Love always, Grampy’s Girl

To my big teddy bear,

Where do I begin? COVID really threw us for a loop, didn’t it?

I miss you like crazy, I miss all the games of life and go-fish we would play, but most of all I miss hearing you sing. You were the one to introduce me to my passion for music. I miss you teaching me Randy Travis songs and cheesy riddles and jokes (I will forever share them, no matter how cheesy)

You know, sometimes I wish I was little again, My favorite sick days were spent with you making mac ‘n cheese and watching scooby doo.

It’s weird now that you are gone, I miss you and I always wish I got the chance to say goodbye. There was still so much I wanted to know and more stories to be told. You showed me how to live life to the fullest and to always live in the moment.

Two of the most important lessons I think you have taught me is that you are only on this earth for a short amount of time, so take risks, chances and have fun while you are young and while you can! Even if it gets you in trouble, it will make for a good story later in life.

It’s always better to think back to when, instead of thinking of what could have been!

The second lesson is to always be kind and a friend to all. You truly never do know what someone else is going through until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Just the kindest words and a bright smile can really make someone’s day!

You’ve done a lot in your life grandpa. I am so beyond thankful that I was able to witness 24 years of it. I promise to be a friend to all and to never take life too seriously. It’s really going to be different now that you are no longer here with us, We all miss you so much.

I know I’ll see you again someday but until then, See you later and I love you most!

Love always, Grampy’s Girl

Grandma Happy Birthday in Heaven, you are so missed! 

It’s these days, the days you should be here that make losing you that much harder. Three years how has it been three years you have been gone. Life just don’t seem quite as good now that you aren’t here. Every major mile stone feels like there is something missing. A piece that we cannot get back. 

So today, on your third birthday in heaven I sit here, by your head stone. I know you aren’t here. It’s just the last place that we where with you. I have my coffee and I’m just staring at the sky. Words are mostly lost so I write. 

Days like today are the hardest. Your memory is so alive, yet everything feels different. There is an emptiness in days like today. Days when I wish I could be sitting at your feet while you play with my hair. While the cake is baking in the oven. I wish we could go to your favorite restaurant together, and come home to sing happy birthday. 

I pass the card isle at the store and think, I’ll never get to buy you a card again. I stand there for a few minutes looking at all the cards marked “Grandma” wishing I could see the smile on your face as you open it up. Seeing the tears in your eyes because you are so touched by it. Grandma, although these memories will stay with me forever, I long for just one more time. 

I reach for my phone to call you and tell you all about my day. Even though it’s been three years now. I think about our conversations. How when I would have a hard day I could here you say “stay strong, you can do this.” I look down at my wrist where it’s tattooed on me. 

It’s days like today when celebrating you makes my heart ache. When the little things in life feel so empty. When I just wish for one more day, even one more minute to see your smile. 

Happy Heavenly Birthday. Keep watching over us! We still need you. 

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An Open Letter To My Angel In Heaven

Losing You

Where do I begin? I feel as though there are not enough words I can write to truly express all of the emotions that consume me on a regular basis knowing that you are gone. There are so many words I wish I could say to you, so many calls I wish I could make, so many moments I look at, wondering if you are somewhere off in a distant place watching me with pride.

 

The way in which you left this world was too abrupt. I wasn’t given the proper time to tell you everything I wanted to say. And I wish I could look you in the eyes and tell you how much you truly mean to me, how much I need you in my life, how big of an impact you’ve had on me. I look back at our time spent together, knowing that I could have done more to be better—to do better, to be better to you and for you.

 

There are so many conversations I want to take back—how I wish I could rewind time and take the cruel insults I slurred at you in haste and anger back and swallow them whole. I feel like a beast—a demon—for speaking to you so cruelly. And I wish I had known then, what I know now—you never know when a word spoken can be the last.

 

I wonder so often if you are angry at me. And I wonder so often if you are at peace. I wonder so often if you are looking down on me, missing me, cheering me on, loving me from afar.

 

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