I Have ‘High-Functioning Anxiety’ & Here’s How It Affects My Everyday Life

Most people don’t know that I have anxiety unless I tell them. I don’t seem like your “typical person with anxiety,” – or, whatever that means. Most people are shocked when I bring up my anxiety problems with them because, I don’t really struggle or function like the people in most stories, narratives or conversations typically do. But, that doesn’t mean that my anxiety problems are any less real or raw than others. Ever since I was young, I have always felt like my mind, my body and my life was on “over-drive.” I grew up in a very chaotic home and my childhood was never truly “stable.” With divorced parents, numerous financial issues, social struggles and other occurrences that most children don’t typically go through – I always felt as though I was “different.” After struggling for years, my mom thought that at 12-years-old, it’d be worth it for me to go “talk to someone” and see a therapist.

After years of therapy and seeing numerous specialists, I’ve been told by several doctors that I have what is known as “high functioning anxiety.” From an outsiders’ point of view, I’m a perfectionist, an ambitious worker, a social butterfly, a strong woman, a “happy-go-lucky” person, an organized individual. From a therapist’s point of view, I use work, conversations, risky decisions and non-stop schedules to mask my anxious thoughts.

Throughout my life, I have always been the girl from my small neighborhood that succeeded. Parents would always stop me when they’d run into me and say how “impressed” they were with how much I’ve achieved. Friends would reach out on Facebook and tell me how much they read my work and how awesome it was to know someone who writes for so many sites. My family would constantly speak about me in praise because I had pushed myself to succeed so well. If you looked at me, you’d never know that the majority of my accomplishments were parallel with an anxiety disorder I had struggled with and masked for years on end. While it may seem like anxiety typically is filled with despair, the kind of anxiety I had been told I deal with is “high-functioning,” which means, the majority of my disorder is masked with success. Along the way, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my anxiety and how to cope with it on an everyday basis.

My schedule is always packed because being busy means I have less time to think.

Ever since I was in high school, my schedule was jam-packed with things to do. I worked a few nights a week while in high school at a local pizzeria to keep busy. When I went to college, I picked up two more jobs while going to school full-time. Working or going to school 7-days per week kept me always running to do something and be somewhere that was important. It wasn’t the type of commitment where I could wake up and decide not to go. If I didn’t show up to a job, I would be fired. If I didn’t show up to school, I’d fail out. I kept myself preoccupied in order to keep myself constantly busy – which left my thoughts at bay and my anxieties at rest.

I have a lot of friends, yet I don’t see them very often.

Many people assume those with anxiety don’t have many friends or social circles because they get anxiety when it comes to making friends and keeping them. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I grew up being friends with several different circles and still maintain a lot of the friendships I had from middle school, high school and beyond. However, I don’t always see them. In fact, a lot of times, I don’t. Being someone with high-functioning anxiety, I feel if I’m not being productive, I’m wasting my time. Although seeing my friends is not unproductive, I do feel as though there are moments where they will cancel, or they’re late, and I have wasted my day or my time.

I have little “ticks” that most people think are just bad habits.

My mind is constantly on overdrive, and because of that, so are my habits. When I am sitting around watching TV or a movie in which I’m not doing a lot, my mind begins to scatter and I feel like I need to do something. My worst habit is that I pick skin or bite skin on my lip – it’s been a bad tick of mine since I was young. Everyone who knows me knows that it’s something I do – especially my family – and I’ve even had to get medication to heal the cuts that appear when I’ve been “picking” too much.

It sounds extremely gross, but it’s not something that I’m necessarily proud of (or feel comfortable sharing with the entire world, so congrats) but, it’s something that many people also go through. Some people pick at their cuticles or bite their nails, some people twirl their hair – and although it seems like just a “bad habit,” it can also be the sign of a deeper problem.

7 Thoughts I Had After Getting My Nipple Pierced

Every time I scroll on the ‘gram, it looks like yet another celeb has their nips peeking through their shirt. I don’t mean their areoli showing through a sheer top – I mean straight up raised nipple action. It looks like now more than ever celebs are rocking the trendiest piercing right now – the nipple ring.

So what’s the fascination with putting a bar through your nipple only for you and selected others to see? Couldn’t tell you. Honestly, I had no idea why people were doing it.

So I tested it out myself.

This summer as I was galavanting around Amsterdam, I stumbled upon a tattoo shop with my BFF and decided I was going to pierce my nipple. High as the sky and since prostitutes aren’t for me – I figured a hole in my body was the next best thing. When in *Rome*, right? 

There’s a lot of mixed reviews, but two months later I can now reflect on the process, healing, and how much I fu*king love this thing.

7. I hope you have a decent tolerance for pain.

I’ve pierced my ears, my nose, my belly button and even the little piece of flesh under my tongue. And, I would argue that I thought my belly button hurt the most, but my nipple was a close second. The piercer you go to should be super skilled and make you feel comfortable beforehand – if they don’t I’d say go find another piercer. She or he is going to touch your nipples and feel them up in order to get them raised/hard and ready to go.

The sensation of having a needle go through your nipple is not one I would know how to explain otherwise except that it definitely pinches and burns for a hot second and I would be lying if I said I didn’t gasp or clench the bed under me. Putting the bar through after is a bit of pressure and definitely, makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. I mean these are your nipples. And those things are super sensitive. However, I will say that the pain is short-lived and when it’s over it’s over.

6. I don’t recommend doing it in the summer.

I was walking around Amsterdam for the next two days sweating my ass off and because of that, my nipple was super sore and swelling from the heat and just rubbing against my clothing. I had to be super careful and clean it more than twice a day because I was terrified of it getting infected. You can’t go in the pool, and the ocean isn’t recommended but – it’s definitely a better alternative. You have to use an antibacterial soap and if you’re willing to go the extra step, I highly recommend using a salt water solution.

Like I said, If you are going to get it wet – I recommend the beach instead.

Don’t say I said to go to the beach because everyone’s different. BUT I went to Greece two days after piercing my nipple and was in the ocean all day, every day. I made sure to wear bathing suits without padding and not too tight so that when I’d lay in the sun my nipple could breathe and not sit in a tight, wet place (no pun intended). That’s just asking for bacterial buildup. Also since salt water is a natural remedy, I felt like it actually helped speed up the process of healing and keeping down the swelling.

5. Do not touch it with dirty fingers and it’s totally OK to see some blood.

I would wake up with a little crust and blood around the piercing here and there for a week or two, but after consulting with my piercer I learned that it’s totally normal. If you feel like you need to spin it around to get it clean go for it, but I wouldn’t touch it unless going to wash your hands first. Again – BACTERIA.

If you’re gonna have sex, do not, I repeat, DO NOT let your partner play with it – yet.

You’re going to be super sensitive and it’s pretty much an open wound right now and it can tear, or get easily hurt by teeth or sucking or pulling it’s just not the thing to do. Waiting for this thing to heal can be annoying, but if you move too quick – you risk getting infections and having to take it out all in all.

4. But, when you do, you may be a lot more sensitive.

Yes, the rumors are true. You will be much more sensitive here now than you were before.

3. Go braless.

If you’re thinking of getting this piercing be forewarned, your bra is not your friend. You will actually feel uncomfortable in one and pushing your nipples back just doesn’t feel too good. If you absolutely need support, I recommend something more like a bralette. Your nipple needs air to heal. Besides, I doubt you’re very shy about nipples if you already got this thing pierced.

2. It’s going to become your dirty little secret, and that’s pretty hot.

I love my nipple ring. No one knows about it or sees it unless I show them and I’m a fan of nipples. so when I wear a top and they kind of show, I’m really not all that ashamed. Everyone’s got them. And the piercing makes your boobs look perked at all times.  I like how I look naked. period.

I used to think that my belly button ring made my body look cute when I was naked because it was an accessory that added a line of symmetry or just covered my bellybutton which I’ve always hated. My nipple ring has the same effect. I feel like my body looks cute and there’s more to work with. I’m all for the natural bodies but having piercings is like wearing your style even when you’re naked.

1. Final thoughts.

So, do I recommend going and having a needle stabbed through your nipple for the sake of trendy body jewelry? No. I recommend getting a nipple ring for the sake of doing it because it’s something you want but also feel like you can tolerate and maintain for an extended period of time. Otherwise, go for it.

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