Growing up, things were never easy. Our household consisted of coupon cutting, sporadic family time, and a lot of rushed meals. My mother worked full-time, 6-days a week, and my sisters and I were all at different stages of our life, academically and socially. We were a tight-knit gang of 4—supporting each other every step of the way, but I’d be lying if I said things were easy.
There were times where I answered the phone and the bank was calling about money owed, times when I needed money for a school trip and the funds just weren’t there, times when I woke up in the middle of the night and heard my mom crying, quietly in her room. There were memories that I look back on and wonder if there were things I could have changed. But, there are traits and lessons I have learned, throughout the years, that made me realize that growing up with a single mother was the biggest blessing I could have been given.
How to manage my money.
My mother worked very hard to make sure that my sisters and I had everything we needed. But, working on a single income in New York City with three kids is not easy. In fact, my mom had to budget the sh*t out of her paycheck every single month to make sure she had enough to cover rent, food, electric, clothes, extracurricular funds, etc. Everyone in my family laughs and calls my mom the “bargain hunter,” but, she’s taught me the value of always looking for a less-expensive route in all that I do. Now, as an adult who has moved out on my own, I’m always looking for sales, looking at circular fliers, and trying to get everything for the lowest price possible. In the end, it only pays off—literally.
Recently, single people on Reddit have been sharing the best parts about being single and honestly—it’ll make you want to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend and live that life.
1.
I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I can spend money on myself with zero regard for what anyone else thinks. I don’t have to factor anyone else into my plans or life decisions.
Not getting dragged into lame events with her family that essentially ruin my weekend.
“Oh no, I totally want to drive three hours and hangout with your family this weekend. I had these crazy plans to relax, maybe go for a bike ride, have some beers by pool, go to a movie with our friends, etc. But you’re right, lets drive three hours away to listen to your family argue about politics, eat bland food, and sleep on a futon. Sounds great.”
the fact that I have no obligations to anyone on a daily basis (outside of my family and shit). all I gotta do is worry about myself. also I get to use all my money for me
That stuff can just happen. If I want to change my entire weekend plans, bam – done. If I stumble upon a thing that happens and want to participate, boom – done. If I don’t want to talk to anyone, ka-blam – done.
I enjoy not worrying about their success. Life can be difficult, so supporting an SO and putting personal struggles on the back burner to do so can be exhausting.
What I liked most about the single life vs. living together with my ex, is getting solid alone time. I like hanging out with people, but I need one or two nights a week just being by myself to keep sane.
I love that I’m no longer being emotionally tortured and made to feel like I’m not any sort of priority, even to the person I made to be my priority. Now I’m the most important person in my world, and I can do whatever I want with no compromises.
Recently, Cardi B opened up on Twitter slightly about struggling with anxiety. Even after a top-notch year for the female rapper—producing an award-winning album, giving birth to her daughter Kulture, and killing it all around, Cardi suffers from mental health struggles just like any other person in society.
But, fans all over the world reached out to both Cardi and Missy, sharing their love and prayers for both women and sharing the endless love that they have for both female rappers. Many also thanked them for opening up about something like this so that people who also suffer from anxiety feel less alone in their struggle.
It’s great that strong women like you two share this b/c it connects us together. I believe there is strong presence of bad energy out there & it affects some of us more than others. Breathe deep. Be present to the good out there. 💜🕉💯‼️
This is obvious. Sometimes, you get to the point of being stressed out where you have slight bouts of insomnia and that’s when you know there’s problem, and trust me, this has happened to me so many times now, it’s ridiculous. What I’ve been making a habit of doing is actually ending my day an hour earlier if possible. I don’t have to fall asleep right away, but I’ll get in bed at 11 P.M. instead of at midnight. I’ll start my nighttime facial cleansing routine earlier to let my body know that it’s time for bed. Any work that I haven’t completed by then can wait until the next day.
2. You don’t drink enough water.
Drinking a proper amount of water honestly is the easiest thing to do, and it’s the best thing. I carry a refillable water bottle in my bag every day, and I make sure it has labels of how much water I’ve drunk that day so I know if I’m behind on my water consumption. Drinking the right amount of water each day can honestly make up for the damage lack of sleep does to your skin, and what forgetting to eat balanced meals can do to your body (use this to supplement, but not to replace!!).
3. You forget to eat proper meals.
Ugh. Getting three meals and two snacks in every day is a struggle with a capital S. I am the queen of forgetting to eat but guys, that’s not good. Not eating ruins your focus and makes you tired and feel physically weak, and you don’t need that when you’re trying to conquer the world. Meal prep, plan out snacks or make smoothies ahead of time to grab on your way out the door. Anything helps!!
This was a problem I faced a lot when I was constantly at work and school, and it was actually affecting me more than I realized. Not getting enough produce in your diet really messes up your vitamin levels and blood sugar. My lack of nutrients on top of immense stress was literally causing me to lose hair, and it was the worst. I’ve started keeping bags of frozen fruits and veggies in my freezer, and it allows me to easily eat them with every meal. I’m obsessed.
5. You’re constantly surrounded by darkness.
If your mood suffers when Daylight Savings occurs, being in dark rooms just makes everything way worse. Turn on the lights, open the curtains, buy a light therapy box, and get outside as much as possible. Even the slightest bit of sunlight every day helps your mood and stress levels, I promise.
I used to be the worst about letting toxic people stay in my life and it was so bad for me, my energy, and my health. Making the decision to remove negative people and energy from my life was literally the best decision. I haven’t felt this emotionally light and been surrounded by such good vibes in so long. Surround yourself with people who love you and who radiate positivity. It’ll do wonders for your mood and health.
7. Everything around you is cluttered and messy.
You can’t expect to have a clear mind if your space is messy and full of stuff. It’s a huge sign, for me, that I haven’t been taking proper care of myself when my room gets really messy. You don’t have to deep clean your entire house in the middle of finals season, but making sure your desk space or kitchen or room is cleared of any visible garbage or clutter really really makes a difference in how you think and focus.
I don’t mean, hardcore, weight-loss-as-your-goal type of exercise. I mean literal body movement. If you’re sitting at a desk working all day, every day, it becomes really straining on your body and your mind. Take the stairs instead of taking the elevator. Go for a little walk once a day to get your blood flowing. Join a gym to motivate you to get moving (crazy, I know). Working out is honestly the best form of therapy for me- it helps me think clearly, and it gives me an excuse to take a break from working.
9. You don’t take any breaks.
This is so important. Working for eight hours straight seems like a productive idea, but your mind and body will just be drained without frequent breaks. Taking care of yourself can be as simple as taking a 30-minute break every few hours to eat, stretch, drink water, scroll through Instagram, clear your desk, book a flight somewhere, you get it.
10. Without realizing it, you’ve been isolating yourself from people.
This, for me, is a big red flag. When I find myself not talking to people and constantly keeping to myself, I know that something’s going on. As introverted as I tend to be, socializing is really good for my mental state, and avoiding it to do work all day long is really dangerous.
11. Your mood has made a shift in the last few weeks.
Constant stress and a heavy workload can lead to a shift in mood, especially if you suffer from Seasonal Depression. This is also a red flag for me to know that I’m not prioritizing myself. If I find myself constantly anxious and depressed, I know that it’s time to take a step back and re-prioritize myself. Your health is more important than the amount of work that you need to complete in a day, I promise. There’s always another day to finish up whatever you need to.
12. Your skin isn’t glowing as much as it used to.
You know you’re lacking in the self-care department when your skin starts to look dull and bumpy. This is what I try to avoid, being someone who grew up with really bad acne (been there, done that. Don’t wanna look back, ever). I used to neglect my skincare routine, but it only made me feel worse because neglecting my skin led to me having less than stellar skin, which led me to feel way less confident in myself, and nobody wants that.
Whenever I hit a stressful period of time, I find myself unable to rest, ever. I’m constantly on edge and I can never sleep at night or even chill when I’m taking a break from doing work. This is how I know that I have to reset my routine and get back into one that prioritizes me and my health more.
For some reason in today’s society, the girl who feels too much, too soon into a relationship is the one who is prone to getting her heart shattered. Everyone will tell you that getting attached to someone—investing your time and efforts towards another person—will ultimately scare the said person away. They’ll think you want too much, too soon. They’ll stop calling, they’ll stop texting, the dates will become more infrequent in time before they completely stop altogether. So, if this is the solid truth in society—what’s a girl to really do when she feels something for someone? Act heartless and emotionally detached? Talk herself out of something that makes her feel alive?
Absolutely not.
Contrary to what many may tell you, becoming attached to someone is the furthest thing from weak. In fact, it means that you’re a pretty strong person – here’s why:
When you begin to invest your time and emotions into someone, it’s a pretty big step in life. I’m a firm believer that giving someone your time is more important than giving them anything else. The only thing we truly do have control over in our own lives is how we choose to spend our time. With life always being chaotic and hectic as we get older—working, seeing our families, seeing our friends, school, exams, going to the gym, watching our shows—it seems to happen that we have less and less free time available. When you decided to use those slivers of time you have with another person, it’s a big deal.
The more you invest your time in them, the more you’ll inevitably invest yourself and your emotions in them as well. When we fall in love with someone, it’s a universal truth that we begin to give ourselves to them – whether we mean to, or not. We start to include them as part of our lives, make them a priority in our decisions, our plans – our long-term future.
This moment, when we begin to let somebody into our world, takes the most strength. You’re opening up your safe-zone—your world—to somebody and trusting them not to break anything. You’re letting them into your heart and giving them the chance to hurt you—while trusting them not to.
Personally, I believe that takes more balls than it does to just walk away from someone you have potential with. If anything, society has it all wrong. Walking away from someone who can very well turn out to be one of the best things to ever happen to you in fear of being hurt is the ultimate definition of weak.
Sometimes in life, you have to take risks—blindly jump into the open abyss, unsure if whether you’ll fall or fly. Only the coward will watch from the sidelines, fearfully wondering “what if.” It takes a strong person to put themselves out there, not watching life happen but actually making it happen.
So many times in life, I let little (and big) things drain me. When I’m bothered by something, I let it consume me to the point of no return. I overthink it, I underthink it, I think sideways and backward about it. When something hurts me, offends me, or puts me in a mental space that I don’t like, I immediately react to it—as though someone flipped a switch on my attitude and put a black cloud of rain over my head. My entire day becomes a sequence of verbally spewing the things that bothered me over and over again to anyone who will listen. My entire aura around me becomes disrupted and anything that could make me happy just doesn’t.
The more this happens to me, the more it bothers me. I don’t want to be the person that has a hot trigger on every single part of them. I don’t want to be the girl that gets angry on a whim, who lets every little thing in life get under her skin and drive her mad. Not only is it unhealthy for my mental health, but it puts a bad vibe around me—one that people don’t want to be around.
This year, I’m slowly learning that everything in life that bothers me doesn’t need to disrupt my energy. I’m slowly learning that everything that happens in life does not warrant a reaction from me.
Allowing negative energy to invade my space gives other people and other situations power over me. It allows others to have the power to bring me down and ruin my day. It’s allowing someone to live in my mind—rent free—just because they did something that ticked me off. Reacting to everything that people do wrong won’t make them do things right, it’ll just make me angry.
Instead of complaining, or yelling, or reacting to situations that upset me, I’m learning to rise above it all. I take it all in—realize that whatever has happened has annoyed me and choose to let it go. I roll it off my shoulders, I put it in a safe place, and close the box on it, lock and key.
In life, people think that saying nothing means that you’re a doormat—easy to walk all over and easy to take advantage of. But this year, I’m deciding that saying nothing means you’re a wall—a brick wall—one that cannot be blown over at the sight of adversity and struggle.
Reacting to everything in life won’t change what has happened. It won’t make people love me anymore. It won’t rewind time to fix the situation. Reacting to everything will only drain me—mentally and emotionally. It will allow me to sink below the surface with weights tied to my ankles, struggling to get back to the surface. It will surround my life with grays, and blacks—dull and dark.
This year, instead of letting everyone invade my space, I’m letting things go.
I do not expect you to understand. I know you don’t know what it’s like to question everything... Every decision, every single thing you’ve said, every facial expression.
Or what it’s like to wake up so exhausted every single day, to go through life with what feels like an invisible weighted blanket on top of you. I know it is hard to fathom the never-ending doubt and self-hatred, and the ever-nagging question of if the people who tell you they love you actually do.
I don’t expect you to know what it’s like to lie awake every night — compulsively thinking over every moment, every detail of your day, only to then begin thinking of the interactions with the people during that day, just to then start thinking about all the other interactions you’ve ever had with those people, and so on and so forth until you only have 3 hours to sleep before you start your day again.
I don’t want you to know these things. I don’t want you to feel that sadness that feels like a black hole in your chest slowly sucking all of you inward, to the point of you worrying about completely losing yourself in it.
You shouldn’t know how it feels when people who claimed to love you throw your illness in your face to hurt you… I don’t want you to know how it feels when someone you gave a portion of your heart to keep safe and love, tells you that you’re crazy and that you clearly can’t be successful in life.
I don’t wish for you to understand because for you to understand it means you also live with it.
What I would like is a simple acknowledgment that you and I live (and love) differently. That there is something that makes us not the same, beyond what you can see. I know that it is difficult to understand what you can’t see. I know you are only taking my word on how daily life is a struggle.
I know that you also have struggles, and feel anxiety, and feel sad or down. But… You do not know what it is like to have every moment be defined and shaped by the literal never-ending cycle of anxiety and depression.
I know it is asking a lot for you to just give me the benefit of the doubt, just know that I am doing the best I can. I know it’s frustrating because you are capable of handling situations with more grace and with more control and calm than I. But I am asking you to have patience.
It’s like you’re a sea turtle and I’m a land turtle; we’re both turtles, but our capabilities are different. I am what I am and I can do what I can do. Just because you are made differently and wired differently does not mean you can bully me into just being like you.
Know that I do cherish any laugh I have, any smile I make, any moment where just for a second the weight of anxiety and depression is slightly lessened.
Please just love and accept me, though I am different from you. I need that love. I need that acceptance. More than I could ever verbalize to you. More than you could ever know.