I’m a lot, I know…
You see, you are the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last before I go to bed. I think about you often throughout the day and wonder what you are doing, and what you are thinking about because a guy as smart and funny as yourself must have something interesting on his mind. I also am thinking about how lucky I am to call you mine. I can be clingy and overbearing I will admit and sometimes I feel like I may be blowing up your phone when I am not with you but the truth is, once we part our ways I miss you instantly and I wonder and hope you are missing me too.
Truth is, I can’t make plans with you soon enough… knowing that we have a “set date” or we have “plans” is what helps me hold on and know that I AM going to be seeing you again.
That sounds dramatic and clingy and maybe a bit stalker-ish I know…I promise I’m not a stalker!
Now that you know a few of these things, I think it’s time I tell you how I became this way. No, I wasn’t always like this, I was unconsciously made this way. Yes, I know we joke about my ex’s but in reality, they took a toll on me.
You see, the first one slept with my “best friend” and got her pregnant. The second told me I wouldn’t have anything to worry about that she was just a friend but failed to tell me that they were FWB in the past and slept with her the night he called things off. The third … The third hit me like a truck. This one was long-distance but we made it work somehow for over a year. It wasn’t until the end that I realized all the manipulation and emotional abuse that was set on to me. That relationship was full of ultimatums, changes, and sacrifices that I WOULD have to make to be able to be with him.
This relationship was the one that made me question and change everything… my hair, my style, my room… Everything.
After a bit of time, I eventually healed and I was able to move on, I met someone. This one lasted for about a year… he was older and more mature. He promised me the world, but never followed through on any of those promises… After some time, it was back-sided compliments and mind games, If I didn’t agree with something he said or did, as well, as if I “did something wrong” it was the silent treatment until I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what I did to make him upset. Nothing I did was good enough. I could work my ass off and it still wasn’t enough until he finally had enough and just left… he had no more use for me and just left.
I swore I was done after that, and then you came along.
Yes, then you came along and you changed the game. You are always there and you are always reliable, you are strong and steady. You have turned into my rock, my safe place. When I am having a panic attack or when I am just having a bad day you are the one I want and the one I want to be with. Once I am with you all of my worries melt away…
Cheesy I know, but it’s true.
I feel all the things, and I feel them deeply and love so hard…
I know I may be a lot and I know I may be overbearing sometimes. I just want to say thank you for your patience and for loving me through it all, thank you for loving me for being me. I promise to make it worth it, I promise to love you with my whole heart each and every day.
Thank you for being so amazing.
About The Author:
Ashley Denton is a creative artist whose mediums include music, theater, dance, and creative writing. This girl thrives on coffee, adventure, and exploration. Ashley has been writing professionally for five years and editing for four. Ashley is also one of Puckermob’s newest editors.
