Your first time is never quite what you imagine it to be. There’s no magical feeling of change that washes over you the moment you lose your virginity—it’s awkward and uncomfortable but, like anything, with practice it gets better.
At least we can find comfort in the fact that everyone experiences this graceless first encounter. In fact, some have gone as far as to tell Whisper what thoughts were running through their minds during the moment they gave up their v-card and it’s honestly amazing.
It’s that time of the week again, the time when we pull together all of the most hilarious tweets from the women of Twitter and share them with you.
So, sit back and enjoy some of the funniest jokes made by ladies this week.
1.
If I have a medical emergency don’t U DARE call an ambulance y’all better uber my ass to the hospital bc we not about to pay 5,000 for a ride in the wee-yoo wagon
can anyone else confirm that girls have 4 types of showers, a “quick body wash”, a “hair and body shower”, a proper “exfoliate shave, moisturizer, hair mask, singalong” and then a “depressed leave me alone I wanna die” shower.
A lady I work with sends her dog to doggy day care n the woman that runs it does seasonal photo shoots with the dogs ? This is their christmas pic pic.twitter.com/gnPZXjQdWy
Look, not everyone is great at spelling. It’s not something we’re born knowing, we have to learn it. That’s the whole point of English class. You might never find yourself in a situation where you need to know the difference between imply and infer to make it through your life, but you will need to know how to spell.
Many times it’s not even the spelling, exactly, that’s the problem—it’s that people mishear words or morph them into other words. I had a roommate once who thought that idolizing someone was putting them on a “pedestool.” The correct word is, of course, pedestal, like the thing that statues are placed on for display in museums. But to my roommate, pedestool made sense because a stool is a thing people stand on.
What I’m saying is, we’re not here to judge or shame people who can’t spell. We’re just here to laugh at them.
Jacq’s shared the secret underwear code she’s become familiar with:
What she really thinks about the stereotype of having “daddy issues.”
But Jacq doesn’t just joke about men, she has a bone to pick with other women who consider themselves feminist, but who don’t include the perspective of actual sex workers when they’re discussing sex work. It seems like in Jacq’s opinion, a lot of women who have never done sex work have too many opinions about it.
But she also makes it clear that everyone has a different perspective on why they get into stripping. Different strokes for different folks:
Though the girls always help each other out. There is such a thing as solidarity, especially around tampon strings:
There’s also some good life hacks, if anyone is taking some very specific liberties with you:
Jacq is turning her job into art, even though it basically already is:
And anyone who reads her book will know exactly how to act the next time they go to the club. Approach the dancers with respect and a fist full of dollar bills.