Sex is pretty great, no secret there. However, there are some things that come pretty close—if not exceed—how good sex feels. Slipping your bra off through your shirt sleeve at the end of the day, for example, or perhaps just having the bed all to yourself without someone waking you up. These are just a few of the many things that women can agree feel better than getting down and dirty.
1. Freedom from booby prison.
Taking off my bra after work is better than sex don’t fight me on this
David Foster Wallace once gave a commencement speech where he told a story about a couple of young fish swimming along. They pass an older fish who says “Morning boys, how’s the water?” After they pass on for a bit one young fish turns to the other and says “What the hell is water?” The point of the story is to illustrate that there are things surrounding and us shaping our lives that we take as ordinary to the point we don’t even notice them. We also don’t question them. Treating people differently based on their gender or sexuality used to be one of those things, but hopefully that’s starting to change.
Josh Weed is a gay man with an important point to make about how we treat women:
(1) I am a gay man who was raised in a heteronormative world. A part of this world I have always been baffled by is “modesty” culture.
Even worse than that, many men and women point to a woman’s attire when she claims to be a victim of sexual assault. Just recently, a Yale student was found not guilty after a trial where his attorneys slut-shamed the victim for her Halloween costume.
(8) Newsflash: women’s worth is STATIC. It is inviolable. It doesn’t change with what she does or doesn’t wear. It doesn’t change with sex.
But, if you’re a lady who’s standing solo dolo this V-Day, you can spice up your evening and your V-J (see what I did there) thanks to one toy company that’s looking to make single ladies extra happy this year. PlusOne, a company that specializes in sex toys, is giving away free bullet vibrators to 250 people who have just gotten dumped right before Valentine’s Day. So, if your heart is aching and you know that you’re going to be alone — why not be alone with a smile on your face, right?
All you need to do is fill out this form explaining how you recently came into the single life — I’m sure that the sappier you are, the better chance you have of being selected to win. As long as you submit your story before February 13th, you will qualify for your own, personal, free, bullet vibrator.
You probably clicked on this article for two reasons. One is that you think this is click bait and I have zero clue about what I’m talking about and are looking to troll me and my relationship advice for the entire Internet to see. Two is that you’re in a relationship where you are unhappy or borderline unhappy and want to know if it’s just you that’s feeling this way. If it’s reason one – go home. If it’s reason two – you’re not alone.
I was in several long-term relationships in my life where I overstayed my welcome. Sometimes, there are warning signs and red flags that are right in front of your face – waving in thin air – but you stay because you don’t want to lose something special – comfort. Far too long, people stay in relationships they are severely unhappy in because of being comfortable and, the fear of being alone. For these two reasons, we find ourselves settling – wondering what else is out there and is there someone better suited for me – and yet, we may lose opportunities to meet those someones because we are suffering in our own despair.
There are a lot of tell-tale signs that point to a relationship ending, but, some people don’t want to face the truth. But, when it’s there, there’s no denying it.
1. You’ve lost that loving feeling.
Sure, I just took song lyrics and made it a point – but it’s actually true. When you look at your partner and no longer smile right away or feel that “overcome with emotion” sensation – chances are, you’re falling out of love with them. You want to look at them less and when they come home from work – it’s just “whatever.” The more you fall out of love, the less love you will feel. We all know how it feels to look at someone we are in love with. We laugh, we get giddy, we smile and we become hot and bothered (sometimes). But, when you feel indifferent towards them, you’re going to begin to resent them eventually. Their qualities you once loved will become flaws and sooner or later – you’ll hate yourself for not ending it.
Love, as we know it, is a very difficult and confusing emotion to understand. Love, more often than not, tends to be mistaken for lust. Sometimes, it’s hard to completely tell the difference between the two. People romanticize love to be this all-consuming feeling that sometimes, we think lust – which is similar in emotional responses as love – is actually love. However, love radiates true happiness and most importantly, allows you to feel comfortable with yourself and your partner; whereas lust does not. When you are able to distinguish the difference between love and lust, there is no comparison to how great love really feels over lust.
1.
You’re In Lust When:
You feel like you have to “dress to impress” every time you are seeing your person.
You’re In Love When:
You feel comfortable in “sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on” all the time.
Being in love brings that sense of comfort in yourself and in your relationship. You know when you are in love because you feel comfortable being in comfortable wearing anything – like sweats –without worrying that your significant other is going to leave you for the girl dressed to the nines next door. You feel like you have to dress to impress when it’s lust because you’re not trusting or sure of where things are going. When its love, you know you don’t have to impress anyone.
2.
You’re In Lust When:
You always feel like you have to tell your significant other what they want to hear in order to keep them around.
You’re In Love When:
You feel confident saying whatever it is that you want, and sharing your views and opinions with your significant other.
The thing about love is that when you are in it, you know that there is nothing you can say that will make the person you are with love you any less. You know that your significant other loves you for you and all that you believe in – especially your mind. You don’t have to say things to string your significant other along and keep them with you. There’s no lying between you, no sugarcoating.
3.
You’re In Lust When:
You don’t know much about their life before you.
You’re In Love When:
You know everything about their past, their family, and their history.
A relationship filled with love is one that is an open book. When it is just lust, you are so protective of the relationship and holding it together on a whim that you don’t even bother to hit the history books on one another. If you don’t know anything personal about your significant other than do you really love them fully for who they truly are? Probably not, and it is probably just lust.
4.
You’re In Lust When:
You look at your significant other as just that, and not your best friend.
You’re In Love When:
You’re significant other has become one of your best friends.
Your significant other becomes a best friend when you are really in love because it happens so naturally. If you do not look at your significant other as your best friend too, it could be because you two are in a relationship that’s surface value or looks. Lust focuses on this, rather than focusing on a future or something sustainable.
5.
You’re In Lust When:
You focus on living in the moment with your significant other and never think about the future.
You’re In Love When:
You think about the future and what your life could really be like together – long term.
When you’re in love with someone, you envision a future together. When you feel love, you want to feel loved forever because once you experience that feeling, there’s no turning back. Therefore you don’t just focus on living in the moment because yes, that is important too but, you think about a life together and things that can happen in the long-run. When you love someone, you value them as a huge part of your life. You don’t only think about how great it is now, but how great it can be forever.
Whenever you enter any relationship, you feel uneasy in the beginning. You’re nervous, you get butterflies, you have anxieties, it’s only natural that you would feel this way when you’re getting to know somebody and allowing yourself to feel vulnerable around them. As you progress in your relationship, your anxieties start to fade away – you begin to feel more comfortable and let your guard down around this person. When you enter the stage of being together “long-term,” you finally see that you’re your most comfortable self around this person—they just get you. But, the longer you stay with someone long-term, the more comfortable you become. You start to become dependant on them for certain things, they become part of your everyday routines—you’re not sure what your life would be like if they weren’t there.
But, the longer you stay with someone long-term, the more comfortable you become. You start to become dependant on them for certain things, they become part of your everyday routines—you’re not sure what your life would be like if they weren’t there. And, because of this, we start to confuse the feelings of being in love and just being comfortable in a relationship with someone.
Often times, the spark in a relationship may fade away and things may chip away at the “love” you once had for your partner. Maybe it’s arguments you’ve had, things that have happened, realizations you have made over time. But, because you are so comfortable in your everyday life with your partner there, you don’t really realize that you’re not truly in love with them anymore. Sure, not every relationship is going to be fireworks and sparks every single moment of every single day but, if you’ve lost that “loving feeling,” altogether, it’s a sure sign that you’re with someone out of convenience and comfort, rather than true love. There are several ways you can really figure out if it’s love or comfort in your specific relationship, without having to completely break yourself apart.
1. Excitement vs. Indifference:
Now, I’m aware that not every relationship is exciting after 2, 3, 4 years all the time. But, there should still be moments in your relationship where you do feel excited—excited to see your partner, excited for them to come home from work that day, excited to go on a date with them, excited to go to a social event together. If you’re always indifferent towards everything and feel as though it’s just “what you need to do” in your relationship—it’s a tell-tale sign that you’re just comfortable with your partner, rather than in love with them.
2. Ambivalence vs. Certainty:
Not everyone you date is going to be “the one,” but, if you’re with someone you love, you know that there’s a chance they could be. If you’re feeling as though you are unsure if someone you’re with long-term is the one you want to spend your life with, it’s a pretty big question you need to face. Too often, people stay in a relationship for the fear of being alone and not wanting to encounter “loneliness.” But, they end up settling for a partner they aren’t truly in love with or want to be with forever. By doing this, you ultimately end up resenting the person you’re dating and resenting yourself for not facing these problems before you got “stuck.”
3. Effort vs. Nonchalant:
Every person in a relationship should be putting effort into their relationship at all times. Sometimes, when life gets hectic, you may put in less effort than normal. But, overall, each person in a relationship should contribute to it. If your partner or you are very “nonchalant” and passive about your relationship—you’re constantly just settling on things, keeping them the same, not changing things up or putting life into your love—it’s a pretty big red flag.
4. Living vs. Watching:
When you’re in love with someone, you want to experience life with them. No matter how busy that life may get, you find time for new experiences, new travels, new events to do together. When you’re just comfortable, you spend the majority of your time doing the same old song and dance, you’re too tired to go out, you don’t want to spend the money, you’d rather just go to bed early. Sure, some people can’t always go out – but there are dozens of ways to go out without spending money that can still be incredible and worth-while – it’s about whether or not you care enough to make it happen.
Okay so that headline was probably bold enough to get you to click on it and you’re probably sitting on your phone/tablet/computer rolling your eyes saying ‘Who pissed in this girl’s coffee today?’ But, in all seriousness, I’m raging. Not raging, but, I’m bothered. I can count seventeen different times on my hands and toes how many girlfriends I have that tell me they don’t “fart” in front of their boyfriends. I’m not just talking those couples who are in the Honeymoon stage…I’m talking couples who have been together for years.
They also never use the bathroom to go number two when they’re at their boyfriend’s house. They want to maintain this mystical, magical and “beautiful” social appearance of being absolutely clean, perfect and pure, so, they keep an entire aspect of themselves locked away.
Let’s be honest here – everyone farts. Didn’t your parents ever read you the book ‘Everyone Poops‘ growing up? It’s human nature, it’s natural –it’s apart of our body’s way of maintaining health and hygiene, even if it seems gross.
Girls who claim they “don’t poop or fart” are really selling themselves short.
1. Why lie?
In retrospect, they’re liars for one and I’m a firm believer that if you lie about one thing, you’re setting yourself up for disaster in romantic relationships. Yes, even if it’s about farting. Your man knows you’re a human you’re not a f*cking alien and your body operates like any other human. If you’re dating a guy who can’t “handle” the fact that his girlfriend farts, you need to find yourself a new man.
2. Now you can’t eat good food with your man.
We all know that certain foods are more likely to give us gas – i.e.: tacos and beans. So, you’re telling me you’re going to eliminate all the delicious food in the world whenever it’s date night because you might let one slip while you’re in bed watching reruns of Game of Thrones? Spare me.
3. No one said you need to dutch oven him.
Just because you fart in front of someone doesn’t mean it needs to be broadcasted and announced. No one said you have to suffocate your boyfriend under the covers after you let one loose. But, you shouldn’t be always running off and hiding in a corner in shame if you slip.
4. It’s really, really bad for your health.
If you’re constantly holding yourself in – farting or going to the bathroom – eventually it’s going to negatively impact your stomach health. Your body operates the way it does for a reason, don’t mess with nature’s calling.
5. You’re perpetuating the sexist stereotype that girls have to be “perfect and pure.”
I’m not perfect and I am by no means pure. I like to get down and dirty in the mud with the boys every once in a while. Why would you want to date someone who confines you into a box and only sees you as being a trophy? By perpetuating this stereotype that “girls don’t fart/poop,” you’re allowing men to think that women who do are disgusting.
6. If a guy can’t accept me for me – boy, bye.
If you’re dating a man who can’t handle the fact that women fart, he’s a weak person and you need to find yourself someone new. There will be times in your life where you get sick and you’re vomiting your guts up over the toilet bowl – do you want to be dating someone who holds back your hair, or someone who says you’re disgusting and runs away?
If someone is keeping you on the down-low, that means they aren’t really into you. Someone who is into you will want you to meet his or her friends, want you to get to know their circle and what they are about. They say that you are who you associate with, so any person who is mildly interested in you will want you to see the kind of people they like to vibe with, ultimately because you can also get a better perception of who they are overall.
2. It’s all in the eyes.
According to a recent study from Live Science, when people are excited or sexually aroused, our pupils will dilate and grow. The eyes are the windows to our soul, so keep your eyes on theirs. You’ll be able to really tell when you get a closer look.
3. They ask questions.
Sometimes, people only want to know the basics about you, or basically, what you would post on social media. Someone who is really into you will want to know more-the deep stuff, what you think about when you’re about to go to sleep, what music you like to listen to, what’s your favorite guilty pleasure. If someone only wants to know the bare minimum, give them the bare minimum of your time.
4. They are willing to take things slow.
If someone is willing to take the physical slow, then they are into you as more than just a hook-up. I’m a firm believer in the mantra that you should only share your naked body with someone who is comfortable with your naked soul-if you barely know somebody on a personal level and they are ready to take it to the next physical level, it’s probably going to always be just that.
5. They want to meet your family.
Family is important. Many times, people are hesitant when dating at the stage of meeting the family. If someone is really into you, they will be open and willing-even excited-to meet your family. You know they’re really into you when they ask what your mom’s favorite wine is or what your dad’s favorite team is to come prepared.
6. They aren’t embarrassed or ashamed around their friends.
We all know what it’s like when people call us “whipped.” No guy or girl likes it when their friends make fun of them for just being happy with someone. Watch the way they react to their friends, how they handle being the target of everyone’s finger pointing and ridicule. If they say fuck it, and continue your road to romance, you know they’re foreal. If they deny being whipped or happy with you, then say good-bye and move on.
7. They have no problem posting a picture of you on their social media.
If they’re serious about you, they’ll make it public. There are tons of people who want to hide their relationship from social media or the public eye to avoid “drama,” but if someone is really into you, they won’t mind that people are going to talk. They’re going to talk anyway, so let them. If he or she wants to share their excitement, and you, with their followers it’s definitely a good sign.
8. They come to your drunken rescue.
We all know what it’s like to go out for a girls or guys night out and drink a little too much. We end up drunk dialing and slurring into the phone that we’re not sure where we are, where our friends went, or where the nearest bathroom is to puke. If they come running, driving, or even take a train to meet up with you and make sure you’re okay-you know it’s real.
9. They want to know your plans for the future.
We’re all looking for something that’s serious and long-term, we all want to know what it’s like to be in love. Although you might not be there just yet, your future is something that’s very important and it should be a priority to them as well. If they ask you what your dreams are, your goals, aspirations and future plans are, it’s because they are interested in being a part of those, too. Don’t be afraid to share it with them.
10. They get a little jealous.
Jealousy is something that may turn certain people off, but it is a sure tell sign that someone is taking you seriously. If they get jealous when other people flirt with you or try and make a move on you, it’s because they are into you and want you for themselves. It may get annoying, but jealousy comes from a place of heartfelt affection and desire.
11. They remember important events.
You may mention you have an interview coming up or a huge deadline to meet at work and that it’s stressing you out or weighing on your mind. If they’re really into you, they will remember these dates and events, and make sure you know they remember it, too. They’ll send you the good luck texts, they’ll drop off that coffee in the morning to remind you that they’re here, and they care.
12. Body language.
Body language is something that people often take for granted. There is much more non-verbal communication that happens in the beginning of a relationship than verbal because we all get nervous and shy when we’re around new people. Make sure you pay attention to the way their posture is around you, you can tell whether they’re also nervous and are taking you seriously, or if they’re just too comfortable. Watch where their eyes wander when you’re talking-do they stay on you or are they wandering to the tall blonde girl or tan surfer guy that just walked past your table? Everyone’s always talking body.
13. They aren’t afraid to open up to you.
If something is happening in their life that is serious, if they take you serious, they will want to share it with you. Sometimes as humans we like to put up a guard with new people because we come from a long-line of trust issues and insecurity. If someone is going out of their way to open up the gates of their soul, know that it isn’t always the easiest thing to do and that it takes a lot of courage to do so. It means that they trust you.
Throughout your life, you’re going to find yourself in relationships with people you think are “the one.” No matter how much time you spend together, how much you think you’re in love and how badly you want a future together, there are those moments of epiphany when you realize that this person is not the right one for you.
Don’t worry – no harm, no foul. It happens to the best of us throughout our lives. We find ourselves with people that we become infatuated with – the idea of spending the rest of our lives with them seems like magic, sunshine and rainbows. But, when reality sets in and the red flags start to wave, we can no longer lie to ourselves. Of course, ending a relationship with someone you once thought was your better half is not always easy.
We find ourselves complacent in these kinds of relationships – scared to leave, afraid to walk out and embarrassed to even mutter the subtle words to ourselves at all. The reality is, if you’re with someone that you’re not really supposed to be with, you’ll 100% know.
1. You Find Yourself Interested In Other People:
If your partner has no longer become the object of your attention, affection and desire; it’s a tell-tale sign that the relationship is failing. That’s not to say that your significant other will be the only object of your attention, 100% all of the time throughout your relationship – however, when you find yourself more interested in texting other people, opening up to others about yourself or sharing news with other people before them, it’s a red flag that maybe you’re just not interested in what they have to say any longer. Communication and conversations are the foundation of a stable and healthy relationship. If ever you find yourself not even wanting to talk to your significant other, then you have problems you need to address, ASAP.
2. You Find Yourself Thinking You Can “Do Better”:
Your partner should be someone who makes you feel good about yourself and good about your relationship. If you find yourself thinking that you can “do better,” than the person you are currently with, it’s because there are things that are inherently missing from your relationship. Maybe you see other relationships that are flourishing better, faster, or in a way in which you wish yours would. Or, maybe you’ve met somebody who peaks your interest in ways that your partner has never, or doesn’t anymore. Either way, if you think that are people are going to treat you better than the person you’re with now is, it’s over.
3. You Get Easily Aggravated/Annoyed With Them:
When you start to get bothered by every little thing your partner is doing, it’s a sign that there’s a deeper issue arising. Things that you once found endearing, sexy or cute now cut like knives under your skin. You’re annoyed by how they act in public amongst your friends and family and how they treat you when they’re with theirs. You don’t like the way they speak to you anymore, their quirky habits you once enjoyed have now become disgusting and you find yourself wanting to spend less and less time together.
4. The Sex Is No Longer Good…or Happening:
Sex is an important factor in any relationship. When you first get together with someone, you guys may not be able to keep your hands off of each other. The “honeymoon” stage in a relationship is fun, exciting and full of hot, steamy, wild sex. Once you guys become comfortable with each other and settle into the post-honeymoon stage – you may find the sex begins to slow down. But, just because it slows down doesn’t mean it needs to stop completely – or change. You should still be having hot and steamy sex with your SO and find yourself attracted to them. However, sometimes, sparks fade faster than people can expect. If you find the sex is lacking, or not even getting you going, you may need to face that issue head-on and realize that maybe you’re just not attracted to your partner anymore – which, is a huge red flag.
5. You Question Your Decision of Being With Them:
Life is really crazy and stressful. With dozens of commitments and things to worry about, your relationship shouldn’t be on the forefront of your contemplations. If you find yourself second guessing your decision to be with them, stay with them, or spend your life with them – run for the hills. You should be with someone who doesn’t make you second guess your decisions and someone who makes you feel comfortable and not have to constantly question things.
6. You’d Rather Go Out Without Them Than With Them:
Everyone needs some time apart when they’re in a relationship – it’s healthy. Yet, when you do decide to go out and let loose, you should want your partner to be there. While everyone needs a girls/boys night with their friends, the times when everyone’s getting together in groups, you should always want your SO to be by your side. That’s not to say you need to be attached at the hip, but your partner should be someone who you have fun with, enjoy the excitement of the world with and want to spend your free time with.
7. You Can’t Picture A Future With Them:
If you’re in your late 20’s/early 30’s, you should be with someone you can consider spending your life with. Don’t worry – no pressure, you don’t have to be. But, as you get older, reality starts to set in and you want to start your life with someone – get engaged, get married, have a family. If you’re with someone who you can’t see yourself with in the long-run, why waste both of your time?
8. You Can’t Trust Them:
Whether you’re looking through their phone, stalking their social media or trying to eavesdrop on their phone calls – if you cannot trust the person you’re with, you shouldn’t be with them. It’s simple. You’ll find yourself constantly worrying about where they are and who they’re with whenever you’re not together. It’ll only drive you insane.
It’s not uncommon to grow up with parents who just don’t stay together. Whether you’re a child growing up in a small town or a kid roaming the streets of the big city, you’re not alone when you think your entire world is falling apart because your parents have decided to go their separate ways. One minute you’re sitting at the dinner table with mom and dad discussing their work day, talking about how much they couldn’t wait to come home to each other – and the next, they’re barely speaking over Thanksgiving turkey.
Divorce sucks. It’s hard, long and emotionally draining. It shows children at a young age that love can be dispensable and not every “forever” truly means forever. It gives us the thought process that things are temporary in life and even if you work incredibly hard at something, it doesn’t always stick around. Children who grow up in divorced homes are unique, special and often times, vulnerable. They don’t love like everyone else, they don’t see the world through the same rose-colored lenses most people do and they certainly don’t look on the bright side all of the time.
1. We’re Often Cynical About Love:
When you watch your parents – the two people who brought you into the world – fall apart before your eyes, it’s almost impossible for us to feel optimistic about being in love with someone. When we do approach love, we do it cautiously and with our guards up. We’re scared that if we love too much, get too comfortable, the situation will fall apart before our very eyes – just like mom and dad.
2. We Question Things A lot:
We need answers, sometimes too often. We want to know from the get-go that the relationship is going somewhere – or anywhere at all. We’re scared to waste our time on things that won’t last or have an expiration date. Because of this, we tend to ask more questions than most people can handle. We are the type to love you – and love you hard – but we need some security in knowing you feel the same.
3. We Take Time To Do Things:
People who come from divorced homes aren’t ones to rush things. We may feel like we love you, but you can think again if we’re going to say it first. We wait until we’re sure of everything before we let ourselves be open and vulnerable to being hurt.
4. We Hurt Very Easily:
While we may hesitate on things, we also take things personally. We’re not ones to think lightly about situations and when things go south, we usually blame ourselves. It’s like that classic story where the young kid naively blames himself for his parent’s divorce. We tend to look at things through a very narrow lens, dissecting all the things said and all the things done. Tread lightly with us, we’re a little sensitive.
5. Arguments Are A Sore Spot For Us:
When fights break out, we tend to flinch a bit. We grew up with bad words and bad vibes all around us – it takes us back to a pretty dark and troubling time in our youth. When things get a bit loud and argumentative, we retreat more than we want to combat.
6. We Expect A Lot From Our Significant Other:
We aren’t the kind of people who settle easily, we tend to stay solo until we find that right person. When we do, we expect them to step up to the plate. We know that no one is absolutely perfect – because shit, we have a ton of baggage – but we do expect our partner to deliver. We don’t need someone who we can’t trust, we question or someone who makes us uneasy.
