open letter Archives

A Letter to My Future Self

We all have times when we wonder what our lives will be like in the future. Will it be a success? Will we be physically healthy? What will our relationships with others be like?

A letter to your future self can help you to clarify the things that are really important in your life. It helps you to identify what you need to focus on to be truly successful and what steps you need to take in your pursuit of happiness.

In this letter to my future, I write to my 50-year-old self (that’s projecting 12 years into the future).

Dear Future Self,

I hope this letter finds you at peace with yourself and the world around you. Finding peace in a world full of turmoil is no easy task. I’m hoping that the world of the 50 me is more at peace than the one that the 38-year-old me finds himself in, but I’m not very hopeful.

I know, though, that, you can still find peace within yourself despite what’s going on externally. Have you been looking inwardly to fine-tune the qualities that really matter in your journey to inner peace?

Right now I’m very much a work in progress and I know you are too. But I’m working on being better. How’s it working out?

Have you come to appreciate that your true value has nothing to do with the size of your bank account or the material things you surround yourself with? Real happiness results from developing such qualities as humility, generosity, thankfulness, empathy, compassion, and courage.

How’s the humility going? That quality is a real challenge in the ‘me first’ world of 2022, so I can only imagine how much more challenging it is for you. Yet of all of the inner qualities, that is the one I hope you come the closest to mastering.

Of course, I want you to be financially successful, to have nice things, and to be free of the fear of financial strife. But none of those things matter if you’ve turned into a proud, self-centered person.

Humility will prevent you from bragging about yourself. More importantly, it will help you avoid viewing yourself as better than others. Your humility will promote peace, it will help you to forgive others and it will permit you to learn from other people.

Are you content?

I hope so.

If I’d written a letter to myself 12 years ago, it would have been heavily geared towards external things – the accumulation of wealth and social status. Now, at the age of 38, I’ve learned that contentment comes from the realization that happiness and contentment don’t come from what you have – it comes from who you are.

Do you put people before things?

Do you value loving relationships over material possessions? I know you’re a work-a-holic. Getting a better work-life balance is a challenge I’m working on right now. I need to cut back on my work hours and spend more time with my family.

How has that worked out?

Are you buying out the time for your wife and two daughters and showing them every day that you love and appreciate them by your actions and attitudes? I hope so.

Let’s talk now about the physical you.

Remember when you were a kid? You used to look in the mirror and project forward, imagining your future self looking back at you. You had two of them – the you at 35 and the you at 50. Back then you were wrapped up in bodybuilding, so the 35-year-old you looked like your favorite competitor of the mid-90s, Kevin Levrone. That hasn’t quite worked out, but I’m still pretty content with how my body has turned out so far.

As a kid, though, my 50-year-old image was a big question mark. I’d seen a lot of bodybuilders who looked great at 35, yet had gone to the pack by 50. Would I end up overweight and over the hill physically when I reached the half-century?

That was the great unknown?

So, how about it?

Have you been able to maintain your workout schedule? Right now, at 38, I’m hitting the gym four days per week, with a mix of strength training and high-intensity interval training (HIIT). My goal is to maintain the strength and muscle size that I built in my 20s and early 30s and to keep my body fat level down below 15 percent.

I’ve worked hard physically to get in the shape I’m in, old guy. In doing so, I’ve set up a physical foundation for you to continue with. Are you maintaining the discipline to keep training with the same focus and intensity that you used to? Of course, you need to modify some things to account for the extra dozen years but that doesn’t mean you can’t still bring it every time you hit the gym.

Are you finding it a challenge to buy out the time for your workouts? So, am I? The kids are teenagers now, so my schedule is pretty tight running them all over town. In a dozen years, though, they’ll be out on their own and it’ll be just you and Shelley.

You’ll still have your challenges time-wise, so how about setting up a home gym? Maybe you’ve already done so. If not, why not go out and buy a pair of adjustable dumbbells and a quality double-pulley cable machine. With those two pieces of equipment, you’ll have everything you need to maintain the body that I’m passing on to you.

How’s your diet?

Have you gained mastery over your taste buds? If you can do that, you can master anything. Right now, I’m experimenting with intermittent fasting. I think it may be the key to avoiding that image of an overweight and unfit 50 me that I dreaded when I was a kid. Have you been able to maintain the intermittent fasting habit? I hope so.

Don’t forget the cardio, too. I know that it’s not your favorite thing to do but it will help to offset the age-related slowdown of your metabolism. I’ve started walking 3-4 times per week with Shelley for an hour at a time. As well as helping us burn calories, it’s also a great opportunity for us to communicate.

Talking about communicating, are you and Shelley still doing it? Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship and without it, a marriage will become stale. Don’t allow that to happen to us.

Are you working on keeping the marriage strong? Have you learned to listen to what she says and to discern what she really feels? Do you now appreciate that it’s not a weakness to reveal your feelings? Do you ensure that your love for each other grows by the many small things you do for each other every day – the thoughtful act, the unexpected hug, the warm smile, and the kind comment?

Do you have a grieving friend and don’t know how to help? Why not write a letter? Check out our letter to a grieving friend for ideas on what to say.

Are you still finding time to meditate every morning? I’ve found that doing so has helped me to quiet my mind, plan my day and keep my life in perspective. It has also allowed me to make a connection with my spiritual needs. Please don’t neglect that side of your life.

Let’s now talk about your secular work. Right now, I’m in a state of transition. I’ve recently taken the courageous step of throwing in the security blanket of a salary as a school teacher and struck out on my own as a freelance writer. That has allowed me to make money on my own terms and to work from home. I’m currently looking into online tutoring as a supplement to my writing business.

It is my hope that by the time you read this, the freelance writing business will be firmly established. I don’t want to make millions from it, but I do envision that it will provide me and my wife with the freedom to live the life we please.

I envision that there will be ups and downs in the business over the next dozen years. But, please, hang in there. Keep doing the little things every day to build the business. Send out five cold calls daily, make every word you write sincere, heartfelt, and pure, and consistently give your clients more than they expect.

Finally, are you taking the time to enjoy what you have achieved? You’ve built a wonderful life for yourself and your family. Take the time to pause and smell the roses. Enjoy the finer things in life, such as the occasional glass of champagne, a romantic dinner, or an overseas holiday.

To be honest, I have no idea how this letter will find you. Life may have intervened in ways that we can’t even imagine. You may be up or you may be down. Personal tragedy, world events, and unexpected health problems may have impacted you. At the end of the day, though, so long as you’re able to read this, you’ve still got your mind. Use it to be the best you that you can possibly be, remember that, at the end of the day, it’s not what we have or even what we do, but the way we make other people feel, that really matters.

Your 38-year-old self.

If you enjoyed this letter, check out a letter to my big brother.

About the Author

Hi, my name’s Steve Theunissen. I joined my first gym at age 15 and, five years later, I was managing my own studio. In 1987, I became the first personal fitness trainer in New Zealand. Over the past decade, I have built a freelance fitness writing career to share my fitness passion with the world.

I Love You, But I Love Me More

It’s 3 am and I’m laying here, wishing things were different. Knowing both of us are forever going to be changed. I wish I didn’t have to feel this lonely. And I know that things are not gonna be different if something drastic doesn’t happen. And also knowing that a drastic thing is gonna happen in just a few short hours.

I wish last week you’d have taken this more seriously. That you would have listened to me. Since you didn’t, the only thing I can say is … I love you, but I have to love me more. I have to heal and grow. And I am so sorry that it means that we cannot be us right now. I do hope that you understand.

All I really wanted two hours ago was for you to fight for us. And when you said nothing and I rolled over, you didn’t even reach out to put your arm around. Because it was in that very moment thatI knew, that you weren’t going to. That we lost our connection.

In the spirit of not ruining all of the fun that you so desperately want to have, I’m going to see myself out. No, really, it is all fine– I’m just going to go home. At least that’s my plan tonight as I lay here wondering if we have a future and wondering if you’ll ever understand. Because I lay next to you with tears in my eyes and you have nothing to say! But that, silence, that cold silence, spoke volumes, validating my decision to go. So, again I hope that you can understand.

I know this isn’t going to be easy for you. And that you need me to be the bad guy. The one who ripped your heart out in front of the rest of the world. Ok, that’s fine. I just hope that you will one day understand that I just needed more from you. That I needed to be your priority. And that I expected you to do what you said you would do, and not just the sacrifices that you felt like doing. I think I my may be in your way, so now I know it’s time to step back and let you grow up.

I hope that you can understand that I know that is what you need. You need time and space. I get that. I only hope that when you realize what it is that you need for yourself, not too much will have passed. Otherwise, we will continue to slip too far away from each other. You see, I always said that I would always be your cheerleader, and I will. I wish you nothing but love and happiness, even if that means it is not with me. Because of this, this love, that I have for you. Your cheerleader is gonna sit on the sidelines quietly while you talk over your next play. I just hope that you can understand!

I’ll leave you with this. I love you so much it’s literally killing me thinking of what’s to come in a few short hours. The tears streaming down my face are because I know how much this is gonna hurt. Believe me, this breakup is the last thing that I ever wanted to do. And all I can cling to right now is the hope that you understand that is more for you than for me! I hope that you figure out what you need. I am forever rooting for you, forever your cheerleader.

Forever my love,

-E

An Open Letter To Parents and Students As I Walk Into My Classroom.

Today as a teacher, I walk into my classroom I think about the two teachers and 18 students that were killed in a place that should be safe. The place that they go to smile and laugh everyday. The place where they are growing and learning. As an educator everyday that I walk into my building, I know that there is the potential for something like this can happen.

As I walk down the hallway, I think about what my reaction would be, if I would be able to fight, or would I run? What if I had a student with me? What would I be able to do to keep my student(s) safe?

Unfortunately, I know that I am not alone in my thinking. I know that I am not the only one who has made a plan if something like this happens. I know that I am not the only one who thinks about how we would keep our classroom quiet in the world. I know that I am not the only one who prays everyday that my family never gets the call that something has happened to me. I also know that I am not the foremost educators who hope that being slain in my classroom and keeping my students safe is my legacy.

This morning walking into the building was hard. Getting my students off of their perspective buses or from their parents was even more complex. I know that they should not have to worry about this. Knowing that if they heard on the news last night about the Shooting in Texas, and they most likely did, it is not supposed to be like this. For some kids, the only safe place in school is the kids that make today a little more complicated. The hard reality of today is that we just do not know, and we cannot promise our students that school is a safe place to be. However, knowing that I would do anything and everything in my power to keep them safe. So here is the raw truth from an educator

…

Dear Students,

Coming into school today is hard, but you did it! For that, we should all be so proud. In the coming weeks, we all know that we will hear about the lockdown drills and what we should do if an emergency arises, like the one in Taxes. I know it is scary, and we will all be a little more on edge. We will get through this together. No, this is not how this is supposed to be. You should be able to come to school and know that you are here and safe. Your only worry about the test that you are studying for or what your summer plans will be. There are no right words to put you at ease right now; this I know for sure. However, know that I will do everything to keep you safe when you come into my classroom. No, I know that is not enough. I also know that there need to be changed so that this is never a worry again. For now, let’s focus on what we can do. It is not enough, and it won’t be until this never happens again. For now, at this moment, we are safe, and we are here to learn. More than anything, I am here for you! Keep your head up and keep going.

Dear Parents,

Today you are sending your precious child to me. I know when you get them back, you will hug them a little tighter after you get them home when you can finally sigh in relief. When you woke up this morning, you went into that child’s room and looked at them peacefully sleeping, and you thought, maybe, just maybe, I’ll keep them home with me today where I know they will be safe. Thinking about the parents in Texas who are not getting the same sight you are right now! I understand that this was a tough decision, and I want to thank you for trusting me with your precious baby. I know that is how you still see them. I promise if a situation arises, I will do everything in my power to ensure that your baby makes it home safe to you again. I also know that this will be no small task. Just know that when you send your babies to me, I am doing all that I can to keep them safe and sound. I am doing everything I can to keep them growing, and I know that every other teacher thinks about this as they walk out of their house this morning. So thank you for trusting me with yo child and know that I am feeling every bit of your heartache today alongside you today and everyday.

Dear Family,

This is something that we think about often, far too often. Know that everyday that I walk into work I know that there is a potential for a tragic event to happen. It stays in the back of my mind. Today you are going to tell me that you love me and to keep myself safe. Just that is what I intend to do, not just today but everyday. I know that it all feels very real right now. Know that everyday that I walk into my classroom it feels very real. Despite this very real threat, I come to work today ready to do a job that I love and help the kids that I love. I also want you to know how much I love you! If something ever does happen I do not want my legacy to be the “Heroic Teacher that was slain protecting her student.” Mostly because this should never ever have to be a headline. You are so right I should never have to think about this when I walk into my job as an educator, but I do. Please tell the world about me and my life. Tell them that I was a college student who had a whole host of hopes and dreams to help children. Tell them that I was the best big sister and so proud to be that. Tell them that you had the most loving girlfriend even when I was hard on you. Tell them how I would drop everything to come help. Tell them how much I loved my fur baby and really felt like she was my child. Tell them how much I loved and hated to exercise. But do not let them call me a hero when I should not have had to be one. That was not my intention when I walked into work. My intention was to help a child grow, my intention was to help a child learn, and my intention was to help a child heal. Make those things my legacy. I love you all so much! Know that I am always going to do my best to keep my students and myself safe.

This was by far the hardest post I have written, however, I think hearing someone who lives this reality every day is so important. I hope that together we can fight for change so that no child or educator has to worry about walking into work and losing their life. Until that day there is never going to enough. Until the students and educators do not have to perform lock down drills, until educators and students do not have to look for potential blind spots in their classrooms, until educators and teachers do not have fear the screams in the hallways that should just be sounds of children being children. Until this day there is never enough.

Stay safe

To my mother, who chose addiction over US.

to my methamphetamine, alcoholic, heroin using Mother. This disease has made you such a cruel and hateful person. I hate seeing you go from addiction to yet another. I know its your way of escaping reality, but also your way of covering up all the pain inside of you. Growing up as a child i hated you. I remember my brother and I waiting in the front lawn eating raw packs of ramen noddles, just waiting for you to come pick us up… You never showed. Unlike my brother, I can’t find it in me to forgive you. God, I’ve tried so many times to forgive you… I wanted a normal family.

But you chose drugs over your children and my dad.

Dad, oh man dad loved you..He was so in denial saying ” One day your moms gonna come home.” Days would pass, before i knew it, months passed by too.. You never came home.. You stopped calling, you didn’t even bother to come see us. 5 years passed after not hearing your voice, or seeing you i lost hope.

I tried to hold on…

I didn’t really understand what was going on as a child, but as i grew older I started to question dad about you. More and more I wanted to know. Dad grew to hate you, he wouldn’t budge when I wanted to know why you abandoned us.

They say Acceptance is key…

I can’t just forget that my whole childhood i didn’t have a Mother. I can’t help but wonder if you didn’t love us? Im the 3rd child out of 5 of us. I guess I don’t resent you as much as my older brother does. He has all reasons to hate your guts and i’ll be honest if i were him I’d hate you too. You gave him up for adoption when he was 7. Why? why did you take it upon yourself to just give up one of us. I hate that today my older brother and I barley know each other because of you.

OUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE WHOLE, THAT’S ALL YOU’RE FAULT.

I can’t forgive you… I’ve been an addict myself now. The funny thing is you have to nerve to tell me to get my life together while you’re selling and doing Meth. You’re also still trying to convince me that I’m the one with the problem… I’ll admit, you’re not wrong yet the difference between us is i decide that i wanted to live this life.

I chose to live. I chose to quit. I chose to live a better life.

In site of this whole journey i’ve learned so much, and maybe I have you to thank. I’ll fight everyday for my sobriety. I just wish you’d do the same.

It’s hard to say goodbye to someone you don’t want to let go of. It hurts even more that they will no longer be a part of your life.It’s even harder to fight for you when you won’t even begin to fight for your damn self.I never thought i’d have to say goodbye to my mother.

There are days nw and then I pretend that I’m okay.. That’s not what hurts the most though. What hurts the most is grieving a person who isn’t even dead yet..

This is Goodbye mom, if i don’t love you from a distance I’ll end up relapsing myself.

I choose family, love and happiness.. I hope one day you will too.

A Letter to the Mother Who Saw Me Grow Up From Heaven

Dear Mom,

I can still remember the worst day of my life: the day I lost you. So I stood in a room filled with black trying to understand why the world was doing this to me. Everything I was going to miss began to flash before my eyes.

The one person I needed most, I had to live without. Girls aren’t supposed to live without their moms. I still needed to learn to do all those things you did for me, all those things you made look so easy.

I hated coming home to a house I knew you wouldn’t be in, or getting off the bus and not seeing you waiting. And I wanted to hear your voice ask me about my classes. Dad did his best to help me with homework, but that was always our thing. I had to encounter so many milestones without you, and I knew it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t choose to leave us.

My first school dance, I knew you would’ve taken twice as many pictures as the other parents, and developed them the next day. My first date: I wondered if you would’ve helped me find something to wear, whether or not you would’ve liked the boy. I wish you could have faced my awkward years with me. Throughout my first relationship, I wondered when to tell them about you because no matter how much time passed, the words My mom’s dead don’t ever sound great. My first prom: when everyone of my friends had two parents to take pictures with, I knew I was missing a vital component. And I know you would’ve cheered the loudest as I walked across the stage at graduation. You wouldn’t be there for my first day of college. While everyone always said they got home sick, I know you would’ve given the best advice to make me feel better.

I can’t imagine not having you there for my wedding day; I know you would’ve told me I was the prettiest bride. I’m going to have to face every Christmas and every birthday without you. No matter what I asked Santa for or how many candles were on my cake, my wish was and is to have you back–and I knew it could never be granted. There will always be sadness to every holiday we have without you by our side. There will always be sadness when I realized I can’t say “parents??? when talking, but I’ve learned to only say dad. I wondered, at first, what our family could be without you a part of it. I wondered if I would turn into the daughter that would make you proud, or if your absence would mean I’d never amount to my full potential.

I sat there with all those thoughts rushing through my head, and a million people all around me, in a room full of your favorite flowers, and pictures of you and the time we did have the privilege of having you with us. Although you were taken from me and I can’t understand why, I know you didn’t want to go. I know you probably wondered what would happen to us with you gone, too. Would we be okay? But there are a few things you should know:

I want you to know, dad is going to do a great job.

He figured out how to brush my hair. He even made it through my awkward stages of puberty. He made it through my dating phases and wiped the tears I cried over guys. He became the hard*ss I never knew him to be, and that is because of you.

I want you to know, the only reason I am the person I am is because of you

I’m doing pretty well today, and I take pride when people tell me I remind them of you.

I want you to know, I miss you every day and take you with me.

Although a lot of time has passed, you aren’t forgotten. I still look at the pictures of us with as big of a smile. I know you’re still here.

I want you to know, I will never forget you.

I’ll keep telling people about you and, although our lives have moved on, they move on with you in our hearts.

I want you to know, I’ll do my best to make you proud.

Every day I try to make everyone proud, but, most of all, I want to make you proud. I know you’re up there, looking down on me every day.

I want you to know, I still hear your voice when I’m faced with a difficult situation.

Your voice is one I’ll never forget. Sometimes when I’m faced with conflict, I think about what you would’ve done.

I want you to know, I’ll be strong for my siblings–but sometimes I’ll break down.

And I want to be strong for them, I want to never shed tears, but there have been moments (and I’m sure there will be more) where I’ve been strong for too long and I break down, knowing your invisible arms are wrapped around me.

I want you to know, my kids will know about you and I only wish you could meet them.

My kids will know about their grandmother, and so will their kids.

I want you to know, I’ll try and be nice to dad’s new GFs–but none of them will compare to you.

And I know dad is a catch; he got you. Though I was apprehensive at first about him moving into the dating stage, I accepted the new women in our life. She knows she’s second to you.

I want you to know, I’m going to mess up and I wish I could hear you yell at me for it.

During this thing called life, I’ve messed up and I’ll continue to mess up. Sometimes all I want is to hear your voice yelling at me one more time.

And I want you to know, I’ll never forget your voice–but I wish I could hear it.

I wish I could hear your voice in something other than the videos and in my memory. But I’ll keep it with me, until we meet again.

And I want you to know, I’ll never forget your hugs and kisses–but I wish I had one more.

Even if dad gives the best hugs and kisses, I do still miss yours and would love one more, if I could.

I want you to know how thankful I am to call myself your daughter.

Of my many accomplishments, one of my favorites is simply being your daughter.

I want you to know how much I really do love you.

Most of all, please, know I love you.

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Dear Five-Year-Old Self

Dear five-year-old self,

You didn’t know that bills were going to have to be paid and that learning to drive would come about so quickly. 18 came by quickly. How you wish you could eat crappy food without guilt and run around in day camp without the worries of high school bullying and work drama.

Dear five-year-old self,

You never thought a chronic illness would come about and that you would become disabled. You didn’t think that you would actually get to be an adult and you would have to make choices. You didn’t think that life would go by quickly and that you would have to outgrow Bratz dolls.

Dear five-year-old self,

You had best friends in elementary school but didn’t know you would grow apart in middle school. You didn’t think appearance and popularity would be important until you realized how mean kids really could be. You didn’t know studying could be so hard and just trying to fit in felt like an extra task.

Dear five-year-old self,

You didn’t know the anxiety of adulthood would come about and that the work world would really be something to become an activity on a daily basis. You didn’t know that pressure and drama would occur from college and that innocence of youth was taken away as you realized you had to grow up.

But listen, five-year-old self,

You didn’t know how much you would accomplish as you got older. You didn’t know how smart you were when you achieved academic awards and good grades in high school and college. You didn’t realize how resilient you were when you had to overcome a disability and the adversity and harshness that the world would throw at you for being disabled. You didn’t think you would find love but a boy loves you just the way you are.

You thought as a five-year-old that life would be smooth which was not the case but as you grew up you learned to make choices for yourself and learn how to care for others.

You overcome being fired and laid off from work and being discriminated and bullied against for your disability. You made mistakes you admit and lost friends along the way but you have learned lessons that have made you into a better person. You have become strong and realized to put yourself first and focus on self-care. You have realized that love and laughter are important for happiness and to not stress the small things.

Dear five-year-old self,

Tell your older self to relax and breathe once in a while and to stop overthinking. Tell your older self to give yourself credit for the things you have done and to not beat yourself up over the mistakes you have made. Learn to always overcome fights with parents and loved ones as you continue to grow into a better person each day.

Dear five-year-old self,

Give yourself a chance to let your 27-year-old self be happy and smile. You’re doing the best you can.

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About the Author

Molly Rose lives in PA but is originally from NY. She wrote for Odyssey Online in 2017 and has now started her journey with Puckermob. Molly is getting her Master’s degree online in Human Services at Capella University. She is an advocate for individuals with disabilities. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Thank You, A Letter To My Mother

Dear Mom,

You raised me. You pushed me out of your womb and into the world, and I’ve been whining ever since. You traded your own time, money, and life to take me on spontaneous road trips, cook family meals, take me to camp, read me books every night, oh the list goes on. You know that I am thankful. I wasn’t spoiled, but anything I needed was always there. You inspired me to travel, to love, to learn and helped me pick up the pieces after every broken heart.

I am thankful

I would not be the person I am today without you. You taught me how to be polite, how to follow my heart, how to be safe and still wander the world, and how to use power tools. You told me my cooking was great and ate every meal when it really sucked. You answered every 3 am drunken phone call over a boy. You picked me up, stumbling, from numerous parties when I was definitely underage.

You also grounded me for months on end because of that (it’s okay, I understand it now)

You challenged me to be my own person, and even though I still don’t even know who it is, somehow you do. You manage to know me, all my faults and flaws, and still love me. You’ve even loved me enough to let me hate you.

I am lucky

You’ve bailed me out more times than I can count, covered my ass, and lied for me. You made our family eat dinner together. You supported me and loved me when I didn’t even love myself. I am lucky for every time you sat outside and drank beers with me, for every shared evening, for every shared tear. I am lucky to have a mother who is my best friend, who I am comfortable telling my dreams and fears to, and who I can still crawl into bed with after a bad dream at the age of 22.

I am inspired

Because of you! You inspire me every day. You manage to make everything okay when it feels like my entire world is crashing down. You’ve opened up to me as I’ve grown older, and I am so proud of all you have overcome. You are incredibly strong. Sometimes life isn’t always fair, and you don’t always get your way, but you always emphasized that you will always love me, and because of that I am able to follow my dreams.

I am free

You prepared me for all of this. Every single moment you were readying me for this point in my life. When I left for school, I still came home to see you. Weekends, holidays, etc. But now I’m living across the country and it’s a much longer commute. But I am ready. At this point, there are few things I’ve learned a little duct tape and beer can’t fix. I still do not own a vacuum, nor do I know how to cook anything without burning it, but I think I’ve got it all under control. That is all because of you. I appreciate the fact that you let me go, you dared me to find myself, and want nothing more than for me to be happy.

I am thankful. I am lucky. I am inspired. I am free. But most of all, I am loved. I am loved by the most amazing, giving, mother/best friend anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for your sacrifices, tears, support, life lessons, and laughter. Thank you for everything.

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To The Boyfriend Who Forgets I Exist Once Football Season Starts

Dear Boyfriend,

This madness has gone on for far too long.

It’s not that I don’t get it. I watched Friday Night Lights – I’m fully aware of how emotional football can get…if you’re only following one team.

It’s not like that for you. For you, it’s an obsession that rivals my incessant Facebook-checking. At least when I’m on Facebook I look at you every once in a while.

Come August, I start to see the talons of Football season creeping up your back, placing its bony hand on your shoulder. I’ve got him now it seems to whisper. Nothing you can do about it.

And it’s right, there really isn’t. It seems that between high school, college, pro, and (gasp) fantasy football, you’re busier than a mosquito at a nudist colony.

It’s not so much the fact that you’re a man in demand, it’s that even when you’re here, you’re gone. I could wave a hand in front of your face and you won’t notice. Poof. Finished! Out to lunch. It’s about The Game and The Game only, for the better part of the next five months.

Sometimes I think you’ve snapped out of it, that you’ve realized it’s JUST a game and I am, in fact, a woman sitting in your general vicinity. You gaze over with glazed eyes and say, “Babe, will you grab me a beer?”

It’s just the commercial break. Le Sigh.

Sometimes I attempt to get into it, in the hopes that one day the clouds will part and I’ll finally understand football enough to like it. I’ll then develop my own obsession to make you jealous. No matter how often you explain it, though – I get distracted by all of the hot men in tight pants running around and I forget what you taught me. Balls.

At least when we’re staying in I can busy myself with other things, but when we go to a bar, you totally space as well – so then it’s just like I’m alone at a bar. Suddenly I went from “having a lovely afternoon” to “ having a drinking problem”.

And then there are the mood swings. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, if, God forbid, one of your teams should lose.

The game’s finally over and you’re a mopey, irritable mess. You can’t even blame it on hormones.

You won’t shut up about it for at least an hour afterward, and it’s not even a real-life event. The worst part of it is, there’s nothing I can say other than, “Oh man. Maybe next time!”

I could make some sh*t up like Yeah, that ref was a total d*ck, and Henderson should go back to the minors or whatever, but I’d really only be amusing myself.

I put in long, hard hours waiting for you to return to the land of the living. Can’t you snap out of it so we can go out? Otherwise i may just take myself out on a date. I deserve a good time.

I think the best thing for me to do is to leave a wax replica of me next to you for a few months while I actually enjoy the fall season. Hit me up around Groundhog Day- at least there will be people to talk to at one of the Superbowl parties.

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To the One I Let Get Away

It’s funny, being in a place where you realize that you let something good slip through your fingers, and the only person those fingers can point at is yourself. It’s almost easier going through a breakup than it is wondering what could have been. I know I’m not alone, and I know that there’s nothing I can do to change the situation now.

Because why shouldn’t you move on? I’m the one who said no.

In the moment, I was so sure my choice was right. But, looking back, I was letting my fear get in the way of something potentially great. I wish I could say that’s not how it’s always been… How this time was just a lapse of judgment. But, the truth is, fear has always been a part of me, and I didn’t realize how much joy and happiness it took from me until I walked away.

Just know: it’s not you, it’s me. Really.

You were nothing but kind, smart, funny, encouraging; made me feel like I could do anything I set my mind to. You celebrated my wins and encouraged me in my losses. You were there on the other side of the phone if and when I needed it. You challenged me and made me realize that my dreams aren’t as farfetched as I thought they were.

And here I am, again, letting that fear and my pride call the shots again.

This isn’t a pity letter. This isn’t my failed attempt at proving to be something I so badly wish I was. This is me, laying the cards on the table, if only for just myself. The fact is, I don’t need to prove anything to anyone about how I was wrong, how I regret my decision. Just writing this, in itself, is progress.

The truth is, I wish I could rewind the clock.

I wish I could go back to that day, that moment… The last time I fell back into that fear. Because since then, I’ve actually made brave changes in my life and the empowerment has been incredible. But knowing that I let that one moment dictate potentially the rest of my life gives me chills.

There’s a twisted art to realizing what could have been.

The embarrassment, the fear, the nagging on the heart all makes sense and, quite frankly, is to be expected with someone like me. The person who preaches about being open and honest and wearing your heart on your sleeve actually fears an open heart and bare communication. The ultimate contradiction.

So, to you who I pushed aside only to realize that I pushed aside something potentially great, this is not an excuse, but an explanation. Chances are supposed to be taken and feelings are supposed to be put on the line. That’s how life is supposed to go and what I’ll be aiming for from now on.

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About The Author

Emmie Pombo is a latte and tattoo-loving Tennessean who specializes in mental health and beauty writing. She holds a degree in Journalism and a certification in Makeup Artistry and Airbrushing. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

To My Ex, It Killed Me When You Didn’t Choose Me, But I Forgive You

I thought to hear you say ‘I’m sorry’ would finally give me the closure I desperately needed.

I wanted more than anything to hear the words straight from your heart that you were sorry for stringing me along, that you’d finally realized it was always supposed to be me and you, that you loved me and this was just a big mistake.

That would’ve fixed us. I would’ve accepted it and welcomed you back with an open heart.

To hear those simple words would have shown me that you genuinely felt bad for causing me so much hurt while you were trying to figure out who you were, would have meant the world to me.

Two words: I’m sorry. That’s all I ever wanted to hear.

You broke my heart not once or even twice, but every single time you built me up to believe I meant more to you than I do. Only to have you walk away as if I never mattered.

It seems like you just woke up one day and decided I was no longer worth your time. You walked away from me and from us and you never said goodbye.

You never gave me an explanation of what was so wrong with me (us) that you no longer wanted me and I waited so long to hear you say you were sorry for that.

But you probably won’t give me those words and I can’t keep torturing myself waiting around for it.

I waited for you to decide I was worth it, for you to choose me when in reality I should have chosen me. I should have chosen better. I should have been worth more to me.

You hurt my feelings, but I let you. And I let you walk in and out of my life at will. But I let myself believe you would choose me in the end but I saw the way you looked at her.

You loved her. You loved her with your whole heart. And I never should’ve tried to stand between you and her.

So maybe I’m the one who owes you an apology. I fought so hard for our relationship, but I knew you loved her. And I knew you were happier with her. I did. But I was selfish and wanted you to be mine which, ultimately would have made us both so unhappy….

I’m just so sorry that I didn’t walk away when I saw how happy she made you. And I am sorry that I made you unhappy by fighting with you over it all. Most of all tho, I am sorry that my jealousy ruined your chances with the girl who truly made you happy.

You deserve happiness and I wish you all the best. And so do I.

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