single-life Archives

9 Things Single People Hate About the Holidays

The holidays were practically designed to cater to all of the lovey-dovey couples of the world. Where’s the love for us singles?

1. When you’re single, family is the pretty much the only option.

We’re talking every holiday dinner including New Year’s… that is four or more occasions in which you will be asked several times over and over again why you haven’t found that special someone yet.

Just a constant reminder that you are absolutely alone in this world.

2. As if that isn’t terrible enough, they try to help you.

Now you not only have to listen about your single AF status, but you have Aunt Gertrude trying to explain why you’re single… “Oh, honey you need to be more social”… and “What about the nice little Jewish boy down the street?”

And it’s so great because who doesn’t love to be reminded of their imperfections, especially the ones you didn’t even know existed.

3. You leave dinner early only to watch holiday movie re-runs alone in the dark.

Holiday movies are a wonderful, stomach-warming thing – if you’re in love that is. Without love, holiday movies are pointless, which is why you are now flipping through the channels mindlessly to find anything else.

4. When you try to escape from sappy holiday movies, all you find are Kay jewelry ads.

Oh isn’t it lovely, all the snow, sparkles, and unicorn magic that left you cold, single, and alone during this glorious season? Who doesn’t love those Kay Jeweler commercials? Next time you hear “Every kiss begins with Kay” you might just punch someone.

5. Receiving cheesy Hallmark postcards from your coupled-up friends.

What’s in the mail? Bills. Bills. Bills. Oh and a stack of beautiful postcards adorned with photos of your closest friends and their boyfriends snuggled up on sleds, kissing in a pumpkin patch, and building a snowman together.

6. You see mistletoe literally everywhere you go.

It’s in the doorway of the coffee shop, the archway of your favorite store, and the doorjamb of the freaking bathroom. When does the madness stop?

What even is mistletoe? And who made it a kissing plant, anyway? Whoever it was obviously wasn’t single.

7. Your only food option for weeks is leftover pumpkin pie.

All of your friends are happily canoodling at all of the best, super hard to get into without a 2 person minimum, restaurants… so going out is obviously not an option.

If you can’t join them, out eat them. After all, the best part of the holidays is the food, right? #LeftoeversForDays

8. You’re forced to come to terms with holiday weight gain.

The holiday depression mixed with too much egg nog and a pound of the sweet ham your grandmother made is pretty much a permanent part of your stomach now. But to you it doesn’t matter because you have no one to look cute for, so more whip cream on top of whip cream it is!!

9. Waking up hungover and alone.

There is nothing worse than waking up completely alone on Christmas day. Who will open presents with you? Oh… wait. What presents? And what about the Christmas brunch that follows the present opening?

Being single has not only ruined two of the best things in the world – brunch and presents, duh – but being single has also destroyed every day in between October and January.

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A Valentine’s Day Date with Me, Myself, and I

Listen. I just don’t understand all the bitterness that surrounds Valentine’s Day for people that aren’t in relationships. I’ve been single for eight years, and it’s one of my favorite holidays. I’m serious. Everything in stores are bright pinks and reds, the chocolate selection is top-notch, and it’s just a day to spread love… So, why the hate?

This year, we’re all approaching a year of quarantine, and while I have my moments of desperation to go out to dinner and a Broadway show, I must say I’ve really started to take to this shelter in place lifestyle. The 14th will be no different for moi; I’ll be home alone, but I have more plans than Macaulay Culkin on Christmas Eve.

Allow me to explain.

First and foremost, it’s the perfect time for me to make an excuse to spend money on myself, being that it’s nestled right in between Christmas and my birthday. Do I need an excuse? No, not at all. There have been so many Zara boxes delivered to my building; I feel like my neighbors are starting to judge. Regardless, it’s impeccable timing for me to just check-in and make sure I’m not neglecting myself in any way… Ya know?

This year, for Valentine’s Day, I’ll be receiving a spin bike for the last unoccupied corner of my tiny NYC apartment, and it’ll be brought to me by my one and only true love: the Amazon Prime delivery man.

I will also be trudging through the mountains of snow to the local cookie shop called Chip NYC, which I frequent. Their V-Day selection includes Red Velvet Cheesecake, Strawberries and Cream, XOXO Funfetti, and, of course, traditional Chocolate Chip. Yes, I looked up their cookie schedule ahead of time and I have to say… I’m so jazzed.

Next, despite all the bodega guys doubling their flower prices on Valentine’s Day, there’s nothing I love more than buying myself flowers.

As our girl Lizzo says, “I get flowers every Sunday; I’mma marry me one day.” Since the holiday falls on a Sunday this year, I can’t possibly defy Saint Valentine AND Lizzo, so I shall sleep easy knowing my $20 bill got $10 worth of roses; inflation be damned.

Now, if you’re thinking the plan is to eat cookies while putting together my new workout equipment: stop. I’m not a monster! I would never do manual labor without cookies AND wine… A nice, full-bodied, Napa Cab to be precise. I will tread cautiously, though. Last year, I bought myself a desk and got a little too carried away with the wine, super-glued it backward, and had to throw it out and order a new one.

I nailed it the second time, though – literally.

While 22-year-old me might have been a little bummed about not having a “Valentine’s date,” 28-year-old me couldn’t be happier scrubbing my bathtub for a deep soak and a face mask. I’ve actually been saving one for the occasion. I got this $1200 set of face masks for $40 on GILT (I highly recommend for skincare savings). They’re made with 24k gold and snail eggs or something crazy. I expect to take it off and have the plump skin of an eight-year-old, but, like, without the baby fat.

I guess what I’m trying to say is there’s no need for the Valentine’s Day blues!

Bottom line: it’s a day to celebrate love, and whether that love is for your friends, your family, your dog, or yourself; it’s worth celebrating. So, while I look forward to future Valentine’s Days spent with a significant other in a California king bed at the Plaza Hotel drinking mimosas and eating pancakes in robes with their logo on them (Macaulay Culkin style), that’s just simply not my narrative right now. I do have one, and only one concern: I hope all my red lipsticks last to see another V-day, post KN95s. *Googles expiry time on lipstick*

*Disclaimer: You should throw out lipsticks after a year and lip glosses after only six months! Apparently, the wax has the tendency to trap bacteria. Ew. Will I follow this advice? TBD.

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About the Author

Kaitlyn-Renee Urban is an actor and writer with a passion for highlighting feminism in the arts. She hosts an IGTV show (coming January 2021) called “What We Know Now” centered around supporting local, women-run businesses while picking their brains for advice they’d give their younger selves. She lives in New York City, but it’s easier to find her on Instagram.

28 Signs Your Life Is A Romantic Comedy, Minus The Romance

Everything is almost right. You’re meeting cute guys in even cuter ways. Your friends are hilarious: every time you say “lol,” you are actually laughing out loud. And you’re clumsier than ever. In an adorable way, of course.

The problem? The cute guys never text you back. And when your hilarious friends actually give you good advice, you don’t follow it. Everything about your life is exactly like a romantic comedy, minus the romance. Because when it comes to love, your gut is at the bottom of the gutter.

1. You met a hot, adorable guy in an elevator the other day.

2. He helped you pick up your purse and didn’t even laugh at all the tampons and Tums he saw.

3. But he never texted you back.

4. Your first kiss with the last guy you were dating was in the rain.

5. . . . It’s too bad you were wearing a white shirt and your worst bra.

6. You live in a really expensive apartment. You can barely afford it, and it’s not fancy at all. It’s actually a totally run-down disaster.

7. And it’s always messy.

8. Your best friend is more quirky than you.

9. But her advice on love and romance? Terrible.

10. You’re extremely awkward, especially around attractive men. But not in a way that’s also kind of cute.

11. You hate this one guy so much right now.

12. . . . He’s going to be your next boyfriend.

13. Your gay co-worker tells you what to wear.

14. And how to give a blow job.

15. But it seems that whenever you follow his advice, disaster strikes.

16. Like, when he told you to hum while you give a blow job, you hummed “Let It Go” from Frozen.

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Being Single Is Better Than Accepting Less Than You Deserve

“Someday someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you’ve never seen. They’ll look at you like you’re everything they’ve been looking for their entire lives. Wait for that.”

We all long for love, closeness, and affection. It’s just human nature, so even if sometimes we’re not getting the type of love that we truly deserve, we settle. We settle and comply with less than our hearts are worth because we believe that a smidgen of tenderness is better than none. The truth is, it’s not. You don’t need someone to fulfill your heart, you need the right person to share your loving heart with. There’s a difference.

Yes, nobody wants to be alone but when you settle for the wrong type of love, down the line you’ll feel even more alone than you were in the first place. And even worse, you’ll feel like you’ve betrayed your soul.

If you choose to settle for less than what your heart desires, you’ll end up feeling like you’ve given yourself away blindly for nothing. And that’s because you were trying to fill a void that only your self-love can fulfill.

You don’t need someone to validate you or make you happy, you need to love yourself first and then learn to identify who’s truly worthy of your heart. You can’t put your happiness on someone else’s hands, you can’t waste your energy on someone who’s barely trying to be deserving of your love and affection.

Being single is much better because at the end of the day, you know you’re spending your energy on nurturing your soul and not on someone who doesn’t appreciate you fully.

Yes, you won’t always know if the person that you choose to love will be worthy of you. If you come to the harsh realization that you’re putting up with his half ass love, it might be hard to let go because you’ve had already invested so much on him. The thought of staying alone is scary but the honest truth is that it should be a lot scarier to deny yourself of what you’re worth.

Being single allows you to find out who you really are. When you truly focus on yourself you become much stronger, confident and resilient. And then you’ll realize that you can wait for the guy who is excited to spend time with you. Someone who’s your equal and will truly appreciate all of you and want to grow with you.

Deep down you know what your value is and what your needs are. Don’t sabotage your own happiness by allowing fuckboys into your life. You should never be someone’s second best.

Never apologize for your ability to love intensely and deeply and for expecting the same in return. Anything less should not be acceptable for you.

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Go After Him, Because Regret Will Always Hurt More Than Rejection

“There are some people in this world who can just love and love no matter what.” –JG

Love has never hurt me, people have.

I don’t blame love for heartbreak. I believe that heartbreak is the result of a lack of love from another person. I believe if you look underneath what people claim they want, humans are very much alike. We all just want someone who gives a damn about us.

I’ve done many things for love. I’ve allowed it to make me crazy. I’ve crossed oceans to hand over my heart on a silver platter. I bought someone a puppy just because I could. I’ve written too many letters. I’ve driven for hours and spent pitch black nights on lonely highways. I’ve spent more money than I could even begin to calculate on showing others that I care.

I’ve stood there shaking, trying to tell another he was the love of my life with tears in my eyes as the words spilled from my lips, “I’m sorry but I’ve fallen in love with you and I think you are the most remarkable person I’ve ever known.”

Maybe I did these things because I’m crazy. Or maybe I’m not, maybe I’m the only sane person who values love in its entirety.

Every one of those moments has had two things in common; I took advantage of the moment because I knew I’d lose my chance if I didn’t say it right then and there and I got hurt.

“If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you are scared it will cause problems. Even if you are scared that it’ll burn your life to the ground, you say it. You say it loud and you go from there.” -Grey’s Anatomy

The things I regret most in life aren’t words I said or chances I took. The things I regret most are those times I was too afraid to make a move.

Regret will always hurt more than rejection. With rejection, at least I know I tried my best. I did everything I could and fully shared my abundance of emotions.

If someone cannot reciprocate the way I feel, that’s on them.

But there isn’t a person on this Earth who could look me in the eyes and tell me I didn’t give it my all. I’ll take the broken hearts. I’ll take making someone uncomfortable for a moment if they don’t feel the same way.

I’ll take it all with a smile and maybe a few tears, because I know I’m taking the right kind of changes in my life. That is something I can never regret. I know the love I give will one day be reciprocated. All of those gestures will come back to me, multiplied.

Of the greatest challenges I live with isn’t dealing with rejection, but not allowing that rejection to taint my views on love and how much I value it. I’ll continue to love hard. I’ll continue to love deeply. I’ll continue to do these things until I get it right.

Because when you love the right way, one day you meet someone who is worthy of everything you have to offer.

“Go after her. Fuck don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign because it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3,000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and unguarded and that is all that is worth anything really.” –Harvey Milk

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15 Truths Of The Girl Who’s Hit Rock Bottom

Life sucks more often than it doesn’t these days. You feel like you’re stuck in a deep hole that you can’t get out of, and no one can help you.

The sky is raining cat piss and you can’t afford an umbrella because it’s either that or no pizza, but you’re learning about yourself—and life, more now than ever before, so you’re not letting it get to you.

In a way, you’re proud of your home you’ve built in rock bottom.

In an attempt to shop for groceries like an adult, you end up getting a frozen pizza.
You grew impatient waiting so you took it out early, and ate it alone in your bed in one sitting, even though it was partly still cold.
Your card gets declined at least once a week. And usually when you’re about to purchase something essential, like tampons or coffee.
For every day you have more than one meal a day, you have to skip one in the coming days.
You leave the house without a bra more often than you leave the house wearing a bra.
It rains every time you go outside without an umbrella, even if rain wasn’t in the forecast. And when it rains, it pours.
You bought shoes knowing that it would overdraft your account.
After reading all of the drunk texts you sent your ex, you smile to yourself because you’re actually pretty proud of the insults that drunk-you came up with.
You don’t ask anyone for advice anymore. Not your mom, not your best friend, no one. You rely on yourself to get through this because you don’t get disappointed in yourself for not taking the advice you prescribe.
You identify with Kristin Wiig’s character in Bridesmaids.
At this point, your wardrobe is pretty much exclusively sweatpants, all of which have holes in the butt and/or crotch.
It takes you three to five hours to get out of bed every day. Because your best friend’s dad’s Netflix account is always there for you.
You ate an entire plate of nachos on your last date, and he admitted he kind of thought you were going to share it.
Since you’re always too tired to do laundry, you’re wearing your underwear inside out. And will until all of those are dirty—on both sides.
When that happens, you’ll probably just buy new underwear, which will probably overdraft your account. Whatever, everything is gonna be ok. Not today. Probably not tomorrow. Maybe not any day soon. But someday.

And once you kick rock bottom’s ass, you’ll be on top of the world. One day, you’ll laugh about your dark days in a walk-in closet filled with shoes and all of the puppies.

32 Things To Remember When You Think You’ll Be Forever Alone

It’s Sunday night and you’re sitting in your bed, wondering why you’re still alone in it. But as much as you wish Friday and Saturday could have salvaged that situation, those 48 hours weren’t enough.

If you find yourself getting stuck in your wallowing, remembering a few of these points might help to ease your quiet (or not so quiet) longing:

Everybody is born alone. Unless you have a twin, that is…

…And most of us leave this world alone.

People in relationships constantly compare themselves to single people (and are jealous of them!).

Important: Things didn’t work out with your ex for a reason.

More important: This moment in time isn’t how it’s going to be forever.

Being alone doesn’t mean being sad…

…And if you are sad, then remember that happiness is making its way over to you.

Booty calling your way into oblivion isn’t going to help.

There’s way more right with you than it is wrong with you.

You’re not doomed…

…You just haven’t found anyone worthy of your time.

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You Are A Phoenix And You Will Rise From These Ashes

“Often it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.”

You are strong and brave and resilient. Whatever life is handing you right now, you will get through it – don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Anyone. This world is constantly going to test you, push you to your limits and place you on the verge of breaking down. I can almost guarantee that. But you have got to keep your head high even when you are shattering piece by piece on the inside.

I know you have wanted to just let go and let the world win. You’ve hurt in ways you never thought you could hurt before. You’ve felt broken beyond repair and imprisoned in your own mind.

Your heart has been broken and you’ve cried enough tears to fill the oceans five times over. The pain you’ve felt is nauseating.

“But once all the tears dried and the pain washed away and the laughter started again, that’s when you were reborn” – stronger and wiser.

That’s when you can take a deep breath as your soul quietly prepares you for the next battle.

Because you are going to absolutely fall apart in this world again. Maybe even more than once.

Your heart is going to be broken many times by lovers who carelessly handle your heart. Your friends are going to let you down and betray you even when they swore they wouldn’t. And people are going to talk shit behind your back.

You are going to lose people through death and through circumstance. You are going to carry weights too heavy for your soul to bear. You are going to watch dreams fade away while you try to chase after them.

You will be scared and traumatized and broken.

You are going to scream “why” more times than you will be able to count while sobbing on your bathroom floor.

But in the end, how beautiful will it be to stand up proud and say, “I survived.”

I let them betray me, burn me, defeat me, insult me, injure me and abandon me. I let them tear me limb from limb, flesh from bone until I wasn’t recognizable even to myself. But I am here now. I overcame.

I let the world drag me through its chamber of excruciating sadness, but I woke up alive and burning bright.

That’s when you will become a brilliant Phoenix and the world will see your light.

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Stay Single Until You Find the Guy Who’s Truly and Completely Faithful

Because being faithful means, there’s no backup plan to the relationship that you’re in. You’re so invested and involved in the love that you share that it never crosses your mind to second guess your relationship or your heart. “What if this ends” is never in the back of your head, so you gladly remove yourself from all your online dating accounts.

It means going out of your way to make sure that anyone that’s interested in you knows that you’re taken, without caring if they think that you’re being rude.

Nothing gives you more joy than to show off your relationship status to others. You stop girls cold if they flirt with you because your girlfriend’s feelings are more important to you than a thirty-second ego boost you can get from some girl’s flirty intentions.

It’s never falling for the peer pressure of people or friends when being in a situation where they wanna make you part of their douchey pursuits.

It means never finding excuses to justify their shady behavior or any on your part. You simply don’t put yourself in that situation in the first place, but if by any fucked up circumstance you found yourself almost crossing the line, you are man enough to own up to it, put your loyalty in check and go above and beyond to rectify your almost disloyal actions.

Because being faithful means that you’re always honest and never lie or hide anything from the person that you love.

You take pride in the open communication that you have and cherish the fact that your girlfriend respects and trusts your individuality and independence. So whether some girl asked for your number or an ex-booty call texted you to say “what’s up,” you’re always happy to make your girlfriend the first one to know about it. Whatever you do out in the social world is never something that would offend or jeopardize your relationship, because you’re loyal to what you have and that means…

You never treat other girls with the same love and affection that you have for your girlfriend, not even your best girlfriends.

You know how to set boundaries with your personal relationships because you know the difference between being the guy who honors the love for his girlfriend, being a friend and what falls under the category of being a douche canoe.

Being faithful means you understand and respect your person’s values and beliefs on loyalty, and compromise with her even when some of those beliefs might not be your own.

Because what you have with her is the type of love that is worth fighting and compromising for and you never want to tarnish the trust that you have and have worked so hard to build.

It means that you’re aware that cheating can be physical, mental or emotional, so you stay away from risking falling into any of its categories.

You know it can be the thing that crushes your relationship, so you protect both your hearts at all costs from ever crossing that line.

Because you are with the person that you love the most, the one that makes you feel whole and that you know you’re meant to be with forever. You can’t fathom the chance or possibility of letting someone else in your heart in any shape or form…

So at the end of the day being faithful simply means, always choosing your girlfriend first, every second, every day.

67 Things Better Than A Boyfriend

Sometimes, we get so caught up in being in a relationship, that we forget about all the things that are sometimes (usually) better than dealing with a “significant” other. Here are a few things for you single ladies to be thankful for.

Eating an entire pint of ice cream by yourself.
An hour long bubble bath.
Vacations with your girls.
Losing track of time in Target.
Discovering a new band/song/genre.
Finding $20 in your pocket.
Dancing. In your bedroom, in the club, with your girls. It doesn’t matter, just bust a move.
Laughing so hard your stomach hurts.
Magic Mike.
Pedicures. Enough said.
Going to the bathroom in the comfort of your own home and not having to worry about someone smelling you.
Losing yourself in a good read.
Tackling that Honey Do list and doing it Wonder Woman style.
Not sharing food. (I know we’ve all got a little Joey Tribbiani in us.)
Binge watching your favorite TV series on Netflix..even though you’ve seen it start to finish three (or twelve) times.
Let’s be honest, Netflix in general.
Car Jam Sessions.
Pasta. Every shape. All the sauces. It’s hard to screw up pasta.
Getting into a bed with clean sheets right after you shave your legs.
Splurging on that new pair of heels you’ve been DYING for.
When your second-day hair looks as good as the first day.
That first sip of your caramel macchiato.
Getting a promotion or your dream job.
Having a dog.
And cuddling said dog.
Ordering dessert from your favorite restaurant.
The head massage when you’re getting your hair colored.
Finishing a killer workout.
Cookie dough.
Finishing a puzzle.
Good eyebrow days.
Not wearing pants.
Finding funny YouTube videos.
Wine tastings. Wineries. Wine.
Ordering pizza and spending a night in with your best friend.
Chinese take out.
Spontaneous trips for one. (Or with your best gal)
Day drinking.
The feel of plush carpet on your bare feet.
New candles. (Even better if they’re paired with #2 and maybe #34)
Afternoon naps on the couch.
Only having to worry about yourself, because, let’s face it, most men need to be babysat.
Perfecting your eyeliner wing…on both sides.
Cheese fries.
Putting your hair in the perfect messy bun on the first try.
Happy Hour. (Both at Sonic and the bar)
Not stressing when you haven’t shaved.
Being a blanket hog.
Getting tweeted back by your favorite celebrity.
Sunday morning brunch.
Karaoke. (I mean, you’ve been belting Selena’s Fetish since it came out anyway, why not hit the stage?)
The edges of homemade brownies.
Petting Zoos. Or zoos in general, really.
Taco Tuesday.
Rewatching old Disney movies and the new ones, we aren’t picky.
At home facials. Nothing says fierce like clean pores.
Spending all day in your pajamas.
Body pillows.
Being able to smell your shampoo hours after you’ve fixed your hair.
Seeing your favorite band in concert.
Open bar weddings.
Finding that pair of jeans that make your ass look amaaaaazing.
Redecorating your bedroom, complete with fancy lights.
Pool Days. (Preferably with a frozen drink, please.)
Finally getting the last punch on your punch card and getting a free drink.
Chocolate fountains.
Loving yourself for who and where you are at this very moment.

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