discovering that once I allow each day of my life to lift me, hoisting me above the heavens, I no longer suffer under their suffocating weight. In meandering from one day to the next without prospect, without plan, without control, I am light, airy, high, free.

I am slowly learning to lose control, to allow the universe to take ahold of my dreams, to surrender what no longer serves me. I am slowly shedding the burden of expectation as I let fate steer me. I may not fully understand the glyphs written in the stars, dictating my path, but I am choosing to cave to their whim, allowing destiny to consume me as I sway through each day; unbridled, unburdened, and unformed.

This article originally appeared on Thought Catalog.

Even In My Darkest Moments, I Believe That Life Will Get Better

The world feels pitch black, heavy in its seemingly constant fogI am clawing at stability, grasping above the rising waves in complete darkness. But somewhere in the ebony night, I can just make out a glimmer of light because I believe that life will get better.

The world feels harsh, unforgiving in revealing its inner workings. I am lost in the midst of doubt and disbelief, wondering if I can shield myself from the nagging thought that maybe I will never be enough. But deep in my heart, I choose to press on because I believe that life will get better.

The days feel monotonous, tiring in their unceasing routine. I am worried in the wake of my exhaustion, afraid that maybe, I will never discover the powerful sense of fulfillment for which I constantly long. But even as I begin to shut down, I promise myself to never stop searching for the key to contentment because I believe that life will get better.

The hours pass slowly as if time is frozen. I am weakened with every passing moment, fighting the anxious thoughts that threaten to infiltrate my mind, willing myself to breathe steadily, to desperately grasp at any iota of calm I can feel. But even as I struggle to breathe, as I wonder if my humanity is failing me, I attempt to lure myself into a timeless, hazy serenity because I believe that life will get better.

The minutes are unceasing as if they are taunting me in my breathlessness. I find myself longing to feel again, to feel time rushing by, to feel purposeful, to feel whole, to feel fulfilled, to feel distressed, to feel angry, to feel anything besides complete numbness. But as the minutes drone on, as I long to feel sentient again, I discover a spark swelling deep within, urging me to hold onto every moment because I believe that life will get better.

As the weight of the world bears down on me, threatening to break me, I realize that maybe, the darkness enshrouding me isn’t the heartbreaking ending I constantly feared; it’s the bittersweet beginning of a life of opportunity, happiness, and fulfillment. I hold onto hope in the wake of my struggles because I believe that life will get better.

Even in my darkest moments, I believe that life will get better. And, as the weight of the world bears down on you, as you claw at stability, numbly wishing for a life of fulfillment, I hope you believe that life will get better, too.

This article originally appeared on Thought Catalog

I Am Slowly Learning What It Means To Be Okay

I am slowly learning what it means to be okay.

It seemed to be an unfading happiness, a joy that tears could never squelch. An inextinguishable self-love. An indubitably fulfilling life.

“Okay” was a panacea, a remedy for every conceivable personal ill. A life devoid of problems, mental roadblocks, and perpetual sadness. It was health. It was love. It was perfection. It was a journey; extraordinarily simplistic at first appearance, but nearly impossible to reach.

The seemingly perfect “okay” I sought was nothing but a fantasy, an ideal conceptualization awash in a haze of temptingly alluring lies. I am slowly discovering that being okay is an art form, a balancing act, a dance, a marriage of joy and melancholy.

It’s no longer feeling numb in the wake of life’s problems, but never being fully able to reach the glowing warmth of true happiness. It’s an ember that gradually warms the heart but gradually flickers out as the sadness returns to envelop your mind.

It’s refusing to hate your body and your mind, but not fully loving yourself. It’s looking in the mirror, acknowledging your appearance and walking away as you valiantly fight off the negative thoughts that are bound to invade your mind and refuse to let go.

It’s wondering if you should leave your job, but convincing yourself to stay. It’s resolving to make the most of your circumstances instead of seeking a new path. It’s accepting your decision not to move forward without true happiness, but without regret.

It’s resigning yourself to a life of “almost relationships.” It’s constantly bouncing between “single” and “it’s complicated” without constantly thinking about finding “the one.” It’s seeing an influx of engagements and marriages, but no longer wondering when your will find your forever person.

It’s acknowledging that your life proceeds on its own timeline. It’s no longer wishing that you were somewhere else in life, even though you don’t love where you currently stand. It’s attempting not to compare yourself to others, even if you don’t always succeed.
It’s complacency. It’s resignation. It’s acceptance.

It’s feeling caught in a hazy limbo between who you are and who you could become, not seeking out change, but no longer feeling completely numb as you ponder your life choices. It’s feeling joy and sadness in tandem as you reflect on your life. It’s experiencing the contentment that arrives after tremendous pain, the simple sparks of emotion that remind you that you are sentient.

Being okay is embracing the monotony inherent in living. Being okay is knowing that no matter where you are or how you feel, you are enough.

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