9 Things You Should Know Before Moving In With Your Boyfriend

Sometimes in long-term relationships, there comes a point where a couple discusses taking that next step from “just dating” to “moving in together.” While it seems like a natural progression in any relationship, it’s actually a huge step to take as a couple. Sure, you may think it’s not such a big deal when the two of you spend every other night at each other’s own apartments anyway, but sleeping at someone’s apartment and actually sharing an apartment together are completely different things – trust me. While moving in may seem like an adorable and magical idea – playing “house” always makes every girl excited and happy – it’s a big f*cking deal, especially if there are things you’re unsure about or questions you don’t exactly have the answers to.

1. Make sure it’s something you both want to do.

Everyone feels as though it’s natural to move in together when you are a long term couple and you’re a certain age (in your mid-20’s/early-30’s). And, while it is a normal step to take in many relationships, you want to make sure that you and your partner are both happy and comfortable with the idea of living together. If one person is more into it and the other isn’t ready – don’t f*cking do it. You both need to be ready to take this step together because if one person isn’t ready, resentment will grow and your relationship will suffer because of it. I know a lot of couples who broke up after moving in together because they just weren’t ready or at that stage in their relationship to do so.

2. Make sure you’re doing it for the same reasons.

If you’re moving in with someone because you want to build a life with them, but they’re moving in with you because it’s financially convenient for them – it’s going to create tension. Make sure you discuss your intentions before you move in together. Make sure that you’re both on the same page and understand what living together really means. It’s not the same as just dating someone and staying over their apartment, you two are no cohabitating which means what’s yours is theirs and vice versa. You don’t want to have false expectations and hope and create conflict because you were both unclear of what you want.

3. Talk about finances, no matter how weird it may get.

When you move in with someone, your finances are now up front and important in your relationship. Most people will tell you not to discuss money with your partner unless you’re married, but, if you’re living together – everything matters in terms of money. And, it’s more than just rent. You’re going to paying for rent together, electric, cable, internet, food, furniture – everything you want to put in this apartment will be both of yours, not just yours or theirs. If your partner is financially irresponsible, that’s a big consideration you need to weigh before moving in. If you make more than your partner, that’s also something to think about. You don’t ever want to be stuck paying for 90% of the things in your apartment and your partner mooches off of your financial well-being, you’ll begin to get angry and resentful and will end up blowing up on them about it. The best thing you can do is discuss how to split things and make a schedule for things such as laundry, groceries and other necessities.

7 Ways To Tell You’ve Finally Found That ‘Forever’ Kind Of Love

When we fall in love with someone, we always want them to be the “end all, be all” of our life. We don’t want to think about every playing the field again, we never want to think about the “dating scene” again–we just want this to be the “forever” kind of love. How do you know, though? How are you able to realize that the person you are with is the person you should be with forever? It’s hard to say. Everyone’s life is incredibly different (in many ways), but there are some universal feelings, lessons, and realizations that you can have while falling in love that makes you stop and realize–”wow, I can truly see myself spending the rest of my life with this person.”

 

1. You completely trust them, with no strings attached.

When you fall in love with someone, you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open to someone. We’re allowing ourselves to risk being hurt, heartbroken, and devastated if things don’t go as planned. We’re essentially putting our emotional wellbeing and souls into another person’s hands. That’s truly an action that requires the utmost trust and value. If you’re unsure whether or not you can trust your partner, there’s no reason to even picture a future together. You should feel comfortable and at ease when it comes to your life together.

You should never wonder what they’re doing when they’re out if they’re talking to someone else, if they’re texting someone they shouldn’t be. If you ever feel the inclination you should go through their phone, texts, emails, social media–you’re not with the person you deserve to be with. The person you are meant to be with will never, ever give you a reason not to trust them. They will always be honest with you, open with you, and give you every single solitary reason to trust them. If you are uneasy about your love now, think about feeling this way as you get older–with kids involved. You should never live your life on the edge with someone.

 

If I Choose To Cheat On My Partner, It’s None Of Your Damn Business

There was a time in my life when I was in a relationship and I was extremely unhappy. I had been with my boyfriend for an extremely long amount of time and due to the fact that I was young, I was too naive and immature to realize that being unhappy is a perfect reason to leave. But, being so young, I thought that leaving was “not the answer.” Instead, I looked for what I felt was missing in my relationship with other people and in places.

My boyfriend and I were together for six years—throughout high school and then for part of our college careers. We were each other’s best friends; we did everything together. If we weren’t at school or at work, we were together. We stayed over each other’s houses virtually every night, we texted all day long, we couldn’t make big decisions without consulting each other first. We were each other’s “everything.” But, eventually, we stopped holding hands, we stopped kissing, we stopped being intimate with each other altogether.

Before I knew it, my six-year relationship had become a close friendship that I did not know how to live without. My boyfriend had become my best friend, but, so much so that it had come platonic—we were no longer involved in a fiery romance, but instead, basic friends who wanted to be close to each other. We still laughed the same, we still had the same fun—but I stopped and realized, I couldn’t remember the last time we had even made out with each other. We were young—young—in college, in our 20s. There was no reason we couldn’t be all over each other—having wild, youthful, intimate fun.

I ended up looking elsewhere to fulfill my desires. What started out as a casual fling, turned into a regular booty call and I became infatuated with the idea that I was living a double life.

Looking back, I regret all that had transpired. I hurt not only myself but, also, everyone around me. I had to look my best friend in the eye and let him know that I had completely tarnished his trust. I had to look my parents in the mirror and let them know that all of their life lessons had fallen on deaf ears. I had to live with the fact that I was, in fact, a cheater. Throughout my life, I had always talked poorly about women who weren’t strong enough to leave before they had decided to cheat. I had watched TV shows, screaming at the protagonist who had done the dirty deed. I had always thought of myself to be better than this.

When things got out, I lost a lot of friends. Some of my best friends—the ones who were supposed to be my “ride or dies,” they decided that being friends with someone who cheats is not a good look. They decided that they couldn’t trust me around their boyfriends. Some of them said that I was disgusting, others called me a whore.

Truth be told—I have regrets. I have tons of regrets. I wish I had broken things off with my boyfriend sooner. I wish I hadn’t gone out and started an affair behind his back. I wish I kept my affair to myself and not told people I thought I could trust.

But, at the end of the day—my mistakes were my mistakes. They weren’t my friend’s mistakes, and it wasn’t their place to judge me. My affair, my cheating, and my mistakes had to do with me, my boyfriend, and the person I cheated with. They had nothing to do with the dozens of people who decided to spread my business around. It had nothing to do with the friends who dumped me like a bad habit, after 15 years of friendship. It had nothing to do with anyone else but me.

I made the mistake. I did the deed. It was my place to deal with it. It was my mess to clean.

The fact that people in my life, those who were closest to me, chose to leave me high and dry showed me a valuable life lesson. Although I was someone who made a mistake, the mistake opened my eyes to people’s true colors. Something that was my burden to bear became a silver lining to see who was really there for the long haul and who was there for a temporary season.

If I decided to cheat on my boyfriend—that was my choice. It was my decision. It was my problem.

Not everyone else’s.

I Can Feel It in My Bones, That’s How I Know It’ll Always Be You

You. It’s such a complex and meaningful word. And to each individual person it can mean multitudes of things. It varies from person to person and experience to experience.

But when I think of the word you, I am overwhelmed with so much love.

Not long ago I was thoroughly convinced that love was an absolute joke and I had wasted all of my time. I was certain that happiness and contentment were so far out of my reach. And so I settled for the mundane. And then you became a part of my vocabulary.

 

At first, it was so subtle. I had no idea that you were going to change everything. I wasn’t looking for you at all, but you found me anyway.

The coincidences were too great, and so I began to believe that this was somehow fated to be.

As I poured out my soul to you, I realized it was the first time I hadn’t been scared of the truth. Looking into your eyes, I was able to own up to every mistake and stupid decision I made.

But after finding you, I’m not so sure they were mistakes. Every decision I made, no matter how big or small it seemed, lead me to this exact place. And I wholeheartedly believe that I was supposed to find you.

I had spent so many years chasing things that were not meant for me, and only now can I understand why every single one of them fell apart.

My heart is damaged, and a small part of me will always be broken. But you know that, and you choose me anyway.

You look at me as if I am a constellation, and you’ve never seen stars. And though it terrifies me, it also makes me feel whole again.

You value me, even when I don’t value myself. You tell me the honest truth, even when I don’t want to hear it. And you are constant, in an ever changing world.

You are so much more than what I could have dreamed up. I have struggled so long with finding somewhere to call home and finding somewhere that I belong. I realize now that it’s not a place. It’s you.

This unspoken peace crashes over me every time I look at you, and I know that no matter where I am, I will be coming home to you for the rest of my life.

You are the greatest blessing I have ever received, and I’ve never been so grateful for anything in my whole life.

 

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