Grandma Happy Birthday in Heaven, you are so missed! 

It’s these days, the days you should be here that make losing you that much harder. Three years how has it been three years you have been gone. Life just don’t seem quite as good now that you aren’t here. Every major mile stone feels like there is something missing. A piece that we cannot get back. 

So today, on your third birthday in heaven I sit here, by your head stone. I know you aren’t here. It’s just the last place that we where with you. I have my coffee and I’m just staring at the sky. Words are mostly lost so I write. 

Days like today are the hardest. Your memory is so alive, yet everything feels different. There is an emptiness in days like today. Days when I wish I could be sitting at your feet while you play with my hair. While the cake is baking in the oven. I wish we could go to your favorite restaurant together, and come home to sing happy birthday. 

I pass the card isle at the store and think, I’ll never get to buy you a card again. I stand there for a few minutes looking at all the cards marked “Grandma” wishing I could see the smile on your face as you open it up. Seeing the tears in your eyes because you are so touched by it. Grandma, although these memories will stay with me forever, I long for just one more time. 

I reach for my phone to call you and tell you all about my day. Even though it’s been three years now. I think about our conversations. How when I would have a hard day I could here you say “stay strong, you can do this.” I look down at my wrist where it’s tattooed on me. 

It’s days like today when celebrating you makes my heart ache. When the little things in life feel so empty. When I just wish for one more day, even one more minute to see your smile. 

Happy Heavenly Birthday. Keep watching over us! We still need you. 

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To My Grandma I Miss with My Whole Heart, You Really Were the Best

I’m terrified that the memories I have of you will one day become blurry. Mom has the video tapes from when I was little and thankfully you were on a few.

 

I remember what you looked like, but your voice, I hate to say I don’t remember it.

 

You were the best grandma I could have asked for.

 

I remember being excited to come see you and I loved spending the nights at your house. The junk food we would eat. The card games we used to play. The trips to the park right down the street we used to play at.

 

Having to be quiet while you watched The 700 Club, but as soon as it was over, your attention was focused on us. Playing downstairs in the basement.

 

Helping to do your housework, yet never willingly helping my mom at home.

 

I remember being really little and you’d sit on the floor and play with my horses for what felt like hours at the time.

I used to love having all my cousins over and running around your yard and hopping the chain link fence, having hula hoop competitions.

 

All the home made cakes you used to make for our birthdays.

 

I feel like I didn’t get to spend enough time with you.

 

I know it was your time to leave and at the time I was okay with that. I still am.

 

Just every now and again, especially lately, I realize how much you are missing out on.

 

I know you’d be here if you could, so I’ll just hope you look down and smile.

 

But honestly, I would rather have the ten years I did with you than to have never had those ten years at all.

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