This Guy Found Out His Girlfriend Was Using His Gym Socks To Wipe Herself And Um, What?

Relationships are full of surprises. The more time you spend with the same person the more you learn about them, especially once you’ve moved in together.

Living with your significant other teaches you a lot about who they really are—what their weird habits are, what annoys them, and sometimes you find out they have some very odd vices. So odd, in fact, that you seek advice from the internet.

At least, that’s what one boyfriend did after he discovered his girlfriend was wiping herself with his gym socks…

Redditor u/whattodobedroom recently shared a story with the online community about something very odd that happened with his girlfriend.

He titled the post: ‘I (28) think my girlfriend (26) has been using my gym socks to wipe after going to the bathroom.’

Feeling disgusted but curious, we continued reading and um, brace yourselves…

The post reads:

I don’t even know where to start with this. I’m dumbfounded. She just stormed out the house and I’m sitting on the bed asking myself A LOT of questions.

I live a pretty normal life, and I thought so did my girlfriend. We’ve been together for a few months and after things got serious, we moved in together. We started sharing a lot of the household responsibilities, but the one thing she was adamant on doing was the laundry. She would come home and find me in the bedroom getting the laundry together and would quickly ask me to go do something else. I’d come back to finish the laundry and she would have already started it. I always thought it was sweet and never her job to do it alone, but hey, if it makes her happy to do it all the time, I wouldn’t stop her.

This is where it takes a turn for the weird.

I keep all my socks and underwear in the bottom drawer of my dresser. I also go to the gym frequently, so I always keep a good supply of clean gym socks ready to go. I never kept count, but I know by just a visual glance I several pairs. This morning when I went to grab a fresh pair to pack for the gym, I noticed there were several dress socks, but no gym socks. Again, not weird, they must have been in the laundry. I went to check the laundry basket and it was empty, so I checked the washing machine and dryer. Both were empty. I couldn’t figure out where all of my gym socks had gone. So, I did the very natural thing of asking my girlfriend what had happened to them. After all, she is the one who does the laundry all the time. She went silent, turned red and ran out of the room. When I went after her to see if she was okay she wouldn’t talk to me. I told her I wasn’t mad, I was just looking for my socks. She kinda mumbled “I’ll don’t know.” I still wasn’t mad, of course, but I was super confused. Socks just don’t disappear. So I asked her again, even laughed about it and she just looked at me and got mad and said “I’ll buy you new ones!”

The first thought that went through my head was she had somehow managed to destroy my socks while washing them. I thought the sight of that was actually pretty funny, so I joked with her about ruining my socks. Wrong. Thing. To. Say. She started immediately crying. Like, full on sobbing. At this point I don’t care about the socks anymore, I want to know what’s wrong with my girlfriend. I sat down next to her on the bed and put my arm around her and asked her of she was okay. She just kept saying she was sorry and that she would buy me new socks. I tried assuring her again it was okay. Even went so far as to say I would buy new socks and she didn’t have to. I sat with her for a few minutes trying to calm her down and eventually had to get ready for work. I told her loved her and got my things together to leave for the day.

On my way out I grabbed the garbage to take outside. When I got outside I lifted the lid off the garbage can and I noticed a small plastic bag sitting on top of the garbage already in there. I could see through the bag (kind of the semi see through ones) there were socks in the bag. Since I was sure she had somehow managed to ruin the socks washing them, I wanted to see for myself. I opened the bag and immediately regretted my choice. There, inside the bag, were several pairs of my gym socks covered in what looked like poop. As soon as the smell hit me I knew it WAS POOP.

    1. We don’t own any pets.
    2. We don’t have any kids.
    3. WHOSE POOP WAS ON MY SOCKS?

Work could wait. I couldn’t go the rest of the day wondering why my gym socks were covered in poop and inside a plastic bag in the garbage can. I grabbed the bag and walked back inside. As soon as my girlfriend saw the bag she flipped out and started yelling at me. She said I shouldn’t be going through the garbage and that I was disgusting for bringing it back into the house.

I asked her to calm down and that I just wanted an answer as to why there was poop on my socks. I wasn’t blaming her of anything, but she started accusing me of blaming her. That’s when it clicked. I don’t know what it was that lead me to ask this, but everything leading up to this moment had just been so crazy. I asked her “Is this your poop?” She started sobbing again and ran out of the house. I didn’t go after her this time.

So, now I am sitting on my bed with a bag of poopy socks on the floor and a lot of questions in my head. The only conclusion is that she used them after going to the bathroom. Which that alone has its own set of questions above everything else. I sent her text asking her to come back. She hasn’t responded yet. I don’t even know what I’m going to say when (IF) she gets back.

We can imagine the author felt something like this:

Fortunately, it wasn’t long before he posted an update:

I had to leave for work and am now at work. Yes, I threw away the bag of poopy socks. She texted me back and she’s clearly embarrassed but felt she owed me an explanation. She said she didn’t want to talk about it in person and that we could discuss it over texting and to NOT bring it up in person. I’m condensing the conversation and filling in some gaps as best as I can. Her responses are super short, but I’m getting the idea.

I flat out asked her if it was a fetish. It is not a fetish. She confessed to using the socks after going to the bathroom. I found the reason she always does the laundry is because she was hiding the fact that she uses socks to wipe with, primarily her own. I had no reason to question the amount of socks she ever has because who pays attention to that kind of thing? She thought I would notice and think it was weird since she doesn’t own many socks. She admitted she has done this for a long time. Her reasoning, as best as I can understand, is that because she is a germaphobe (her word) and she is afraid toilet paper will tear and is afraid of getting her hands messy in ANY WAY. She uses socks because it covers her entire hand. After she’s done with them, she throws them away. She used mine because she didn’t have other socks.

So, my girlfriend has a fear of getting poop on her hands so she wipes with socks, and has done so for a lone time. It could be worse, I guess. I hope we can laugh about this later. I’m trying to find the humor in it now, but I’m still weirded out.

And people have a lot to say about his situation.  

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need a minute to erase this from our brains.

h/t Reddit

I’m Sick And Tired Of Women Claiming They ‘Don’t Fart In Front Of Their Boyfriends’

Okay so that headline was probably bold enough to get you to click on it and you’re probably sitting on your phone/tablet/computer rolling your eyes saying ‘Who pissed in this girl’s coffee today?’ But, in all seriousness, I’m raging. Not raging, but, I’m bothered. I can count seventeen different times on my hands and toes how many girlfriends I have that tell me they don’t “fart” in front of their boyfriends. I’m not just talking those couples who are in the Honeymoon stage…I’m talking couples who have been together for years.

They also never use the bathroom to go number two when they’re at their boyfriend’s house. They want to maintain this mystical, magical and “beautiful” social appearance of being absolutely clean, perfect and pure, so, they keep an entire aspect of themselves locked away.

Let’s be honest here – everyone farts. Didn’t your parents ever read you the book ‘Everyone Poops‘ growing up? It’s human nature, it’s natural –it’s apart of our body’s way of maintaining health and hygiene, even if it seems gross.

Girls who claim they “don’t poop or fart” are really selling themselves short.

1. Why lie?

In retrospect, they’re liars for one and I’m a firm believer that if you lie about one thing, you’re setting yourself up for disaster in romantic relationships. Yes, even if it’s about farting. Your man knows you’re a human you’re not a f*cking alien and your body operates like any other human. If you’re dating a guy who can’t “handle” the fact that his girlfriend farts, you need to find yourself a new man.

2. Now you can’t eat good food with your man.

We all know that certain foods are more likely to give us gas – i.e.: tacos and beans. So, you’re telling me you’re going to eliminate all the delicious food in the world whenever it’s date night because you might let one slip while you’re in bed watching reruns of Game of Thrones? Spare me.

3. No one said you need to dutch oven him.

Just because you fart in front of someone doesn’t mean it needs to be broadcasted and announced. No one said you have to suffocate your boyfriend under the covers after you let one loose. But, you shouldn’t be always running off and hiding in a corner in shame if you slip.

4. It’s really, really bad for your health.

If you’re constantly holding yourself in – farting or going to the bathroom – eventually it’s going to negatively impact your stomach health. Your body operates the way it does for a reason, don’t mess with nature’s calling.

5. You’re perpetuating the sexist stereotype that girls have to be “perfect and pure.”

I’m not perfect and I am by no means pure. I like to get down and dirty in the mud with the boys every once in a while. Why would you want to date someone who confines you into a box and only sees you as being a trophy? By perpetuating this stereotype that “girls don’t fart/poop,” you’re allowing men to think that women who do are disgusting.

6. If a guy can’t accept me for me – boy, bye.

If you’re dating a man who can’t handle the fact that women fart, he’s a weak person and you need to find yourself someone new. There will be times in your life where you get sick and you’re vomiting your guts up over the toilet bowl – do you want to be dating someone who holds back your hair, or someone who says you’re disgusting and runs away?

Apparently A Lot Of People Have ‘Poop Knives’ And They’re Worse Than You Think

So when I heard about this so-called ‘poop knife’ I thought it had to be a phrase from ‘Cards Against Humanity.‘ Unfortunately, I was very much mistaken. The ‘poop knife’ was shared with us by a Reddit user LearnedButt, and I’m equally confused and disgusted. This can’t be a common thing, can it? His story begins with sharing on how his family has some sort of genetically enhanced super pooping thing. I don’t know, don’t look at me. Things only seem to get stranger as the entire story begins to unfold. I’m just hoping LearnedButt, and his family is the only family with a ‘poop knife.’

[Light] My family poops big. Maybe it’s genetic, maybe it’s our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won’t flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out “hey, can you get me the poop knife”?

I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.

Fast forward to 22. It’s been a day or two between poops and I’m over at my friend’s house. My friend was the local dealer and always had ‘guests’ over, because you can’t buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it’s a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

“My what?”

Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.

“Wtf is a poop knife?”

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