15 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Reading Twitter This Week

It’s that time of the week again, the time when we pull together all of the most hilarious tweets from the women of Twitter and share them with you.

So, sit back and enjoy some of the funniest jokes made by ladies this week.

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14 Groupies Who Fucked Musicians And Told Us Everything About It

   

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Continue reading 14 Groupies Who Fucked Musicians And Told Us Everything About It

Bride Threatens Bridesmaids With Forced Lie Detector Test After One Leaked Her Outrageous Demands

When it comes to weddings and demands, most brides expect a lot from their friends and family. It’s no secret that women want their special days to be “perfect,” and almost always that means spending a lot of money. But, recently, one bride went viral online for her outrageous list of demands she gave all of her wedding guests.

The original post was put on her Facebook page and outlined a very specific request for outfits from all the guests. The wedding, which is “a year away in Hawaii,” broke down what each guest should wear according to their gender, age, and weight. Additionally, the bride said her guests should plan to spend $1,000+ for their outfits (not even considering the trip itself and the wedding gift).

After many people who saw the post screenshotted and reshared it online—trolling and shaming her—the bride went back to social media to respond to all the negative vibes being thrown her way. Not only did she shame “whoever it was who posted it again,” but, she also said she was going to have all her friends and family over for a “Polygraph Party.” Yes, that’s right, she wanted to have people over to take a lie detector test just to find out who reposted her original attire request. Talk about insanity.

After her long-winded explanation and more yelling, more people on Reddit were honest.

She’s just a gift that keeps on giving.

Meanwhile I would certainly trust a $100 lie detector bought off Amazon. /s

I hope it reads like everyone is lying. Even her husband.

Fnshow316

Damn, she really suffers from a bad case of god complex

zyx012

Haha. Spiritual healers. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.

dismayhurta

Anyone over 160 pounds represents the devil that she wants to get rid of… I’m sure they feel super welcomed at her wedding!!

litanyofgendlin

I have to agree—I’ve seen crazy brides, but this…this is insanity.

Waiters Are Sharing The Most Awkward Dates They’ve Ever Witnessed

All service industry employees and veterans have tales the rest of the world simply would not believe. The types of characters that reside in the kitchen and on the service floor are beyond description and sometimes even comprehension.

Though there are those patrons who are sweet, generous, and enjoyable to talk to, there seem to be far more freakazoids out there, intent on ruining somebody’s day.

Then there are couples. Couples who are clearly on their first date. Couples who take sadistic pleasure in torturing their server. Couples who are fighting, or cheating, or divorcing. These are their stories. Dun DUN (Law & Order sound effect).

Redditor u/StittDownAndListen recently asked the Reddit community, “Waiters and Waitresses of Reddit, what is the most awkward couple date you have ever witnessed at work?” The responses are bewildering, upsetting, and also somewhat hilarious.

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First date, I would estimate college age. They’re eating and the girl says “I’m having a really nice time, but my friend just texted me and asked me if I wanted to hang out, and I said yes, so I actually have to go.”

youngandstarving

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Had a couple come in one night and everything seemed to be going fine. We just hired a new sever who was training and I asked her if she had any questions. She was still nervous about greeting tables so I told her she could shadow me and watch what I do.

We go over to the couples table and all I hear from the new server is “YOU F**KING BITCH I KNEW YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME”

Turns out the guy was her bf on a date with his side chick and he didn’t know she just got a job there.

She didn’t get fired for what she said.

CigarJPug

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Husband and wife fight. Wife cried. Husband got up and threw a pizza slice at her face.

Agentx6021

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I guess you could call this a couple date. I was working at a wine bar when a married couple sat down on a pretty slow night. I went over the specials and they ordered. Once appetizers came out the man thought it would be a good idea to serve his wife divorce papers.

I did my best to avoid that side of the bar. I did bring out tissues for the wife who was breaking down. I ended up boxing up the dinner. The guy paid but I do not envy that ride home.

ThereandBack22

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When I was bartending this guy came into the bar on a week night, average looking guy, late twenties. He sat down and asked for a drink and told me he was nervous because it was his first date in 3 years and they had met on tinder. He arrived 20 minutes before her expected arrival to get rid of some of his nerves….two hours passed and he waited for her with no text or call explaining she would be late.

This woman walks in, walks up to the guy and I’m thinking “wow! She really came! “ . She looks at him and says “Are you Joe?”, the guy replies yes and gets up to properly greet her looking incredibly excited….she says “no thanks…” and just leaves.

What a foul creature.

Joe(not his real name) and I proceeded to get way too drunk for a Tuesday. Poor average Joe.

Corticulture

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There’s a habit of some older couples where the elderly gentleman will order on behalf of his wife. I guess it might have been cute and romantic once, but it doesn’t work with some younger couples.

I was serving a younger couple (early 20s), who seemed pretty early into the relationship. They were ordering drinks and he orders her drink for her.

Far from being dazzled by him knowing what she wanted, she didn’t want any of it “Well I’d actually like a latte, not a coke. But fine whatever, if I don’t get a say…”

He responded quite angrily with “oh sorry, have what you want then!” She got her latte and he glared at me. They ate and left.

Not been in since, I’m sure they’re doing well.

Durnovarian

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Couple came into the restaurant dressed very goth. I wasn’t their server but I was running the cash register just a few feet away. They proclaimed to everyone that they were energy vampires, but not to fear them because they won’t hurt us.

They said they didn’t need our food for sustenance, but enjoyed the tasted. After ordering the meal they then politely asked the waitress if she would stick around for a second so they could feed off of her aura so they could have enough energy for the night.

The waitress said ok and gave me a side glance over her shoulder that I knew meant “I better get a good tip for this”… The couple clasped each other’s hands, closed their eyes, and made sucking sounds for a solid minute before leaning back in the seats and sighing as if they had just had a turkey dinner.

The waitress was indeed tipped well for her delicious energy.

hexiron

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Served a deaf couple having a fight. They went from both of them signing furiously to her crying and signaling to me for a stack of napkins for, I assumed, her tears. She whips out a pen and starts writing paragraph after paragraph angrily.

It was awkward because i kept having to come back to the table since they ordered multiple courses and he was just eating and signing while she was hunched over the table writing away while crying.

When they finally left they tipped me pretty well though so I guess it wasn’t too bad?

MidgeT-rex

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When I was a waitress at Olive Garden, one of my tables was going over their divorce paperwork. When I greeted the table I asked how everyone was and the woman said, “Terrible! We are getting a divorce.”

Like wtf do I say to that?

kiwikoopa

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There was a couple at my work having drinks, girl went to the toilet, came back and admitted that she’d been sleeping with the guys brother. Apparently glasses were thrown across the room and they both got kicked out.

Foxjessie

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Not exactly a date- but I served a couple one time who had met up to discuss the terms of their divorce at the fancy-ish restaurant I worked at at the time.

They came before the dinner rush so they were pretty much my only table, and every-time I’d check in on them the wife was extremely angry/tearful and they were bickering about holiday schedules for their daughter/timeshares etc.

It wasn’t the end of the world but it was extremely awkward to butt in to change our their forks or refill drinks while they were so emotionally charged.

spoooky_spice

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A girl brought two tinder dates and played them off each other game show style. They seemed to be unaware this was what would happen. Splitting the bill was hilarious.

prosperpines

30+ Pictures That Are Real As Heck For Any Woman Who Lives With A Man Child

Growing up seems like something that everyone goes through–but there are some individuals who take much longer to mature than others. When it comes to our boyfriends and husbands, we realize from time to time that no matter how old they are, it only takes 2 seconds for them to revert to being an absolute manchild. Ladies, don’t leave your men unattended in stores, with the kids, with the dog, or anywhere in the house. You never know what they’re going to do–and, most of the time, it’s groan-worthy.

74. We’re Adults And We Get To Decide What That Means: The Home Depot Edition

Reddit

73. There Was A Storm During The Eclipse So He Improvised

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72. During A 12 Hour Flight Delay My Boyfriend Wandered Off. When I Found Him He Was In The Middle Of A Pixar Movie Marathon With A Group Of 5-Year-Olds. He’s The One For Me

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71. Today My Boyfriend Bought A Label Maker

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70. My Buddy Wins Father’s Day Today. – “I Woke Up Today With A Missed Call From My Mom And About 15 Tags To Beat The Cheerio Stack Record. 10 Hours Later It Has Been Broken”

Reddit

69. My Father-In-Law Is A Contractor. This Is Him Installing A Mirror

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68. Had Sparklers At My Wedding Reception Last Night. I Think They Won Over My Father-In-Law

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67. He Really Wanted To Swim With His Turtle

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66. My Friend’s Dad Is In Boston Sightseeing Today

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65. When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch

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64. While On My Computer My Boyfriend Walked Up Behind Me And Started Rubbing My Back. I Thought He Was Being Sweet, Then He Sent This Picture To My Phone

Reddit

15 Dating ‘Green Flags’ That Let You Know He’s A Keeper

Most of us can share at least a handful of red flags we wished we’d noticed (or chosen to acknowledge) in a past relationship. However, because it’s 2018 and there’s already plenty of negativity in the world, Reddit asked its users to talk about green flags they saw in their significant other—things that made them realize “hey, this person isn’t a piece of human garbage”—and these are our favorite ones.

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Talking for 5 hours but only thinking the date lasted around 90 minutes

Saturn_5_speed

https://giphy.com/gifs/throwingshade-tv-land-tvland-26gslmOUHAyAURVGo

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If you are introverted, if you hang out with them and it feels just like being alone. Like they don’t affect your “dealing with people” meter. You feel comfortable around them

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A friend of mine hit it off in the car with her date that they ended up driving over two hours PAST their date destination. When conversation is that good, you’ve got a blaring green light! They’re married for around 15 years now.

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When they actually pay attention to what you’re talking about and even make the effort to come back to the topic if interrupted.

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The first time my now husband ever touched me it felt like I knew him a 1,000 years already. I don’t like being touched, and the instant comfort I got.. I knew I wasn’t just going after booty on this one.

brae_hicks

https://giphy.com/gifs/heart-kristen-bell-PQKlfexeEpnTq

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According to my fiancée, it was when I first went to her house and get cat sat in my lap. Her cat hates everyone but loved me.

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When you find you’re comfortable enough with someone to open up about those parts of yourself that you’d normally be a little afraid to reveal – the insecurities, desires, dreams you hold inside yourself, and that you’re afraid of being mocked or criticized for. And then they react in a safe, supportive manner.

duhvorced

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Met a guy at a bar, he had a cake tin in a bag next to him.

Two weeks later he baked me a cake for my birthday, and we’ve been together now 19 years.

Only downside is he never baked me another cake!

Carborundorumite

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When they are kind to animals and people in the service industry – ESPECIALLY if they don’t know you’re watching them.

Blueheron77

https://giphy.com/gifs/glee-preach-vYGsUUBVbWVBC

10.

On my first date with the man who is now my fiance, we walked from our high school to a local restaurant and he insisted on walking on the side of the sidewalk that was closest to the road. In that moment he reminded me of my grandfather, who had recently passed, because when I was a small child my grandfather told me “A gentleman always walks closer to traffic than the lady.” It just gave me a really good feeling about him, that he was polite and a little bit old-fashioned.

particularshadeofblu

20 Blind Date Horror Stories That’ll Make You Swear Off Ever Letting Anyone ‘Set You Up’

When we’re single, we’ve all reached the point where friends and family want to “set you up with someone.” Usually, it’s someone you’ve never met before–like a co-worker’s son, or a long-lost family friend.
Continue reading 20 Blind Date Horror Stories That’ll Make You Swear Off Ever Letting Anyone ‘Set You Up’

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