New Year Resolution: Growing into Your Best Self

 

Every year we sit down and think about what our New Year’s resolution is going to be.  And every year it mostly revolves one way or another to be something that changes us to make us better. We make resolutions that are anything from losing weight or quitting smoking to spending more time with our families or finding a new job. The problem is that most of us who make a resolution abandon it within the first three months. We tend to get distracted, lose focus or decide that it is just too hard to accomplish our goal.  The latter tends to flow from a place where we are not confident in our abilities to get the goal accomplished.

 

Make a Pros and Cons list 

Think for a minute about wanting to quit smoking.  When you think about it, the first response you have is that you can do it.  You make a list of things you can try whether it is quitting cold turkey, using the patches, exercise, online support groups, or going to see a doctor for the pills that help you stop.   You make a pros and cons list of why it is important for you to stop. 

The pros include feeling better, getting healthy, or saving money. The cons include getting lung cancer, wasting money, or you can’t run a quarter of a mile without feeling like your lungs are going to burst out of your chest.  All of these options, pros, and cons just pile up in your mind to reinforce that you can do it, you can quit smoking. 

An alternative to smoking could be getting involved with a new hobby and not having time to think about your vice. Instead of smoking a cigarette or two, you can grow plants indoors by using grow tents. Plants require a lot of time and attention from you and this will prove an effective way to overcome cigarette cravings. 

 

The Risk of Giving Up

Three months later your car breaks down, you lose your job, or you go through a bad breakup.  Here come the triggers.  Now you are stressed out or depressed.  The first thing you reach for is a cigarette, or maybe you think that smoking a cigar or a vape is better so you go that route.  You don’t even realize at the time that you are inhaling nicotine regardless of how you are inhaling it.  You just think that because you are just needing a little hit if you don’t pick up the cigarette that you are so used to, that it will not affect your goal.  

However, the end result is you are right back where you started on the first day of the new year and you have broken your resolution.  Now most people at this point, just say they just proved that they can’t do it, so they lay down their resolution and say maybe they will be stronger next year.  But what if you had help?  What if there was a training workshop that could help you from the beginning of the idea of what resolution you were going to make?  I know you are thinking to yourself that there is nothing like that.  But there is.  It’s called assertiveness training.

 

Join a Workshop that Can Help 

The definition of assertiveness training is a method of training individuals to act in a bold self-confident manner; is a form of behavior therapy designed to help people empower themselves.The assertiveness training workshops have been around since the women’s movement of the 1970s that dealt with mental health and personal growth groups.  It grew out of the realization that many women in the movement were hindering themselves by their lack of ability to be assertive. Today’s assertiveness training workshops are used as part of communication training for such programs as substance abuse treatment, social skills training, vocational programs, and responding to harassment. 

The purpose is to teach people to identify and act on their desires, needs, and opinions while remaining respectful of others. There is a broad approach to the training that can be used for different personal, academic, health care, and work situations.  Some of the areas that the training helps include conflict resolution, realistic goal setting, and stress management.  It also helps with our personal choices that include, but are not limited to, quitting the use of drugs and alcohol, and self-care. In addition to that, you could start attending Job Training Courses which provide you with career development, enrich your mind, and motivate you to go on with your goals instead of giving up. 

These go right in line with our example of our New Year’s resolution to quit smoking along with any number of resolutions you want to set for yourself this year. Add an assertiveness training workshop to your resolution and by the end of the year, mark that goal as accomplished.

 

About The Author

Freya is a Math teacher, Yoga enthusiast, and a beloved mother of three lovely daughters. She is always looking for ways to grow and help others around her thrive through self-learning, meditation, and physical fitness. When she is not teaching or spending time with her family, Freya regularly writes on topics related to self-improvement and women empowerment.

To My Ex Who Won’t Leave Me Alone, It’s Time To Move The Fuck On

Every single time I think that I’m in the clear, there you are again.

 

You’re liking my best friend’s Facebook photos when I’m tagged in them and commenting on my Instagram photos to tell me that I’m beautiful. You’re favoriting my tweets and always watching my Snapchat stories.

I tell myself that you’re just a little hung up on me and that it’s “totally normal” to still like your ex’s posts. You’re just taking a little longer than most people to let go of your last relationship.

My friends say that I need to stop being nice. “He liked that pic I posted last night,” they’ll text me, and I just think it’s kind of creepy that he’s still so into you after you broke up so long ago.”

I always tell my friends the same thing I tell myself: You’re just a little hung up on me. Maybe you’re just being nice. It’s totally normal to still like your ex’s posts on social media.

To The Guy Who Thought I Didn’t Deserve The Truth

“All the girls that you’ve run dry have tired lifeless eyes, cause you’ve burned them out…” 

I’ve sat and tried to process everything that has transpired since the day you left me again. My mind replays the story like a broken record and I’m struggling to make peace with the evil left in my head.

 

Daily, I must remind myself that the memories we shared were unknowingly filled with deceit and manipulation the entire time. A mistake repeated more than once is a choice.

 

You chose to lie to me. And you chose to break us. You chose to be unfaithful. 

 

Maybe you should know that I no longer trust anyone. That feeling of safety and security in the arms of the one I love, the intimacy of sharing every shattered and hopeful dream, the pure bliss of listening quietly to my lovers heartbeat, or the tender kisses to fluttering eyelids have all been tainted by the sting of betrayal.

 

If it Doesn’t Challenge You, it Won’t Change You

Since beginning my blog, I have noticed that all I seem to write about is my previous breakup, being single, moving on, finding myself or losing myself and so forth. Truth is, it is all I seem to be good at writing about right now. I am still in this phase of moving on from my past and looking toward a new future. And I have found myself in a funk lately trying to figure out what it is I truly want out of life and what the next phase may be like. I have been so focused on my past lately that I haven’t made the time to focus on myself.

 

This year so far has completely changed me. It has changed the way I see things, the way I view myself and has helped me realize what I do and don’t want for my future. I’ve lost and gained friends, made multiple mistakes, learned and am still learning from those mistakes, looked stupid on many occasions and yet, have learned to accept that I am only human and there are others out there who have been through the exact same things.

 

Being single isn’t all it’s truly cracked up to be and yet it is just what I needed at this point in my life. I was just speaking to my mom about how surreal life is for me in this moment. A year ago I could of been married and here I am now, single and living in Atlanta with two roommates (who I truly cherish).

Because When I Found Closure, I Found Myself

Closure

I used to be the girl who couldn’t make a decision for her life. I’d refuse to break up with guys even when I wasn’t feeling it anymore, always giving them just enough attention to keep them interested, I avoided difficult conversations at all costs and lashed out in anger when I didn’t know how to say goodbye.

I clung for dear life to people, habits, and identities because it made me feel safe like everything would be okay if I had them.

Goodbye

 

Until it hit me that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we don’t get our fairytale goodbye. Sometimes the page is torn out before we’re ready and the jagged edges leave track marks on our heart and sometimes life closes a door for us.

Memories

Someone dies, an ex gets engaged, a window of opportunity is slammed shut and we are left with a choice; am I going to bang on the door and demand all my unrealized expectations be met, or can I gather my memories and walk away?

Freedom

What I’ve learned is closure is cathartic, it’s liberating, but damn it is illusive. I hear it all the time, “I can’t stop talking to him, I haven’t had closure.” “I can’t seem to let go, something is holding me back.” “I’m scared if I close this door, nothing better will come along.”

Thoughts

Thoughts like these weigh us down, anchoring us to this negativity that restricts us from our full potential. Now I kinda get off on putting things to bed; closing the lid, wrapping a big bow around it and putting it away for good.

Exit mobile version