Oh, how that word seems to make everyone uncomfortable. Some people fight a continuous battle with it. Some don’t understand it. Others seem to question its entire existence. So, what is anxiety to me?
Anxiety is the weight upon my chest. The hand that covers my mouth when my heart tells me to speak up. It’s the grip upon my lungs when my world is crashing down.
It’s the dark, twisted creature inside my mind that holds me back from being who I truly am. Anxiety is the voice in my head telling me that nobody likes me…it’s all my fault…I will never amount to anything…I will never be good enough…nobody will ever love me.
When it comes to anxiety, nothing is truly ever simple or easy. Those who suffer from anxiety know firsthand that having the disorder makes even the most normal things difficult. While many people live their lives easily–wake up, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, etc.–those with anxiety struggle to get through normal routines and everyday experiences.
While not every single moment of every single day is an obstacle (at least, not for most), there are days where we feel as though it’s impossible to even get out of bed. Nothing about having anxiety is simple or easy. In fact, it’s insanely complex–even more so when people don’t realize you are in a bad “state” or having an off day.
There’s a societal narrative that correlates anxiety attacks to simply hyperventilating and “breathing into a brown paper bag.” The media we’ve grown up around has cemented the image of an “anxiety attack” into our minds of being just that–sheer panic and inability to catch one’s breath. In reality–anxiety attacks can feel this way–but, it’s not always the case. Many people suffer from anxiety, in fact, according to The Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million Americans suffer from anxiety disorders (that’s over 18% of the population). I think it’s safe to say that not everyone suffers in the exact same way.
There are more warning signs of having a loved one suffer from anxiety and a severe anxiety attack that friends, partners, and loved ones should be aware of in order to help, or even give them a break/cut them some slack when things seem a bit off with them.
1. Irritability and testiness:
When someone is having a bad bout with their anxiety, they’re going to be slightly on edge. Anxiety doesn’t come easily–it often times consumes you (especially when you’re having a bad anxiety attack). For this reason, people who are struggling will be edgy and quick to “fly off the handle” when they feel as though they are being called out/attacked. If your friend or loved one isn’t on their game and you feel as though they’re off, don’t push them and pry, continuously asking them “why?” It will make them feel as though you’re putting them on the spot and cause them to lash out. Instead, ask them if they’re okay and see if they can use some help, or maybe even some space (day off).
2. Obsessive behavior:
Anxiety can cause one to feel as though everything is wrong and everything needs to be fixed. When having an attack, sometimes people obsess and nit-pick at things over and over again. This can be in the form of a physical behavior/habit like biting one’s nails, picking at dead skin, twirling hair. It can also be something that is behavioral like changing one’s hair color, nail color, or outfit numerous times. Other times, those suffering will do the same activity over again until they feel satisfied, like cleaning. According to Sally Winston, PsyD, co-director of the Anxiety and Stress Disorder Institute of Maryland in Towson:
The finicky and obsessive mind-set known as perfectionism “goes hand in hand with anxiety disorders. If you are constantly judging yourself or you have a lot of anticipatory anxiety about making mistakes or falling short of your standards, then you probably have an anxiety disorder.”
3. Hyperemotions:
When having a bad anxiety attack, your loved one may be a bit more emotional than normal. This means they can react to just about anything that triggers them. If something upsets them more easily, it’s a tell-tale sign they may be struggling with an anxiety attack. The truth behind having anxiety attacks is that people who are going through them are emotionally exhausted. We’re on a roller coaster of emotions at extremely high levels from ourselves to begin with, when adding in other people and their reactions, it puts us overboard sometimes.
4. Inability to concentrate/zoning out:
We’re going through a million thoughts a minute when having a bad attack, so it’s natural that we will zone out into our own heads. Ben Michaelis, PhD, a New York City-based clinical psychologist and founder of the YouTube channel <https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCecNEV5jHuvbaoZOb5mygAw” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>One Minute Diagnosis. says that when people have anxiety attacks:
“[People will] feel like things are not real, or feel detached from oneself.”
Often times, it’s not the best for us to be “alone with our thoughts” because our thoughts can be extremely toxic and be triggering even worse bouts of anxiety for some, but it’s not as though we are able to just silence everything in our minds. The best course of action is to put our mind to something else, hopefully, helping ease the thoughts and panic in our minds.
5. Silence:
Many of those with anxiety, or even high-functioning anxiety, will be normal and talkative throughout the day and normally. If someone you know is usual social and has a day or two where they are much quieter or withdrawn, this could be a sign that they are suffering from anxiety attacks. It’s important to try and “get them out of their own heads,” but, don’t push them too hard.
The good news:
The good news about anxiety and panic attacks is that they don’t last forever. The more you become aware of the signs of incoming attacks, the better you will become at working through them. Eventually, with enough effort and work, you may be able to avoid them altogether.
Anxiety is not something that is easy to deal with—especially on an everyday basis. For those who suffer from anxiety and anxiety disorders, they know that coping with the illness when it is at its worst can be the hardest part. Trying to “talk yourself down” or prevent an anxiety attack can be near impossible for many individuals. That’s why some users on Reddit seek outside advice and help on the site from those who also deal with anxiety and all of its problems. u/sailorv1993 asked Reddit users to share what helps them when everything seems too much and, some of the responses will really help you navigate your own anxiety, too.
1.
I know a lot of times when I’m feeling super anxious about something my brain just flips the “everything is terrible and going wrong and nothing is right” switch, and it’s just a downward spiral. Learning to just let myself feel every emotion, even if I know it’s just the anxiety talking has helped me work through the attacks. Validate yourself and your feeling, let yourself feel whatever your brain is throwing at you, and then when you’re calmer you can sort through the emotions. It’s helped me a lot.
Focusing on my breathing and then if that doesn’t work, physically stepping away/leaving the situation. Also carrying around a water and taking a sip when I need to ground myself
Taking a lap. When I feel like the walls are closing in, I excuse myself from wherever I am and go for a walk around the block to get fresh air and a little exercise. If this isn’t an option, I discreetly take a benzo and do some breathing exercises (there are some apps that help if you aren’t familiar!).
My friend got me out of a panic attack pretty quickly by just having me focus on my hands. Placing them on the table, raising above my head. It re-centers your brain almost like a reboot because for me at least a panic attack is when my anxiety gets so high my brain short circuits and everything is in overdrive.
My big, 72-pound, rescue dog. It’s like he just knows when I’m having a hard time and will come lay with me… literally just came down the stairs to check on me as I typed this.
Small, manageable goals. If I’m having a panic attack, I just have to accept that it’s happening and focus on breathing. It will always pass. If it’s looping thoughts or rising anxiety, I try to focus on factual positives. Things are rarely ever as bad as my brain would have be believe.
Grounding exercises are what I have to do when I get panicky count 5 things you can see 4 things you can touch 3 things you can hear 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. Then close your eyes and breathe slowly, rinse and repeat.
My worst anxiety occurs during inaction, so I look to do something marginally productive like sweep the floor, make a snack, or shave. Obviously this is useful if the anxiety is due to being overwhelmed, but it works for me when feeling anxious about less tangible things as well. Even the most insignificant or minute task is better than sitting in anxiety, but the more lengthy and involved, the better relief (and sense of accomplishment).
I know this might sound stupid but what helps me is calling myself out. If I’m starting to get an attack I start to go through emotions out of nowhere like over thinking or just wanting to punch a wall for no reason. And when I’m feeling them I just say wait a minute Why am I mad in the first place that’s stupid of me. Or even just telling myself hey don’t be sad there’s no point. But if I forget to do this and I’m in a public setting I close my eyes and count to 10 and I even sometimes breath in hold my breath for 5 or 10 seconds and breath out like u would if u where using a inhaler.
I have a conversation with myself. I ask why I’m anxious, reasons why I should be anxious, reasons why I shouldn’t, why I’m afraid, how I should deal with it, etc.
Then I just give myself a pep talk afterwards and give myself encouragement that everything will be okay and I’m doing my best. Sometimes it works but other times the anxiety is overwhelming so I just acknowledge it’s there and force myself to go on with my day and take deep breaths throughout and try not to get angry.
On the medication side, beta blockers has helped me significantly for super intense moments.
Silence and holding perfectly still. The latter is complicated by the need for oxygen, so I breathe as slowly and with as little movement as possible. After a minute or two I can usually segue to deeper breathing and carefully controlled stretching, and then to normal movement again.
When it comes to anxiety, nothing is truly ever simple or easy. Those who suffer from anxiety know firsthand that having the disorder makes even the most normal things difficult. While many people live their lives easily–wake up, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, etc.–those with anxiety struggle to get through normal routines and everyday experiences. While not every single moment of every single day is an obstacle (at least, not for most), there are days where we feel as though it’s impossible to even get out of bed. Nothing about having anxiety is simple or easy. In fact, it’s insanely complex–even more so when people don’t realize you are in a bad “state” or having an off day.
There’s a societal narrative that correlates anxiety attacks to simply hyperventilating and “breathing into a brown paper bag.” The media we’ve grown up around has cemented the image of an “anxiety attack” into our minds of being just that–sheer panic and inability to catch one’s breath. In reality–anxiety attacks can feel this way–but, it’s not always the case. Many people suffer from anxiety, in fact, according to The Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million Americans suffer from anxiety disorders (that’s over 18% of the population). I think it’s safe to say that not everyone suffers in the exact same way.
There are more warning signs of having a loved one suffer from anxiety and a severe anxiety attack that friends, partners, and loved ones should be aware of in order to help, or even give them a break/cut them some slack when things seem a bit off with them.
1. Irritability and testiness:
When someone is having a bad bout with their anxiety, they’re going to be slightly on edge. Anxiety doesn’t come easily–it often times consumes you (especially when you’re having a bad anxiety attack). For this reason, people who are struggling will be edgy and quick to “fly off the handle” when they feel as though they are being called out/attacked. If your friend or loved one isn’t on their game and you feel as though they’re off, don’t push them and pry, continuously asking them “why?” It will make them feel as though you’re putting them on the spot and cause them to lash out. Instead, ask them if they’re okay and see if they can use some help, or maybe even some space (day off).
2. Obsessive behavior:
Anxiety can cause one to feel as though everything is wrong and everything needs to be fixed. When having an attack, sometimes people obsess and nit-pick at things over and over again. This can be in the form of a physical behavior/habit like biting one’s nails, picking at dead skin, twirling hair. It can also be something that is behavioral like changing one’s hair color, nail color, or outfit numerous times. Other times, those suffering will do the same activity over again until they feel satisfied, like cleaning. According to Sally Winston, PsyD, co-director of the Anxiety and Stress Disorder Institute of Maryland in Towson:
The finicky and obsessive mind-set known as perfectionism “goes hand in hand with anxiety disorders. If you are constantly judging yourself or you have a lot of anticipatory anxiety about making mistakes or falling short of your standards, then you probably have an anxiety disorder.”
3. Hyperemotions:
When having a bad anxiety attack, your loved one may be a bit more emotional than normal. This means they can react to just about anything that triggers them. If something upsets them more easily, it’s a tell-tale sign they may be struggling with an anxiety attack. The truth behind having anxiety attacks is that people who are going through them are emotionally exhausted. We’re on a roller coaster of emotions at extremely high levels from ourselves to begin with, when adding in other people and their reactions, it puts us overboard sometimes.
4. Inability to concentrate/zoning out:
We’re going through a million thoughts a minute when having a bad attack, so it’s natural that we will zone out into our own heads. Ben Michaelis, PhD, a New York City-based clinical psychologist and founder of the YouTube channel One Minute Diagnosis. says that when people have anxiety attacks:
“[People will] feel like things are not real, or feel detached from oneself.”
Often times, it’s not the best for us to be “alone with our thoughts” because our thoughts can be extremely toxic and be triggering even worse bouts of anxiety for some, but it’s not as though we are able to just silence everything in our minds. The best course of action is to put our mind to something else, hopefully, helping ease the thoughts and panic in our minds.
5. Silence:
Many of those with anxiety, or even high-functioning anxiety, will be normal and talkative throughout the day and normally. If someone you know is usual social and has a day or two where they are much quieter or withdrawn, this could be a sign that they are suffering from anxiety attacks. It’s important to try and “get them out of their own heads,” but, don’t push them too hard.
The good news:
The good news about anxiety and panic attacks is that they don’t last forever. The more you become aware of the signs of incoming attacks, the better you will become at working through them. Eventually, with enough effort and work, you may be able to avoid them altogether.
