To the Girl Who Needs to Fall Back in Love with Herself

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” ? John Lennon

You’re going to be more than okay.

It’s very normal to abandon yourself in a toxic love in the effort to keep the relationship. And that’s usually when we start to fall out of love with ourselves. When this happens we hand over our whole self-worth and significance to another person, and before we know it our mood and happiness becomes entirely dependent on them.

When that relationship ends we don’t know how to live, let alone how to be happy without them. The truth is you’re going to be more than okay – there is so much light and happiness ahead if you chose to let go, and fall back in love with yourself.

Stop fighting the old. 

Don’t try to understand why the person did what they did. You can spend years analyzing and still never know. Why they did it is not important. What’s important is the right now. The new.

Trying to fight the old is a battle you will never win because your wasting all your energy that you can be using to build the new, to innovate the life you actually want to live.

Refuse to entertain your old pain. 

The pain I felt when my ex betrayed me will always be a part of me because it shaped me and taught me much more than a happily ever after ever could.

Some love isn’t the kind that results in the fusing of two lives into one, but instead can give you new life, a life that has more love than you have ever seen. Understand that some love is meant to change your life rather than give you someone to grow old with.

Learn to let go.  

You cannot move forward with your life with one foot on the brakes. Sometimes we don’t want to let go of our pain because it’s the only thing still attaching us to our ex – let go of your pain and you let go of your ex, sometimes we’re not ready for that.

I held on to the hurt for a long time. But the energy it took to hang on to the past was holding me back from living my life fully. When your heart is broken open, new light gets in. Embrace it.

Forgive. 

I know that heartbreak feels like a stab wound to the heart, but understand that someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. Forgive them. Someone’s past, their demons, whatever the reason is, some people are not ready for love and happiness and will push you away.

Understand that they haven’t done the work to be ready and you cannot convince or inspire anyone to do the work, you are only responsible for yourself.

Love them from afar. 

When someone touches your heart, they will infinitely be there. But when your mood became entirely dependent on them, it becomes a toxic relationship and you lose the love for yourself. Don’t be frustrated if you still love them, just be sure to love them from afar.

Understand your worth.

The first step to falling back in love with yourself is understanding what you are and are not willing to compromise on. Never abandon yourself in the effort to keep someone or something.

Don’t regret anything.

Mistakes are inevitable in a life worth living. As long as you learn from them, mistakes are very important. They teach you exactly what you want and who you want to be.

Maybe you fought with your ex too much, maybe you argued with them at inopportune times. But your anger was fueled by your passion and emotions for them. You cared. You loved them. Don’t regret it.

All that pain and frustration shaped you.

You cried, you laughed, you were alive, and that changed your life. All that pain produced understandings that have created a new level of living.

You now have a chance to be happier than you have ever been before – you can realize everything that is holding you back and create a life that you want to live.

Learn to love your edges.

You loved your ex’s edges, all their roughness. Their imperfections were perfect to you. Why can’t you do that for yourself? There’s nothing you loved more than holding their hand and whispering words of reassurance in their ear, because you knew they weren’t broken, they were just bent. Do that for yourself. Love those gory bits, grow into your own wrongness.

Crave more from yourself.

You confronted your ex a lot. You craved more from them – you had opinions and big dreams for the future, you wanted the best for them.

You never let them get away with slacking on their talents – do the same for yourself. There is a more extraordinary love out there that you would never know if it didn’t end it with the last one. But the extraordinary has to start with you – fall back in love with yourself and let everybody else come searching for you.

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Please Don’t Be That Person Who Makes Fun of Mental Illness

Driving to school I can’t help but wonder what ignorant statements I’ll hear in the next eight hours. 

“Try going down the river, not across the stream.” Or “Next time just take the razor to your throat, do us all a favor.” Maybe if I’m lucky “I don’t understand why people cut themselves. If you were real you would stab yourself.” 

My personal favorite is when someone decides it’s okay to ask me in front of people who don’t know so much, “Do you really cut yourself? I heard it’s on your thigh. Is it because it hurts less or is it just easier to hide? Why are you even doing it, your life is perfect.”

I’m barely surviving school as it is, and on top of that all I hear is comments from people who just don’t understand.

These words are said every day by ignorant self-obsessed people who were never taught any better or never listened, and nothing has been done about it. 

By the end of the year thousands of kids across the country will have killed themselves, left their families wondering why, but if teachers and administrations won’t listen, we all know the public will

I was almost a part statistic, and I very much wanted to be. Suicide is scary, but what’s scarier is the idea that a young girl was less afraid of death. 

It’s time we stop making jokes, and I think it’s about damn time we wake up. No one wants to be treated differently, we just want to be surrounded by nice human beings. SO BE ONE. 

Quit the shit, okay? Let’s start here: your jokes are never funny. They weren’t funny last year, they won’t be this year, and nothing will change next year. 

You are hurting people, and don’t pretend you don’t know that. 

So text it, tweet it, or make a funny caption out of self-harm, suicide, or mental illness by name, but only the assholes you surround yourself so easily with will think it’s funny. 

Would your mom be so proud? How about your grandparents? Would they just marvel looking at their perfect son or daughter while you are making people hate themselves more than they already do because of something they can’t control? 

I walk around my high school with the words Anxiety, Depression, and Bipolar painted on my forehead, and I won’t take any more of it. 

We need to teach our children about mental health, teach them that jokes are never okay, and please teach them that it’s okay to not be okay. 

To that kid we all know: please stop making the cutting jokes, or saying cutting is weak or “just kill yourself.” 

You may think the people around you are fine, but statements like that make people a statistic. 

Your jokes weren’t funny last year, and this year I’m done with your shit, and so are the rest of us.

About The Author

Lauren Andre

I began writing as a way to say the things that I felt I had no one to tell, and the majority of these writings I kept to myself. As I’ve grown into my 20s, I felt that in sharing my personal stories and thoughts I could help just one person who feels the way I did. Even if it only reaches one person searching for the answer, I hope that what I write can be a source of comfort when the world feels cold.

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Her Smile is No Longer Hiding Her Struggles

Her Smile

She smiles, and for the first time in a very long time, it’s not masking a frown. Her laughter is genuine, not just a disguise used to cover her tears.

She sits outside on a beautiful day and is excited for the future. She breathes the fresh air and, for once, she doesn’t feel like she’s suffocating.

 

She thinks about life itself and instead of wishing to die, she wants nothing more than to live because now can finally say she’s truly happy to be alive. 

 

Her journey has been long and tiring, and she knows it’s nowhere near complete. There have been countless nights spent crying into her pillow, ready to give up.

 

Ladies, Read This If Your Guy Refuses To Put A Label On What You Are

So, you like a guy a lot and you’ve been seeing him for a few weeks and you want to take the next step. Everytime you muster up the swallowed deep down courage to ask him that bold question of “what are we,” he seems to always have a different excuse.

“I don’t want to rush into things.”

“Why ruin what we have now?”

“Labels are stupid, it doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”

“I’m not ready for a serious commitment.”

No matter what the response is if it’s anything other than, “will you be my girlfriend,” it’s a straight-up excuse.

So often, women are stuck in purgatory wondering why the guy they’re fawning over doesn’t want them back. No matter how many gifts you buy him, how many breakfasts in bed you make him, or how many oral pleasures you perform on him—if a guy doesn’t want to make you his girlfriend, he will give you just about any reason he can come up with as to why it’s a bad idea. The excuses come so often that, in time, women start to believe that they’re true.

“Maybe rushing things is a bad idea.”

“I love what we have now, I don’t want to ruin it, either.”

“Labels are stupid, they’re just for show and society.”

“Maybe a serious commitment is a lot to take on right now.”

If you’ve found yourself in this position. Stop, take a breath.

The truth of the matter is, the guy who you’re in love with that doesn’t want to make you his girlfriend is never going to be honest with you—nor is he ever going to tell you that you should stop seeing each other because you want more and he doesn’t. Why?

Because you’ve given him all the things a relationship would, without having the label.

More likely than not, you’ve acted like a “girlfriend” to this guy. Don’t be ashamed—most women who are interested in a relationship with someone jump the gun and act as though they are in a relationship, even without the label. This, however, is a dangerous place to be. Not only are you giving away all the goods before you got yourself a commitment, but you’ve also shown him that you will settle for being treated as temporary. If you want a commitment from someone, you need to hold back and save yourself—your loving, caring, and understanding tendencies—for when he finally commits to you.

In the generation where everyone is “seeing someone,” and “casually talking to someone,” it’s hard to find a person who will truly settle down with you to start something real. That’s why women need to lift their standards when it comes to what they will and will not tolerate. If you’re seeing someone and they give you one of those old excuses—know that you deserve better. There are men out there who will work for what you have to offer. And, don’t just give it away to any average Joe who can’t mutter the words “girlfriend.”

Ladies, know what you bring to the table and never be afraid to eat alone.

To The Girl Who Feels Like She’s Easily Replaced

It’s tough feeling replaceable. It’s even worse when it’s by people that should never put you in that situation. It seems like a never-ending cycle, that eventually everyone replaces you and you begin to wonder, “What is wrong with me?”

“Am I doing something that makes people decide I’m convenient one moment and disposable the next?” Is the reality of my life that I’m going to always be a stepping stone or a stop in the road instead of a destination?

There isn’t anything wrong with you, there is so much wrong with the people who treat you the way they do. It’s what happens though when you try to see the good in everyone and give endless chances.

You’re so much more than a convenient stop, so don’t ever let yourself begin to believe this.

You’re always the go-to when someone needs something but they aren’t always there when you need them.

It’s not just boys that make you feel this way, though you’ve had your share of heartache because of them. It’s also friends and family. The family is what stings the worst because they’re supposed to be there for you always.

All you want is someone to stay; something so simple but seems like a far-off notion.

You want to be able to let down your guard to a person that opens their arms to you and catches you when you fall. You need to be loved as you love.

Let me fill you in on something extremely important. There is a man out there for you, waiting to show you what a real gentleman is like. He’s not going to lead you on, make you fall in love. When the feelings start to become real, he isn’t going to let you fall through the cracks and walk away.

He’s going to prove to you that he’s going to stick around. He’s going to stay.

He’s going to love you unconditionally because it’s what you deserve. You don’t deserve to be scared of being left behind, discarded like yesterdays lunch. You’ll be treated like the queen that you are.

When you tell him about your fears, he’s going to hold you close, let you cry and reassure you that he couldn’t fathom hurting you that way. He’s going to thank the idiots who didn’t realize your value because they made it possible for him to be there to catch you.

He’s going to curse them though for breaking your heart, because someone as sweet as you don’t deserve it, and he’s going to help protect you from further hurt.

The waiting isn’t easy, but it will be worth it.

I know the thought that there is a guy out there like this seems farfetched. It’s hard to think someone’s going to treat you different when every man in your life has made you feel this way.

I promise you though, someone as wonderful as you won’t be lonely forever. Someone will value you and once this happens, all the pain you’ve endured will make sense.

So wipe away those tears, and brush those terrible thoughts away because one day you’re going to realize that these heartbreaking moments were just stepping stones. They were not only making you a stronger individual but they are also directing you on the path towards the right person.

To see more of Audi’s work check out her facebook page.

To Every Girl Who Has Ever Questioned Her Worth

There’s nothing wrong with you.

It’s normal to get hurt and feel like you’re the one that is flawed. It’s normal for your confidence to get shook up a bit. Maybe it was over a guy. Maybe someone said something to you that has you questioning everything. Maybe someone criticized you, or hurt you or knocked you down. Maybe your heart is completely broken right now. Maybe he left for someone else, and you don’t know why.

And here you are just fumbling through your day, just trying to get through it without tears. But you should know, it isn’t your fault. It’s nothing you’ve done wrong. It’s nothing you’ve said. It isn’t that flaw that you obsess over. I know you wish there are things you could change about yourself. We all have insecurities, but it is how you overcome them that matter. If you were this or that or looked different, maybe things would have worked out in your favor, but you can’t live in a world thinking what if. All we have at this moment is what you are, and it is your job to own that.

It’s your job to find that confidence, even if it’s been shaking a bit.

But I’m here to tell you there’s nothing you need to change about yourself because if he was the right person, he’d see your value and see how lucky he is.

It’s his loss, not yours.

You have to understand, it’s his loss. You aren’t the one who lost something. I know you don’t think that though. I know you are hurt and vulnerable and struggling a bit. But it will be okay. Your whole life will be okay!

Sometimes when things end, instead of pointing at the other person thinking, “wow you’re an idiot,” we point at ourselves and struggle to walk away with grace. We say and do things in a desperate attempt to win them back, but anyone who is worth it doesn’t ever need to be won over. You don’t need to convince someone you are worth it. Because you are worth it. You are beautiful. You are perfect the way you are. And I’d hate to see you change because someone doesn’t see that.

Your only flaw is in your confidence.

I think people are really mean, but sometimes we are meaner to ourselves when we shouldn’t. Sometimes we are harder on ourselves than we should be. Sometimes we criticize and analyze and break ourselves down, far worse than anyone else can.

You have to get to a point where you’re building yourself up so high, that if anyone were to walk away, you continue on your path and let them go on theirs. Never alter anything about the way you live your life, in an attempt to keep someone around. If someone doesn’t want to stay, f*ck them. And that’s the attitude you should have right now if someone hurt you.

I think relationships ending and how you respond to such things, can teach you a few things. If you’re a mess and can’t function, it’s normal. But if you think you only matter because of someone else, that’s when you have to reevaluate your relationship with yourself.

Confidence is tricky sometimes, but you shouldn’t only be confident in yourself when you are loved by someone else. No matter what is going on in your life or whoever is unkind, the number one relationship you can rely on is yourself. The relationship with yourself will affect the relationship you have with others.

So if you shake up a bit, if you are heartbroken, if you think you aren’t gonna get through this. Blindly trust me when I say you will. But sometimes the answer comes from within you.

Everything will be okay.

And you’re gonna come out of this stronger, more beautiful, more confident than ever. And I know you don’t think that now, but I can promise you one thing, the moment you realize your self-worth and look at your reflection with the confidence you deserve, you’ll be his biggest regret. When that happens, he’ll come back, but you won’t even want him anymore.

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I’m Walking Away Because You Couldn’t Make Me a Priority

You are a busy guy, I get that. I admire that you have goals and dreams. What I don’t understand is how you can claim you care about me so much, but I’m never a priority in your life.

It’s becoming painfully clear that I’m not what you want and I refuse to beg for your time and attention.

You make vague suggestions of hanging out, or you tell me you’ll call me or text me “in a bit” to let me know what’s up, yet I have to be the one to call you, three hours later when I haven’t heard anything from you. And each time you have some excuse, some reason.

If you care and actually want them in your everyday life, you want to talk to them. You want to see them. It comes down to what you want and don’t want.

This sucks cause I make you a priority. I can’t wait to talk to you. If I have big news or a bad day, you’re the first person I want to talk to. You’re the person I want to share things with, talk to, spend time with.

I guess I care more than you do. But I can’t force you to want me. I can’t force you to want to talk to me or to care. I can’t make you want what I want so badly… which is us.

I’ve been here fighting for you since day one. I could have walked away so many times when you selfishly hurt me with the mistakes you made. I could have given up and said fuck this. But I didn’t.

I’ve admitted where I went wrong, and yet you can’t push aside your pride and pissed off feelings in order to work this out? That proves you don’t care.

You’re showing with your actions that this, me, us, isn’t worth the effort or the time. Actions speak louder than words, and your words don’t mean shit if you can’t back them up.

I was willing to do whatever it took to prove to you how much you meant to me. I was even scared of my feelings for you, that you could make me feel so amazing one day, and so shitty and worthless due to lack of being a priority.

It made me realize how much I cared and I started overthinking and overanalyzing. I also realized if you had this much of an effect on me, I was in too deep, that I must have low key fell in love with you.

I’ve never been in love or had these feelings, and it scared me. I didn’t know how to handle them. And I handled it all wrong. But I’m human and I make mistakes.

So this is it. I’m putting myself out this misery and I’m walking away. I don’t want to; I never did. But I need and deserve someone who makes me a priority in his life too. Who wants me as much as I want him.

This is going to hurt, and hell this is going to suck. But only for a little while though. I know I’ll be okay, I’m strong. I know everything happens for a reason, and everyone is a lesson or a blessing.

You are now my lesson, which sucks, but I know one day I’ll find someone who will treat me like I deserve. I know one day I’ll find someone who makes me feel like a priority and like I’m special.

I hope you find the same, just don’t make the same mistake you made with me.

Stop Being Mattress Material And Start Being Marriage Material

Guy spots a girl on the other side of the bar and goes up to her to buy her a drink. They have a few drinks and bam they’re in bed together at the end of the night.

Maybe you’ve heard that story from a girlfriend or lived it firsthand.

Whatever it is, you normally wake up hating yourself the next morning if you’re in this position.

You’ve given yourself the title of only being mattress material.

Mattress material means guys won’t get into a relationship or even go on a date with certain girls but they will take them to bed.

You’re made for his mattress not public.

They don’t see a future of any form with you. They don’t want someone to spot you two out in public together on a date.

They won’t offer to take you out to lunch or some coffee. All they want and all you’ll ever be is his booty call or one night stand.

Hate being mattress material? Then stop being mattress material and start being marriage material.

If you wants to stop being mattress material, you have to change your ways.

Stop sleeping with the guy on the first date.

Stop being a one night stand.

Stop settling and hold out for someone who treats you right.

Life isn’t a fairytale nor is love easy but don’t give up. Get out of the hookup culture, have fun, and don’t let the jerks of the world ruin her faith.

Yeah some guys are just jerks and all they’ll ever want is to sleep with a bunch of girls but not all guys are like that.

So hold out for the guy you deserves, one who will treat you right.

You should stand tall, be confident, and stop letting others view you as mattress material.

You’re so much more than that.

 

If you want to read more of CJ’s work, go to her contributor’s page here. You can also connect with CJ on her Facebook.

Skinny Girls Have Curves, Too

It’s disgusting to think that one group of women has to put another group of women down to feel better about themselves.

Some women, like myself, are naturally thin. Yes, I eat. Yes, I’d love to gain weight. I’ve tried my whole life to have thick sexy legs, but my frame was built tiny and no matter how much I try I may never achieve those legs.

And just like heavier girls, I’ve been teased too.

Skinny girls can’t help being skinny any more than overweight girls can help being overweight. We’re both human, and we’re both vulnerable.

The media has un-deliberately vilified thin women by holding them responsible for society’s beauty standards, and accusing models for example, of having eating disorders and setting a bad example for girls everywhere.

To counter that, many campaigns like Dove have risen to promote “healthier” body types.

“Real Women Have Curves” Dove has used it in its Real Beauty Campaign and it’s one of the most used quotes when showing support to women who are… well, curvier.

Technically all women have curves, big or small, they’re there; curves are a part of all feminine silhouettes, but people have taken this quote that’s meant to celebrate women of ALL body types out of context.

Instead they use it to support all body types THAT ARE NOT thin types, because apparently if you’re thin, you don’t have curves. Hence, you are not a real woman. Sorry.

Oh damn! I forgot I don’t have “curves” because … well, that’s just been genetically impossible for me. Damn you fast metabolism! Now I can’t ever be considered a REAL woman. I guess all there’s left to do is to pretend to be one!! HA!

Another one is “Being skinny is not good, being healthy is.” Many girls that are skinny believe it or not, are in fact, healthy.

Most of these “confidence boosters” are counterproductive. They enhance one groups confidence while they scrutinize and put down another’s.

Not everyone who is thin wants to be, just like not everyone who is overweight wants to be either. Messages like the ones I just discussed are in the public eye everyday and sometimes we think them and sometimes we say them, and we don’t know how they will affect the receiving end.

If you have to put someone down to validate your own weight then there’s a deeper self-esteem issue lying there. Instead of worrying about others focus on yourself.

Work on the body you want to achieve. A body that you believe is healthy for you, because what may be healthy for you may not be healthy for others. You’re only given one life, and in that life only one body to through it with, so love the body you’re in.

I love mine and I think it’s beautiful.

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