Saying Good bye: 

Saying good bye to you is something I hoped I wouldn’t have to do for a long time. I’m sitting here by the Lake. Here to honor you. I know how much you loved the Great Lakes and the beauty that Michigan has to offer. 

All I can think about is your light. The way that your laugh and energy was absolutely contagious. How we could sit and talk. I knew that I could tell you anything without judgement . You stayed by my side through some rough times. Looked me in the eye and said hat you where there for me no matter what. 

I think about all the fun days. The sunset pictures we’d take while sitting on the on the beach in front of Lake Michigan. Singing karaoke “girls just wanna have fun.” The memories of the good times are endless. 

Maybe what makes it hardest to stay goodbye today is that you where part of my chosen family. For a girl who has never been close with her actual family, the ones that I choose to be in my life, are so much more important to me. Making it so much hard to lose the people I love the most. 

So today as we say good bye, I’m filling my wine glass up and sitting here watching the waves come in from another lake. Celebrating your love and light. Wishing that all of this wasn’t true. 

Keep watching over us, we still need you love and light here too. 

RIP my friend. 

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To The Man Who Took A Piece Of My Heart

You have a piece of me, and no, I don’t want it back. I actually want you to keep it… Yes, please… And I don’t say that with any attitude, sarcasm, or anger but truly and genuinely I want you to keep it. I want you to know that with that “piece” you will always have a piece of me and that piece of me will always care, will always love, and will always be there for you. Even though we didn’t work together… We had first’s together. You were my first REAL true love, the first person who I actually saw a future with. The first man I pictured having kids with.

I saw it all.

You were my firsts with a lot of things. You may not have had many firsts with me. But you had some. And honestly, I’m going to take those as wins. I was the first girl who challenged you and kept you on your toes. Yes, you were constantly always doing work but so was I. I understood “business” and could “keep up” – I know I surprised you quite a bit with that. I was also the first who had goals, dreams, and ambition and could match your determination and ambition. (You found that attractive and that was also a first for me too because typically that intimidates guys…) The first that I am most proud of is that I was the girl who showed you that it was ok to love again. I know about the things women before me have done to you, and I know how you couldn’t trust. That you were afraid to get your heart broken again. I was dedicated to changing that and I put so much time and effort into that…

I love you, I still do, I may always, and knowing that we won’t have a future together hurts more than you know.

Break-ups are supposed to be bitter, I don’t want this one to be that though. I have lost you as my lover but losing you as one of my best friends and losing you as a person in my life hurts 10 times more. With that being said, I want you to know that I will always be there for you and I will always care about you.

I hope you find happiness, and I hope your career skyrockets and reachest the stars. You are already almost there and I know it’s all going to be a success. I hope you end up finding your match and I hope she is your true love, she will be a lucky woman because you are honestly a great guy.

I hope you two have a happy and healthy family, I know you always wanted that.

It kills me to say that, knowing that it won’t be me. But… You deserve to find someone who makes you happier than I could.

I hope our paths can cross again but until then…

I’ll see you later old friend.

My Final Letter To The Man Who Left Without Saying Goodbye

You left without saying good-bye.  The one thing you promised you would do when you left…and you didn’t.  By this point, I feel like I should be devastated…I should be so far broken and beneath the surface that the thought of rebuilding myself and climbing out isn’t an option.  My God, you almost killed me, rhetorically speaking.  Our whole shit show of a relationship almost killed me.  My hopefulness for love and life in general, was almost lost again.  Almost.  Our last conversation was bad, but I didn’t know that’d be the last one.  You put so much of the guilt you carried on me, like it was my fault…like I was to blame for the choices we made.

 

But it’s ok.  I can’t speak ill of you.  I won’t ever.  I won’t ever say a negative thing about you.  It was still real…every word we spoke to each other, every kiss and every intimate moment.  Every sleepless night, whether it was spent beneath the sheets or just laughing about any and everything…it was real.  But you’re not the one for me, and I’m clearly not the one for you.  I told you this would either be a lesson or a blessing.  But it was both.

Trying To Say Good bye

 

If I counted how many times I’ve tried to say “good-bye” to you I would probably be close to publishing a book.  I think it’s important, though, to document; to write out how we feel…in any circumstance.  Who knows, maybe this will turn into a book.  A book of good-byes.  A book of saying the same thing over and over again, yet maybe in a different way so I could hope for a different result.  But the first thing we learn in psychology is if we always do what we’ve always done, then we’ll always get what we’ve always gotten.  I’ve seen you a handful of times in passing recently…petty, irrelevant exchanges were all we had.

 

Is that all we have left?  Me, being barely able to make words when I pass by you.  And you, a quick wave and a hello.  You seem more confident than I am, but I think that’s my own false perception.  I have a text message just sitting in our text exchange just waiting for me to push send on.  There’s no question that I’ll eventually send it, but my mind thinks there’s a better time for it.  How silly.  It says I miss you.  And it says I am not handling this very well.  It says I am sorry.  All three of those statements are honest and true.  I do not know how you will respond, and I think the reason why I won’t push send is because I’m clearly scared of the response.

 

What am I doing?  Just push send.  I know what I need from you, and part of me is scared to ask.  It just needs to become real..  I need you to tell me that you want nothing from me.  And I need you to tell me that you have zero feelings, emotional or otherwise towards me.  I need you to tell me that you’re going to live your life and never think of me again. And I need to know that I mean nothing to you.

 

To My Best Friends, Remember This as I Move Away

Dear friends,

I’m going to miss you like crazy. I wish you would come with me, but I understand that we’ve come to a point in our lives where are paths must divide.

 

It sucks, but it’s life.

 

However, I won’t let distance put any distance between us. Honestly, there’s way too much technology at our hands to ever let us become distant; and I know you all text at work so no excuses.

 

I wanna meet your boyfriends, new friends, or even babies (who knows?) over Skype. We have to be up to date on every important life achievement and I’ll do the same for you all.

 

Please come visit me whenever you can. I’ll make a fun itinerary of stuff for us to do, and cook you breakfast. I will even give up my bed for you guys or turn my living room into a blanket fort for us.

 

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