To the One I Let Get Away

It’s funny, being in a place where you realize that you let something good slip through your fingers, and the only person those fingers can point at is yourself. It’s almost easier going through a breakup than it is wondering what could have been. I know I’m not alone, and I know that there’s nothing I can do to change the situation now.

Because why shouldn’t you move on? I’m the one who said no.

In the moment, I was so sure my choice was right. But, looking back, I was letting my fear get in the way of something potentially great. I wish I could say that’s not how it’s always been… How this time was just a lapse of judgment. But, the truth is, fear has always been a part of me, and I didn’t realize how much joy and happiness it took from me until I walked away.

Just know: it’s not you, it’s me. Really.

You were nothing but kind, smart, funny, encouraging; made me feel like I could do anything I set my mind to. You celebrated my wins and encouraged me in my losses. You were there on the other side of the phone if and when I needed it. You challenged me and made me realize that my dreams aren’t as farfetched as I thought they were.

And here I am, again, letting that fear and my pride call the shots again.

This isn’t a pity letter. This isn’t my failed attempt at proving to be something I so badly wish I was. This is me, laying the cards on the table, if only for just myself. The fact is, I don’t need to prove anything to anyone about how I was wrong, how I regret my decision. Just writing this, in itself, is progress.

The truth is, I wish I could rewind the clock.

I wish I could go back to that day, that moment… The last time I fell back into that fear. Because since then, I’ve actually made brave changes in my life and the empowerment has been incredible. But knowing that I let that one moment dictate potentially the rest of my life gives me chills.

There’s a twisted art to realizing what could have been.

The embarrassment, the fear, the nagging on the heart all makes sense and, quite frankly, is to be expected with someone like me. The person who preaches about being open and honest and wearing your heart on your sleeve actually fears an open heart and bare communication. The ultimate contradiction.

So, to you who I pushed aside only to realize that I pushed aside something potentially great, this is not an excuse, but an explanation. Chances are supposed to be taken and feelings are supposed to be put on the line. That’s how life is supposed to go and what I’ll be aiming for from now on.

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About The Author

Emmie Pombo is a latte and tattoo-loving Tennessean who specializes in mental health and beauty writing. She holds a degree in Journalism and a certification in Makeup Artistry and Airbrushing. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

Go After Him, Because Regret Will Always Hurt More Than Rejection

“There are some people in this world who can just love and love no matter what.” –JG

Love has never hurt me, people have.

I don’t blame love for heartbreak. I believe that heartbreak is the result of a lack of love from another person. I believe if you look underneath what people claim they want, humans are very much alike. We all just want someone who gives a damn about us.

I’ve done many things for love. I’ve allowed it to make me crazy. I’ve crossed oceans to hand over my heart on a silver platter. I bought someone a puppy just because I could. I’ve written too many letters. I’ve driven for hours and spent pitch black nights on lonely highways. I’ve spent more money than I could even begin to calculate on showing others that I care.

I’ve stood there shaking, trying to tell another he was the love of my life with tears in my eyes as the words spilled from my lips, “I’m sorry but I’ve fallen in love with you and I think you are the most remarkable person I’ve ever known.”

Maybe I did these things because I’m crazy. Or maybe I’m not, maybe I’m the only sane person who values love in its entirety.

Every one of those moments has had two things in common; I took advantage of the moment because I knew I’d lose my chance if I didn’t say it right then and there and I got hurt.

“If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you are scared it will cause problems. Even if you are scared that it’ll burn your life to the ground, you say it. You say it loud and you go from there.” -Grey’s Anatomy

The things I regret most in life aren’t words I said or chances I took. The things I regret most are those times I was too afraid to make a move.

Regret will always hurt more than rejection. With rejection, at least I know I tried my best. I did everything I could and fully shared my abundance of emotions.

If someone cannot reciprocate the way I feel, that’s on them.

But there isn’t a person on this Earth who could look me in the eyes and tell me I didn’t give it my all. I’ll take the broken hearts. I’ll take making someone uncomfortable for a moment if they don’t feel the same way.

I’ll take it all with a smile and maybe a few tears, because I know I’m taking the right kind of changes in my life. That is something I can never regret. I know the love I give will one day be reciprocated. All of those gestures will come back to me, multiplied.

Of the greatest challenges I live with isn’t dealing with rejection, but not allowing that rejection to taint my views on love and how much I value it. I’ll continue to love hard. I’ll continue to love deeply. I’ll continue to do these things until I get it right.

Because when you love the right way, one day you meet someone who is worthy of everything you have to offer.

“Go after her. Fuck don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign because it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3,000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and unguarded and that is all that is worth anything really.” –Harvey Milk 

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