Taken Too Soon: To the Guy I Didn’t Get to Say Goodbye to

When I met you, I had no idea what was going to come of us. At the time, I wasn’t even open to the idea of you. I had just gotten out of a bad situation with a guy who was screwing around behind my back with my best friend, and I wasn’t interested in getting played again.

A coworker set me up on a blind date with you, and I was seriously thinking about ditching (spoiler alert: I didn’t). When I first met you, I didn’t know how to take you.

You were the silly, guarded kid that I didn’t think wanted to be there any more than I did, but somehow we got through that first awkward blind date, and our relationship blossomed from there.

I felt instantly comfortable with you, like we had been friends for years, and we had such a huge level of trust for each other right from the get go. The beginning of our relationship was full of all kinds of adventures and shenanigans.

It didn’t take us long to fall in love, merely four months, but we had the kind of love you only read about. The kind of love people rarely get to experience for themselves. The kind of love that other couples commented on when we were out together in public; that, simply the way we looked at each other, spoke of how in love we were.

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How I am Coping With Losing a Man Who Never Loved Me Back

He Never Loved Me Back

“Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is to see how far you’ve come and never look back.”

At first when you left me, all I did was think about the things I was losing.

All our happy memories flooded my mind and all the times I was left crying on the shower floor or waiting by my phone for you to contact me were suddenly forgotten about. I felt physcially sick for quite some time knowing you were starting a whole new chapter in your life without me.

I was so blinded by my feelings for you that I didn’t believe that you were bad for me. And I didn’t believe our break up was a good change. I truly thought losing you was something I would never get over. And so I kept fighting for you until one day I woke up and realized it was time to start fighting to let you go.

Now I believe our break up was a blessing.

I have gained so much since the day you left. And I thank you for making me realize my self-worth and now I’ve learned not to accept any less than I deserve from a man ever again. I didn’t know until recently that it was possible to be happier without you, than I ever was with you.

I spent so long wondering what I did wrong but I see now that I was never the problem, it was you. You were incapable of love. I always wanted you to be a good man for me but now I know that wasn’t possible when you couldn’t even be a good man for yourself.

You told me many times that you didn’t have a heart and I should believed you and ran for the hills.

When I look back these days, the only memories that come rushing back are the bad ones. I used to torture myself when I thought about another woman replacing me but now I wish the next all the luck in the world because she’ll need it if you plan on treating her the same way you treated me.

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To My Lover who I lost: I Know You Are My Guardian Angel

You are on my mind 24/7

To my Lover, not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. You’re often on my mind and I can’t help but wonder how different life would be if you were still with me. To my lover, I miss our talks. I mis you being here with all of us.

What Could Have Been

It’s impossible not to think about what could have been. For us together. Our dreams were so similar. And I really thought we would grow old together. It breaks my heart to think about how young you were. We were. Wild and reckless and so very much in love.

I think about the things we could be doing together, and all of the special moments now and the new memories we could be creating. What would we be doing, I wonder? Who would we have become, both separately and as a team.

Emotionally you are still with me. I cannot convince my heart that you have left my side.

To my lover, I call for you in my sleep and it shocks me. And saddens me. And so I try to keep it together. But I cannot help but carry a heavy heart and I don’t know if I’ll ever really heal.

I live my life each morning to the next. I wake up, I remember. Then I make coffee and get dressed. All the while thinking of your sweet smile that used to wake me up in the mornings. And when you would kiss my forehead…

The truth is, I don’t want to let go. Not now, not ever. And I don’t want the memory of us to fade. Because with you was when I felt most alive and most excited for tomorrow and now, I cannot get that motivation alone. I don’t know how and I don’t want to replace you.

I cannot accept this reality. I refuse to accept that you are gone.

I cling to memories of our love to hold back time. The fear that time will wash away my memories of you scares me so much. So I refuse to acknowledge the love lost. Blatantly. And stubborn, like a little girl I refuse what life has thrown at me.

You are watching us, I know you are

I know you are watching me and protecting me and all of those who loved you.

You are in my heart and everywhere I go. You can’t leave me because I won’t allow it. And I will find a way to honor you on this earth. I promise you. To my lover, eternally.

To the Girl Fighting to Conceal Her Broken Heart, You’ll Get Through This

She wakes up in the morning, showers, does her hair, puts on her makeup (even when the tears will wash it away before work), slaps on her smile and walks out the door. She looks to the outside world as though she has everything under control. Nobody ever knows when she’s hurting because she has become so good at hiding it.

Truth is, it took 45 minutes to get out of bed this morning.

She averaged about 4 hours of sleep between checking her phone every hour, crying, thinking and wondering if things would ever change. She only put on the makeup to hide the hideous bags under her eyes from drowning her sorrows in a little bit too much Jack D last night. Her smile is about as fake as the “I’m so happy” status she posted on Facebook last night.

She’s broken inside. And why shouldn’t she be? She wasted so much time on one guy for him to be exactly what everyone says he would be. She feels stupid, naive, hurt, pissed, worthless. Every memory races through her head every time she has a minute to think. Every time he said he wanted her. Every time he promised he wouldn’t leave. Every text, every call, every little detail. Right down to how he would smile and stare at her when he thought she didn’t notice.

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