Tag: lists

7 Signs You’re the Accidental Trail Blazer

You never asked for it, you certainly didn’t search for it, but somehow you are the unintentional Pied Piper of the millennial world.

Starting trends left and right, always there with the freshest beats and coolest ideas, but you’re not doing it for the recognition, the fame, or the glory. You’re just doing you, and the world apparently loves you for it:

1. You’re fashionable, but you have no idea how.

You haven’t read up on the latest trends; you have no idea what’s going down in fashion week; most of your clothes have been found, borrowed, lent and donated; but, despite this, you leave the house looking like one fly motherf*cker on the goddamn reg’.

You’re the idiot savant of the sidewalk runway, and that’s just dandy with you.

 

2. You keep stumbling into the next big noise.

In no way are you the authority on new music. You know way more people out there that take that sh*t seriously and are d*mn good at finding the slickest new beats. You’re a casual amateur at best.

You do seem to keep ahead of the curve through, and through a combination of blind luck and stealing suggestions from yo’ buddies you’ve curated a Spotify playlist that can send shivering eargasms down the spine of any would-be listener.

 

3. You’re not taking risks, you’re just keeping things fresh.

You’re not attending a bondage seminar ‘cos you’re that into the whips and chains things, it’s just seems like a fun way to spend an afternoon. A one-way plane ticket to Guatemala isn’t so you can “discover yourself,” it’s ‘cos the beaches looked pretty.

You didn’t quit your job ‘cos you got a better one, you just thought you needed to mix it up a little. You don’t see the risks ‘cos in your mind risks are just a different way of doin’ things.

 

4. You’ll give anything a one-time shot.

“Don’t knock it ‘til you tried it” should be a tattoo in an intimate area of your body (if it’s not already). You’ll give anything a go, ‘cos how do you know you don’t like something if you haven’t the balls to give it a shot?

The downside is you’ve ended up in some questionable situations, however, you still think the benefits outweigh the occasional sketchy situation. Then again those grandmas at Bridge Club were mean.

 

5. You’re not afraid of getting it wrong.

Hey, it doesn’t always work out, and at some point you may find yourself on a rainy street corner in a city you can’t stand, ‘cos you thought it’d be fun to do a cross-country greyhound road trip.

Sometimes things fuck up, sometimes it’s not your cup o’ tea and sometimes there just wasn’t the right vibe, but that’s all good, it’s not always going to be a home run. You go home, you dust yourself off and you don’t sweat it, cos there’s plenty of other adventures out there that you’re gonna love.

 

6. You just don’t get embarrassed.

You’re not afraid of looking like a bit of a tit, ‘cos you’re only a goddamn fool if you feel like one. Because of this “whatever” attitude you can actually pull off a lot of shit most can’t rock cos’ you own it.

Bra on the outside, why not? Stiletto flip-flops sound like fun. Face paint for work; you’ll rock the boardroom with your lion face. And now you can see exactly how these ridiculous trends start.

 

7. You’re not traditionally popular.

You were never one of the cool kids at school, the cheerleaders kinda ganged up on you and you felt way more comfortable hanging out with the weirdo’s, drop outs, nerds, and stoners.

To be honest, you’ve been just fine doing it on your own and have taken on life lone-wolf style. You’re an individual, and no one has ever let you forget it, so you wear that shit like a badge of honor ‘cos it lets you be you. Which is the best “you” you can possibly be.

21 Things That The Girl Who Is Clumsy AF Can Understand And Appreciate

 

If you ride the, ‘Clumsy AF Struggle Bus’ daily, welcome to the shit storm, you’re welcome. You understand how challenging it is to be a human at times. Let’s be honest, you are the girl who is literally the definition of a walking disaster, but hey, you’re entertainment value at least, right? You can’t even do the smallest of tasks without fucking up something, or yourself. Like:

1. Curling your hair is a dangerous task. 9/10 times you end up with a giant burn mark on your neck and being asked constantly if you have a hickey…Nope, just me not being able to human properly, that’s all.

2. Falling down stairs is a normal, everyday occurrence. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to build TWELVE stairs to go up to one room anyways??

3. Anyone who knows you has well gotten over being shocked by the dumb shit that you do or happens to you. Your boss isn’t even surprised when you come into work the next day with a sprained wrist, because you tripped UP the fucking stairs.

4. You’d think you would learn your lesson and be more aware of your surroundings… But nah, that’s wayyyy too logical. Instead, you live life on the edge, and by living life on the edge, I mean, face planting in Kroger right in front of the super hot guy walking out. Naileddddd ittttt.

5. At this point in your life, you’ve just learned to accept that you are the human that you are, which is, accident prone. Now when stupid shit happens to you, it doesn’t faze you. It should humiliate you, but you don’t even bat an eye. You just continue on, no big deal.

6. You’re not even safe laying down in bed. You either punch yourself in the face trying to pull the blankets up, or drop your phone on your face…several times in one night…

7. Sports are hard, and nobody should trust you with a blunt object. But forreal though, who in the actual fuck gave you a bat? The end results aren’t pretty because who plays softball and blacks their own eye? You, that’s who.

8. Losing things, multiple times a day, is the norm. Can’t find your keys? Check the freezer.

9. You’ve started carrying a “just in case” bag in your car. You’re just trying to be prepared because you’ve done some pretty dumb shit. Enough shit that has made you wise, and come prepared with headache medicine, bandaids, tissues, Neosporin, Ace bandage, and Gorilla Glue (don’t ask.)

10. They say bitches be trippin’ over nothing, but they don’t know you. You are that human who can trip over air. Literally. You’ve done it before.

11. Your friends bring up all the stupid shit you’ve done to strangers all the time. “Remember that one time you were mopping and stepped on the mop when you went to put it up and it came back and hit you right in the forehead? Good times.” Yeah, great times.

12. But you do have the best, funniest, and dumbest stories of how you hurt yourself this time… Like bloodying your own nose trying to get out of the car because you forgot you were still seat belted in. And people ask you why you’re still single….

13. You’re the last to be asked to handle anything fragile. Or sharp. Or important. Or expensive. Everyone knows you are a bull in a china shop, and you’re the reason why they have to order more martini glasses at work…

14. And that’s why you are automatically blamed when something breaks at work. Loud crashes, broken glass, tea all over the floor because you forgot to put the nozzles on, and the entire staff’s judgy eyes are on you…Which is total BS, because you don’t always fuck up shit everytime, not intentionally anways.

15. You make life interesting at least. Never a dull moment with you around. Might have a nice dinner out with friends, might have to go to the hospital because you fell off the bar stool, sober, hit your head on the corner of the bar, and somehow twisted your ankle. Cheers!

16. If you had a dollar for every mysterious, random bruise that you woke up with, you’d be a millionaire. Instead, you just look like you lost a game of Mortal Kombat.

17. You never pay attention to where you are going. You’re known to run into shit all the time, usually a wall or a human. Except for that one time you ran into a mannequin, and apologized to it…and then realized what just happened, and proceeded to apologize again. *awkwardly looks around to see if anyone saw that*

18. Speaking of not paying attention…. Since you like to live in your own little world, you tend to zone out and then

spill queso all over your brand new shirt, or step on nails barefooted, or run straight into screen doors. All. The. Time.

19. Oh, yeah, doors…doors are hard. There are 16 year old Olympic gold medalists, and then there’s you. A 30 year old bartender. And all you’re getting a medal for is not spilling an entire slushy machine filled with margarita mix all over the ground…because that might have happened, once, or twice…

20. Murphy’s Law is your mantra. Because anything that can go wrong will go wrong when it comes to you. Even when it comes to the simplest tasks, like putting on makeup. You stab yourself in the eye with the wand at least once a week, and end up looking like a whole ass drowned racoon.

21. You can be a total spaz at times, and you probably should wrap yourself in bubble wrap. But on a positive note, your pain tolerance is hella high. So when you lose your balance and trip over the sidewalk, you walk that shit off and keep your head held high, like the clumsy AF queen that you are.

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About The Author

Kayla Leanne Goss. Just a 30 year old small town girl, trying to navigate this rollercoaster we call life, writing about relatable shit that WE ALL go through and struggle with daily.

To see more of my articles, visit my FACEBOOK PAGE 

25 Things Bartenders Are Tired Of Hearing:

Here are 25 Things All Bartenders Are Tired Of Hearing.

1. “I want something fruity, but like, I want it to be strong,

but I don’t wanna taste the alcohol.”

Ohhhh, you must be freshly 21. A couple more Sex on the Beaches and you won’t taste, see, or feel anything anyway, except maybe the cold ceramic toilet later.

2. “Keep the change!”

*Opens checkbook to find .66 cents on a $45 dollar tab*

Thanks buddy, but I couldn’t even buy a Polar Pop with that. You keep it, you need it more than me apparently.

3. “You’re seriously, like the best bartender I have ever met!”

*Opens another checkbook to find a $0 dollar tip…*

Gee thanks… your compliment is totallyyyyy gonna keep my electricity on and buy groceries this week.

4. “I’ll get… *proceeds to shout out 15 drink orders*.”

Yeah, remembering all 15 DIFFERENT drinks is not the highlight of my night, and neither is when you want to pay for them all separately.

5. “You’re gonna get a HUGE tip!”

That’s a damn lie and we both know it. The ones who brag about tipping generously are generally the worst tippers.

6. “How much is… *insert expensive liquor*

Bro, I am already in the weeds. There are 8 people waiting at the bar, and you’ve asked the price of almost every bottle in my entire bar. I don’t have everything memorized, like I fucking know off top of my head??

7. “Can I still get happy hour price, I swear I showed up before it ended.”

No, you didn’t, you lying ass. You can’t show up an hour after happy hour ends, and still get $4 KJ chardonnays, this isn’t Applebees Barbra.

8. “I’ll be ready for another one in probably 4 or 5 minutes, can you come back then?”

Of course, why not? It’s not like I’m doing a million things as it is, you’re clearly more important, so I’ll be sure to cue my internal alarm clock to remember you’ll be ready in 4 minutes. Sike, you’ll get it when I’m able to get it to you.

9. “Are you sure there is alcohol in this? It doesn’t taste like it.”

Are you sure you’re not blind? Because I just poured your drink IN FRONT of you, and you know that there is alcohol in it. So fuck off, you’re just trying to get more liquor for free.

10. “You should try *insert condescending advice*”

I know what I am doing. I’ve been doing this for a long time. I don’t come into the gym and tell you how to workout do I? Stop telling me how to do my job, I got this Brad.

11. “You’d be prettier if you smiled more.”

Listen sir, thanks for the backassward compliment, but I’m already a 12 on a scale 1 to 10 bitch, I don’t need to be prettier, so how about you stop telling me what to do, and mind your business.

12. “I can get it myself.”

Just stop! Stop reaching over my bar to refill your water, grab a beverage napkin, or a straw. I can handle getting those things for you from MY side of the bar. Now I have to clean up the water YOU spilled, the 30 straws you slung everywhere for ONE straw, and now I have no napkins because you clearly needed 900 napkins to sit your water on.

13. “What’s on draft?”

The draft list is LITERALLY in front of you dumbass…Pick it up, and read the damn thing.

14. “Can you turn up the music/change the song?”

Yeah sure, it’s not a busy Friday night, it’s clearly not louder than an ACDC concert in here, and I’m clearly not in the middle of making drinks. I’ll drop everything and get right on that. Not.

15. “Can I just have a little taste of *insert expensive bourbon* to see if I like it?”

Sure. You’ve already asked to taste 10 different ones, and then settled on a Budlight…

16. “I’m so drunk/had a lot before I got here.”

Yeah, cool story bro, you’re bragging about being so ‘LIT’ and you’re on my nerves, so you’re cut off. You’re welcome.

17. “Make it good and strong.”

Listen, Imma give you the standard pour amount as everyone else gets, unless you wanna order a double, which your cheap ass won’t.

18. “The drinks are soooo expensive, give me a tall since I’ll get more liquor.”

Sorry to crush your dreams my guy, but a tall doesn’t equal more liquor, it just means more soda or juice.

19. “Barkeep/ Sweetie/ Babe/ Doll!”

Oh, are you talking to me? Were you trying to summon me? I have a name…which I have told you every time you’ve asked, which has been 97 times already.

20. “Yoooooo, hey, hello?”

Uh yeah, I see you dude. I AM BUSY. You’re not the only one in the bar, and aggressively banging your empty glass on the bar is only going to piss me off. Keep doing it, and Imma go full 50 Shades of Petty, and you’ll get your drink last.

21. “I have been waiting forever for a drink.”

And so has everyone else. There is only one of me and there are 50 of you self entitled assholes. Yeah, I saw you wildly waving your $20 dollar bill, how could I miss it? And if you snap your fingers at me one more time, I pinky promise, I WILL shove that $20 down your throat.

22. “Can you put *insert sports channel*/change the channel?”

Sure, it’s dinner rush, the bar is packed, the server drink tickets at the well are longer than the Nile River, but you want me to immediately stop the 20 million things I have going on, and your impatient ass doesn’t even know what the channel is!

23. “I’m a regular, hook me up.”

You ain’t shit, and you don’t get free shit because you’re a “regular” bro. And you tipping me extra doesn’t change the fact that me giving you free shit is like me stealing from the company, and putting me at the risk of being fired.

24. “Surprise me.”

Cool, ‘cause I’m a mind reader and I know exactly what you like and usually drink.

25. “I know the owner.”

Yeah, what a coincidence, so do I….do you want a fucking gold star?

Header Image Source 

 

About The Author

Kayla Leanne Goss. Just a 30 year old small town girl, trying to navigate this rollercoaster we call life, writing about relatable shit that WE ALL go through and struggle with daily.

To see more of my articles, visit my FACEBOOK PAGE 

19 People Who Are Really Out There Struggling So Please Keep Them In Your Prayers

It ain’t easy to watch other human beings struggle.

In the spirit of the holiday season, consider opening your heart and soul just a little bit to help those less fortunate.

You could do a GoFundMe campaign. Or a donation to whatever charity supports old people who don’t understand how modern technology works.

So many things could benefit people like…

1. This poor McDonald’s manager who thought her reviews of herself were anonymous.

2. This Amazon reviewer.

3. Whoever packaged and shipped this box.

4. This Harry Potter fan.

5. This girl’s boyfriend.

6. This walking, talking example of why you should never try to represent yourself in court.

7. This guy, who must have had his ice scraper stolen.

8. This girl.

9. This guy.

10. This student.

Pages: Page 1, Page 2

33 Thoughts You Have At Any Summer Music Festival

Summer is here, which means it’s time for the season of music festivals!  So, put on some clothes you don’t mind sweating profusely in, shoes you don’t mind getting mud all over, and grab a bag that you can hide as much booze inside as possible.  You might also consider getting a pair of earplugs too, because your ears will be ringing when it’s over, if not because of the music, because of all the huge, loud crowds of people.

Whether you actually dig going to music festivals or just got dragged there by your friends because there’s nothing better to do, then you know it’s always a rather interesting place.  People of all kinds gather in a big, sweaty group, and you’re left to wander around and observe it all.  Chances are, your thoughts go something like this:

  1. “There are so many women in flower crowns here.”
  2. “Where do you even find flower crowns if you want to buy one?”
  3. “God, I hate the smell of patchouli.”
  4. “Judging by everyone around me, I’m not nearly drunk enough to be here.”
  5. “Is that chick topless?  I’m not going to complain.”
  6. “There’s nothing like being able to hear three different bands playing at the same time to really give you a migraine, huh?”
  7. “Are those 14-year-old kids seriously trying to start a mosh pit?”
  8. “My feet hurt.  Why are there no chairs?”
  9. “Oh god, I can’t find my friends.”
  10. “If I can’t find them, I’m going to be stuck in this festival forever.”
  11. “There they are.  Over by the mile-long line of Porta Potties.
  12. “I would rather pee in my pants than go in one of those poop capsules.”
  13. “Pretty sure that couple is engaging in intimate relations over by that tree.”
  14. “Do I look or do I ignore it?”
  15. “Everyone else is looking, so it’s probably okay for me to look.”
  16. “I really wish I hadn’t looked.”
  17. “I can smell weed, but I don’t see it.  Where are they hiding it?”
  18. “Does every band these days have to feature someone playing the ukulele?”
  19. “I guess it doesn’t matter, I can’t hear anything but bass.”
  20. “Do all these guys with their shirts off know how badly they’re going to get sunburned?”
  21. “I feel like someone should warn them.”
  22. “I suppose all that goofy body paint will offer some protection.  Maybe.”
  23. “Whose idea was it to have outdoor music playing during the hottest time of the year?”
  24. “It is nice when you reach that point where you’re so sweaty, you don’t even notice anymore.”
  25. “Plus, the smell of patchouli and weed covers up the stench of 30,000 people with B.O.”
  26. “I want to go home.”
  27. “Oh, is that the one band I kind of wanted to see?”
  28. “Too bad I can’t get closer than a quarter mile from the stage.”
  29. “It’s also too bad that every semi-hot chick has to have her boyfriend hoist her onto their shoulders so she can try to get more attention.”
  30. “Maybe if I was a hot chick, I’d be able to get closer to the stage.”
  31. “Well, this is kind of cool.  They’re playing that one song I like and I can hear most of it over the other bands.”
  32. “If I get bopped in the head with a beach ball one more time….”
  33. “Screw this, I’m out of here.”
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