4 Tips for Getting Back into Dating Scene After A Bad Breakup

 

Getting back into the dating scene after you’ve been burned can be pretty difficult. Regardless of how long you’ve been dating, a bad breakup can make you question many things – from why the breakup happened to even your self-worth. 

And then comes the time when you begin to wonder whether you should get back into dating or not. The thing is, you’ll have to, at some point. But the time you take off from dating depends solely on you. Still, whether you’re ready or not, there are some things you should know. 

When it comes to the dating scene in Australia, things have changed in many ways due to the outbreak of coronavirus. Since we were restricted to physically meet and date traditionally, we had to think of smart ways to meet people and date. That’s where the popularity of online dating and dating apps grew, and it continues to grow further.

Now, that you’re aware of that, we can check out all the tips that can help you get ready to start dating again.

 

1. Don’t date immediately after the breakup

It’s common knowledge, but it’s never a good idea to immediately get back to dating after you’ve ended a bad relationship.

Deciding when to start dating is tricky and there is no rule that you should follow. It only depends on you. However, jumping from one relationship into another can be a recipe for a disaster. Feelings are still running high – both positive and negative ones, and getting into another relationship when you still haven’t really gotten over your ex can be messy.

That’s why you should take time to heal your wounds, stop obsessing over your ex, and accept the fact that it’s over. And do all of that on your timeline.

 

2. Have fun first

If your previous relationship has been a serious one but ended badly, the worst possible thing that you could do is get into another serious relationship without having some fun first.

Don’t rush things and don’t throw yourself headfirst into another serious relationship. Have fun while dating, explore your options and most of all learn from your previous mistakes. Simply take time to meet different people and be open-minded!

 

3. Hire a dating agency or date online

Meeting people after a bad breakup can be daunting, what if you get hurt again? Thankfully, these days we have many different options that can help us break the ice and meet new people.

When first starting to date again after a bad breakup you have the option of online dating, dating apps, or hiring a dating agency. With online dating, you have all the time you want to chat with someone before deciding to meet them in person – no need to rush things. Additionally, many dating sites and apps are free, so you won’t be spending money in vain.

On the other hand, if you don’t want to waste your time and energy on meeting people with whom you have nothing in common or no connection at all, you can let professionals help you out. 

Relationship experts from the best dating agency in Sydney can help you meet people who are serious, who match your personality and profile type, and who share your views and values. All this without wasting time and energy on countless dates.

So, if you are stepping back into dating waters, start with online dating or maybe hire an agency. Currently, some of the most popular dating sites and apps in Australia include Bumble, Hinge, Raya, Tinder, and many more.

 

4. Don’t take your ex back

A very common mistake that many people make is to take their ex back even after the bad breakup. The problem is that getting back together has nothing to do with love and everything to do with habit. 

You’re both so used to each other that the prospect of meeting new people and going through the whole dating process again seems impossible. Sometimes a breakup is the best possible solution even if it doesn’t seem so at the moment. 

Don’t fall into the trap of getting back together, you’ll be more miserable in that relationship than on your own.

Without sugarcoating things, stepping back into the dating scene after a bad breakup will be difficult. It will take time and a lot of work, but eventually, you’ll need to put yourself out there. However, the key is to take your time, don’t rush things and you’ll know exactly when you’re ready to move on and start dating again.

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About The Author

Jasmine Anderson is a Sydney based lifestyle blogger and a toddler mom, with a Fine Arts Bachelor’s degree. Expressing herself through different mediums is what keeps her spirit bright. She loves to spend quality time with her family, go thrifting, and spend just a little bit too much time on the internet.  You can follow Jasmine on Twitter

Twenty Five Things I Would Tell Him To Get Closure If I Could

1.) Yes– You deceived me. But now I know what to look for, and I will spot a guy like you in the future.

2.) Don’t worry, I already know I am better off without you. I’ll be just fine.

3.) You lied to me. About so many things. And that is on you.

4.) How many girls did you treat this way? How do you sleep at night?

5.) You are two people rolled into one. I liked the good guy in you, The other guy took over.

6.) You are a complete narcissist.

7.) I cannot believe I fell for your short lived courtship. I should have seen through the BS right away.

8.) I promise I won’t let this terrible experience ruin my future love.

9.) I will only love harder when the right person is in my life because of you.

10.) I deserve to be with someone who cares deeply and loves fairly.

11.) Maybe this love lesson will reveal even more when the right guy is in my life?

12.) I will give good guys more of a chance. Maybe what I thought was boring would actually be drama free?

13.) Your toxic love consumed me. I need to take a relationship break to heal from this.

14.) I appreciate my friends so much. Thank you for reminding me how much I need them. Oh and I should really listen to my friends. Because they never liked you.

15.) I will never lose myself in someone’s drama again.

16.) The future that I dreamed of will still happen for me. You just won’t be in the picture.

17.) If you run into me, please don’t say anything. I no longer want to hear it.

18.) I feel sorry for your next girlfriend. I really do.

19.) Remember when you rolled your eyes at me when I would say something you did not approve of? Fuck you. You aren’t my dad.

20.) I believe I speak for all women when i say this. I will eat, whatever the fuck I want. And I will wear, whatever the fuck I want. Any questions? See number 19.

21.) When you walked ahead of me instead of taking my hand when we strolled down the street together, that honestly hurt me.

22.) When you would expect me to drop everything for you but you would cancel our plans last minute. I hate you for that.

23.) You disrespected me in so many ways. How smart I am, how caring and I am and that I am easily replaced.  Good luck finding someone who made an effort like me.

24.) You have lousy taste in shoes. There, I said it.

25.) Seriously, what was I thinking? You were a waste of my time. I am so much better than this. And so much better off without you. So Thanks, for nothing.

–Sincerely, your EX

 

Here’s to Moving On

Moving on.

The “Epilogue” of a relationship that no one expects to go through. What does it mean to “move on”?

Everyone has a different understanding of the term, however, they all come to the same conclusion: moving on sucks. Theres no sugar coating it. The end all be all of a relationship.

 

He got the best and the worst of me. He knows me better than anyone else and I don’t know how to have that with someone other than him. The person who taught me how to love, to be invincible, to be human, is the one that broke my heart into pieces without looking back.

 

We had dreams of a future that we only saw the good in. We didn’t see the nasty fights, the spitting and throwing fists. We didn’t see the late night arguments and chasing each other down the street just to say I’m sorry and begin all over again.

I was in an endless hurricane on a boat with no sail, drowning in an ocean with no bottom. 

 

This wasn’t a relationship. It was two people in a downward spiral, headed no where. It was as if clouds came, letting go the rain and it felt like it was a constant downpour with no room for sunshine.

 

We gave it all, and sometimes more than others. He broke my heart, just like I did his. When it comes down to it, I wasn’t who he wanted anymore, just like he wasn’t who I needed anymore.

 

I am living my life, from now on, how I plan to do so. You don’t get to remind me of every mistake I’ve ever made anymore. You don’t get to make me feel any less than I am anymore. You don’t get to ruin me, anymore. I will find my life without you again. I regret some decisions we’ve made but one I will never regret: the decision to end this. 

 

There is light at the end of this tunnel, because it is my tunnel. So here’s to moving on.

 

My Final Letter To The Man Who Left Without Saying Goodbye

You left without saying good-bye.  The one thing you promised you would do when you left…and you didn’t.  By this point, I feel like I should be devastated…I should be so far broken and beneath the surface that the thought of rebuilding myself and climbing out isn’t an option.  My God, you almost killed me, rhetorically speaking.  Our whole shit show of a relationship almost killed me.  My hopefulness for love and life in general, was almost lost again.  Almost.  Our last conversation was bad, but I didn’t know that’d be the last one.  You put so much of the guilt you carried on me, like it was my fault…like I was to blame for the choices we made.

 

But it’s ok.  I can’t speak ill of you.  I won’t ever.  I won’t ever say a negative thing about you.  It was still real…every word we spoke to each other, every kiss and every intimate moment.  Every sleepless night, whether it was spent beneath the sheets or just laughing about any and everything…it was real.  But you’re not the one for me, and I’m clearly not the one for you.  I told you this would either be a lesson or a blessing.  But it was both.

Trying To Say Good bye

 

If I counted how many times I’ve tried to say “good-bye” to you I would probably be close to publishing a book.  I think it’s important, though, to document; to write out how we feel…in any circumstance.  Who knows, maybe this will turn into a book.  A book of good-byes.  A book of saying the same thing over and over again, yet maybe in a different way so I could hope for a different result.  But the first thing we learn in psychology is if we always do what we’ve always done, then we’ll always get what we’ve always gotten.  I’ve seen you a handful of times in passing recently…petty, irrelevant exchanges were all we had.

 

Is that all we have left?  Me, being barely able to make words when I pass by you.  And you, a quick wave and a hello.  You seem more confident than I am, but I think that’s my own false perception.  I have a text message just sitting in our text exchange just waiting for me to push send on.  There’s no question that I’ll eventually send it, but my mind thinks there’s a better time for it.  How silly.  It says I miss you.  And it says I am not handling this very well.  It says I am sorry.  All three of those statements are honest and true.  I do not know how you will respond, and I think the reason why I won’t push send is because I’m clearly scared of the response.

 

What am I doing?  Just push send.  I know what I need from you, and part of me is scared to ask.  It just needs to become real..  I need you to tell me that you want nothing from me.  And I need you to tell me that you have zero feelings, emotional or otherwise towards me.  I need you to tell me that you’re going to live your life and never think of me again. And I need to know that I mean nothing to you.

 

You Were Right, I Was Too Good for You

In the beginning, you always joked that I was way out of your league. You would say that I could do better and that you did not deserve me. 

 

I would always say you were crazy and wrong because I wanted to believe it was not true. However, looking back now, I see now just how right you were.

 

You lacked a basic respect for other human beings, you treated people as if they were no better than the dirt you walk on but then expected to be treated like a king in return. 

 

No matter how much I tried to encourage you to be open-minded, you went through life as if the world owed you something. 

 

You thought you deserved all of this greatness but then refused to put in the effort to earn it. You were judgmental; full of yourself and sometimes, just flat out mean.

 

Why Loving a Guy Who Isn’t Good for You Is Like an Addiction

Nobody tries a drug with the intention of becoming addicted. It just happens. It starts out feeling great but then you start to notice the downfalls of the drug.

As good as the drug makes you feel, it also makes you feel horrible. Before you know it, you’re willing to lose everything for the drug just for that high. When the high wears off, you start to feel crappy again and you wish you could stop. But you’re addicted.

Love is like a drug and being in love with someone can give you a high like no other. 

 

You meet a guy who you know is probably not right for you, but there’s something so appealing about him. He’s confident and charming and his pursuit of you makes you feel special in a way you’ve never felt before. So you decide to try things out with him just for the hell of it. He makes you feel good so you figure why not just enjoy the feeling?

 

You give it a try out of curiosity. 

He’s texting and calling you from morning to night. He sees you as often as he can. He’s acting as if there is nothing in the world more important than you. He’s interested in everything you have to say. He shares things with you that seem so intimate and it feels amazing to think he chooses you to share these things with. He’s making you feel so great that you figure you were wrong to think he wasn’t right for you when you first met him. Soon enough you’ve fallen head over heels for the guy you though would just be a temporary fix for you.

He’s all you can think about. He makes you feel so wonderful that all you want to do is talk to him or be with him. You can’t focus on anything else other than him.

To My Ex Who Won’t Leave Me Alone, It’s Time To Move The Fuck On

Every single time I think that I’m in the clear, there you are again.

 

You’re liking my best friend’s Facebook photos when I’m tagged in them and commenting on my Instagram photos to tell me that I’m beautiful. You’re favoriting my tweets and always watching my Snapchat stories.

I tell myself that you’re just a little hung up on me and that it’s “totally normal” to still like your ex’s posts. You’re just taking a little longer than most people to let go of your last relationship.

My friends say that I need to stop being nice. “He liked that pic I posted last night,” they’ll text me, and I just think it’s kind of creepy that he’s still so into you after you broke up so long ago.”

I always tell my friends the same thing I tell myself: You’re just a little hung up on me. Maybe you’re just being nice. It’s totally normal to still like your ex’s posts on social media.

You’re Still My Favorite Yet Most Painful Memory to Think About

Every morning you wake up and you have to remind yourself of a few things;  remind yourself he chose her, remind yourself he’s not the guy you fell in love with anymore, remind yourself of the pain he caused when he completely shattered your heart and left you there to gather up all the broken pieces and fit them together again.

The memories come to you in waves, slowly at first making it hard to breathe and then all at once they pull you under the surface, engulfing you in them.

 Or at least that’s what it feels like. Heartbreak is messy.

It starts with staying up all night crying yourself endless rivers of tears, just to fall asleep and dream of him, locked in a constant nightmare.  It’s breaking down at three in the afternoon because you heard that song, the one he told you reminded him of you two. It’s not eating because the thought of food just makes you want to literally get sick.  It’s watching a movie and seeing something you so desperately want to tell him then remembering you can’t.  It’s remembering he isn’t your best friend anymore.

To the narcissist who broke my heart and made me move on

When We Met

It’s hard to imagine that we met almost a year ago and in less than a year, you erased me from your life like I was nothing. 

Happiness

And it’s hard to imagine that I felt so secure and loved by you, that I planned to stay by your side when all your friends graduated and moved on, when you were all alone in a new city, when you were unhappy in your job. Whatever it might’ve been, I was prepared to stick by your side through it all. 

Closer

It’s hard to imagine that I was looking at new jobs in a new city to move closer to you and that you were going to let me. And for what? To watch me uproot my entire life and then tell me you never loved me? 

Felt Right

And it’s hard to imagine you with anyone else but me. But you’ve made it very clear in your recent pictures and newly added friends that you imagined yourself with everyone else but me. 

Blame

It’s hard to imagine I blamed myself for why you couldn’t perform during sex. But I realize now, you’re the one to blame. You had other interests and attractions and it had nothing to do with me at all. 

Fool

And it’s hard to imagine I was a fool. But I was your fool. You let me believe we were stable and secure. You let me believe I had finally found the one I truly deserved and longed for. 

Feelings

It’s hard to imagine feelings can just disappear in less than 24 hours. But then I realized, you never really had any feelings for me. 

Love

And it’s hard to imagine I loved you so much, I was willing to look past all the red flags. I made you my number one priority and respected the hell out of you. But in return I was left with abandonment, betrayal, disrespect, exclusion, and contempt.

Begged

It’s hard to imagine I begged you to stay and fight for me when you so clearly wanted nothing but yourself.

Childish

And it’s hard to imagine the man I thought you were is just a little kid throwing a temper tantrum because he didn’t get what he wanted. 

It’s hard to imagine the man I thought you were is just a manipulative, abusive, narcissistic boy.

Trauma

And it’s hard to imagine I have nightmares every night that you walked away from me and when I wake up, I realize these nightmares are my reality. 

It’s hard to imagine that I have chronic fatigue syndrome, yet I still can’t sleep at night. And it’s hard to imagine that the girl who always tired, now needs sleeping pills to keep her thoughts at bay.

And it’s hard to imagine this emotional and physical pain will subside, but I know one day it will. 

Moving On

It’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who meets my emotional requirements like I thought you did. It’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who gives me butterflies like you did. And it’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who makes me feel safe, secure and loved like you did. 

Because I know at the end of the day, all of that can be ripped out from under you in minutes. And I know the only person I can rely on for happiness and love is myself. Because I know the only person I can rely on to fill all of my needs and requirements is myself. 

I know I don’t need someone, I want someone. And I want to be loved as much as I love. I want to share my life with someone and be their equal. And I want to have passionate sex and heated arguments. I want a partnership where I am respected. And I want a relationship where I am treated as a human being. I want to be seen in all my perfections and imperfections. And I want to know at the end of the day, that someone will stay. 

So one day, you will become a blur in my mind and my memories. But until then I continue to learn how to love myself one day at a time. And one day I will love myself so hard, someone deserving of that love will finally come my way and be everything you will never be. 

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