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Collection of the 19 Best Stoner Quotes

Do red-strain kratom capsules users enjoy the same buzz as marijuana tokers? Based on the famous stoner quotes, the witty and sometimes philosophical sayings generally come from weed smokers.

Let’s discover 19 gems from famous actors, musicians, authors, sports personalities, and politicians. Movies are also a source of unique cannabis quotations.

Collection of the 19 Best Stoner Quotes

What do celebrities and well-known cannabis users say about smoking weed? Read on to find out.

Movie Stars

Did you know that many of your favorite showbiz performers use cannabis? Here are some famous quotes:

Megan Fox: “I can’t tell you how much bullshit I’ve been through because I will openly say that I smoke weed. People look at it like it’s this crazy, hippie, f*****d-up thing to do. And it’s not. I hope they legalize it, and when they do, I’ll be the first f*****g person in line to buy my pack of joints.”

Billy Bob Thornton: “I’ve never heard of anybody smoking a joint and going on a rampage. It makes you lie around on the floor and look at the ceiling. What’s wrong with that?”

Arnold Schwarzenegger: “That is not a drug, it’s a leaf.”

Comedians

Comedians come up with many “high” quotes that are funny. Here are a few samples:

Steve Martin: “I used to smoke marijuana. But I’ll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening—or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, mid-evening, and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-mid-afternoon. Oh, sometimes, the early-mid-late-early morning…But never at dusk.”

Bill Hicks: “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit…unnatural?”

Dave Chappelle: “I don’t do drugs, though. Just weed.”

Authors

Many users consume cannabis for medicinal reasons, such as relieving stress and anxiety.

Advocates of legalizing marijuana use include writers, which is what some of the following stoner quotes reveal:

Stephen King: “I think that marijuana should not only be legal, I think it should be a cottage industry. It would be wonderful for the state of Maine. There’s some pretty good homegrown dope. I’m sure it would be even better if you could grow it with fertilizers and have greenhouses.”

Hunter S. Thompson: “I have always loved marijuana. It has been a source of joy and comfort to me for many years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of life, along with beer and ice and grapefruits -and millions of Americans agree with me.”

Kurt Vonnegut: “Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.”

Musicians

Here are some stoner vibes from legendary performers whose use of weed isn’t a secret:

Bob Marley: “I do smoke, but I don’t go through all this trouble just because I want to make my drug of choice legal. It’s about personal freedom. We should have the right in this country to do what we want if we don’t hurt anybody.”

Snoop Dogg: “So what if I’m smokin’ weed onstage and doing what I gotta do? It’s not me shooting nobody, stabbing nobody, killing nobody. It’s a peaceful gesture, and they have to respect that and appreciate that.”

John Lennon: “Marijuana was the main thing that promoted non-violence amongst the youth because as soon as they have it, first of all, you have to laugh at your first experiences. There’s nothing else you do but laugh, and then, when you’ve got over that and you realize that people aren’t laughing at you, but with you, it’s a community thing, and nothing would ever stop it, nothing on earth is going to stop it, and the only thing to do is to find out how to use it for good, or for best.”

Melissa Etheridge: “Instead of taking five or six of the prescriptions, I decided to go the natural route and smoke marijuana.”

Movies

Films featuring marijuana use are an excellent source of getting “high” quotes. Here are some motion pictures to enjoy the next time you’re binging on homemade marijuana brownies:

Saul Silver, played by James Franco in Pineapple Express (2008): “This is like if that Blue Oyster …shit met that Afghan Kush I had, and they had a baby. And then, meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby. And by some miracle, those two babies met and …f***ed. This would be the shit that they birthed.”

Smokey, played by Chris Tucker in Friday (1995): “I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this, but I’m gonna get you high today, ’cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job… and you ain’t got sh*t to do.”

Pedro De Pacas, played by Cheech Marin in Up In Smoke (1978): “Is that a joint man? That there looks like a quarter-pounder.”

Ben Stone, played by Seth Rogen in Knocked Up (2007): “It is, like, the best medicine. Because it fixes everything. Jonah broke his elbow once. He just got high, and it still clicks, but I mean… he’s okay.”

Politicians

Lawmakers also make our list of stoner sayings and quotes by expressing their views on weed use.

Sarah Palin: “If somebody’s gonna smoke a joint… And not do anybody else any harm… Then perhaps there are other things that our cops should be looking at.”

Bill Clinton: “When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn’t like it and didn’t inhale and never tried it again.”

What’s your favorite cannabis quote?

21 Things That The Girl Who Is Clumsy AF Can Understand And Appreciate

If you ride the, ‘Clumsy AF Struggle Bus’ daily, welcome to the shit storm, you’re welcome. You understand how challenging it is to be a human at times. Let’s be honest, you are the girl who is literally the definition of a walking disaster, but hey, you’re entertainment value at least, right? You can’t even do the smallest of tasks without fucking up something, or yourself. Like:

1. Curling your hair is a dangerous task. 9/10 times you end up with a giant burn mark on your neck and being asked constantly if you have a hickey…Nope, just me not being able to human properly, that’s all.

2. Falling down stairs is a normal, everyday occurrence. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to build TWELVE stairs to go up to one room anyways??

3. Anyone who knows you has well gotten over being shocked by the dumb shit that you do or happens to you. Your boss isn’t even surprised when you come into work the next day with a sprained wrist, because you tripped UP the fucking stairs.

4. You’d think you would learn your lesson and be more aware of your surroundings… But nah, that’s wayyyy too logical. Instead, you live life on the edge, and by living life on the edge, I mean, face planting in Kroger right in front of the super hot guy walking out. Naileddddd ittttt.

5. At this point in your life, you’ve just learned to accept that you are the human that you are, which is, accident prone. Now when stupid shit happens to you, it doesn’t faze you. It should humiliate you, but you don’t even bat an eye. You just continue on, no big deal.

6. You’re not even safe laying down in bed. You either punch yourself in the face trying to pull the blankets up, or drop your phone on your face…several times in one night…

7. Sports are hard, and nobody should trust you with a blunt object. But forreal though, who in the actual fuck gave you a bat? The end results aren’t pretty because who plays softball and blacks their own eye? You, that’s who.

8. Losing things, multiple times a day, is the norm. Can’t find your keys? Check the freezer.

9. You’ve started carrying a “just in case” bag in your car. You’re just trying to be prepared because you’ve done some pretty dumb shit. Enough shit that has made you wise, and come prepared with headache medicine, bandaids, tissues, Neosporin, Ace bandage, and Gorilla Glue (don’t ask.)

10. They say bitches be trippin’ over nothing, but they don’t know you. You are that human who can trip over air. Literally. You’ve done it before.

11. Your friends bring up all the stupid shit you’ve done to strangers all the time. “Remember that one time you were mopping and stepped on the mop when you went to put it up and it came back and hit you right in the forehead? Good times.” Yeah, great times.

12. But you do have the best, funniest, and dumbest stories of how you hurt yourself this time… Like bloodying your own nose trying to get out of the car because you forgot you were still seat belted in. And people ask you why you’re still single….

13. You’re the last to be asked to handle anything fragile. Or sharp. Or important. Or expensive. Everyone knows you are a bull in a china shop, and you’re the reason why they have to order more martini glasses at work…

14. And that’s why you are automatically blamed when something breaks at work. Loud crashes, broken glass, tea all over the floor because you forgot to put the nozzles on, and the entire staff’s judgy eyes are on you…Which is total BS, because you don’t always fuck up shit everytime, not intentionally anways.

15. You make life interesting at least. Never a dull moment with you around. Might have a nice dinner out with friends, might have to go to the hospital because you fell off the bar stool, sober, hit your head on the corner of the bar, and somehow twisted your ankle. Cheers!

16. If you had a dollar for every mysterious, random bruise that you woke up with, you’d be a millionaire. Instead, you just look like you lost a game of Mortal Kombat.

17. You never pay attention to where you are going. You’re known to run into shit all the time, usually a wall or a human. Except for that one time you ran into a mannequin, and apologized to it…and then realized what just happened, and proceeded to apologize again. *awkwardly looks around to see if anyone saw that*

18. Speaking of not paying attention…. Since you like to live in your own little world, you tend to zone out and then

spill queso all over your brand new shirt, or step on nails barefooted, or run straight into screen doors. All. The. Time.

19. Oh, yeah, doors…doors are hard. There are 16 year old Olympic gold medalists, and then there’s you. A 30 year old bartender. And all you’re getting a medal for is not spilling an entire slushy machine filled with margarita mix all over the ground…because that might have happened, once, or twice…

20. Murphy’s Law is your mantra. Because anything that can go wrong will go wrong when it comes to you. Even when it comes to the simplest tasks, like putting on makeup. You stab yourself in the eye with the wand at least once a week, and end up looking like a whole ass drowned racoon.

21. You can be a total spaz at times, and you probably should wrap yourself in bubble wrap. But on a positive note, your pain tolerance is hella high. So when you lose your balance and trip over the sidewalk, you walk that shit off and keep your head held high, like the clumsy AF queen that you are.

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About The Author

Kayla Leanne Goss. Just a 30 year old small town girl, trying to navigate this rollercoaster we call life, writing about relatable shit that WE ALL go through and struggle with daily.

To see more of my articles, visit my FACEBOOK PAGE

19 Things That Only People Who Are Forever Scatterbrained Can Relate To

Are you the type of person who literally forgets their own name half the time, or runs into corners, (corners are the devil!) doors, and walls because you’re distracted and not paying attention? Then you’ll totally relate to these scatterbrained 19 things. Like.

1. You lose EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING. Your keys, your mind, your dignity. You’d lose your own head if it wasn’t attached.

2. And you find what you were looking for, in the most random places. Like your keys, in the fridge, for the third time this month…

3. Your room is messy AF and disorganized. Yes, it looks like a tornado struck your room, but hello, it’s called organized chaos. You know exactly where everything is. For the most part…

4. …Except when you set your phone down to do something, and then lose it. You end up spending 20 minutes retracing your steps, getting frustrated, and finally asking your roommate to call it.

5. Walking into a room, just to forget why or what you came in there to get. It’ll drive you nuts until you remember. 3 hours later….

6. Walking into work with your clothes on backwards…Or inside out. It’s sad to say but it happens to you at least once a month .

7. Being in a whole ass conversation with someone, and not knowing what they said… So you just smile and nod, because everything they said went through one ear and out the other.

8. You have 47 open tabs on your browser. Because let’s be honest, you started looking up how to change your air filter, and 2 hours later, you’re taking a quiz to find out what kind of tree you are.

9. You get asked if you’re mad at so and so because you haven’t opened their snapchat/text/FB message. You’re not mad at anyone! You just get distracted and sometimes it takes 14 business days to respond back. Opps.

10. ‘To Do’ lists are scattered around everywhere. And most of them are only halfway crossed off because either you got bored, or started multitasking. You’ll eventually loop back around and finish the task. Maybe.

11. Making unnecessary trips. You did your mental checklist, you swear. Phone. Check. Keys. Check. ID…Nope.

12. Being on time is a struggle. You have the best intentions, but something always happens and slows you down. Like when you have to turn around to get your ID. Or whatever else you forgot. And now you’re 45 mins late to work. Opps again.

13. You started your laundry, (or some other small task) but then got sidetracked. Now you’re tired and don’t feel like folding and putting it away, so you just cuddle with the pile.

14. You hate the word “Ditsy”. Like you get it, you’re a little slow at times, you can’t help your mind is already going 1000 miles a minute. That doesn’t make you stupid, thank you very much.

15. Remembering something you forgot weeks ago at the most inconvenient times. Like when you wake from a dead sleep, because you remembered you didn’t give table 121 their extra ranch they asked for.

16. Staying on task can be difficult. Because you are also trying to do another million other things, and you totally forgot about finishing a project for your boss. Opps…..

17. Opps is DEFINITELY part of your vocabulary. You’re constantly apologizing for something you’ve done, said, forgot, etc.

18. You sometimes feel like a burden. You know how hard it is to keep up with you, and you feel like you exhaust others. You don’t mean to though.

19. At the end of the day, you are fucking awesome. And you’re hella hilarious. Yeah you might be entertainment value, but if you can’t even laugh at yourself, or laugh off the stupid shit you do or happens to you, then how is someone else going to begin to apperciate the quirky person that you are?

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About The Author

Kayla Leanne Goss. Just a 30 year old small town girl, trying to navigate this rollercoaster we call life, writing about relatable shit that WE ALL go through and struggle with daily.

To see more of my articles, visit my FACEBOOK PAGE

22 Signs You’re in a Committed Relationship with Your Phone

You’ve got the Great Wall of China, the Great Pyramid of Giza, the statue of Zeus in Greece, and last but not least, the cell phone. Because at this point, the cell phone deserves to be on a list of mankind’s most accomplished feats. So much so, that we’ve come to the point where we think we can’t live without them…

You religiously check your phone first thing in the morning…

…You have to make all the rounds: texts, calls, Facebook, emails, Snapchat, Instagram. Anything for an extra excuse to stay in bed.

You also check your phone right before you hit the sheets. Hey, those Snapchat stories are what help you sleep at night.

You feel naked when you don’t have your phone on you. There’s just something missing; life becomes this empty void, but you don’t know why…

…Until you realize: your phone’s not there. Oh my god.

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50 Thoughts You’ve Had During a Boring Conversation

It has happened to all of us. You are sitting down with someone and they are saying the most boring things you have ever made your ears listen to. Suddenly you’ll find yourself no longer being able to pay attention to what is being said and instead let your mind wander about.

Even when we try our hardest to focus on what’s being said, our wandering mind gets the best of us. And we all know when our minds begin to wander, the most random things pop up in our heads:

1. God I’m so bored

2. I didn’t even know you could be this bored

3. Wait! Did I forget to lock my front door before I left?

4. Did I have homework to do?

5. I wonder what I’m doing this weekend. I hope it involves booze

6. I can’t tell if I’m hungry or just tired

7. I wonder what we’d all do if zombies appeared right now

8. I think I’m going to get Subway after this

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28 Memes You’ll Want To Screenshot And Share With Your Sister Immediately

Growing up with sisters can be a blessing and a curse. For one, you have endless closets to raid and makeup to borrow. But, girls can be the pettiest and ruthless individuals in the world—especially when you wrong them. Try doing wrong by your sister, and you can bet your ass you’re in for a long haul of telling mom you snuck out to meet a guy and tons of savage commentary.

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28. More awesome Memes:

52 Hilarious Comics For People Who Have A Sick And Twisted Sense Of Humor

Some people have a dark sense of humor and laugh at things that definitely are controversial and touching. Cartoonist James Lecarpentier is a genius of the most iconic variety when it comes to capturing dark humor. Lecarpentier employs the darkest of comedy in his short and sweet Good Bear Comics, which frequently go viral for their relatable, self-effacing/inspiring, funny/sad, pure/twisted subject matter.

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18 Of The Funniest Responses To This Viral Clothing Ad Where The Model’s Shirt Is Absurdly Tight

The world of fashion is a dog-eat-dog world. To survive, you need to stand-out, either with your designs, the structure of your business, marketing, or that certain unidentifiable something that titillates the senses and gets consumers to click “add to cart.”

If you’re the men’s clothing company, Father & Sons you hire the strangest looking beefcakes you can find and garb them in the tightest possible button-downs and pants that are essentially painted on.

I mean, just look at this character.

That sinewy mannequin who would make Gaston jealous is Shaun Rezaei. Look at the way his arms are literally double the size of the sleeve opening. Or how the buttons aren’t lined up at all. You too can mimic this “werewolf midway through transformation” look if you shop at Father & Sons.

How do those pants even work? How does one slip into those things? What actual size are the shirts? I’m not the only one completely flabbergasted by these designs. People have been flocking to F&S’s Facebook page to essentiallybuild a new FAQ for the brand:

Please don’t forget that Shaun, as he very publicly announces in his Instagram bio, has less than 5% body fat.

Any publicity is good publicity, right? Maybe Father & Sons are actually brilliant marketing tacticians…

Follow-up question: Do those models need a second person to help them put the shirts on? Can their arms bend enough to button their buttons? I’ll be thinking about this for awhile.

h/t: Bored Panda and Someecards

Woman Calls Police To Report A Dead Dog, Gets Hilarious And Unexpected Response

It’s a known motto that when you see something, you say something—no matter what the situation may be. For many, that means anything that can be considered a crime or someone doing the wrong thing. I’d hope that you’re the type of person who does call the police or other authorities when you see something, especially like a “dead animal.”

It turns out that most things, however, are not what you imagine them to be on the first glace. Like this woman who called the authorities to report a “dead dog.” But, as it turns out, it was not a dog at all.

A woman messaged the Providence Animal Control Center to report that she saw a “little black yorkie or schnauzer” in the road that had been dead for “a while.” When she sent the picture, however, she found out it was not a dog at all. After police investigated, the “dead dog” turned out to actually be a wig.

Here’s the proof:

And, of course, people found the mixup to be absolutely hilarious.

33 People Who Shouldn’t Have Skipped English Class In 2018

Look, not everyone is great at spelling. It’s not something we’re born knowing, we have to learn it. That’s the whole point of English class. You might never find yourself in a situation where you need to know the difference between imply and infer to make it through your life, but you will need to know how to spell.

That’s rough for people who are really lost in the weeds when it comes to spelling. These days, especially, because everyone is always texting and emailing, so it’s crucial to have a good idea of how to spell. Sometimes, not even autocorrect can help you.

Many times it’s not even the spelling, exactly, that’s the problem—it’s that people mishear words or morph them into other words. I had a roommate once who thought that idolizing someone was putting them on a “pedestool.” The correct word is, of course, pedestal, like the thing that statues are placed on for display in museums. But to my roommate, pedestool made sense because a stool is a thing people stand on.

What I’m saying is, we’re not here to judge or shame people who can’t spell. We’re just here to laugh at them.

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