My Mind Is My Worst Enemy

As of today everything seemed normal, thoughts of a normal human would have, then realization happened. I was there thinking again, am I happy? Am I doing the right thing? And am I having a successful life? When do you realize you have a successful life?
When am I going to stop thinking that I deserve something better? And is this how I am going to live the rest of my life? Is my job worth the stress?

The moment of realization

Life happens as I think of all the things that I wish I would have in my life. Thoughts of unhappiness, and sadness barely make any space for the happiness I am supposed to experience. Yet I am trying to make an effort to succeed, to stop thinking I am not doing enough. And to stop comparing myself to others. So I keep going when I don’t even want to get up from bed.

Fighting my mind every second

​As time passes by, I keep catching myself losing track of my goals again; at least that’s what my mind wants me to believe. Beacause my mind keeps playing tricks on me, making me believe I am not doing what a successful person would do. And that I don’t have the right to take a break or sleep more. But at times, I see just how hard working I actually am. And I try to keep myself working towards my goal. I keep telling myself to stay focused and don’t punish myself for having a moment for just me.  However, my mind keeps making me believe a normal human being has no right to be tired, depressed, or feel sick.

Not only my mind but my family?

Then I realize it’s not only my mind that I need to fight. My family and even strangers make me doubt my abilities and ways to make things happen. They keep saying I can do better, and they keep asking why I never further my studies, and why don’t I start looking for another job? I feel overwhelmed by all of those questions, but I keep smiling as if they had the right to choose for me. And then I find myself lost again.

Enduring my reality to succeed

Is this how I am supposed to live? Because I keep having this thought, but I refuse to live like this, I AM working on myself. And I AM creating solutions. Because I am sure that this is my time to shine, I know I have a purpose in life and I know life is changing for good. Because life is showing me, little by little, that the wait was worth it, and that I have finally found my path. And this time, nothing will ever be the same.

Is destiny giving me signals?

Life is trying to tell me to hang in there. And to keep believing good stuff happens and miracles are real. Telling me that my mind played tricks on me all this time just to ensure that I am going to become the woman my young self would be proud of. Life is ever changing, like me, like my mind, my body and soul. This is THE time. Because THIS IS MY TIME.

About The Author

Maria De Leon is a peace searching, coffee lover with an International studies degree. She loves to write about personal experiences, real life scenarios, and all things memorable.
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