To the narcissist who broke my heart and made me move on

When We Met

It’s hard to imagine that we met almost a year ago and in less than a year, you erased me from your life like I was nothing. 

Happiness

And it’s hard to imagine that I felt so secure and loved by you, that I planned to stay by your side when all your friends graduated and moved on, when you were all alone in a new city, when you were unhappy in your job. Whatever it might’ve been, I was prepared to stick by your side through it all. 

Closer

It’s hard to imagine that I was looking at new jobs in a new city to move closer to you and that you were going to let me. And for what? To watch me uproot my entire life and then tell me you never loved me? 

Felt Right

And it’s hard to imagine you with anyone else but me. But you’ve made it very clear in your recent pictures and newly added friends that you imagined yourself with everyone else but me. 

Blame

It’s hard to imagine I blamed myself for why you couldn’t perform during sex. But I realize now, you’re the one to blame. You had other interests and attractions and it had nothing to do with me at all. 

Fool

And it’s hard to imagine I was a fool. But I was your fool. You let me believe we were stable and secure. You let me believe I had finally found the one I truly deserved and longed for. 

Feelings

It’s hard to imagine feelings can just disappear in less than 24 hours. But then I realized, you never really had any feelings for me. 

Love

And it’s hard to imagine I loved you so much, I was willing to look past all the red flags. I made you my number one priority and respected the hell out of you. But in return I was left with abandonment, betrayal, disrespect, exclusion, and contempt.

Begged

It’s hard to imagine I begged you to stay and fight for me when you so clearly wanted nothing but yourself.

Childish

And it’s hard to imagine the man I thought you were is just a little kid throwing a temper tantrum because he didn’t get what he wanted. 

It’s hard to imagine the man I thought you were is just a manipulative, abusive, narcissistic boy.

Trauma

And it’s hard to imagine I have nightmares every night that you walked away from me and when I wake up, I realize these nightmares are my reality. 

It’s hard to imagine that I have chronic fatigue syndrome, yet I still can’t sleep at night. And it’s hard to imagine that the girl who always tired, now needs sleeping pills to keep her thoughts at bay.

And it’s hard to imagine this emotional and physical pain will subside, but I know one day it will. 

Moving On

It’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who meets my emotional requirements like I thought you did. It’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who gives me butterflies like you did. And it’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who makes me feel safe, secure and loved like you did. 

Because I know at the end of the day, all of that can be ripped out from under you in minutes. And I know the only person I can rely on for happiness and love is myself. Because I know the only person I can rely on to fill all of my needs and requirements is myself. 

I know I don’t need someone, I want someone. And I want to be loved as much as I love. I want to share my life with someone and be their equal. And I want to have passionate sex and heated arguments. I want a partnership where I am respected. And I want a relationship where I am treated as a human being. I want to be seen in all my perfections and imperfections. And I want to know at the end of the day, that someone will stay. 

So one day, you will become a blur in my mind and my memories. But until then I continue to learn how to love myself one day at a time. And one day I will love myself so hard, someone deserving of that love will finally come my way and be everything you will never be. 

20 Things That Make You Look Selfish Even If You’re Not

It’s important not to worry too much about what other people might say about you. It’s really easy to get called “selfish” just for taking the time to make sure your own personal needs are met. But we’d never be able to take care of others without taking care of ourselves first.

And honestly, we’re not always up for taking care of others anyway. There is no rule that says other people are always supposed to come before yourself.

Here are some behaviors that might get you labeled “selfish” when you really, truly aren’t.

1.

Putting your mental health first.

butternutpansies

2.

Being judicious with your time and energy, when people ask you to do things.

TheSanityInspector

3.

Telling your family “no” when you feel you have maxed out your contribution to whatever cause they are campaigning. Especially when their methods of negotiation include applying guilt.

onetimerone

4.

Limiting contact with a friend whose issues are now affecting your own happiness. You have to look out for yourself, too.

hopebirmingham

5.

Healthy firm relationship boundaries.

friendlyantisocial

6.

saying no to people. you dont have to always help people if it will spread you too thin. self preservation is a thing.

rngtrtl

7.

Thinking about yourself first. You’re no good to others if you aren’t good to yourself.

imbluedabadidaa

8.

Solitude.

Sometimes it’s insanely healthy to be with yourself.

Sometimes the timing doesn’t mesh with others’ lives.

StanFitch

9.

Cutting off toxic family members/in-laws. I have cut my narcissistic abusive sister out of my life and I am in the process of cutting off my mother-in-law. Life is too short to allow abuse into your life because your abuser is a family member.

Needlesstosa

10.

You are told when on a flight that if the oxygen masks come down, put yours on first before you try to put them on your child.

You can get yours on relatively quickly, but if you’re spending all your oxygen trying to fight your kid first, that’s asking for trouble and it might not be enough time to do both that way.

llcucf80

Dear Mr. Hyde

We first met years ago. About fifteen to be exact. I was much too young to properly express how much I loathed you. You were under the impression that I didn’t notice who you truly were. That the potion you drank to make everything better actually worked. But it didn’t. Rather than bring back Dr. Jeckyll, the potion fed the monster you are.

It took a near-death experience, but he learned to live without the potion, and I got used to having Dr. Jeckyll back. He kept you away for fifteen years. One night of temptation and you returned just like that. Dr. Jeckyll would never lay a hand on me, but you…you don’t care. I’m your daughter, but I’m not as important as that potion. You still think it makes everything better. You still think Dr. Jeckyll is there. But when you’re around, he’s nowhere to be found. I fear you will never go away. Even worse, I fear you will be the death of him.

No matter what I do or where I go, you will always haunt me. I will never be able to be around anyone who drinks the same potion you do without expecting them to turn into a monster. And I will always cringe at the slightest raise of someone’s voice in anger whether it’s aimed at me or not. I will always think negatively of myself because of what you’ve implanted into my mind. After all, they always say the potion brings out your truest thoughts.

For as long as you live, I will forever worry and wonder if he’s okay. Even after separating myself from both of you. I will always wonder if he’ll be found passed out at the wheel of the car, or in an accident that either kills him or those in the car he collided with (or both). And I will always wonder if your big mouth caused someone to plunge a blade into his body or shoot a bullet into his skull. I will always question why it had to be Jeckyll. I will always question why you had to return and ruin what he built for himself.

He will never understand just what you do to him. He will never truly know the monster you turn him into. And he will continue to make empty apologies and promises, all because he does not know you like I do. He will continue to believe that you are here to help. That you are the one that will solve everything.

And he will always trust you over his baby girl, so long as he allows you to exist.

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