9 Things You Should Know Before Moving In With Your Boyfriend

Sometimes in long-term relationships, there comes a point where a couple discusses taking that next step from “just dating” to “moving in together.” While it seems like a natural progression in any relationship, it’s actually a huge step to take as a couple. Sure, you may think it’s not such a big deal when the two of you spend every other night at each other’s own apartments anyway, but sleeping at someone’s apartment and actually sharing an apartment together are completely different things – trust me. While moving in may seem like an adorable and magical idea – playing “house” always makes every girl excited and happy – it’s a big f*cking deal, especially if there are things you’re unsure about or questions you don’t exactly have the answers to.

1. Make sure it’s something you both want to do.

Everyone feels as though it’s natural to move in together when you are a long term couple and you’re a certain age (in your mid-20’s/early-30’s). And, while it is a normal step to take in many relationships, you want to make sure that you and your partner are both happy and comfortable with the idea of living together. If one person is more into it and the other isn’t ready – don’t f*cking do it. You both need to be ready to take this step together because if one person isn’t ready, resentment will grow and your relationship will suffer because of it. I know a lot of couples who broke up after moving in together because they just weren’t ready or at that stage in their relationship to do so.

2. Make sure you’re doing it for the same reasons.

If you’re moving in with someone because you want to build a life with them, but they’re moving in with you because it’s financially convenient for them – it’s going to create tension. Make sure you discuss your intentions before you move in together. Make sure that you’re both on the same page and understand what living together really means. It’s not the same as just dating someone and staying over their apartment, you two are no cohabitating which means what’s yours is theirs and vice versa. You don’t want to have false expectations and hope and create conflict because you were both unclear of what you want.

3. Talk about finances, no matter how weird it may get.

When you move in with someone, your finances are now up front and important in your relationship. Most people will tell you not to discuss money with your partner unless you’re married, but, if you’re living together – everything matters in terms of money. And, it’s more than just rent. You’re going to paying for rent together, electric, cable, internet, food, furniture – everything you want to put in this apartment will be both of yours, not just yours or theirs. If your partner is financially irresponsible, that’s a big consideration you need to weigh before moving in. If you make more than your partner, that’s also something to think about. You don’t ever want to be stuck paying for 90% of the things in your apartment and your partner mooches off of your financial well-being, you’ll begin to get angry and resentful and will end up blowing up on them about it. The best thing you can do is discuss how to split things and make a schedule for things such as laundry, groceries and other necessities.

Why Honesty Will Always Be The Best Policy

When it come to things you don’t want to hear, the truth is going to hurt. It may even bring you to your knees. But you will heal faster than being confused and finding yourself crying on a cold floor at 3 am.

 

As an adult, I’ve realized just how much I appreciate honesty. This could be because my past was riddled with life-changing lies or because I’ve become so frustrated with being confused when all I need is the truth.

 

This is especially true when it comes to relationships or potential ones. Starting a relationship with a lie is not healthy and not being honest with your feelings isn’t healthy either.

 

I know the truth is hard. Sometimes it really sucks. I know that it is easier to “ghost” someone then tell them “hey, I think you’re great but I’m not really feeling the romantic connection.” I get it. You don’t ever want to intentionally hurt someone.

 

But think of it this way.

 

7 Reasons Why I’ll Always, Unapologetically, Choose My Career Over A Man

Career

I’ve always been a hard worker throughout my entire life. Ever since I was a freshman in high school, I’ve had at least one job. Fast forward to college, I was interning in New York City three days a week, attending college full-time and waitressing at two restaurants to pay tuition and ensure I could graduate with a degree in the fields I was most passionate about. Long story short – I’ve always been a go-getter, someone who puts her work first and never, ever takes a handout. I started out interning at small, start-up companies in journalism and, worked my way up through several companies to be in a position I used to only dream about.

 

At the end of the day, my work and my passions will always come first. It’s one of the things I value most about myself – my work ethic. While it’s been the reason I’ve always succeeded in life, it’s also the reason I’ve had trouble in relationships. Throughout my life, every guy I’ve ever dated has had a “problem” with the amount of work I do. I never work one job, I’m always working over 40 hours a week and I usually make more money than my partner. Whatever the reason is, men have always given me sh*t for the way in which I choose to spend my time and conduct my life.

 

15 Things Your Anxious Girlfriend Wants To Hear When Her Anxiety Is At Its Worst

More often today, people are experiencing high levels of anxiety and panic disorders. Whether it be the influx of technology and stimulation we’re becoming accustomed to, or possibly the continuous piles of stress and responsibilities we have to take on—it’s no secret that many of us do suffer from anxiety disorders that, at times, can be debilitating. While doing everyday things can be quite difficult when you have anxiety, being in a healthy relationship is definitely something you have to work on.

Not all partners are understanding and compassionate when it comes to anxiety and anxiety attacks. There are those who understand, who go through it themselves and can relate. But, there are also those who have never dealt with anxiety—and, they believe the go-to mechanism is “relax.”

We all know—there is no worse trigger for anxiety than hearing the words, “just relax.” So, if you’re someone who is in a relationship with a girl who has anxiety and panic attacks—strap in, we’re here to help you out.

21 Kids Whose Honesty Skills Are Borderline Savage

When it comes to being honest with our friends, family, and loved ones—many of us don’t want to be brutal. We want to be as kind as humanly possible when telling someone we don’t like their spouse, we think they look fat in a dress, or we truly just cannot stand them. Basically, we sugar coat everything so we don’t hurt someone’s feelings.

But, if you want to get a true and honest opinion on something—go ask some kids. Kids are the most savage, ruthless, and cutthroat individuals when it comes to being truthful. Don’t believe me? Just ask these kids who have no problem bringing forth the savage truth.

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https://twitter.com/LeenaVanD/status/801580517350985728

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https://twitter.com/dailydairydiary/status/800149546550509568

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https://twitter.com/LetMeStart/status/771451074200924160

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https://twitter.com/kellyoxford/status/691087077207715844

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https://twitter.com/TheGladStork/status/771148283452489729

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h/t: Bored Panda

People Reveal The One Major Secret They’re Keeping From Their Partner And Why They Refuse To Tell Them

Being in a relationship with someone usually means being upfront and honest with them—usually. Sometimes, there are couples who, for whatever reason, choose to keep things to themselves in certain situations and topics. While some couples feel that everything should be up front and in the open, there are others who feel there are certain things that should be left unsaid. Maybe it’s something in their past, or, maybe it’s something that they feel will do nothing but piss their partner off—so, they keep it quiet. From the big to the small, people are sharing that one secret they keep from their significant other and, why they decide to do it.

1.

I hate her homemade spaghetti sauce. It’s been 14 years, why tell her now?

Honkey_McCracker

2.

My wife’s dad passed away less than a week after a hip replacement.

I visited with him the day he got home from the procedure and he told me everything was going well but he was scared about the blood thinner injections he would have to give himself over the next four days.

When we were cleaning out his house I found the four unused blood thinner syringes and threw them away without saying anything.

StopCastingPorosity

3.

I inherited a few million from my mother who died when I was a child. I’ve mostly left it alone because there wasn’t anything I wanted that I couldn’t just get with some elbow grease.

Once my SO and I are at the cusp of doing the house-and-kids thing I will let him know so he can stop worrying about earning enough to put a down payment on a new home.

not_thedrink

4.

About eight years ago I discovered my wife’s sister’s reddit account accidentally. It was a variation of a username she’d used for AIM before, but with different numbers and no underscore (the numbers were a significant date to her though). There were too many coincidences in her posts for it not to be her.

She was posting on the relationship advice subreddit. Her (now ex-) husband was abusive. We’d known something was off about him, but couldn’t really put our finger on it. I created another account that I only accessed from incognito mode to send her encouragement to leave, and to ask her family or friends (but kinda steered her towards us) for help. She didn’t want to impose or be a burden on any of them (we’d just had a kid, and I make a bunch of money but we live well within our means so you wouldn’t think this based on appearances, so it was an understandable concern). I slowly, over several weeks and several different posts she made, convinced her that it’s possible her family realizes something isn’t quite right and would not consider it a burden to help her out.

After their divorce I deleted that account. Nobody will ever know that the random internet stranger who was weirdly persistent in encouraging my SIL to reach out to her family for help and leave her abusive marriage was actually me.

JollySkin

5.

That raccoon you hit with the mower wasn’t fine. I beat it to death a shovel to put it out if its misery.

She was in her 3rd trimester and was very emotional. I couldn’t tell her she’d basically cut its rear legs off.

Blacklight_Fever

6.

When going to the store one day my SO asked me last second to take our 3 Y/O daughter. I was already in the car so my SO strapped her in. She was oddly quiet the whole car ride and i acvidentally went in the store without her because of it. I remembered after being in the store only about 45 seconds but immedietly left the store to get her. I was so embarrased someone would notice so i went to a completely different store. Now it scares the shit out of me and even when i KNOW i dont have one of my kids i always check behind me before getting out of the car. One of the worst feelings ive ever had and even now i get sick to my stomach thinking about it.

crosex

7.

Sometimes when I make his favorite homemade chicken tenders.. I use mayo in the dredge before I flour it…….. He would literally keel over and die if I told him this. It would ruin his favorite dinner. We both fucking hate mayo but damn if it doesn’t make a good dredge.

Shakezula69iiinne

8.

My wife doesn’t know how deathly afraid of being alone I am. Like…it really, truly scares me to my core. Not being alone like having alone time…that doesn’t bother me…but the idea of spending my life alone is terrifying to me. I sometimes feel like I put up with things I shouldn’t, because I love her and worry so much about being alone or having her leave me. I’ve spent nights pretending to sleep so that she won’t know that thinking about it keeps me up at night.

matrix_man

9.

That I was kicked out of the army. All she and her family know is that at one point in my life, I was in the army. She’s seen my beret so I guess that’s enough proof for her.

I can’t imagine it would destroy us but I don’t just drop information like that on people.

onfire9123

10.

I have a lot of reallyREALLY unusual kinks/fetishes that I will never tell my wife about. She likes to think of herself as “kinky,” because she’s into moderate BDSM, while she thinks I’m more into plain vanilla sex. She’s expressed disgust and disdain when various, more unusual sexual kinks have been brought up online, in movies or on various TV shows, and I’ve never clued her in that I share some of them.

ThrowingAFitAway

11.

I have a brother that’s a registered sex offender in another state. From that brother I have 7 nieces and nephews. I don’t mention it because I have no reason to be in contact with that part of my family.

bangersnmash13

12.

My SO’s father used to always give her quarters growing up (he has since passed) and now every time someone in the family finds a quarter they think of him looking down on them… it’s sweet.

Before we moved into our first home, I snuck in and hid quarters in obscure places all over the house. She’s still finding them and she likes to leave them in the spot she found them as a reminder. It always makes her smile and I’ll never tell.

PidgePop

13.

I knew my girlfriend bought me slippers for christmas a few weeks in advance, and instead of telling her I just talked more about how much I needed some slippers. It made her extra excited for me to open something that I wanted/needed so much, I wouldn’t want to ruin that memory for her.

Photon_Torpedophile

14.

One night I decided I wanted to take a sick day the next day and play some Doom, I had been freshly dating my then SO, current Fiancee and didnt want her to think I was lazy, so I told her I had an upset stomach too.

At the time, the company I worked for sick leave policy was that you rang up, spoke to a registered nurse, they gave some advice and logged your absence, it was pretty good to be honest.

Well as you can imagine, I wanted to sell the lie. So I rang, told them I wasn’t well and specifically had a stomach ache, she asked some questions like “which side is it on, how bad is it out of 10” etc.

I answered COINCIDENTALLY with whatever side my appendix was on, you might be able to get this going.

They said I should monitor it and call back in an hour and let them know how I’m feeling, so I did this. I rang back, said I still wasn’t well and the pain had increased. This lead to a shocked nurse who i happened to have on speaker phone at the time tell me to go to the hospital, my appendix was playing up. My SO heard and insisted she take me to the hospital. I didnt want to tell her I was lying so, off we go to the hospital.

We get to the hospital and she does most of the talking whilst I play it cool, telling them its no biggy.

They rush me in through emergency, take some blood tests and tell me that they’ll prep me for surgery.

At this point I started to question myself and realised I should’ve come clean at home, but now? Now its too late. I’m in too deep. Strap in Michaelscarnshrute, we’re going for surgery.

I stay overnight, get healthy dose of pain killers and watch The Shield all night, then the next day the cut me op[en.

I remember asking the surgeon as he talks me through whats about to happen if theres a chance of me dying. He says probably not, but the chance is never 0.

Fast forward to the next day, I dont have an appendix and my adventure to get 1 day off work results in me getting a week off work.

My partner and I have been together for 4 years and she will NEVER know.

Michaelscarnshrute

15.

I shut down internet whenever my SO is talking trash on CoD. Not because I mind, but because he does it in such an obnoxious way. He can go on for minutes at a time. Then he comes over to me very calmly and asks; ‘Is the internet down for you too?’

Tarantulette

16.

He thinks I’m allergic to salmon.

I just don’t like salmon… he wanted to make it for me on our first “cooking date” and I didn’t want to come off as ungrateful or picky so I said I was allergic.

It’s been 4 years and he still tells waiters I’m allergic so there isn’t cross contamination. Sigh.

whatthewhatk

17.

I really didn’t like our wedding.

He loved our wedding and often brags about how close to perfect it was, better than he ever thought, etc. He cherishes that memory, but I had a pretty terrible time. Part of it was because I had to put so much of it together, me and my friends, and he just showed up and enjoyed the party. I ran every decision by him, of course – like what to eat or what kind of officiant to get, but when it came to ordering the food and finding and hiring the officiant, it was all me. I couldn’t really enjoy it the same way because I felt so responsible for everything going OK and people enjoying it.

But the biggest part of the issue is that I just remember it as a lonely experience. It was very small as we wanted it, with just each of us having our four closest friends. But all my friends were locals I see all the time, and they were mostly preoccupied with entertaining their kids and otherwise enjoying themselves at just another event I hosted. He had his friends come in from all over the country, even one from Europe, and it was such a big happy reunion for him.

As I remember it, almost nobody talked to me at the wedding. Although I am sure there was more than I remember, I know nobody gave any toasts. I don’t recall anyone even saying something as simple and acknowledging as “congratulations” or “what a lovely ceremony.” And I definitely remember at one point the officiant (who stuck around for part of the reception), whom we barely knew, looked over at me alone and broke away from his conversations to come over to me just to make some idle conversation and keep me company. I also remember standing there looking at my phone, checking some sports scores, just to keep myself entertained and look like I had something to do.

I would have loved it if we could have had a wedding that was an order of magnitude bigger. So I could have my friends and relatives who I haven’t seen in ages and only get to see when we have excuses for events like that. I bragged about our $200 food bill for the whole event, having a friend take all the pictures, and my $50 dress, but I hate the thought now of how cheap and throw away our wedding kind of was.

What really drove it home for me was that a couple who came to our wedding got married about a year later with a very similar affair (though bigger). She even wore a dress similar to mine, and she said our wedding was an inspiration for her. That made me feel better about our wedding. I knew they were having another wedding later in the year where she lived, for her friends and relatives, and I assumed that would be a smaller event just to include those folks. Later, I saw on Facebook that it was a real-deal beautiful wedding, with dancing, attendants, professional photographs, her looking utterly stunning in a gorgeous full-length gown, and dozens of amazing pictures. So, our wedding was the template for their “forget about it” wedding. She didn’t even post any pictures of the smaller wedding at all. It made me so sad.

I know people love small, inexpensive weddings here, and the idea is that anything else cheapens the love the event is meant to celebrate. But maybe, for some people, something can be too simple, too small, and maybe even too “intimate.” I wanted to celebrate with my extended family and friends – not every single bloody one of them, but maybe 20 of them. I reduced the whole thing so much to its essence that it didn’t feel like much of anything at all.

I don’t want to spoil the wonderful memory for my husband, particularly since I labored so hard to make exactly that for him.

academiclady

18.

Hmm, I did live with a man for a year – had a bit of a gay phase.

I’ve told her I was bisexual (had some man crushes, can see the appeal of Connor Mcgreggor, Jake Gillenhaal, Tom Hiddelsdon, Chris Pratt, Robert Downey Jr) but I said I’d never really gone the whole way and wasn’t thatinterested in it.

Also I was sexually assaulted and I once got an std, and I can’t taste her cooking because I did too much coke and lost my sense of smell.

Cockwombles

19.

She knows I spent time in a local mental institution as a child, but not why. The truth is because I don’t know either, I have a fragmented memory of my childhood before the age of 11 and basically nothing before the age of 7. I’m fairly sure I was under the care of the institution between the age of 7-9 but I only recall the name of the guy who ran the place and a day trip we had once to go bowling.

As a guess I suffered from some form of psychosis, but I’d rather not dive too deep into it and she would probably pressure me into finding out what happened. My parents never speak of it so that tells me all I need to know.

LetOneRip

20.

That I absolutely hate her coworker. He’s a good friend to her when they are at work and they don’t see each other outside of work, except for a couple times every few months. He likes to make suggestive comments to her though, and she plays it off as a joke. After talking to a couple of her other coworkers I know he’s not joking. I trust her 100% that’s why I haven’t said anything, but I would love to smack that dude upside his head.

derkman5167

h/t: AskReddit.

This Is The Raw And Brutal Truth About Being In Love With Your Soulmate

What do you think of when you hear the word “soulmate?”

Do you think of happily ever after like Cinderella and every other Disney movie with a prince charming? Do you think of walking down the aisle with your husband in tears when he sees you? Do you think of adorable nick-names and home-cooked meals? Do you think of flowers on your bedside “just because?”

For the most part, being in love with your soulmate can be spectacular. But, it’s not all sunshine and happiness all of the time. Society makes us believe that unless your love is perfect – it’s not “your forever love.” They tell us that at the slightest hint of problems, you’re probably not with “the one.”

I’m here to tell you that’s basically a load of bullsh*t. In fact, it’s absolute bullsh*t.

Most days – being with your soulmate isn’t a walk on the beach. Actually, it hardly ever is.

Being with your soulmate means that you’re going to hate each other some days. You’re going to get on each other’s nerves – especially when you live together. Sometimes, they’re going to yell at you when you’re under a f*ck-ton of pressure from work and you’ll blow up on them and then – World War III commences in your tiny, one-bedroom apartment.

Being with your soulmate means that you’re going to want space after a fight. You’re not going to apologize right away because – we’re all stubborn. You’re going to stomp around the house and slam doors and go get drunk with your girlfriends and then text them about how you hate them but love them but hate them and come home to have sloppy, drunk sex and wake up ordering breakfast like nothing ever happened because – you’re over it.

Being with your soulmate means that you have to learn to love the family that hates you. Not every family is perfect and not every soulmate’s family will loveeeeee you the way they do. You have to grow to put aside your hatred/differences/anger/pettiness and grow the f*ck up.

Being with your soulmate means that you have to like their crappy friends. Some of them are creepy. Some of them are horrible influences. Some of them are down-right rude and disrespectful to you – but you don’t come between life-long friendships. You bite your tongue when it’s a “guys night/girls night” and let them do them. You get drunk and binge your show and suck it up.

Being with your soulmate means you clean up sh*t that’s not yours. You do the dishes even if they’re not yours. You’ll clean up their puke when they’re sick and miss the toilet. You’ll clean their hair out of the shower drain. You do it out of “love,” but ultimately, out of “I want to live in a clean home.”

Being with your soulmate means doing sh*t you really don’t want to do. You have to go to their work events because you’re a team. You have to go to their friend’s weddings and kid’s birthday parties because you’re a team.

Being with your soulmate means knowing when to choose your battles. You can’t always fly off the handle about everything and attack when you feel crappy. You can’t complain about things every. single. solitary. second. of. every. single. day. You need to pick and choose your times and battles and let a lot of things go.

Being with your soulmate sometimes sucks. But, truth be told, every relationship sometimes sucks. Who taught you that love was easy? Who taught you that love was ever perfect? Guess what – love is not perfect. Love is real. Love is annoying and button-pushy and sometimes, nauseating. But – love is also something that helps you grow and progress and become stronger – day-by-day.

Love will never be all sunshine and rainbows. It’ll probably be thunderstorms and lightening if anything. But – at the end of the day – it makes you a better version of yourself and is unlike anything else you’ll ever experience.

7 Topics Every Guy Needs to Be Able to Discuss with His Partner

Guys have a habit of keeping things bottled, hiding stuff away and putting up emotional barriers. Talk to most couples and you’ll see this issue comes up time and again. Take the plunge and open up a little and you’ll see the incredible advantages of being a tad more chatty in a relationship:

1. Your sexuality.

Sexuality works best when both parties are on the same page. Everyone has their turn offs, their turn ons, their fantasies and their fetishes, and it’s only human to have different wants and urges. If you can be open with what you want and be confident in your own desires, then the bedroom is going to get a lot more fun for both of you as you tailor your activities towards each other. After all, it’s communication that makes “good” sex great.

2. Your past.

We all have a past: none of us popped up yesterday without an origin story. You have things that you’re proud of and then things that you’re not. Being truthful about your past is important because every event you have experienced has shaped you into the person you are today: both good and bad. By sharing your past, your significant other will understand you far better, ultimately bringing you closer together.

3. The future.

Dudes, talk about where you want to go and why; don’t pretend to want something you don’t, because that will come and bite you in the ass later in life. You two could be star-crossed lovers, destined to be together, but if one of you wants to travel while the other is looking for a house and a baby: shit isn’t going to work out. Figure out where you both want to go and make sure it’s somewhat compatible.

4. Her bodily functions.

Most guys get squeamish when talking about girls’ bodily functions, yet they’re perfectly fine bringing up the Taco Bell Shits whenever someone suggests eating Mexican food. This is a double standard that still exists and causes a greater gulf between the sexes. Guys, get used to periods and vaginas because they are incredibly normal and chances are, you’ll be affected by them your entire life. Girls, guys, whatever: we’re all human. It’s time we start recognizing that.

5. Your dreams.

Your dreams and your future are two very different things, but it’s important to share them with your squeeze for the same reason, ‘cos you will get to know each other better. Maybe it’s your dream to wear a kilt in public, to mud wrestle Snoop Dogg, or even to go visit a non-English speaking country. Whatever it is, honesty is the best policy. You never know: your S/O might share the same dream. Snoop Dogg mud wrestling three-way anyone?

6. Your worries.

There is a very distinct line between telling your partner about your insecurities and whining like a bitch. Let your S/O know what it is you are afraid of, what you try to avoid, and what you want to try but haven’t had the opportunity to. Two people are stronger than one, and with someone you can trust next to you, those worries will be a lot easier to deal with.

7. Her body.

Vaginas are complicated, intricate places full of wonder and mystery. No, seriously, they are way more interesting and complex than dicks. Most women don’t even know everything there is to know about their own anatomy – let alone guys. The best way to get to know is by practicing, and by communicating while you practice. Find out about which areas need what attention and for how long. Remember: communication isn’t only verbal.

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