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Barbie Movie Inspired: These Barbies Should Be In Barbie 2

The record-breaking Barbie Movie is a Billion Dollar box office smash. And Greta Gerwig’s clever dialogue and creative spin on how to deftly point out gender inequality and lack of autonomy has empowered women to the point of solidarity with their besties and breakups with their boyfriends. Who knew a doll made of plastic and stereotypical ideals could create such a revolution so many years after its inception? Such a progressive movie for Mattel to make. The same company famous for its trademark stringency, remember Aqua and the Bratz dolls?  Either way, this is progress, and we are here for it.  I could listen to America Ferrera’s speech on repeat and have already considered using a snippet for my voicemail. “Sorry, I cannot come to the phone right now; I am too busy juggling patriarchy plates designed for me to ultimately drop and feel bad about myself..”

There were so many great Barbies in the movie. From Presidents to Physicians, it really is a Barbies world, and the Kens (Ryan Gosling aside) are just barely Kenough. We thought about some modern-day Barbies that were missing in the movie and should be on the shelves in time for Barbie 2. Here are eleven Barbies we think should make the cut.

1.) Boundary Setting Barbie.

Comes with red flags as accessories and can only say the word “No” but in multiple languages. With her hands permanently outstretched

2.) Back It Up Barbie.

This Barbie is a data analyst and can back up every statement she makes. She has a voice recorder, laptop, whiteboard and is proficient in “Know It All” and “Won’t Back Down” skills.

3.) Bombastic Barbie

A Barbie with a permanent Bombastic Side Eye and wearing an outfit that screams apathy and disinterest.

4.) Resting Bitch Face Barbie.

It’s all in the lips, and it is NOT a reflection of how Barbie really feels. But that is everyone else’s problem.

5.) Sustainable Barbie

Don’t let this Barbie’s “Prairie” look fool you. This Boho Chic Barbie is smart, studious, and hardworking and loves a good Christy Dawn Dress. She is NEVER on social media and loves growing her own vegetables. She is an eco-activist at heart, after all…

6.) Remote Worker Barbie

Lululemon wearing and casual cool. It is pajama day every day for this work from Home Barbie. She is ready for her Zoom call, and her laundry is also done. So there!

7.) Breakfast Barbie

Best meal of the day. This champion only eats her favorite cereal.

8.) Break Up Barbie

This Barbie is full of one-liners that you can use to end your dead-end relationship.

9.) Big Dog Barbie

This Barbie knows she is done with dating for a while. She has a big dog that always sleeps in the bed to prevent anyone from moving in. This Barbie knows that Dogs are better than Boyfriends.

10). Multilevel Marketing Barbie

Rodan And What? This Barbie comes with essential oils and her own Facebook group to market to. Do NOT accept her friend request unless you are prepared to shop.

11.) Quietly Quitting Barbie

LinkedIn is just a favorite away on this Barbie’s computer. She also has a burner phone as an accessory.

12.) Just Add Water Barbie.

This Barbie is your call anytime, ride or die, plus one, and forever bestie. She is there for you in a pinch and can plan a long game trip with you too. Accessories include an overnight bag, a cellphone with you as her favorite, and high heels, running shoes, and flip flips, just in case…

13.) Manifestation Barbie.

If you think about it, you can achieve it. This Barbie comes with a set of mini tarot cards, crystals, and a dream catcher.

Header Image Mattel

21 Things That The Girl Who Is Clumsy AF Can Understand And Appreciate

 

If you ride the, ‘Clumsy AF Struggle Bus’ daily, welcome to the shit storm, you’re welcome. You understand how challenging it is to be a human at times. Let’s be honest, you are the girl who is literally the definition of a walking disaster, but hey, you’re entertainment value at least, right? You can’t even do the smallest of tasks without fucking up something, or yourself. Like:

1. Curling your hair is a dangerous task. 9/10 times you end up with a giant burn mark on your neck and being asked constantly if you have a hickey…Nope, just me not being able to human properly, that’s all.

2. Falling down stairs is a normal, everyday occurrence. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to build TWELVE stairs to go up to one room anyways??

3. Anyone who knows you has well gotten over being shocked by the dumb shit that you do or happens to you. Your boss isn’t even surprised when you come into work the next day with a sprained wrist, because you tripped UP the fucking stairs.

4. You’d think you would learn your lesson and be more aware of your surroundings… But nah, that’s wayyyy too logical. Instead, you live life on the edge, and by living life on the edge, I mean, face planting in Kroger right in front of the super hot guy walking out. Naileddddd ittttt.

5. At this point in your life, you’ve just learned to accept that you are the human that you are, which is, accident prone. Now when stupid shit happens to you, it doesn’t faze you. It should humiliate you, but you don’t even bat an eye. You just continue on, no big deal.

6. You’re not even safe laying down in bed. You either punch yourself in the face trying to pull the blankets up, or drop your phone on your face…several times in one night…

7. Sports are hard, and nobody should trust you with a blunt object. But forreal though, who in the actual fuck gave you a bat? The end results aren’t pretty because who plays softball and blacks their own eye? You, that’s who.

8. Losing things, multiple times a day, is the norm. Can’t find your keys? Check the freezer.

9. You’ve started carrying a “just in case” bag in your car. You’re just trying to be prepared because you’ve done some pretty dumb shit. Enough shit that has made you wise, and come prepared with headache medicine, bandaids, tissues, Neosporin, Ace bandage, and Gorilla Glue (don’t ask.)

10. They say bitches be trippin’ over nothing, but they don’t know you. You are that human who can trip over air. Literally. You’ve done it before.

11. Your friends bring up all the stupid shit you’ve done to strangers all the time. “Remember that one time you were mopping and stepped on the mop when you went to put it up and it came back and hit you right in the forehead? Good times.” Yeah, great times.

12. But you do have the best, funniest, and dumbest stories of how you hurt yourself this time… Like bloodying your own nose trying to get out of the car because you forgot you were still seat belted in. And people ask you why you’re still single….

13. You’re the last to be asked to handle anything fragile. Or sharp. Or important. Or expensive. Everyone knows you are a bull in a china shop, and you’re the reason why they have to order more martini glasses at work…

14. And that’s why you are automatically blamed when something breaks at work. Loud crashes, broken glass, tea all over the floor because you forgot to put the nozzles on, and the entire staff’s judgy eyes are on you…Which is total BS, because you don’t always fuck up shit everytime, not intentionally anways.

15. You make life interesting at least. Never a dull moment with you around. Might have a nice dinner out with friends, might have to go to the hospital because you fell off the bar stool, sober, hit your head on the corner of the bar, and somehow twisted your ankle. Cheers!

16. If you had a dollar for every mysterious, random bruise that you woke up with, you’d be a millionaire. Instead, you just look like you lost a game of Mortal Kombat.

17. You never pay attention to where you are going. You’re known to run into shit all the time, usually a wall or a human. Except for that one time you ran into a mannequin, and apologized to it…and then realized what just happened, and proceeded to apologize again. *awkwardly looks around to see if anyone saw that*

18. Speaking of not paying attention…. Since you like to live in your own little world, you tend to zone out and then

spill queso all over your brand new shirt, or step on nails barefooted, or run straight into screen doors. All. The. Time.

19. Oh, yeah, doors…doors are hard. There are 16 year old Olympic gold medalists, and then there’s you. A 30 year old bartender. And all you’re getting a medal for is not spilling an entire slushy machine filled with margarita mix all over the ground…because that might have happened, once, or twice…

20. Murphy’s Law is your mantra. Because anything that can go wrong will go wrong when it comes to you. Even when it comes to the simplest tasks, like putting on makeup. You stab yourself in the eye with the wand at least once a week, and end up looking like a whole ass drowned racoon.

21. You can be a total spaz at times, and you probably should wrap yourself in bubble wrap. But on a positive note, your pain tolerance is hella high. So when you lose your balance and trip over the sidewalk, you walk that shit off and keep your head held high, like the clumsy AF queen that you are.

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About The Author

Kayla Leanne Goss. Just a 30 year old small town girl, trying to navigate this rollercoaster we call life, writing about relatable shit that WE ALL go through and struggle with daily.

To see more of my articles, visit my FACEBOOK PAGE 

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