No Parents, No Joke: Why ‘Daddy Issues’ Aren’t Funny

We’re a part of a generation who is heavy set on the “blame-game.” We have become dependent on placing negative attention elsewhere. For example, a student fails a test? Obviously, it’s the teacher’s fault. Did you cheat on your ex? She made you mad and you were vulnerable that night. A girl who sleeps around? Apparently, she’s looking for love in all the wrong places. (Chill. Maybe she just enjoys sex. Guys don’t get questioned about it, so why should she?)

But there’s one comment that tags along with this and it never fails to make my blood boil – this is what happens when your dad doesn’t love you. I see picture after picture of young girls doing promiscuous things and the captions are always something along the lines of when your dad doesn’t love you enough, or thank you to all the dead-beat dads. Since when was this a matter worth joking about? Lacking sufficient parental guidance is funny nowadays?

There is an abundance of statistics involving the long-term effects that paternal neglect could have on a child, specifically in this case, a daughter. Father involvement provides females with positive male/female relationships and increased self-respect. One study done on women in their early 20’s shows that “participants expressed difficulties forming healthy relationships with men and they associated these difficulties with their experiences of father absence,” while another study shows that a girl who portrays a higher involvement with her father is less likely to partake in sexual activities before the age of 16.

We need to realize that paternal issues affect men just as much as they affect women. Jokes are always promoting the sexualizing of girls with “daddy issues,” but we neglect to realize that boys without father figures are just as likely to develop certain issues; socially, behaviorally, and emotionally. According to a survey reported by the U.S Census Bureau, “24 million children in America – one out of every three – live in biological father-absent homes.” 1/3 of children grow up without a father. One in three. This DOES NOT exclude boys. Boys with non-active/abusive fathers grow to be more hostile, and more prone to juvenile incarceration. But you don’t see anyone looking at an incarcerated teenager and think “thank god for the dead-beat dads,” do you? No. Because it doesn’t get you laid. And if it gets you laid, I guess it’s okay to joke about.

It’s sad how little we try to sympathize, and how quickly we joke about something that affects people’s lives forever. “Daddy issues” are serious and should never be the joke of slut-shaming. Why, do you ask? Let me explain.

Number 1 – Just because someone is sexually active doesn’t mean she has parental problems underlying her free choice to accept and explore the intimate side of her humanity.

Number 2 – If someone DOES have parental problems, why do we feel the need to judge? I’m sure none of us would want memes portraying our personal problems.

Number 3 – Try to imagine yourself attempting to fill a void, and wind up being the brunt of a joke that took over the generation. It’s not that funny anymore, is it?

Let’s get serious – there’s nothing funny about a broken home. I’m sure this era can survive with some other form of ill-mannered humor. It’s time to put the insensitivity behind us.

This article originally appeared on Unwritten.

I Am Slowly Learning To Lose Control

I am slowly learning to lose control.

I feel myself slipping, releasing my grip on everything that seems to give me power, falling without rescue. The descent is a dizzying whirlwind, an undying headache, a pervasive sense of anxiety that will never subside. But, in my plummet to the ground, lightyears away from the expectations that stifle me, I feel liberated, leaving me with a jittery excitement to discover my destiny.

I am slowly learning to let the universe lead me. Instead of brazenly thrusting myself into the life of my dreams, I am leaving my fate to the capricious will of the stars. I understand that the powers that be know the marks on my soul far more deeply than I know myself. They will let go of what’s not meant to be before I fully understand their plan, but I will allow them gustily open and close the doors of opportunity, steering me in whichever direction they desire. I will let the universe cradle me, rock me, hold me up to my fate as I float through life, uninhibited by my lust for control.

I am slowly learning that what will be, will be. I am willing myself to make peace with what I cannot control, to accept what I cannot change. I am vehemently attempting to see the beauty in the consequences of the decisions the world makes for me, swaying to fit the transient whim of life itself. The samba of c’est la vie enchants the beating of my heart; the chaconne of que sera, sera enraptures the rhythm of my soul. I will dance to life’s tempo alone as it consumes me, leading me through destiny’s music, rocking me to fate’s beat.

I am slowly learning to take life as it comes, to let each day wash over me like the fresh morning dew. I am gradually discovering that each hour is sacred in its lack of expectations, each moment is precious in its absence of control. The days, in their infinite beauty, carry me through life, gently lifting me above my burdens, whispering to me to relinquish my worries. I am discovering that once I allow each day of my life to lift me, hoisting me above the heavens, I no longer suffer under their suffocating weight. In meandering from one day to the next without prospect, without plan, without control, I am light, airy, high, free.

I am slowly learning to lose control, to allow the universe to take ahold of my dreams, to surrender what no longer serves me. I am slowly shedding the burden of expectation as I let fate steer me. I may not fully understand the glyphs written in the stars, dictating my path, but I am choosing to cave to their whim, allowing destiny to consume me as I sway through each day; unbridled, unburdened, and unformed.

This article originally appeared on Thought Catalog.

Even In My Darkest Moments, I Believe That Life Will Get Better

The world feels pitch black, heavy in its seemingly constant fogI am clawing at stability, grasping above the rising waves in complete darkness. But somewhere in the ebony night, I can just make out a glimmer of light because I believe that life will get better.

The world feels harsh, unforgiving in revealing its inner workings. I am lost in the midst of doubt and disbelief, wondering if I can shield myself from the nagging thought that maybe I will never be enough. But deep in my heart, I choose to press on because I believe that life will get better.

The days feel monotonous, tiring in their unceasing routine. I am worried in the wake of my exhaustion, afraid that maybe, I will never discover the powerful sense of fulfillment for which I constantly long. But even as I begin to shut down, I promise myself to never stop searching for the key to contentment because I believe that life will get better.

The hours pass slowly as if time is frozen. I am weakened with every passing moment, fighting the anxious thoughts that threaten to infiltrate my mind, willing myself to breathe steadily, to desperately grasp at any iota of calm I can feel. But even as I struggle to breathe, as I wonder if my humanity is failing me, I attempt to lure myself into a timeless, hazy serenity because I believe that life will get better.

The minutes are unceasing as if they are taunting me in my breathlessness. I find myself longing to feel again, to feel time rushing by, to feel purposeful, to feel whole, to feel fulfilled, to feel distressed, to feel angry, to feel anything besides complete numbness. But as the minutes drone on, as I long to feel sentient again, I discover a spark swelling deep within, urging me to hold onto every moment because I believe that life will get better.

As the weight of the world bears down on me, threatening to break me, I realize that maybe, the darkness enshrouding me isn’t the heartbreaking ending I constantly feared; it’s the bittersweet beginning of a life of opportunity, happiness, and fulfillment. I hold onto hope in the wake of my struggles because I believe that life will get better.

Even in my darkest moments, I believe that life will get better. And, as the weight of the world bears down on you, as you claw at stability, numbly wishing for a life of fulfillment, I hope you believe that life will get better, too.

This article originally appeared on Thought Catalog

To The Girl Who Feels Like She Never Does Anything Right

Being an adult is hard. Being a woman is stressful. Striving to accomplish everything is exhausting. I totally get it. Please take a deep breath. It’s so easy to be your biggest and worst critic, to think that everything you do isn’t right. To compare yourself to everyone else and put yourself down before you even think about building yourself up.

It feels like sometimes your best doesn’t even compare to other people’s worst. You just want to throw in the towel because you’re so discouraged. Please don’t.

You’re only human; you are allowed to make mistakes. You’re allowed to struggle and you’re allowed to learn from these experiences.

You don’t feel like you’re a good enough friend, you can’t get relationships right, you find days you struggle at work or school and there are days you wake up and you just don’t want to get out of bed because you think to yourself, “honestly what is the point?”

I promise you even on your worst days there is someone suffering through the same things. There is another girl out there who is overly stressed, who is to the point of giving up and breaking down in tears.

You have to give yourself more credit than you do. You have to first start believing in yourself before you can expect others to do so.

Wake up in the morning and instead of putting yourself down bring yourself up. Find something good and remind yourself of those qualities.

Life is what you make of it and if you’re constantly putting yourself down you’re going to miss out on so much.

And for those people that are constantly telling you that everything you’re doing and deciding is wrong, so what? Everyone is so quick to pass judgment on others and the things they do without thinking that the words they are spewing out of their mouth have a continuous impact on someone.

You are you and you are enough.

You weren’t born to fit into a box, the world and society are constantly changing and trying to constrict you to conform to be a certain way and no one is always runway ready, in fact, that is rarely the case.

Stop trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations and start living up to your own.

It’s too exhausting to try and be what everyone else wants you to be. Be the person you want to be.

Life isn’t always beautiful, it’s messy and chaotic and sometimes you need two glasses of wine and an entire chocolate bar to get through the day. Sometimes you need to scream and cry and other days you laugh and smile.

I promise you’re not doing everything wrong, it’s just a mindset you’ve let yourself get stuck in and it’s time to break out from it.

Stop worrying about the rest of the world and focus on your own because you’ll never be enough for everyone. You’ll never please the masses and that’s okay.

Don’t give up. Take a step back, take a deep breath. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to smile and you deserve to be and do whatever the hell you want.

I know that it’s hard to accept that fact, I know it’s easy to shrug and roll your eyes and feel defeated but you’re not. You are stronger and smarter than you think.

It’s time to stop focusing on all the negative and rechanneling that energy into something positive.

Love yourself, I promise it is okay, you’re not getting it all wrong and you’re doing much better than you give yourself credit for.

I Am Slowly Learning What It Means To Be Okay

I am slowly learning what it means to be okay.

It seemed to be an unfading happiness, a joy that tears could never squelch. An inextinguishable self-love. An indubitably fulfilling life.

“Okay” was a panacea, a remedy for every conceivable personal ill. A life devoid of problems, mental roadblocks, and perpetual sadness. It was health. It was love. It was perfection. It was a journey; extraordinarily simplistic at first appearance, but nearly impossible to reach.

The seemingly perfect “okay” I sought was nothing but a fantasy, an ideal conceptualization awash in a haze of temptingly alluring lies. I am slowly discovering that being okay is an art form, a balancing act, a dance, a marriage of joy and melancholy.

It’s no longer feeling numb in the wake of life’s problems, but never being fully able to reach the glowing warmth of true happiness. It’s an ember that gradually warms the heart but gradually flickers out as the sadness returns to envelop your mind.

It’s refusing to hate your body and your mind, but not fully loving yourself. It’s looking in the mirror, acknowledging your appearance and walking away as you valiantly fight off the negative thoughts that are bound to invade your mind and refuse to let go.

It’s wondering if you should leave your job, but convincing yourself to stay. It’s resolving to make the most of your circumstances instead of seeking a new path. It’s accepting your decision not to move forward without true happiness, but without regret.

It’s resigning yourself to a life of “almost relationships.” It’s constantly bouncing between “single” and “it’s complicated” without constantly thinking about finding “the one.” It’s seeing an influx of engagements and marriages, but no longer wondering when your will find your forever person.

It’s acknowledging that your life proceeds on its own timeline. It’s no longer wishing that you were somewhere else in life, even though you don’t love where you currently stand. It’s attempting not to compare yourself to others, even if you don’t always succeed.
It’s complacency. It’s resignation. It’s acceptance.

It’s feeling caught in a hazy limbo between who you are and who you could become, not seeking out change, but no longer feeling completely numb as you ponder your life choices. It’s feeling joy and sadness in tandem as you reflect on your life. It’s experiencing the contentment that arrives after tremendous pain, the simple sparks of emotion that remind you that you are sentient.

Being okay is embracing the monotony inherent in living. Being okay is knowing that no matter where you are or how you feel, you are enough.

10 Ways Spending Too Much Time Together Will F**k Up Your Relationship

Being in a relationship means you’ve found someone you want to spend all your time with. You miss them like crazy when they aren’t around and you’d text them all day long if you could. Sounds like exactly what we’re all looking for, right? Maybe in theory that sounds great, but in reality, spending too much time with someone can actually cause a lot of problems. Ideally, you should find someone who you genuinely want to spend tons of time with, but not actually spend all that time with them. Here’s how overdoing it can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship.

1. They become your whole world.

If you do literally everything with your significant other, you probably don’t have many experiences or memories that don’t include them. Not that it’s a bad thing to experience life with the person you love–of course it isn’t. But at the same time, it’s okay to do things without them too. There are plenty of people in the world, so why limit yourself to having a close relationship with only one? Basically, your Instagram deserves more than just couple selfies.

2. You start neglecting your friends.

It’s only natural to make your boyfriend your top priority, but that doesn’t mean you should be letting your friendships fizzle out for him. Your friendships are going to change as you get older because everyone is busy with their careers and following their own path. But no one is too busy to catch up over drinks once a month — I don’t care what they say. You don’t have to be attached at the hip to stay friends, you just have to adjust. Don’t let your relationship get in the way of that — you might regret it.

3. You get too comfortable.

When you spend all your time together, you start taking each other’s presence for granted. It’s definitely not a bad thing to be comfortable with the person you’re dating, but being too comfortable can mean you aren’t trying anymore. You just assume everything is fine and you’re together no matter what. But that’s not how healthy relationships work — you always have to be putting the effort in to make things better than fine.

4. You run out of things to talk about.

If you go to all the same restaurants, see every movie together and spend all your down time together, what are you going to talk about? Of course, there are always current events and your plans for the future, but sometimes it’s nice to spend some time apart just to get that feeling of excitement to fill them in on something funny that happened.

5. You never have a chance to miss each other.

Missing someone is actually a pretty good sign that you love them. Not to mention, the reunion after spending some time apart is always a great feeling. Spending every second together means you no longer know what it’s like when they aren’t around and that will make any separation that comes up a lot harder to deal with.

6. You start wanting a change.

Every relationship gets to the point where nothing is really new anymore, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s only bad if you get there and you aren’t comfortable — you’re just bored. That’s why you shouldn’t rush it. Take your time getting to know each other and easing into each other’s lives. That way you won’t suddenly realize you’re in too deep to easily make a change.

7. You forget who you are without each other.

Even if you’re the closest couple on the face of the earth, you’re both still individuals and it’s important to remember that. It’s amazing to have someone who is like your other half that you can always count on. At the same time, if you no longer have an identity outside of your relationship, you could end up resenting each other, which we all know is never a good thing.

8. It’s harder to see the problems in your relationship.

It’s pretty much impossible to be objective about your own relationship. That’s why you need other people in your life who care about you to talk to about issues you might be having. If you never put any effort into maintaining those relationships, you might find you have no one to listen when you need them.

9. You become one half of a whole.

It might sound cliche, but it’s important to feel complete on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship. There will always be times where you have to lean on each other, and you probably make each other’s lives better just because you’re together, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t survive on your own if you had to. Never think you can’t live without someone, because you can.

10. You have a hard time when you are apart.

If you spend all your free time together, how will you feel if he goes away for a weekend without you? You might think that will never happen, but it will. You can’t exactly tag along on bachelor party trips to Vegas or work-related trips, can you? If you have your own social life, you might actually look forward to having a weekend away from him once in awhile.

This article was originally written by Courtney, a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. She’s on Twitter @courtooo!

If You’re In A Long-Term Relationship, You’ve Definitely Done These 28 Things

Everyone knows the longer we’re in a relationship, the more we feel comfortable being our gross, weird and awkward selves around our partners.
Continue reading If You’re In A Long-Term Relationship, You’ve Definitely Done These 28 Things

10 Small Signs You May Have High Functioning Depression

When people hear the word “depression” they associate a lot of images with it. Many believe that people who suffer from depression are always crying, upset, alone or withdrawn from others.

4 Reasons To Stop Judging The Girl Wearing Yoga Pants

Leggings, yoga pants, spandex shorts, activewear… AKA devil pants.

There seems to be this idea that if you’re a woman wearing any of these things, you are lesser. You’re lazy, slutty, attention-seeking, lacking self-respect, blah, blah, blah. But let me explain why wearing yoga pants doesn’t make me the one with the problem.

1. I dress for myself.

Six out of the seven days in a week, I’m running late. Which means I don’t have time to pick out the perfect outfit and then pack a different one for the gym later. I don’t dress to impress you, to gain your attention, or show off anything I may have; I simply feel my best when I’m comfortable.

2. If a man can’t focus on anything but my ass, whose fault is that?

If your life revolves around what I chose to wear, you might need to reevaluate your priorities. I am in no way looking to draw your attention, in fact I may just be overestimating your self-control.

3. “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women.”

It’s about to time for women to stop shaming each other. My pants don’t make me less than you, and they certainly don’t give you the right to judge me. Leggings don’t make me a slut, they make me comfortable.

4. My clothing doesn’t define who I am as a person.

I am successful, smart, happy, I don’t sleep around, and I hold myself to exceedingly high standards–but somehow that all flies out the window if I ‘degrade’ myself by wearing comfortable, stretchy pants.

So please, get a grip and stop worrying about my choice of attire.

For more from rc, visit her writer’s page here. 

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