The Biggest Lessons You Learn Being Raised By A Single Mom

Growing up, things were never easy. Our household consisted of coupon cutting, sporadic family time, and a lot of rushed meals. My mother worked full-time, 6-days a week, and my sisters and I were all at different stages of our life, academically and socially. We were a tight-knit gang of 4—supporting each other every step of the way, but I’d be lying if I said things were easy.

There were times where I answered the phone and the bank was calling about money owed, times when I needed money for a school trip and the funds just weren’t there, times when I woke up in the middle of the night and heard my mom crying, quietly in her room. There were memories that I look back on and wonder if there were things I could have changed. But, there are traits and lessons I have learned, throughout the years, that made me realize that growing up with a single mother was the biggest blessing I could have been given.

 

How to manage my money.

My mother worked very hard to make sure that my sisters and I had everything we needed. But, working on a single income in New York City with three kids is not easy. In fact, my mom had to budget the sh*t out of her paycheck every single month to make sure she had enough to cover rent, food, electric, clothes, extracurricular funds, etc. Everyone in my family laughs and calls my mom the “bargain hunter,” but, she’s taught me the value of always looking for a less-expensive route in all that I do. Now, as an adult who has moved out on my own, I’m always looking for sales, looking at circular fliers, and trying to get everything for the lowest price possible. In the end, it only pays off—literally.

 

 

To The Strong Daughters Who Freed Themselves From Their Toxic Mothers

The one thing that I know I roll my eyes at every time I hear it slip out of someone’s mouth is “but she’s still your mother so you have to love her and forgive her.” Bullshit.

First off no one has the right to tell you who you have to love and who you have to let be a part of your life. Secondly, I am so proud of you if you had the courage to finally say enough is enough and walk away. It isn’t easy.

Being a mother isn’t just birthing you, clothing you, feeding you, or putting on a show so that way the rest of the world thinks you’re doing a great job.

Society casts this idea that mothers and daughters are supposed to be best friends. However for some women that isn’t the case. Just because she gave birth to you doesn’t make her your mother. It isn’t a right or a privilege that you get, despite what that person thinks. She doesn’t get to use that as blackmail either.

Maybe she’s oblivious to the pain she’s caused you, maybe she lives in a delusional world where she’s done no wrong or maybe there are just too many variables to even begin to understand. It doesn’t make it right.

It’s not an easy thing getting over. Mother’s Day comes around and you see everyone getting so excited about it and you’re torn between gagging and this gnawing feeling in your gut that you don’t get that luxury.

I bet it’s taken years for you to come to grasp with it. It’s potentially made you closed off from others. It’s gotten in the way of relationships, friendships, and daily activities at times. You’ll see small traits of her in you and you get so discouraged that any part of her could be seen in you.

You’re not her. You are far from her. And you are a caring, intelligent, gentle, kind, and wonderful woman.

You don’t have to forgive her. And you don’t have to communicate with her, you don’t have to love her, and you don’t have to acknowledge her.

If you take one thing from this don’t let anyone tell you any different. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are in the wrong for feeling the way you do. Don’t let anyone tell you that it makes you a bad person for removing her from your life.

You don’t have to respect anyone who doesn’t show you the same kind of respect. You don’t have to love someone who doesn’t love you back, especially a love that comes with conditions.

And you have the right to stand up for yourself. You have the right to remove anyone from your life that is toxic. And you have to right to be happy. You have the right to decide who your family is. And you make the decisions that are best for you.

See that word that keeps repeating, “You.”

It isn’t about her, at least not anymore because you’re stronger than that. And you don’t need hers or societies approval to live a life that is best for you.

And for those who look at these girls and tell them to “be respectful of their “mothers” or “I’m sure she loves you” or my all-time favorite, “Don’t be ungrateful, shebrought you into this world she is always your mother” please don’t.

She isn’t selfish, she isn’t naïve, and she’s not being rash or disrespectful. She’s doing what she knows is best for her.

At the end of the day you have yourself to answer to and I think you’ve turned into an amazing young woman without her.

XOXO

Moms Are Sharing The Moment They Knew They Were Done Having Kids

The number of kids people want to have varies wildly. Some moms are strictly one and done, while others are looking for a bigger family (and then of course there are families like the Duggars…).

But there comes a time for every mom when she knows she’s done having kids. It could be because she’s just so over pregnancy, or that she’s exhausted enough (or even happy enough) with the number she has. Or it could be for so many other reasons.

Here, 19 moms share the moment they knew they were D-O-N-E, period.

1. A positive reaction to a negative test.

“I didn’t realize I was done until we were trying for a second baby, the pregnancy test came back negative, and I was so damn happy. I figured that wasn’t really the appropriate response if I was serious about a second kid.”

thefirstn

2. A lack of joy at motherhood.

“I knew the day I brought my first baby home and realized I didn’t take joy in motherhood like I felt other moms did.”

samp40f492cb7

3. Because having another one could be dangerous.

“I had a traumatic birth experience with our second child and almost had a heart attack afterwards. I knew we were done when my husband looked at me and said, ‘Having another baby is not worth the possibility of losing you.'”

jessicabp

4. A super long time in labor.

“I knew when I was 36 hours into labor with my first…Three years later and I haven’t changed my mind.”

jessicam40704b8a1

5. Unbearable grossness.

“I always wanted four kids. Then we had twins. I knew I was done forever when they realized they could remove their diapers and ‘paint’ each other with their poop. I dry-heaved through their bath and swore never again.”

s478a8926f

6. Happy with just one.

“I always pictured myself having three kids, but then I had my daughter and immediately felt so complete. My husband, daughter and I are so happy that I don’t see us changing a thing.”

jma367

7. Pregnancy can be the worst.

“I hated pregnancy immensely. I hated how I looked, felt like shit, and never got that ‘glow’ so many women talk about. So I busted out two kids and that was it.”

laurenp48b42f47b

8. Too expensive.

“When my bank account told me.”

jessicaz4d684525e

9. Freedom!

“I knew I was done when both of my kids finally learned to buckle their own seatbelts, and I realized we could leave the house like normal human beings again.”

rachelramseyw

10. Holy ouch.

“I knew I was done when my 9-pound third baby came ‘too fast’ for an epidural.”

Kristen Morrow, Facebook

11. Too much male-ness.

“When I found out we were pregnant with our third boy and panicked about being outnumbered by penis in my own home.”

flores922

12. Already overwhelmed enough.

“I realized I was done having kids when I locked myself in the bathroom to cry in peace because I was so overwhelmed with the ones I have.”

d4ea205bf0

13. Again, OUCH.

“When I cried on the toilet from painful hemorrhoids while taking my first post-childbirth poop.”

Jessica Allen, Facebook

14. For the sake of the relationship.

“When my marriage almost didn’t make it through our first pregnancy, we decided one was enough.”

childrenofthecornbread

15. Traveling can be a nightmare.

“When we were on an airplane with our two kids and I imagined trying to do the trip with a whole other human. It was so overwhelming that I told my husband to get a vasectomy consult as soon as possible.”

lindsayb42bb479a4

16. Always knew there would be just one.

“We were always ‘one and done’ from the beginning of our relationship. We have career goals, we want to travel, we want to give our kid great experiences, and we want to be selfish. We wouldn’t be able to do those things with more than one child. We feel complete with our daughter, and with knowing we can give her everything we want to while still maintaining the lives we’ve become accustomed to.”

blueeyedbird

17. GIVING BIRTH IS EXCRUCIATING.

“When I was having my vagina and perineum repaired with over 100 stitches after birthing an 11-pound baby WHO GOT STUCK. She’s 10-years-old now, and shit still ain’t right with my delicate area.”

leannetillyk

18. Kids fighting.

“I knew I was done when I was at the store and saw a mom with two toddlers in her shopping cart fighting over who was touching who. No thanks!”

careyanneg

19. And finally, just no desire for another baby.

“When my friend brought her newborn to a Christmas party, and neither me nor my hubby had any desire to hold her.”

Jennifer Castillo, Facebook

h/t: BuzzFeed

Mom’s Viral Post Explains Why We Shouldn’t Be Teaching Kids ‘Not To Stare’

Staring isn’t something that only kids do—there are rude people all around us who are happy to stare, long, hard, and unembarrassed, at people around them who look different than they do. But kids are prone to staring by nature simply because they’re absolutely full of curiosity and everything is new to them. They haven’t yet learned that it’s a rude thing you’re not supposed to do.

But one mother is saying that we shouldn’t be teaching our kids not to stare because that just means ignoring everyone around them who looks different, and that’s not exactly ideal either.

Jenna Gines wrote a post on Facebook about how parents should react when their kids are staring at someone who looks different from most people, whether it’s gender-related, a physical disability, or just about anything that people tend to gawk at. Instead of just looking, she suggests actually interacting.

Facebook: Jenna Gines
Facebook: Jenna Gines

Her post, which includes pictures of two of her sons, one of whom uses a wheelchair, reads:

Please stop teaching your children not to stare!
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What are we teaching them when we say that? Don’t look at someone that is different then you. Don’t be curious or want to learn about something you’ve never seen before. Stay away from things that are different.

“Instead, let them stare. Let them ask questions, talk about it. What is it that they see? What is it that they’re curious about? What is different? What is the same?

If it’s someone using a wheelchair, say hi. If it’s someone that looks or acts different, say hi. If it’s someone ofshort stature, say hi.

“Teach your child about differences. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to notice it & to talk about it. It’s even better to make a new friend. It’s not okay to ignore, look away, or act like a person who is different isn’t there.
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Let’s embrace different. Let’s talk about differences & be the change we want to see in this world.”

People (other parents, as well as the people who so often find themselves being stared at) shared their thoughts in the comments.

Some moms learned something new and decided they’d be changing the way they interacted with people when their kids were staring.

Of course, there’s a difference between looking at someone and just straight-up gawking at them. Gawking is never okay.

And some people might not feel like talking about themselves, so it’s important for parents to be able to gauge the situation.

But it is true that by ignoring people completely, we teach our kids to be mean.

The ultimate goal is to make it so that kids learn to accept that there are people different from them, and that’s great. It’d be boring if we were all the same.

h/t: Someecards, Facebook: Jenna Gines

Study Claims That Spending Time With Your Mother Can Make Her Live Longer

It’s no secret that the relationship we have with our mother is special and unique. Whether we like it or not, she is the woman who brought us into this world. For me, personally, my mom is my very best friend. She’s my anchor, my safety net, and my soundboard whenever life gets hard. No matter what, she will always be there for me.

But, as I’ve gotten older and moved out, I’ve somehow spent less and less time with my mom. It’s hard to always find the time to see each other and hang out when we both work full-time and live in two different neighborhoods. While we speak on the phone every day, there’s nothing that’s quite like spending some quality time together. And, according to a scientific study, spending more time with your mother can help her live longer. 

In 2012, the study was published in the JAMA Internal Medicine and indicated that spending more time with your mother increases her lifespan slightly. The study said that loneliness is a significant factor in why older people die earlier. Loneliness in adults leads to increased depression and other health problems.

How did they discover this? Well, the study looked at 1,600 adults—with the average age of 71-years-old. They found that 23% of people who participated in the study who were lonely ended up dying within 6 years of being apart of the study. Only 14% of those who said they were not lonely died during the same 6 year period.

Basically, keeping your mom’s social life active, positive, and booming can allow her to escape the death grip of loneliness. And, if you can’t see her all of the time, at least try to call her once or twice a day and, possibly, see her once a week. You never know how much you can impact her life!

 

Doctor’s Viral Thread About Late Term Abortions Explains Why They Should Be Legal

Abortion is one of the most divisive issues in the country, and that’s saying a lot because we have plenty of divisive issues. So when New York state passed a bill allowing late-term abortions in cases where the health of the mother is endangered or strongly compromised, the backlash was quick and strong.
Continue reading Doctor’s Viral Thread About Late Term Abortions Explains Why They Should Be Legal

People Are Pranking Their Moms With A Fake Picture And The Results Are Hilarious

Our poor moms. They put up with so much from us and yet so many of us still feel the need to prank them from time to time just because we think it’s funny.

In a tweet that’s gone viral, Twitter user Jordan Rutledge posted a picture of an oven in which a pizza had been placed on a now-completely-melted PLASTIC cutting board. The picture originally seems to be from Reddit, where someone wrote that their daughter was the culprit. Was she stoned, or just not thinking, or basically dumb? We’ll probably never know.

Rutledge instructed his followers to text the picture to their moms and say, “I didn’t know you couldn’t put the cutting board in the oven.” Ouch.

The responses were predictably hilarious.

Moms, we feel your pain. We just think it’s funny! Just be happy this picture isn’t actually of your own oven.

To My Ex’s Mom, Thanks For Your Kindness

Your son and I had a special relationship and I will always consider it an amazing chapter in my life. Part of how great it was is the fact that you welcomed me into your family and made me feel like one of your own. You were far from the typical mom who doesn’t like any of their son’s girlfriends. Not you, you genuinely liked me, so it was definitely an added bonus to the already special relationship your son and I had.

You were non-judgmental, nice and treated me like a daughter.

You supported me, always looked out for me, and truly cared about me. Also, you always went out of your way to make sure I was okay, even after your son and I decided to put an end to the relationship.

The breakup was hard, but I think it was harder for me because I not only had to part ways with your son but also with everything related to him, including his mom. I understand that the dynamic of our relationship has to change, it’s just how it works. Even if your son and I decide to continue being friends down the line, it wouldn’t make sense for me now to be around like I used to.

I’m truly going to miss you.

Our long conversations about life, your stories and especially your good advice. You always knew the right things to say to me and I’m so grateful for all the knowledge that you were always so willing to share with me.

I hope you know that regardless of how my relationship with your son evolves in the future, I still have the same love and respect for you.

I’m extremely grateful for all the guidance that you’ve provided me with while I was around and for your infinite kindness.

Thank you for welcoming me into your family and for also being so understanding throughout the process of your son and I breaking up.

I know that if we ever cross each other’s path, you will greet me with a big smile and a big hug, that’s how amazing you are and that’s why the love and respect that  I have for you will never change.

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To My Above and Beyond Mom, I’ll Be Lucky If I’m Half the Woman You Are

My mom is above and beyond.

The way I see it, moms have 3 main jobs. First, literally bringing new life into this world, second, loving their children unconditionally, and third, becoming their child’s best friend.

While every mom completes their first task, and we hope the second as well, making it to the last one isn’t as common. For myself and the others, whose mothers fulfilled all three duties, we know how lucky we are

And from our hearts to those of our moms, we thank you.

While you say that I’m your greatest gift, I know that I’m the one who’s blessed. You have one of the most beautiful souls I have ever seen in a person. No matter how much I may have been through, I know you have been through countless more trials and tribulations than I can even bear to imagine. You’ve shown me what true strength looks like.

When I try to list all the things you’ve done for me, I lose count after the 963726th one.

Growing into my own skin can seem impossibly difficult sometimes, but you’ve shown me how to love the person I am, especially when I doubt myself. You’re always there for me whenever I need you, no matter the hour of the day. You were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board for advice, a personal shopper, and a chef when I was hungry.

From day one, I wanted to be just like you.

A Thank You To My Mom, Everything I Am Is Because of You

From the moment I entered this world, my mom has had my back. She is my absolute everything.

She is the first one I call when something goes wrong and the first one I call when something incredible happens.

She was there when I was a rebellious teen and pushed her away and is still here now that I’m twenty-something and call her thirteen times a day. And to my mom, how can I say thank you to my mom enough?

I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better woman to be my mother. She is my teacher, my comforter, my home, my best friend. She has never steered me wrong.

She has stood by me through stupid boys, late night study sessions, random phone calls asking what setting the washing machine should be on because I’d never lived away from her before.

Through every smile and every stress-induced, tear-filled, crazy moment, she’s been there.

She knows exactly how I think and how deeply I feel things, and, most importantly, she knows I don’t mean the things I say when I’m hangry.

Without a doubt, she is my rock and will forever be my best friend. I would be lost in this world without this beautiful angel I was assigned.

She carries me when I am weak, picks me up when I fail, and rejoices with me when I succeed.

She has taught me that it’s okay to make mistakes and that my ponytails don’t have to be bump-free. She has taught me how to love but also how to stand up for myself.

Everything that I am and hope to be I owe to my mother. I wouldn’t be half of what I am today if not for her guidance, love, and support.

I could write pages about her forgiveness, kindness, strength, unconditional love… But no amount of words could ever express how grateful I am to have her in my life or just how much I love her.

For more from RC, visit her writer’s page here. 

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