10 Life-Changing Lessons You Learn After a Toxic Relationship

Although everyone’s experience is different, there is no doubt that getting your heart broken leaves you vulnerable and alone. This heartbreak is what forced me to discover myself again. I’m still picking up the pieces of myself, but it gets easier with time. In my own struggles, I’ve learned a thing or two about toxic relationships and love.

1. People never change, regardless of what they promise.

I’ve been cheated on, lied to, and manipulated by the same guy one too many times. Right before I left for college, my ex had gotten me a ring which served as his promise to me that we would have a clean slate.

He promised me that he was done talking to other girls and he would never cheat on me again. I believed him. However, I found out that he was telling other girls that we were broken up before we actually were. Long distance was hard enough without learning that.

2. Not everyone deserves a second chance.

The first time I gave my ex a second chance was when he lied to me about who he had gotten a house with his second year at college; it was with all girls. I should have left after I found this out because it was the beginning of a completely toxic relationship.

After I gave him his first-second chance, we were together for another year and a half. That time consisted of too many more second chances. I now know that one-second chance is enough. It might even be one chance too many.

3. Breakups are never 100% one person’s fault.

With everything that I have said, it is still not 100% his fault we broke up. I made mistakes too and I’ll admit to that.

I kept my guy friends that I knew made him uncomfortable, I didn’t communicate with him as much as I should’ve when I went off to college, I didn’t tell him that I loved him enough, I wasn’t always there when he needed me. I made mistakes too.

4. Appreciate the nights you stay in.

I often took for granted the nights that we would stay in, but now that was broken up, it’s those nights that I miss the most. I miss the nights where we would stay in, just the two of us talking late into the night.

I have learned that it is in those simple nights where you truly connect with one another. It’s that connection I found with him that I am scared I will never find again. It is this connection that kept me in the relationship for so long.

5. Texts can be misinterpreted.

There were times where I believed my ex when he said “I’m okay” when I shouldn’t have. Towards the end of our relationship, my ex said things like “It’s okay if we talk tomorrow,” when it never was.

I should have never listened to him because who knows what would have happened if I called him instead of texting him. Texts can be misinterpreted and therefore I hate texting.

6. Communication is key.

You may know that you love your partner and you may believe that everything is okay, but your partner needs to hear that too. I wish I’d done this more with my ex because now, I’m afraid that he doesn’t know how much I truly looked up to him.

My ex really did inspire me but I never told him that. Don’t keep your thoughts to yourself, communicate with your partner because you will regret not doing so later.

7. Trust your partner.

I trusted my ex until he gave me a reason not to, but I don’t think he knew that. I think the reason why he lied to me the first time was that he believed that I didn’t trust him. Trust your partner and make sure that they are aware that you trust them.

Trust is so important in a relationship. I learned this the hard way. A lack in trust will slowly break a couple apart from the inside out and I promise you that it will be painful.

8. Respect yourself.

I wish I’d had enough respect for myself a year ago to walk away from my toxic relationship. We settle for the love we think we deserve and now I know that I deserve so much more than what my ex gave me.

With this being said, the beginning of our relationship was good but neither of us deserved what we put each other through in the end. Know when to walk away.

9. Don’t put your dreams on hold.

I let my ex hold me back. It is because of him that I did not apply to a school on the east coast and it is because of him that I am just now joining the army. Don’t let your partner hold you back. Live your life for you and no one else.

10. Letting go is just as important as loving

Letting go is hard, but it’s also making me stronger. I can’t dwell on the past if I want to focus on the present and work towards the future. I am letting go of the love that I thought was right for me, and who knows maybe someday that love will be right, but for now, I am letting go.

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Playing Your Song

Let’s start from the end of the story and work our way back to the beginning. A miracle happened, you came back. One look at you and my questions were answered. I was a wanderer’s daughter and you were a rolling stone.

It was an exciting time-the universe heard me after 19 years! My dad was here, and as a bonus, I had a half-brother. How could this all be happening to me? I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I had a big extended family all of a sudden: countless cousins, uncles, aunts. The picture-perfect life that I prayed for was here. It was everything I wanted. It was everything that everyone else had growing up. I was finally like everyone else.

The truth is that I had no clue what I was in for upon your return.

Three months passed. We were together every weekend. You were carefree, confident, and always had people around– I had so much fun with you. Life was a party, and you were the planner. That was your lifestyle; you dropped in and you left. You never stayed anywhere too long.

I remember very little of our time together. On one occasion, Ivisited you in Mastic Shirley. When it was time for me to head home you drove me to the LIRR. It was snowing that night, but the train was coming in a few minutes so we said goodbye and I’ll see you next weekend. There were no trains that night. All train schedules were canceled. I was left alone. Again. This time on a train track freezing and far away from home. Eventually, you returned after a family member contacted you endlessly. On your return, you were happy to see me and absent-minded of your careless behavior. I realized then I was just another passing person you dropped off at the train. I wasn’t your daughter that you left at the train station.

That night we returned to your house, and you started playing music and loud. We were hanging out. He liked rock music. You said to me, “Whenever I heard this song. I thought of you; this is your song.” The loud music tripled, and the house vibrated. Sweet Child of Mine by Guns and Roses started playing. With my seat shaking, I remember looking at him. That was my moment. The only moment I clearly remember.

The storm passed the following day, and my father and half-brother drove me to the train station once again. They waited for the train to come and watched me walk onto the train this time. We all said goodbye, and I would see them both the next weekend. I hopped on the train and headed home to Queens.

My father died that week. It was a sudden death- years of excessive hard drug use, alcoholism, and from what I saw that night, a broken heart finally took its toll.

From the moment I met my father all I could dream about was the endless exciting scenarios in my head.

• My Wedding Day I would have a dad to walk me down the aisle!

• Dating The guys would surely not getaway with too much anymore! I had a dad and a brother now. I had backup.

• Children When I have children they will have a grandfather now!

My point is the fairytale didn’t work out in my favor. And that’s ok. I write this for anyone that has moments of asking, “What could have been?” or “How could this happen to me? The lesson I learned is that some people are only capable of giving a little. That doesn’t mean that they don’t love you or want to be in your life. It’s simple–they are not capable of giving you the big world you deserve.

Don’t let your daydreams fuck you. Take the time and meditate on granting second chances to people. Just because someone comes back does NOT mean you have to take them back.

He had blue eyes, lived free, lived hard, liked rock music, and in the spaces in between, he listened to Sweet Child Of Mine and thought of me. He showed me that love is demonstrated in unconventional ways sometimes. And I am so grateful for that lesson.

Playing your song…Where do we go now? We move on. Dimensions now separate us. We are together but apart.

My dear friend, thank you for my song. I love it with all of my heart.

About The Author

Dee Marian’s writing is inspired by her life experiences and holds an undeniable tone of honesty. Described by some as a sweet, dynamic, and vibrant soul, she is energized by speaking her truth in hopes that another reader can feel connected to her by collective experience.

Your Partner Should Always Stand Up For You, Even When You’re In The Wrong

Your Partner Should Have Your Back

There are many times throughout your life when you are going to butt heads with other people or be judged by others. It’s not always going to be your fault, but, there are occurrences that will arise in which you are on “trial” with other people in your life. People will come at you, full force, if they think you’re in the wrong. But, who can you turn to when you feel the entire world is against you?

Who are you to go to for support and a helping hand when people would rather see you broken, beat, and bent than thriving? Especially, when we’re the ones who have screwed up.

Many times in a relationship, we turn to our partner for love and suppor. Especially when we feel as though we’re being attacked. We look to our significant others for comfort, for guidance, and for above all—support. Many question, however, what the right thing to do is if your significant other needs support, but they are the ones who are in the wrong. Does being in a relationship with someone mean always standing up for them, even if they are the ones who have f*cked up?

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15 Pieces of Advice I Wish I Had Been Given at Sixteen

1) Not everyone is going to be your friend.

There are people out there who will use your friendship to their advantage, and then drop you like a bad habit when they’re through with you. There are few people you will actually encounter who will be genuinely true friends to you, but when you find them, hold on to them.

2) Boys are jerks.

Though I probably did hear this tidbit of advice before, I wish they had said it a little firmer. Boys at sixteen don’t think with their head – at least not the one attached to their neck. They care about one thing, and they don’t care if they hurt you as long as they’re satisfied.

3) You do not owe anyone in this world anything.

There are people who will come in your life and make you feel like you owe them for things they have done for you. You don’t owe anyone a damned thing. You are in control of your own life.

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7 Ways Your Life Gets Better When You Stop Taking Sh*t Personally.

Life is far too short to dwell on the actions of others. When you take things to heart, you slowly become resentful, bitter, and distrustful of the people around you. So take off the shackles of victimization and learn to live and let live:

1. You learn that it’s not all about you.

It’s a liberating feeling when you discover it’s not all about you. You are the center of your own universe: your movements, your actions, your philosophy are geared towards your own life, and none of that is in place to purposefully harm others. This is the same for everyone, and once you come to that realization, everything suddenly becomes a whole lot easier.

2. You connect with people.

Shrugging off the burden of analysing, over-analysing and re-analysing others’ actions brings about a fresh perspective. You become free to engage with a clean slate, with no point scoring or one upping, and this change of tact will draw people towards you. Your demeanor becomes calm, your personality becomes relaxed and all of a sudden you’re free to forge connections with the people in your life that could have never existed previously.

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If I Can’t Have Perfect, Then Perfectly Imperfect

Planning

I vividly remember laying in bed, and thinking, planning is the more accurate word, my life out, the night after I graduated high school. It wasn’t a plan I had just thought about that night, no it was one that I had thought about all junior and senior year. I thought about it every second until I left my parents house that summer to go to school.

I was set on what I was going to do- major in journalism, become a reporter, get married, have a family, live happily ever after. That was my plan and at 18, I knew that’s what I was going to do. Then, I went off to school, hated journalism. I hate it. I spent way to much time partying, and not near enough time hitting the books, and figuring out Part B of the plan, since Part A clearly wasn’t working.

I refused to give up on Part A.

I refused to seek other avenues, admit there were other options for me, even attempt to look at them, because I had been so set on journalism and that course since I was 18. And I started dating a boy, let him distract me even more. Because I was head over hills for him. And I let all/any of the first part of my plan, slip through my fingers, because I refused to acknowledge that there was a way to amend my perfect little plan.

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Single People Are Sharing What They Love Most About Being Single And It’s Legit Making Couples Jealous

Many people go through life looking to find that “perfect someone.” Society has created the ideology that the true measure of success lies with finding someone to spend your life with. However, not everyone in life is out there looking for a significant other. In fact,there are people all over the world who are happy and content being single. And while they are often looked down on for “forever alone,” there are a lot of great things about flying solo.

Recently, single people on Reddit have been sharing the best parts about being single and honestly—it’ll make you want to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend and live that life.

1.

I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I can spend money on myself with zero regard for what anyone else thinks. I don’t have to factor anyone else into my plans or life decisions.

–TheCorvus303

2.

Everything in my car and apartment is exactly where it should be.

–Scrappy_Larue

3.

Being able to sleep diagonally across my bed, so much space !

–spicednut

4.

i don’t have to chose between hanging with my friends or my SO

–CLEAN_WATER_

5.

Not getting dragged into lame events with her family that essentially ruin my weekend.

“Oh no, I totally want to drive three hours and hangout with your family this weekend. I had these crazy plans to relax, maybe go for a bike ride, have some beers by pool, go to a movie with our friends, etc. But you’re right, lets drive three hours away to listen to your family argue about politics, eat bland food, and sleep on a futon. Sounds great.”

–JohnyUtah_

6.

I’m free of the constant anxiety of if I’m being a good boyfriend.

–BlanketCop

7.

All of my shit is exactly where I left it when I get home.

My bed is still made, my dishes are still done, my food is still there, my clothes are still clean, and nothing is missing from my cash stash.

If I want to stay up late and watch movies or listen to music, I can.

If I want to go to bed early, and use the whole damn bed, I can.

If I want to go out and have a few drinks with my friends, I can.

I never have to laugh at unfunny memes’ found on FaceBook, or explain why I’m laughing so hard at anything.

I never have to justify my joy.

I’m my own person. Full, complete, and content.

And no one can drain that from me.

–helljack

8.

the fact that I have no obligations to anyone on a daily basis (outside of my family and shit). all I gotta do is worry about myself. also I get to use all my money for me

–ConnorOB1522

9.

That stuff can just happen. If I want to change my entire weekend plans, bam – done. If I stumble upon a thing that happens and want to participate, boom – done. If I don’t want to talk to anyone, ka-blam – done.

–frerky5

10.

Nobody is cheating on me.

–Latter45

11.

Not having to share your food.

–spiderBlastoise

12.

I enjoy not worrying about their success. Life can be difficult, so supporting an SO and putting personal struggles on the back burner to do so can be exhausting.

–Minnesota-

13.

not having to worryabout texting someone back

–pandapwz

14.

Being carefree and careless

–LeftHandBandito_

15.

Not to have buying presents and gifts for your girlfriend/boyfriend.

–TorfinnD

16.

I can fart whenever.

No guilt.

–Mwuuh

17.

What I liked most about the single life vs. living together with my ex, is getting solid alone time. I like hanging out with people, but I need one or two nights a week just being by myself to keep sane.

–rbbdrooger

18.

The fact that I can just talk to my (female) friends and no-one gets jealous or gets the wrong impression.

–sybert123

19.

I can masturbate to anyone i want

–Zoiidy

20.

I love that I’m no longer being emotionally tortured and made to feel like I’m not any sort of priority, even to the person I made to be my priority. Now I’m the most important person in my world, and I can do whatever I want with no compromises.

–Crownfall

h/t: Reddit

20 Things You Only Understand If You Love Spending Time Alone

There are two kinds of people in this world—those who love to be surrounded by people all of the time, whether they are out, home, or on the go, and those who love being alone in their silence, solitude, and bed. Not to say that one person is better than the other, but they are total polar opposites. Some people love human contact, others despise it. And, there are just somethings you totally understand if you’re a “me, myself, and I” person.

1. Being alone means there is absolutely zero judgment at all. Zero. None. Negative none.

2. You can walk around without pants on and not have to worry about a damn thing.

3. You can eat whatever you want, at any time of day, and have no one to tell you otherwise. Ice cream for breakfast? Bring on the damn sprinkles.

4. You have a list of excuses that you run through on a regular basis to get out of plans with people you really don’t want to do—like, your mom needs help moving, your sister needs you to babysit the kids, your super is coming to fix the kitchen sink.

5. Ordering food for one is way cheaper than ordering for two-three and having to figure out how to split the Seamless/Postmates bill.

6. You know vegging out on the couch with your show to binge watch with some wine is way better than having to go to a club and rub up against sweaty and annoying strangers who keep touching you without your permission.

7. There is no pleasure quite like lighting a candle in your bedroom and snuggling under the covers with a good book.

8. Relationships are hard to get into because your personal time is more precious than anything else you can imagine.

9. And, the worst thing you can deal with is dating someone who wants to be with you or see you on an everyday basis. No thank you.

10. You don’t understand why people feel the need to text all day, every day. Having time away from the rest of the world is special.

11. People think that you’re a weirdo or a loner because you’re not always out doing something with other people.

12. But, in reality, you are constantly doing something—just solo.

13. Traveling alone is one of your all-time dreams. And, you have no problem going to a new country all by yourself.

14. You think that people who need to go with someone everywhere (including running errands, or going to the hair salon, or even traveling) are crazy and dependent.

15. People always say you’re the most independent person they’ve ever met.

16. You always people-watch and study body language when you’re out, thinking about their stories and where they come from.

17. You don’t understand why people hate eating by themselves.

18. People never worry about you if they haven’t heard from you in a while because they know you’re always around, just under the radar.

19. The only person you’d ever consider spending your life with is someone who is just as independent as you are because you cannot imagine having to do everything with someone else tied to your side all of the time.

20. You wouldn’t trade your alone time in for anything in the world—except, maybe, a million dollars.

If You’re Feeling Lost in Life, Here’s How You Can Find Your Way

When You Are Feeling Lost

You are constantly facing several adversities in today’s world and sometimes you feel like you’ve lost your sense of purpose or that you don’t even know what your role in life is anymore.

When you feel that way, remember that your life matters more than you can possible imagine and in order to find yourself and achieve your highest potential, all you need is to find those things that’ll push you forward and keep you inspired in your life’s journey.

You can be a badass role model. There’s nothing like owning who you are and embracing your uniqueness. By doing so, you can give your best to others and serve as an example of committing to oneself.

There are different statuses you have in life; a daughter, a girlfriend, a wife, a mother, a cousin, a friend among others. Many of of those relations will certainly be looking at you as a role model.

Be your very best so as to be able to give those who look up to you a good example to emulate and build upon.

You’re capable of such greatness. It is everyone’s dream to be associated with a success story. We all have a purpose and it’s up to you to find out what yours. That should be enough motivation to keep you going and thriving.

When you live life to the fullest you create your own success story. People will admire you for the sacrifices and effort you put in.

There’s always some room for improvement in your life. So go out there and become the change you want. All you need is the willingness to take charge and allow life to show you which path will fulfill you the most and will serve you better in what your ultimate goals are.

You can prove stereotypes wrong. Set yourself free from the bars that society has placed on women. Your driving force should be to attain freedom from these bars and show that women can go places with the right influence and opportunity.

There are still a number of retrospective stereotypes that exist. Some of these stereotypes are against women. You should try your best and prove them wrong.

This desire to go against the tide is a big driving force. You want to go out there and prove that women too can be badasses and can do anything like any other competent individual would.

Keep yourself motivated and kick ass at being who you are.