Dear Grief

You came uninvited. You made my heart your home. You took away all the memories we will never make. You stole years that we should have had. You bought tears to those incapable of feelings. You showed me that life is not easy; that life is hard. You showed me that tomorrow is never promised.

But, you also showed me the strength that I never knew I had. You showed me who the true people in my life are. You allowed memories that I had forgotten about to reveal themselves again. You showed me just how much love I really did have in my heart. 

I never wanted you. You were an unwelcome guest.

Yet, without you, I would not be who I am at this moment in time.

I would not understand how precious life is.

How important it is to say I love you.

Because of you, memories are treasured. 

Pictures are taken. 

The simple things mean the most.

Strange as it may sound, grief, I am thankful that you showed up.

I did not like you then, and I probably never will, but you taught me lessons.

Lessons that I never would have learned if it wasn’t for you.

You showed me how valuable life is. How things should not be taken for granted.

I wish I didn’t need you to learn those lessons. But we don’t always get what we want.

You showed me that through tears, come laughter. And the sun will shine again someday. 

To my angels in Heaven, Suzie, Stephanie & Sean, for whom they are the reason grief has visited me, I miss you all. I love you always.

About The Author

My name is Chrissie and I live in New Jersey with my family.  I love reading books. It helps to escape a little bit.  I love spending time with my niece. You can follow my journey at  My Grieving Heart.

101 Lessons That Prove Exes Have More To Offer Than Just Heartbreak

Contrary to popular belief, failed relationships aren’t just a waste of time. In fact, if you let them, your past relationships can teach you a lot.

Both good and bad, heartbreak has a way of reminding us what really matters.

1. If you’re only open to dating one type of person, don’t be surprised when you keep getting the same results.

2. Don’t be afraid to be yourself.

3. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. 

4. Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential. You have to love them as they are or keep moving.

5. Don’t play house.

6. Find someone who treats you like their best friend.

7. Speak up when you need to.

8. Listen to the opinions of your friends and family because they want the best for you.

9. But don’t let them make your decisions for you.

10. Opposites attract, but you have to share some common values.

11. Be patient.

12. Love is a choice.

13. And so is being single.

14. But there is a difference between committing to love someone and trying to force feelings that don’t exist.

15. You are allowed to feel however you feel, without apology.

16. Communication is key.

17. Respect is not the same as control.

18. Relationships are give and take, but you can’t only give while they take.

19. Love covers a multitude of wrongs, but it is never an excuse for bad behavior.

20. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

21. Don’t say things you aren’t willing to back up with actions.

22. And don’t believe pretty words that aren’t backed up with actions.

23. Your feelings are equally important.

24. Timing is everything, but that doesn’t mean everything is convenient.

25. Love without hesitation.

26. Always give it your all because even if it fails, at least you’ll know you tried your best.

27. Remember the Golden Rule.

28. Always look for the good in people, then treat them as if that’s all you see.

29. Have the awkward talks because nothing is worse than not being on the same page.

30. Be authentic.

31. Never keep secrets. It will always bite one of you in the ass.

32. Trust is essential and you really can’t get it back once it’s gone.

33. Find someone who is willing to grow and build with you.

34. Life is full of curveballs, so be with the one who you never have to doubt.

35. Everything really does happen for a reason.

36. Trust your instincts.

37. Think before you speak.

38. Don’t wait for the perfect moment because there isn’t one.

39. Chase your dreams.

40. Don’t just follow you heart, lead it.

41. Let the little things go. Forgiveness is important.

42. Get rid of your pride.

43. You are a team, don’t play against each other.

44. Passion doesn’t always equal ‘meant to be’.

45. Don’t take anger to bed with you.

46. Be romantic, but not nauseating.

47. Learn how to disagree without attacking each other’s character.

48. Love harder.

49. Things like respect and loyalty are just as important as attraction.

50. Familiar doesn’t equal boring.

51. Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex.

52. Sometimes tough love shows far more concern than just giving someone what they want.

53. So don’t be afraid to call each other’s bullshit and hold each other accountable.

54. But do it with compassion.

55. Do not trash talk each other to your friends when you’re angry.

56. Support each other.

57. Never stop going on adventures.

58. Find joy in the little everyday things.

59. Don’t allow your entire world to revolve around someone else.

60. Appreciate what you have while you have it.

61. Embrace every phase of life because everything eventually passes.

62. Keep your priorities straight.

63. Guard your heart because it is a precious gift.

64. Life is too short to hold onto toxic people.

65. Be the bigger person and just forgive because it really does set you free.

66. Take nothing for granted.

67. Plan for the future but live in the present.

68. Loosen the reins and let go of the need for control sometimes.

69. Don’t bottle up your feelings.

70. Never try to change for someone else’s sake.

71. Admit when you’re wrong.

72. And have grace on others when they are brave enough to do the same.

73. Cry really hard when you need to.

74. Laugh even harder.

75. You are so much stronger than you think.

76. Keep the sparks flying.

77. Relationships are not all rainbows and sunshine, anyone who says differently is lying.

78. Never stop putting forth effort.

79. Give second chances if you want to.

80. But don’t let your kindness be manipulated.

81. Set boundaries and hold them in place.

82. Cheaters don’t change.

83. Mistakes don’t define you.

84. But how you handle yourself through those mistakes does.

85. Don’t question a good thing too much.

86. Take risks.

87. Trust yourself.

88. You really can’t please everyone.

89. Make the best of everything.

90. Have faith bigger than circumstances.

91. Always fight for what you believe.

92. Be kinder than necessary.

93. Don’t let your mood rule your decisions.

94. Staying inside your comfort zone won’t teach you anything.

95. Be with someone who keeps you grounded.

96. Encourage but don’t enable.

97. Challenge each other to grow and strive to become better.

98. Be a genuine individual before you get into a relationship.

99. Because romance is nice, but it shouldn’t be your one and only goal in life.

100. Protect the people you love.

101. The most important thing to remember is that life is nothing without love. So love hard, love freely, and love always.

For more from rc, visit her writer’s page here.  

 

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Getting Over the “Maybe” Guy

We’ve all been there… Going out with someone a few times, living in that weird dating limbo. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it gives you those butterflies in your stomach. Then, unfortunately, something happens and you both realize that the relationship won’t work in the long haul. It’s not exactly a breakup, but it sure feels like it. Why? Because you lived through those moments of newness and thrill and didn’t have the chance to see if it lasted.

In a way, it almost hurts more than ending an official relationship.

Most likely, you’ve probably put in a good amount of effort getting to know this person, seeing how you click, understanding their sense of humor, and figuring out how your personalities mix. Heavy topics usually aren’t talked about much, which could be a good or bad thing.

I’ve been there – getting to know “maybe” guys who I actually ended up really liking.

Why did the almost-relationships go south? Nothing toxic one or the other did, but a realization that some qualities, in fact, won’t mesh in the long run, if that’s what you’re looking for. It could be a difference in opinions. It could be differences in how you view life. Whatever it is, both people can rest assured knowing that the connection, at least, was actually really great.

What made you fall for the “maybe” guy, then? The only-romanticized version of them.

You probably didn’t know them long enough to see their more of-fputting qualities. You were interested in their exciting, challenging, and attractive qualities. That’s the person you started to have feelings for, which would make sense why it hurts when they’re not in your life anymore. The “maybe” guy will get you 10x more than the “all-in” guy.

So, how you do get over him?

The easiest answer? Unfollow, unfriend, delete texts… Treat it like a normal breakup. Rip the band-aid off and cleanse your life as best you can. Even if you only knew them for a month, if your heart was starting to get involved, the best course of action may be the classic things: change up your hair, get a tattoo, start a new exercise routine, go vegan for a week. Do whatever big things you can to drag your mind away from the “maybe” guy.

The harder answer? Let yourself feel the feels. Be sad, eat a gallon of ice cream, watch those completely unrealistic romcoms that you love so much. Be present. Be in your feelings. Feel all the things that you need to. Then, after the Rocky Road is gone and Matthew McConaughey says his last cheesy line, wipe your tears, pick yourself up, and start new the next day.

Getting over someone is rarely a straight line.

There’s no one-size-fits-all for a breakup, no matter how intense it was. People feel things differently and that’s okay. In fact, that’s what makes us all special. So, if you need to get over that “maybe” guy who, for some reason, still has your heart, do whatever you feel like you need to do. In my case, I always keep my freezer stocked with Ben & Jerrys, have my yoga mat nearby, and keep 10 Things I Hate About You queued up. Remember: you’ll get through this, too.

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About the Author

Emmie Pombo is a latte and tattoo-loving Tennessean who specializes in mental health and beauty writing. She holds a degree in Journalism and a certification in Makeup Artistry and Airbrushing. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

Why Driver’s License by Olivia Rodrigo Has Been #1 on the Billboard Charts

In the song “Driver’s License” by Olivia Rodrigo, she speaks of how her ex left her for his new “blonde girl.” She sings about the heartbreak that he put her through because she can not understand how he left her and how he is happy in his new relationship. 

There is a lot of speculation saying that the song is about Rodrigo and Joshua Bassett’s relationship because certain lyrics from the song make fans think that the song is specifically about him. Personally, I just love the song, but one aspect makes the song more dramatic and heartfelt. Because it is about Joshua Bassett. And they were publicly known to be best friends or in a relationship. He has since moved on and is in a new relationship.

I have been a fan of Olivia Rodrigo when she first started releasing music.

I think that she is incredibly talented, especially for only being 17 years old. It amazes and inspires me that she writes her own music and that she sings with so much emotion. When she sings, she is so vulnerable and specific that it makes it easier for the audience to connect and feel her pain.

I have never been in a relationship, but her song makes me feel like I have been through a breakup.

Also, I understand that she is an actress, but her emotions are so raw, so it makes her music more sensitive to the audience. She is unbelievably talented and I think that she has a big career ahead of her because she only has about three songs out and two of her three songs have been on the Billboard charts.

In the behind-the-scenes for the music video, “Driver’s License,” Rodrigo explains how she was able to use her own ideas to help make the music video the way she wanted. This goes to show just how talented she is now that the music video has over 79 million views and over 4 million likes.

Rodrigo implemented a lot of her ideas in the music to make the song more relatable and honest with her audience.

She explains how, in one clip, she uses “projections as a way to signify the memories that keep running through her head as she’s going through a heartbreak” (Rodrigo). I think that the visuals that she used for the music video were so creative because not only did she sing how she felt, but she also projected the thoughts that were running through her mind. I think she did an amazing job connecting with the audience because she was so vulnerable.

It is no surprise that the song has remained number one for weeks.

Furthermore, using the projections of her thoughts, she explained how she wanted to “capture the feeling of teenage heartbreak in the suburbs which has kind of been [her] experience” (Rodrigo). 

I think that songs are always more successful when they actually tell a meaningful story because music can be a way for the audience to release their feelings of emotion. Therefore, I think that Olivia Rodrigo did an amazing job with the song and music video for “Driver’s License” because she wrote the song with so much emotion and passion which is impressive – especially for her young time. 

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About the Author

Genesis Lee-Smith is an 18-year-old college freshman. She loves writing and seeing what other people enjoy writing about. Writing is important to Genesis because she believes it is a great way for people to connect, inspire others, educate, and give advice.

Trying To Say Good bye

 

If I counted how many times I’ve tried to say “good-bye” to you I would probably be close to publishing a book.  I think it’s important, though, to document; to write out how we feel…in any circumstance.  Who knows, maybe this will turn into a book.  A book of good-byes.  A book of saying the same thing over and over again, yet maybe in a different way so I could hope for a different result.  But the first thing we learn in psychology is if we always do what we’ve always done, then we’ll always get what we’ve always gotten.  I’ve seen you a handful of times in passing recently…petty, irrelevant exchanges were all we had.

 

Is that all we have left?  Me, being barely able to make words when I pass by you.  And you, a quick wave and a hello.  You seem more confident than I am, but I think that’s my own false perception.  I have a text message just sitting in our text exchange just waiting for me to push send on.  There’s no question that I’ll eventually send it, but my mind thinks there’s a better time for it.  How silly.  It says I miss you.  And it says I am not handling this very well.  It says I am sorry.  All three of those statements are honest and true.  I do not know how you will respond, and I think the reason why I won’t push send is because I’m clearly scared of the response.

 

What am I doing?  Just push send.  I know what I need from you, and part of me is scared to ask.  It just needs to become real..  I need you to tell me that you want nothing from me.  And I need you to tell me that you have zero feelings, emotional or otherwise towards me.  I need you to tell me that you’re going to live your life and never think of me again. And I need to know that I mean nothing to you.

 

To the Person Who’d Rather be Heartless Than Heartbroken

I know how it is when you’ve been hurt before, probably by someone who thought would never ever hurt you. But they did, and now, here you are… 

 

A little older, a little wiser, and a lot more careful about who you let in.

 

You don’t like to give your number out and when you do take the chance and start to let them in you make sure to be the one who cares less, and you make sure to walk away before they can. You don’t ever want your happiness to depend on someone else.

 

Not after last time.

You tell your friends that you guys just didn’t ‘click’ but you know you didn’t even give them a chance.

 

You don’t want to be vulnerable, because vulnerable people get their hearts broken.

 

You’ve found out that the best way to protect your heart is to pretend that you don’t have one.

 

You convince yourself that you like to be alone and that this is exactly what you want.

 

But it isn’t.

It might seem better to be heartless than heartbroken but that’s no way to live your life.

 

So stop it.

 

When you get something wrong you don’t just give up. You try again, you know a little more, are a little more careful, and you continue.

 

So no, don’t let your happiness depend on someone else, but don’t be afraid to let people contribute to it either.

 

As hard as it is to believe, not everyone will hurt you like that and you’ll appreciate the ones who don’t a little bit more than before.

I Thought You’d Be Different, Turns out You’re Just Like Every Other Guy

“So that’s it, we’re breaking up. Except we can’t break up because we’re nothing.” — Gilmore Girls

 

It’s been a while since you last looked me in the eyes. I kissed you goodbye in the morning as I had many times before with the notion that I’d see you later. I had no idea the pain that would ensue in the next month.

 

It’s funny to think back about how truly blindsided I was. 

 

To think about how oblivious I was to what you were capable of doing to me. I was already vulnerable from day one; smothered by another relationship that had torn my self-worth down and made me feel small and worthless. Then you came along and somehow made that all disappear.

 

Even though I wasn’t your number one priority, you gave me the time of day. Slowly, you made me feel like I did have a place in your life. Though we kept what was going on strictly between us, you brought me happiness and made me feel like maybe I was worth it….maybe I was capable of letting someone into my heart again.

 

I Knew Goodbye Was Coming-An Open Letter

Time Never Seems To Be On My Side

I stand in the shower and sing the lyrics to different songs.  While I may be off key, I know the words to the songs are not.  Those lyrics are words that I can’t generate on my own, but they’re words that speak to my soul in just the way they’re supposed to.  While I wonder why time never seems to be on my side, I hear the words and I sing along, “nobody said that it would last forever, that doesn’t mean we didn’t try to get there.”  Then, in that moment, I can remind myself of the time God gave me with you, and at the very least, try to convince myself that it was only meant to be a season.

No Words..

I’ll sit in front of my blank piece of paper and try to make words flow like beautiful poetry.  The words don’t come out, and whatever words do get written down are quickly erased…and then I hear the words, “head in my hand, cold coffee on the table.  I wish you the best, I would if I was able.”  It stings a little less knowing that sometimes the words just won’t come out.

 

You’re Still My Favorite Yet Most Painful Memory to Think About

Every morning you wake up and you have to remind yourself of a few things;  remind yourself he chose her, remind yourself he’s not the guy you fell in love with anymore, remind yourself of the pain he caused when he completely shattered your heart and left you there to gather up all the broken pieces and fit them together again.

The memories come to you in waves, slowly at first making it hard to breathe and then all at once they pull you under the surface, engulfing you in them.

 Or at least that’s what it feels like. Heartbreak is messy.

It starts with staying up all night crying yourself endless rivers of tears, just to fall asleep and dream of him, locked in a constant nightmare.  It’s breaking down at three in the afternoon because you heard that song, the one he told you reminded him of you two. It’s not eating because the thought of food just makes you want to literally get sick.  It’s watching a movie and seeing something you so desperately want to tell him then remembering you can’t.  It’s remembering he isn’t your best friend anymore.

To the narcissist who broke my heart and made me move on

When We Met

It’s hard to imagine that we met almost a year ago and in less than a year, you erased me from your life like I was nothing. 

Happiness

And it’s hard to imagine that I felt so secure and loved by you, that I planned to stay by your side when all your friends graduated and moved on, when you were all alone in a new city, when you were unhappy in your job. Whatever it might’ve been, I was prepared to stick by your side through it all. 

Closer

It’s hard to imagine that I was looking at new jobs in a new city to move closer to you and that you were going to let me. And for what? To watch me uproot my entire life and then tell me you never loved me? 

Felt Right

And it’s hard to imagine you with anyone else but me. But you’ve made it very clear in your recent pictures and newly added friends that you imagined yourself with everyone else but me. 

Blame

It’s hard to imagine I blamed myself for why you couldn’t perform during sex. But I realize now, you’re the one to blame. You had other interests and attractions and it had nothing to do with me at all. 

Fool

And it’s hard to imagine I was a fool. But I was your fool. You let me believe we were stable and secure. You let me believe I had finally found the one I truly deserved and longed for. 

Feelings

It’s hard to imagine feelings can just disappear in less than 24 hours. But then I realized, you never really had any feelings for me. 

Love

And it’s hard to imagine I loved you so much, I was willing to look past all the red flags. I made you my number one priority and respected the hell out of you. But in return I was left with abandonment, betrayal, disrespect, exclusion, and contempt.

Begged

It’s hard to imagine I begged you to stay and fight for me when you so clearly wanted nothing but yourself.

Childish

And it’s hard to imagine the man I thought you were is just a little kid throwing a temper tantrum because he didn’t get what he wanted. 

It’s hard to imagine the man I thought you were is just a manipulative, abusive, narcissistic boy.

Trauma

And it’s hard to imagine I have nightmares every night that you walked away from me and when I wake up, I realize these nightmares are my reality. 

It’s hard to imagine that I have chronic fatigue syndrome, yet I still can’t sleep at night. And it’s hard to imagine that the girl who always tired, now needs sleeping pills to keep her thoughts at bay.

And it’s hard to imagine this emotional and physical pain will subside, but I know one day it will. 

Moving On

It’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who meets my emotional requirements like I thought you did. It’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who gives me butterflies like you did. And it’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who makes me feel safe, secure and loved like you did. 

Because I know at the end of the day, all of that can be ripped out from under you in minutes. And I know the only person I can rely on for happiness and love is myself. Because I know the only person I can rely on to fill all of my needs and requirements is myself. 

I know I don’t need someone, I want someone. And I want to be loved as much as I love. I want to share my life with someone and be their equal. And I want to have passionate sex and heated arguments. I want a partnership where I am respected. And I want a relationship where I am treated as a human being. I want to be seen in all my perfections and imperfections. And I want to know at the end of the day, that someone will stay. 

So one day, you will become a blur in my mind and my memories. But until then I continue to learn how to love myself one day at a time. And one day I will love myself so hard, someone deserving of that love will finally come my way and be everything you will never be. 

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