personal growth Archives

To the Person Who’d Rather be Heartless Than Heartbroken

I know how it is when you’ve been hurt before, probably by someone who thought would never ever hurt you. But they did, and now, here you are…

A little older, a little wiser, and a lot more careful about who you let in.

You don’t like to give your number out and when you do take the chance and start to let them in you make sure to be the one who cares less, and you make sure to walk away before they can. You don’t ever want your happiness to depend on someone else.

Not after last time.

You tell your friends that you guys just didn’t ‘click’ but you know you didn’t even give them a chance.

You don’t want to be vulnerable, because vulnerable people get their hearts broken.

You’ve found out that the best way to protect your heart is to pretend that you don’t have one.

You convince yourself that you like to be alone and that this is exactly what you want.

But it isn’t.

It might seem better to be heartless than heartbroken but that’s no way to live your life.

So stop it.

When you get something wrong you don’t just give up. You try again, you know a little more, are a little more careful, and you continue.

So no, don’t let your happiness depend on someone else, but don’t be afraid to let people contribute to it either.

As hard as it is to believe, not everyone will hurt you like that and you’ll appreciate the ones who don’t a little bit more than before.

Here’s Why It’s Actually Really Healthy To Cut People Out Of Your Life

Throughout your life, you are going to lose friends who you thought would be apart of your life forever. From childhood, all the way into adulthood, things change. You’re not going to be the same person you were when you were a child—and, people sometimes grow apart. There’s nothing wrong with having some distance between you and people you once held close to you.

I grew up in a small neighborhood where everyone knew your business. Once I got older, I put some distance between myself and the people I grew up with—I didn’t want their judgments and negative attitudes involved in my growth. For whatever reason, a lot of my childhood friends and I grew apart—I cut them out of my life. While some were mutual, not all of them were. Having to decide to cut someone out of your life is a seriously difficult decision to make. But, sometimes, walking away from toxic people will benefit you more than it will hurt you.

There are some situations in which cutting people out of your life completely—friends, family, significant others—is a necessary decision. At the end of the day, putting you first is the most important part of personal growth.

1. They no longer support you or your dreams.

Sometimes, when you’re excelling in life faster than other people – they get jealous. They aren’t happy to see you doing well, while they’re at a standstill, trying to figure out just what to do with their life. They start to challenge your dreams, your ambition and make you feel guilty for not being so available for them.

This makes you almost second guess yourself – wondering if what you’re doing is the right thing. Never let someone else’s insecurities alter what you see for yourself. Do not let anyone stand in the way of building your own empire.

2. You can’t trust them anymore.

Once trust is broken, it’s incredibly hard to build it back up. It can start small, as someone not keeping a secret – or big, as someone betraying you harshly. If you ever feel as though you cannot trust someone, you shouldn’t have to feel guilty about moving on from this person.

You don’t want to be surrounded by people you have to walk on eggshells with or be on your toes for.

3. They are too negative.

Energy does not lie and energy is contagious. The more negativity you surround yourself with, the more negative you will become. You don’t want to be around someone who is constantly the Debby Downer of your life. You don’t need to be around someone who is always looking at the glass half empty.

The more you put negativity into your world, the more negative it will become. Separate yourself from anyone who makes you feel like you are being held down or held back.

4. They take more than they give.

Every relationship and friendship is a two-way street. At times, you may give more than you take, other times, you may take more than you give. But, if someone in your life is always taking and never giving – making you put in all the effort and never raising a finger, you’re being taken advantage of.

No one should ever be given enough power to treat you as though you are only there to serve or please them. If someone makes you feel as though you are not enough of a priority to make as much effort, leave.

5. They are no longer the person you once knew.

People change over time—it’s inevitable. As we age, we grow into different people with different priorities and needs. While change is okay, if someone in your life has changed for the worse instead of the better, and, you no longer recognize them – you can distance yourself from them. You don’t want to be around people who have bad habits and perpetuate that kind of behavior.

Be strong enough to know that walking away will do them more help than harm.

He Says He Doesn’t Want Anything Serious

Nothing feels worse than putting your all into someone who does not want something that is long term. Here’s the scenario.

Both of you had a great time out at that bar gathering last month….organically he asked you for your number and a date!

The first date was AMAZING, both of you had a romantic evening walk after a delicious dinner. However, after the 2nd date, he didn’t call to figure out when he was going to see you again; he did not even call to say “hey how ar you?” When you called him, this is what you heard from him: Actually, “I am not ready for anything too serious, I’m focusing on building a better me” (something he failed to mention in between the appetizer and your front door)…

Your mind starts to run at a million miles an hour: So let me get this right: You want to start dating but you don’t want it to progress into a committed relationship because you like your life too much. You’re still in love with your ex. You’re busier than a Beyonce. You have trust issues after your ex-kissed that guy the day after you cheated. You just want some p****y?

Hold that thought girl, and RUN – FAST!

Having a partner, a great one is a wonderful thing, but if you can’t live a happy and meaningful life without one, you will not be able to achieve the life you wish while you have one.

That’s why I’m telling you to RUN FAST! You need to go through some self-growth and understanding now.

It is not anyone else’s responsibility to make your life have a purpose and make you happy, it is yours. Cultivate the ability to be daring and frolic full. Try something new. Give yourself new experience as often as you can – New recipe, new wardrobe, different types of food, pick up a new form of sports such as MMA,(why not become a hottie like one of them) swimming or dancing.

So the winning question is what to do when he tells you he doesn’t want anything serious? Don’t make a mistake by breaking into tears, acting crazy, yelling, and holding on to him for dear life. This will reassure him that it was right for him not to pursue a relationship with you.

Instead, brush it off HARD; hit him with a simple and short reply.

CONTROL THOSE EMOTIONS.

You do however have the option to show him that you are a lovely lady with so much to share, one way to do this is to keep him as a friend and invite him to join you occasionally whenever there are interesting activities such as barbecuing, hiking trip, etc. ONLY DO THIS IF THIS IS SOMETHING YOU CAN HANDLE.

You never know doing this and him seeing you in another light might make him change his mind. Eventually, though you will start to realize you are capable of having an awesome time and meet more people without him, they might even be better than him, so much to the point, you won’t even trip about his love choices.

Boss up. Get your life. And forget about him.

You deserve better anyways.