You may not be her first, but you can make damn sure you are her last.

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect—you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can…” – Bob Marley

Every girl falls into her own journey of discovering who she is. It’s not so much that she follows a unique path, it’s that she’s swept into it by life’s circumstances. A big part of that is love.

Some girls fall in love once, others twice, three times, or more.

Most of the time, she needs to meet more than one person to find out who it is that’s right for her. If you’re lucky, that might happen to be you. But before she could ever meet you, she had to walk through the darker tunnels of the past to finally meet you, the light at the end.

And if a girl’s truly right for you, you won’t put her down for having that past.

Yes, it might bother you to think of a time that it wasn’t your eyes, but someone else’s she was looking into. And, yes, it might madden you, even more, to think that she was treated with anything but the respect she deserves.

You might wish you could simply reach back and scoop her out of the past so that she wouldn’t have to endure any pain so that you could have her all to yourself.

And this isn’t because you’re selfish or controlling, it’s because you want to protect her from any past harm. But instead of taking that frustration out on her, transform it so that you can make her future brighter.

Don’t be the guy who wants to change her past; be the guy who wants to better her future.

Don’t be the guy who makes her feel bad for any mistakes; be the reason she never makes another one again.

Don’t be the guy who dismisses her for who she was; be the guy who appreciates her for who she is now.

Because the reason you fell in love with her, to begin with, wasn’t because she was plain and boring. She caught your eye because she was different from the rest, a force to be reckoned with. You fell for her because she didn’t fit the ordinary mold. And the more you try to make her fit yours, the further and further she’ll flee.

A girl can’t be contained.

In love and life, we become so worn down and jaded through heartbreak after heartbreak. We have a hard time believing in forever. But you, you have the power to help her go back to who she used to be when she believed in fairy tales. Prove to her that “Til death do us part” still stands strong. Show her that love can defy the physical limits of this world and transcend into something greater than that.

So don’t love her because you’re her first. Love her because you’re her last.

For more of Defne’s writing, follow her on Facebook.

This I Vow To You

Cody, 

I vow that my love will always remain unconditional. I can make this promise because it is my love for you is already unconditional. You are the person that I never knew that I needed in my life to make it whole. Seeing you happy makes me happy. I work so hard to make sure that smile stays right there on your face.  That also means being your number one fan in life.

 

Yes, I will listen to you. I will give you my opinion but in the end there will be decisions that you have to make on your own. Just know whatever it is and where ever it takes us I am here always and forever. You are my best friend, my soul-mate, my safe place. I know that I cannot do this life without you. So I promise with everything that I have that my love will always be unconditional. 

 

I vow that I will be crazy sometimes.

This is going to cause arguments, but in the end I promise that I will wrap my arms around you and tell you I love you. I know that you are going to ask why it matters to fold the towels a certain way or why we have to have the bed made but we just do. I am going to drive you crazy with my need to control things. I am going to need things to be a certain way sometimes. It is just who I am. I am sorry in advance for any stupid argument we et into because of this. You are getting me all of me. My advice for dealing with me in this way is walk away go fix something. Just know that I love you, but I vow to be crazy sometimes. 

 

Valentine’s Day is Everyday

Valentine’s Day. Ah, Valentine’s Day. Today, half of my Facebook feed will be full of proposals. Most of people celebrating their significant other. The rest…serious haters. I mean people who just loathe February 14th. Come on, we all know them. “This is just a hallmark holiday!” True. “You don’t need a day on the calendar to celebrate love!” Also true. But as I sit here and think of all the Valentine’s Day’s that I have celebrated with someone and alone, I realize that Valentine’s Day isn’t for people who have someone. It isn’t so your best friend of 10 years can ditch you for her brand new boyfriend that is now her “Valentine” or so you can spend $50 on roses and chocolate.

It’s so you can celebrate love.

Love for your husband. Love for your wife. Love for your person. Love for your child. For your mother, your father, your aunt, your cousin you haven’t talked to. Your best friend that lives across the country.

Love for YOURSELF.

While I will never back down on the argument that love is something that gives us reason to celebrate every day of the year (I’m halfway with you, V-day pessimists!), what is wrong with taking 24 hours out of the 8,760 that make up 365 days and just really concentrating on it? Whether that be through a three-course dinner night out with your husband (the first since your baby has been born), or by sending a note of appreciation to a friend you haven’t reached out to in months. Maybe you love the flowers and chocolates cliché.

When we focus on love, we are able to drown out the rest of the chaos that controls our lives. We are all on a wheel of constant motion. Continuously working up in our careers, making sure that assignment is turned in on time, the kids are dropped off to this practice, dinner is cooked, we’ve gotten our work out in. We never, ever stop. We have too much going on. Doing is more important.

So I ask you now, reflect on the moments that have made time stop. That have made the world fall away and caused you to experience the unbelievable beauty of being present.

When you saw the love of your life drop to one knee. When you heard your baby’s first cry. When you Facetimed with your best friend who lives in California for the first time in months. When you walked down the aisle to your soulmate. When you reached a mountain top. When you finally looked in the mirror and felt beautiful. When you felt like you could touch the sky.

Now, I’m not trying to be presumptuous here. But I can assume that the emotion that took first prize in any of these moments was none other than the reason for this day. And that, my friends, is love. Sweet, overwhelming, heart-changing, life-saving love.

It deserves to be celebrated. It deserves recognition. Because it changes the world.

Because it changes us.

Hallmark holiday or not, let the world stop today. Because that’s what love is all about.

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