This Guy’s Story About His Psycho Ex Is So Insane, I Need 10 Therapy Sessions To Deal With It

When we hear stories about people’s “crazy exes,” at first, we’re skeptical. But, the more we hear about their psycho ways, the more we realize it’s safer to never date anyone at all, ever, than to end up in a relationship with someone who is this crazy. Twitter user @Hoemar___  took us on a journey of ridiculous twists and turns when he decided to share the story of his psycho ex with all of his followers.

As if this wasn’t bad enough, it gets even worse.

11 Things to Know before Dating the Slightly Jealous Type

We jealous girls get a bad rap, but we’re usually only jealous for a super good reason. Yeah, yeah, we all know that a healthy relationship is built on trust and all that good stuff, but look: we’re only jealous because people have given us reason to be jealous in the past. We’re trying to get a handle on it, but you’ve got to meet us halfway:

1. Let us know we’re safe.

Many people are jealous because they don’t feel secure in their relationship; but it’s not you, it’s us! We want to trust you, we just need you to put in a little extra effort to make us feel safe and secure. People who feel safe never need to go through their partner’s text messages.

2. Don’t tell us we’re crazy.

Ok, we can be a tad irrational, and sometimes jump to conclusions, but no one likes to be told they’re nuts. We’re not crazy, and we just know our worth and don’t want our feelings ignored.

3. We’ve been hurt before.

Jealousy rarely comes from nowhere. If we’re suspicious, we probably started out naïve—and probably a little too trusting. It’s not your fault that other guys are all lying monsters… but we can’t help it if we’ve had a few less-than-trustworthy lovers in the past.

4. It’s not always a sign of insecurity.

Maybe we just really like you! No one’s about to argue that jealousy is a winning characteristic, but hey—we wouldn’t be bent out of shape over someone we didn’t like, right?

5. We’ll shower you with affection.

Jealous people tend to overcompensate with fawning affection. See? We’re not mad at you, we baked you a cake! We should save a piece for that hot receptionist you say is just a co-worker!

6. No yelling.

We won’t yell if you don’t. If you get mad when we ask for reassurance, it just looks real suspicious.

7. None of that open relationship stuff.

Yeah, that’s not our jam. Don’t even ask.

8. We’re trying not to make a big deal out of things.

Well, you don’t want to date a doormat, do you? But really, we’re not trying to make a big deal out of the way you look at your roommate’s girlfriend. But it would help if you stopped looking at her like that.

9. Don’t hide things from us.

You need your space, we get that—but if you’re constantly telling us we can’t hang with your friends or look in your closet, we’re going to go crazy. And, as established, we’d really prefer not to seem crazy.

10. And, y’know, don’t flirt with other people.

Pretty simple. Yeah, we know that world is full of chill girls who don’t mind some harmless, extracurricular flirting… but that’s not us. Hey, you get to date us, and we’re pretty awesome, so don’t complain.

11. Just talk to us.

It’s corny, but communication is the most important thing in keeping love alive. Just be open and honest with us, and we’ll do the same.

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