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5 Signs You’re Just In Lust, Not In Love

Love, as we know it, is a very difficult and confusing emotion to understand. Love, more often than not, tends to be mistaken for lust. Sometimes, it’s hard to completely tell the difference between the two. People romanticize love to be this all-consuming feeling that sometimes, we think lust – which is similar in emotional responses as love – is actually love. However, love radiates true happiness and most importantly, allows you to feel comfortable with yourself and your partner; whereas lust does not. When you are able to distinguish the difference between love and lust, there is no comparison to how great love really feels over lust.

1. You’re In Lust When:

You feel like you have to “dress to impress” every time you are seeing your person.

You’re In Love When:

You feel comfortable in “sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on” all the time.

Being in love brings that sense of comfort in yourself and in your relationship. You know when you are in love because you feel comfortable being in comfortable wearing anything – like sweats –without worrying that your significant other is going to leave you for the girl dressed to the nines next door. You feel like you have to dress to impress when it’s lust because you’re not trusting or sure of where things are going. When its love, you know you don’t have to impress anyone.

2. You’re In Lust When:

You always feel like you have to tell your significant other what they want to hear in order to keep them around.

You’re In Love When:

You feel confident saying whatever it is that you want, and sharing your views and opinions with your significant other.

The thing about love is that when you are in it, you know that there is nothing you can say that will make the person you are with love you any less. You know that your significant other loves you for you and all that you believe in – especially your mind. You don’t have to say things to string your significant other along and keep them with you. There’s no lying between you, no sugarcoating.

3. You’re In Lust When:

You don’t know much about their life before you.

You’re In Love When:

You know everything about their past, their family, and their history.

A relationship filled with love is one that is an open book. When it is just lust, you are so protective of the relationship and holding it together on a whim that you don’t even bother to hit the history books on one another. If you don’t know anything personal about your significant other than do you really love them fully for who they truly are? Probably not, and it is probably just lust.

4. You’re In Lust When:

You look at your significant other as just that, and not your best friend.

You’re In Love When:

You’re significant other has become one of your best friends.

Your significant other becomes a best friend when you are really in love because it happens so naturally. If you do not look at your significant other as your best friend too, it could be because you two are in a relationship that’s surface value or looks. Lust focuses on this, rather than focusing on a future or something sustainable.

5. You’re In Lust When:

You focus on living in the moment with your significant other and never think about the future.

You’re In Love When:

You think about the future and what your life could really be like together – long term.

When you’re in love with someone, you envision a future together. When you feel love, you want to feel loved forever because once you experience that feeling, there’s no turning back. Therefore you don’t just focus on living in the moment because yes, that is important too but, you think about a life together and things that can happen in the long-run. When you love someone, you value them as a huge part of your life. You don’t only think about how great it is now, but how great it can be forever.

How To Tell Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere Fast

Throughout your life, you’re going to find yourself in relationships with people you think are “the one.” No matter how much time you spend together, how much you think you’re in love and how badly you want a future together, there are those moments of epiphany when you realize that this person is not the right one for you.

Don’t worry – no harm, no foul. It happens to the best of us throughout our lives. We find ourselves with people that we become infatuated with – the idea of spending the rest of our lives with them seems like magic, sunshine and rainbows. But, when reality sets in and the red flags start to wave, we can no longer lie to ourselves. Of course, ending a relationship with someone you once thought was your better half is not always easy.

We find ourselves complacent in these kinds of relationships – scared to leave, afraid to walk out and embarrassed to even mutter the subtle words to ourselves at all. The reality is, if you’re with someone that you’re not really supposed to be with, you’ll 100% know.

1. You Find Yourself Interested In Other People:

If your partner has no longer become the object of your attention, affection and desire; it’s a tell-tale sign that the relationship is failing. That’s not to say that your significant other will be the only object of your attention, 100% all of the time throughout your relationship – however, when you find yourself more interested in texting other people, opening up to others about yourself or sharing news with other people before them, it’s a red flag that maybe you’re just not interested in what they have to say any longer. Communication and conversations are the foundation of a stable and healthy relationship. If ever you find yourself not even wanting to talk to your significant other, then you have problems you need to address, ASAP.

2. You Find Yourself Thinking You Can “Do Better”:

Your partner should be someone who makes you feel good about yourself and good about your relationship. If you find yourself thinking that you can “do better,” than the person you are currently with, it’s because there are things that are inherently missing from your relationship. Maybe you see other relationships that are flourishing better, faster, or in a way in which you wish yours would. Or, maybe you’ve met somebody who peaks your interest in ways that your partner has never, or doesn’t anymore. Either way, if you think that are people are going to treat you better than the person you’re with now is, it’s over.

3. You Get Easily Aggravated/Annoyed With Them:

When you start to get bothered by every little thing your partner is doing, it’s a sign that there’s a deeper issue arising. Things that you once found endearing, sexy or cute now cut like knives under your skin. You’re annoyed by how they act in public amongst your friends and family and how they treat you when they’re with theirs. You don’t like the way they speak to you anymore, their quirky habits you once enjoyed have now become disgusting and you find yourself wanting to spend less and less time together.

4. The Sex Is No Longer Good…or Happening:

Sex is an important factor in any relationship. When you first get together with someone, you guys may not be able to keep your hands off of each other. The “honeymoon” stage in a relationship is fun, exciting and full of hot, steamy, wild sex. Once you guys become comfortable with each other and settle into the post-honeymoon stage – you may find the sex begins to slow down. But, just because it slows down doesn’t mean it needs to stop completely – or change. You should still be having hot and steamy sex with your SO and find yourself attracted to them. However, sometimes, sparks fade faster than people can expect. If you find the sex is lacking, or not even getting you going, you may need to face that issue head-on and realize that maybe you’re just not attracted to your partner anymore – which, is a huge red flag.

5. You Question Your Decision of Being With Them:

Life is really crazy and stressful. With dozens of commitments and things to worry about, your relationship shouldn’t be on the forefront of your contemplations. If you find yourself second guessing your decision to be with them, stay with them, or spend your life with them – run for the hills. You should be with someone who doesn’t make you second guess your decisions and someone who makes you feel comfortable and not have to constantly question things.

6. You’d Rather Go Out Without Them Than With Them:

Everyone needs some time apart when they’re in a relationship – it’s healthy. Yet, when you do decide to go out and let loose, you should want your partner to be there. While everyone needs a girls/boys night with their friends, the times when everyone’s getting together in groups, you should always want your SO to be by your side. That’s not to say you need to be attached at the hip, but your partner should be someone who you have fun with, enjoy the excitement of the world with and want to spend your free time with.

7. You Can’t Picture A Future With Them:

If you’re in your late 20’s/early 30’s, you should be with someone you can consider spending your life with. Don’t worry – no pressure, you don’t have to be. But, as you get older, reality starts to set in and you want to start your life with someone – get engaged, get married, have a family. If you’re with someone who you can’t see yourself with in the long-run, why waste both of your time?

8. You Can’t Trust Them:

Whether you’re looking through their phone, stalking their social media or trying to eavesdrop on their phone calls – if you cannot trust the person you’re with, you shouldn’t be with them. It’s simple. You’ll find yourself constantly worrying about where they are and who they’re with whenever you’re not together. It’ll only drive you insane.

To The Girls Who Are With The Wrong Guy

When you enter into the journey of love, you can’t tell whether you’re going to sink or swim. There is no way to tell whether you’re going to fall, or you’re going to fly. When it comes to love, most of us are as clueless as the next, pretending we know what we’re doing but in reality, we’re just trying to figure it out day by day.

And, that’s what love is – finding someone you’re comparable with, and being two, clueless, lovestruck kids together. While not everyone knows exactly where they’re going to go in the game of love, they do know how they want to be treated.

Yet, often times, we find ourselves in relationships with those who don’t treat us right.

We’ve all dated a bad guy or two – some of us even ten – and, we’ve fallen head over heels for them. We’ve divulged so deep into the love story, that we become so immune to the fact that we’re being mistreated. No matter how many times our best friends and our family tells us, shows us the red flags – we pretend we are colorblind.

We make excuses for their behavior. He didn’t come to an important event because he was busy. He didn’t call you because his phone probably died. He didn’t answer your text because he didn’t see it. He didn’t invite you to the party because he didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. He didn’t introduce you to his parents because it was too soon. He didn’t want to hangout because he’s tired.

We come up with lies about their problems. He’s not rude, he’s honest. He’s not insensitive, he’s raw. He’s not abusive, he’s strong. He’s not lazy, he’s laid back. He’s not demanding, he knows what he wants.

We begin to form ourselves into someone who we don’t even know anymore. We begin to lessen ourselves to fit into his mold of what a girlfriend should be, rather than what we want to get out of a relationship entirely.

We wait.

And we wait.

We wait for them to “come around.” We wait for them to grow. We wait for them to realize.

We wait for them to change.

The truth is, people are who they are. When someone shows you their true colors, don’t try to paint a different picture. Truth is, you aren’t the first girl that he’s hurt and you probably won’t be the last. In fact, you definitely won’t be the last. No matter how hard you try, how much you give, you won’t ever be able to fix him. Instead, you’re going to be left with holes in your heart and darkness in your soul – constantly wondering why you weren’t good enough.

When it comes down to it, it was never you. It was always him.

In love, you need to be with someone who satisfies your needs, first and foremost. Relationships are give and take, not just give – not just take. In love, you need to be honest with yourself, and forget what you want – remember what you deserve.

You deserve someone who is utterly obsessed with you. Someone who doesn’t make excuses when you portray that as a girlfriend, you have needs. Someone who will call you when they say they will. Someone who will answer the texts that you send them. Someone who comes to events when you tell him that they’re important. Someone who will invite you to the party, and every party, because he’s proud to bring you with him. Someone who introduces you to his parents, because you are part of his life now. Someone who finds the time to see you, no matter what time of night.

In love, you deserve someone who will make you feel important. Someone who will remind you within the little things, that you are always their priority. Someone who shows you that no matter how busy and chaotic life can get, that you are on their mind, even when you are apart.

There is no man out there who will treat you perfectly every single day of the year, but, there are men out there who will try their absolute best. When you fall for someone who treats you right, you aren’t left second guessing, you aren’t left with unsolved mysteries and you’re definitely not left with unanswered questions.

Stop waiting for him to change, constantly dealing with the pit-in-your-stomach pain. Stop making the excuses as to why he’s not around. Stop lying about the behavior that you know is wrong.

Instead of waiting for him to change, wait for the right him.

9 Signs You Need To Pump The Brakes On Your New Relationship

Recently, it seems that committing yourself to someone in less than a month is the latest trend–just look at Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson, or Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin. While getting engaged and having someone want to spend the “rest of their life” with you is romance at its very best, you don’t want to commit to someone for the wrong reasons.

Looking at the couples above–3/4 of them got out of rather serious relationships not long before jumping into their new ones (and getting engaged). All across social media, people have been buzzing about how moving on too fast can be toxic for you and your new partner. And, it really can be. So how do we know how much time we need before starting something new with someone else? Here are the universal signs that it’s too soon to move on.

9. You still think about your ex throughout the day.

When you break up with someone, it’s only natural that you’re going to think about “what went wrong.” If you’re dating someone new and you’re still focused on your ex and your past relationship, it’s completely too soon to be dating someone new. Not only is it unfair to yourself, it’s unfair to your new partner. According to Dr. Suzanne Degges-White,

“If you’re already wondering if you’re mentioning your breakup or your ex too often, there’s a good chance you’re doing just that. If you spend time focusing on how the other relationship ended or how wronged you felt, you’re setting up a wall around yourself.”

8. You spend way too much time with your new partner.

One of the biggest reasons for jumping into a new relationship after a break-up is feeling lonely. When we lose someone we spent the majority of our time with, it’s inevitable we’ll feel a void. But, replacing that void with someone else isn’t necessarily healthy. Bo ard-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman says that spending too much time with someone is a sign you’re moving way too fast.

“You’re together all the time, in person or texting. It’s exciting when you find someone you like, but pacing things is very important so that you don’t get hurt if things don’t work out.”

7. You haven’t given yourself a chance to feel the break-up pain.

An important part of the break-up process is giving yourself time to feel pain and heal from it. If you move into a new relationship too soon, you aren’t giving yourself any time to truly grow from the hurt you felt. Additionally, you most likely miss out on opportunities to learn from the mistakes you’ve made in your past relationship. Deborah L. Davis Ph.D. points out that grieving a past relationship is vital to growing as an individual.

Grieving is how you gradually let go of what might have been, and adjust to what is. And over time, your outlook will naturally shift from “I must demonstrate I am a worthy mate for her/him” to “I can reclaim my own sense of worth.” Grieving is what sets you free from the pit of despair.

6. You’re hoping to make your ex jealous.

Sometimes, people jump into new relationships hoping their ex will notice and get jealous, maybe even change their mind about ending things. Naphtali Roberts, licensed marriage and family therapist, says:

“[Be careful if] you are stilling hoping your ex will notice you or change their mind. If part of the intention in this new relationship has anything to do with your ex you are rushing into a new relationship. You deserve a relationship that’s about you, and the bond you share with someone, not a ghost from your past. Give yourself some time to grieve for your breakup, and you’ll be ready to date again, for the right reasons, soon.”

5. You compare your new partner to your ex a lot.

Experts say that it’s natural to compare our new partner to our ex, but when we do it too often, it’s a sign that we aren’t totally over our previous relationship. While it’s normal for people to compare the past and the present, it’s a red flag when your new partner doesn’t completely match up to your ex. Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W. says one of the signs you’ve moved on too fast from your failed relationship is:

You compare every aspect of this new person to your ex and this person often comes up short (by the way, it’s a natural tendency everyone has to compare new and old relationships).

4. You try to rationalize your new relationship.

Whether you’re trying to prove a point to someone else (or yourself) if you find yourself having to have mental “pep talks” about why this is the right move for your love life, chances are it’s not. New relationships should be natural and pressure-free, you shouldn’t have to rationalize your new love to yourself or anyone else.

3. You’re using your new partner to rebuild yourself.

If you’re banking on your new relationship to help “find yourself again,” it’s a huge sign it’s way too soon. You should use the time after a breakup to rediscover yourself, by yourself. Relying on someone else to help do that is unhealthy and risks the chance of you losing yourself in someone else. Irene Fehr, sex & intimacy coach says:

“Notice your own eagerness to put aside what’s important to you and place your relationship and your partner in the foreground. What’s driving this decision? If you’re twisting and bending your own life to suit that of your partner, most likely you’re acting from fear of losing them. The speed of your actions in this situation is a fight/flight response — slow down to ground yourself into what’s important to you. Relationships where one person loses themselves to create or keep the relationship are bound to fail.”

2. You’ve said “I love you” earlier than you have in the past.

After getting out of a relationship, we’re eager to feel that blissful feeling of being in love. It usually pushes us to pressure our new partner into feeling it, too. Many people who jump into a new relationship right away tend to say “I love you” earlier, because they’re chasing that high they had in their previous relationship. However, it’s usually too soon to really be “in love” with someone just yet. Marriage and family therapist Moshe Ratson says:

“Many people confuse the word ‘love’ with ‘in love. While being in love ? being infatuated or experiencing lust ? is more relevant to early stages of a romantic relationship, loving someone is more relevant to a long-term relationship, after you’ve really gotten to know your partner.”

1. You know deep down that you’re not ready.

It’s important to always listen to your gut and your heart when it comes to relationships and love. If it’s too soon to be with someone new, most of the time we know deep down–we just don’t want to face the truth. Even if you’ve met someone really great, if you’re not ready, it’s important to be real with yourself. Dr. Jill Weber claims that it’s important to be honest with yourself and completely examine your love life before moving on.

“Skipping this important step puts you at risk of entering another relationship without much self-growth and may set you up for even more unprocessed grief in the future.”

Instead of rushing into a relationship with someone else, invest in the relationship you have with yourself.

While we all want to be in love and happy, after a break-up it’s more important to invest in yourself than in someone new. Taking time between relationships allows you to learn from the past and prevent yourself from experiencing the same old heartbreak over and over again.