Strong Girls And Vulnerability

People say these two words to be nice. They say them to encourage me to keep pushing on, but I’m tired of hearing it. I’m tired of hearing “You’re strong” or “You deserve better” or “Yeah, but you’re smarter” or anything that resembles. You want to know why?

 

Because it makes me think I can’t feel weak.

It makes me think that I’m not allowed to struggle. When people say stuff like that to me, it doesn’t take away the hurt or the stress. It doesn’t make me feel even a little better.

I’m not strong all the time. I’m not strong at night when thoughts of him breaking my heart creep in or when one more bill comes in and I ran out of money a few bills ago.

I’m not strong majority of the time, but I put on a brave face because it’s not no ones fault he dumped me and it’s definitely no one’s fault but my own I don’t have enough money to pay everything.

I know deep down I deserve better. If I have to hear it one more time, then I might scream. I DO deserve better, but I also think I deserve the things I put my heart into.

I deserve the things I work hard for. I deserve to be chosen again and again. I deserve a lot more than I have to live with. Don’t tell me what I deserve, because I know.