Not all partners are understanding and compassionate when it comes to anxiety and anxiety attacks. There are those who understand, who go through it themselves and can relate. But, there are also those who have never dealt with anxiety—and, they believe the go-to mechanism is “relax.”
We all know—there is no worse trigger for anxiety than hearing the words, “just relax.” So, if you’re someone who is in a relationship with a girl who has anxiety and panic attacks—strap in, we’re here to help you out.
There is no stronger incentive for bringing us to the past than scents. They smell of cookies can take us back to our grandmother’s countryside house, a perfume to our first love, and the smell of coconut on long days spent by the beach. All of those feelings are positive, so it is no wonder how scent can benefit our well-being as well. So, if you want to try a sort of therapy with scents, here is how to do it.
Lavender for better sleep
One of the benefits of a certain smell is that they can relax you after a tough day. The winner in this category is lavender, which has a soothing effect on your body and mind. The smell of lavender reduces stress, agitation, and tension making you feel relaxed and calm. This is why warm baths with lavender oil before bed are what will refresh you and prepare you for the next day. It is a good trick to use for sleep-deprivation before you turn to drugs. Other benefits of lavender are anti-inflammatory and analgesic effects and relieving menopause symptoms. So, when you need a bit of help falling asleep, put a bit of dry lavender under your pillow, or on the night stand, and it will do the trick.
Citrus for a boost of energy
If you are ever in need of an energy-boosting scent, or simply something that will make you feel more awake and rested, citrus scents can benefit you. They increase the production of serotonin in your brain, which is a hormone of happiness. This is why, it can cause positive thoughts and evoke memories, which proves the deep connection between scents and emotions. Besides, this is a refreshing and soft smell, so it is no wonder many brands use it for gorgeous women’s perfume, that are perfect to put on in the morning before work. This way, you will feel more motivated and ready for a workday that’s ahead of you.
Peppermint and Eucalyptus for cooling and soothing effect
If you have never tried aromatherapy, you may not know how many benefits peppermint and eucalyptus have. First of all, numerous health benefits like helping with pain, tiredness, stiffness, and tension in your muscles thanks to its cooling effect. And as for the real therapeutic benefits, it has a calming effect, and can also help you wake up easily, and be more focused. A combination of these two makes peppermint/eucalyptus oil perfect for relaxing your whole body, maybe even through a massage oil, and getting you into the operative state again when you move on with your day.
Vanilla for improving your mood
There is no sweeter, and softer smell than vanilla. It makes you feel comfortable, pleasant, and in many cases sensual because of the nice and soft aroma. Lighting vanilla candles in your home can lift your spirits up, making you feel more positive and happier. Another unexpected benefit is that vanilla scents can benefit and suppress cravings, so it is a great way to help your sweet-tooth after a rich meal, for example. Vanilla will make you feel relaxed and in touch with your body, which makes it a perfect scent for a romantic dinner, or a cozy night at home with your loved one. Its also an aphrodisiac
Cinnamon for productivity
We need concentration and focus many times during the day, and aromatherapy can help with that too. Even though cinnamon often reminds us of a homely, cozy atmosphere, especially winter and New Year’s, when all we want to do is sleep and rest, research proves otherwise. Cinnamon can help boost your concentration and productivity, which makes it a perfect scent to use when you need a little nudge during the day. You can take a break and bake some cinnamon cookies, so your whole house will smell good. Cinnamon scents can benefit your memory, so there is more than one reason to either buy a scented candle or light an incense stick.
Aromatherapy can really do wonders for your well-being, reduce the symptoms of stress, anxiety, and irritation, and help you sleep better and be more active and alert. By using these smells daily in your perfumes, scented candles, or essential oils you will notice a mood change which is reason enough to try it.
Article written by Sophia Smith Sophia is a Beauty & Style blogger, Graphic designer and Style editor at highstylife.com
Anxiety is not something that is easy to deal with—especially on an everyday basis. For those who suffer from anxiety and anxiety disorders, they know that coping with the illness when it is at its worst can be the hardest part. Trying to “talk yourself down” or prevent an anxiety attack can be near impossible for many individuals. That’s why some users on Reddit seek outside advice and help on the site from those who also deal with anxiety and all of its problems. u/sailorv1993 asked Reddit users to share what helps them when everything seems too much and, some of the responses will really help you navigate your own anxiety, too.
1.
I know a lot of times when I’m feeling super anxious about something my brain just flips the “everything is terrible and going wrong and nothing is right” switch, and it’s just a downward spiral. Learning to just let myself feel every emotion, even if I know it’s just the anxiety talking has helped me work through the attacks. Validate yourself and your feeling, let yourself feel whatever your brain is throwing at you, and then when you’re calmer you can sort through the emotions. It’s helped me a lot.
Focusing on my breathing and then if that doesn’t work, physically stepping away/leaving the situation. Also carrying around a water and taking a sip when I need to ground myself
Taking a lap. When I feel like the walls are closing in, I excuse myself from wherever I am and go for a walk around the block to get fresh air and a little exercise. If this isn’t an option, I discreetly take a benzo and do some breathing exercises (there are some apps that help if you aren’t familiar!).
My friend got me out of a panic attack pretty quickly by just having me focus on my hands. Placing them on the table, raising above my head. It re-centers your brain almost like a reboot because for me at least a panic attack is when my anxiety gets so high my brain short circuits and everything is in overdrive.
My big, 72-pound, rescue dog. It’s like he just knows when I’m having a hard time and will come lay with me… literally just came down the stairs to check on me as I typed this.
Small, manageable goals. If I’m having a panic attack, I just have to accept that it’s happening and focus on breathing. It will always pass. If it’s looping thoughts or rising anxiety, I try to focus on factual positives. Things are rarely ever as bad as my brain would have be believe.
Grounding exercises are what I have to do when I get panicky count 5 things you can see 4 things you can touch 3 things you can hear 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. Then close your eyes and breathe slowly, rinse and repeat.
My worst anxiety occurs during inaction, so I look to do something marginally productive like sweep the floor, make a snack, or shave. Obviously this is useful if the anxiety is due to being overwhelmed, but it works for me when feeling anxious about less tangible things as well. Even the most insignificant or minute task is better than sitting in anxiety, but the more lengthy and involved, the better relief (and sense of accomplishment).
I know this might sound stupid but what helps me is calling myself out. If I’m starting to get an attack I start to go through emotions out of nowhere like over thinking or just wanting to punch a wall for no reason. And when I’m feeling them I just say wait a minute Why am I mad in the first place that’s stupid of me. Or even just telling myself hey don’t be sad there’s no point. But if I forget to do this and I’m in a public setting I close my eyes and count to 10 and I even sometimes breath in hold my breath for 5 or 10 seconds and breath out like u would if u where using a inhaler.
I have a conversation with myself. I ask why I’m anxious, reasons why I should be anxious, reasons why I shouldn’t, why I’m afraid, how I should deal with it, etc.
Then I just give myself a pep talk afterwards and give myself encouragement that everything will be okay and I’m doing my best. Sometimes it works but other times the anxiety is overwhelming so I just acknowledge it’s there and force myself to go on with my day and take deep breaths throughout and try not to get angry.
On the medication side, beta blockers has helped me significantly for super intense moments.
Silence and holding perfectly still. The latter is complicated by the need for oxygen, so I breathe as slowly and with as little movement as possible. After a minute or two I can usually segue to deeper breathing and carefully controlled stretching, and then to normal movement again.
You don’t see it on our faces when we meet for our first date. It’s not something we wear on our sleeve when you take us home for the first time. On the surface, we seem cool, calm and collected when you lean in for our first kiss. When we text at night, there’s no trace of it through our words. Our voice doesn’t shake when you call to ask how our day is going. You can’t even see it when we pack for our first trip together. Slowly, but surely as time passes through our relationship, it creeps out in bits and pieces–asking to be addressed.
We begin to ask you things over and over, wanting reassurance in where we are. We start to overanalyze and knit-pick at our relationship, even when nothing’s wrong. We begin to worry about things that, to you seem irrational, but to us, seem normal. We lose sleep. We can’t eat. We start to change. Slowly, but surely, a third person enters our relationship uninvited.
Our anxiety.
Living with anxiety isn’t something that we sign up for. It’s not something we wanted to brand ourselves with, like getting a piercing or a tattoo. We didn’t ask to be diagnosed with a condition that hinders our everyday lives. But the reality of the situation is, our anxiety isn’t something that is going to go away overnight. Some days, we hardly even know it’s there. But there are other days that are bad–really bad. We can’t get out of bed. We can’t stop the worry. We hyperventilate just to make it through the day.
It’s not going to be the same kind of relationship you’ve had with other women in the past. Nothing is going to be “simple.” But, that doesn’t mean that everything has to be all doom and gloom. Girls with anxiety love hard, and they live fiercely. They will protect you and stand by you through the storm at all costs. They will always, always support you because they know firsthand how much support truly matters. There are a lot of things you’re going to have to do differently when you date someone with anxiety.
10. You’ll need to practice patience.
When anxiety strikes, it’s important to know that we’re scared, unhappy, and feel incredibly embarrassed sometimes. Anxiety can hit us at any time, anywhere. We could be having a great time and all of the sudden–bam–we’re hit with a wave of anxiety and it feels as though we’re struggling to get to the surface of the water we’re drowning in.
It’s not ideal for us to get anxiety when we’re out on a date, having fun. It’s a burden when we’re with friends and we need to leave early. And, it totally sucks when we get hit with an anxiety attack while we’re on a trip together. Instead of getting annoyed and frustrated with us–practice patience. Katharina Star, PhD says that:
When dating a person with panic disorder, it is best to remain patient when your partner is faced with panic attacks and anxiety. Let them know that you are there for them and that you have their safety and welfare in mind.
Giving us time to regather ourselves, our thoughts, and our minds is always appreciated.
9. You can’t tell her to just “calm down.”
Telling someone with anxiety to just “calm down” is something that universally is looked down on. By saying this when your partner’s anxiety is really bad, you give them the notion that you’re belittling their disorder and downplaying it. It shows her that you don’t realy care that they’re going through something this hard and, that you think it’s preventable. In reality, it’s just not. Jennifer Rollin MSW, LCSW-C points out that telling someone with anxiety to calm down is amongst four things you should never say to them.
Telling someone with an anxiety disorder to “calm down,” is akin to telling someone with allergies to “stop sneezing.” Mental illnesses are not a choice. No one would choose to feel paralyzing levels of anxiety, and if the person was able to control their anxiety, they would. Telling someone to “calm down” is invalidating to the person who is struggling and insinuates that they are deciding to have their anxiety disorder. Instead, try asking the person what you can do to support them. It could be beneficial to ask the person this question when they are relaxed, rather than waiting until they are in a state of heightened anxiety.
8. She’s going to need reassurance. Give it to her.
Many women who have anxiety experience moments of overthinking and stress. We wonder if you’re still all-in with us, even when we’re at our worst. When our anxiety gets really bad, we think that you’re going to run for the hills–even if you’ve never dropped hints of this at all. It will become annoying and be aggravating for you when she asks question after question, but understand she’s looking for some sense of control. She wants to feel as though she has control over her own life and what is happening and, giving her the answers she’s seeking can help her regain that control and confidence.
7. Listen. Listen. Listen.
No matter how much you think you know about your partner, there may be things you have no idea about. Certain times, they may look as though they’re completely fine but on the inside, they’re going through a war. The best thing you can do in a relationship when your partner has anxiety is always listen to what they have to say. And, don’t just half-listen, trying to prove to her or anyone else that you are doing the right thing–really listen. And, when she’s ready, asking the right questions to understand her anxiety better will help you both in the long run. Joel L. Young M.D. points out that by asking the right questions, you’ll be able to truly understand your partner and her relationship to her condition better.
If you want to know something, ask your loved one first, and then be sure to intently listen to his or her answer. Some questions to ask include:
-Is there anything I can do to help you with this diagnosis?
-What’s it like for you to have this condition?
-How do you feel about the treatment options available to you?
-Does having a diagnosis make you feel better or worse?
-Is there anything you think I need to understand about the challenges you face?
Sometimes, your partner’s anxiety will make you angry and upset because there’s no way you can truly stop it and make it disappear. But, no matter how upset or angry you get–you can’t get mad at her for having anxiety. You can be mad at the situation, but you can’t attack her based on your desire to make her better. Barbara Markway Ph.D. points out:
This can be a difficult distinction to make, but it’s important. Attacking a person’s character or personhood can further damage shaky self-esteem. Perhaps you’re angry that once again, you’re attending the employee picnic alone, or not going at all. Your partner is fearful around large crowds of people and is not far enough along in treatment to go even for a little while. It’s natural for you to feel angry or even resentful. After all, you’re missing out on a lot of fun and the company of someone you care about.
Instead of getting angry, experts say communicating with your partner is best and addressing how the situation makes you feel–after you’ve had time to cool off.
5. You should remember it’s not personal.
When your partner constantly asks you questions over and over and looks at the relationship for reassurance and comfort, it can feel as though you’re the cause of the anxiety. Other times, your partner may be angry and frustrated at the situation in general–having anxiety all of the time can become exhausting. Realize, first and foremost, it’s nothing personal. Licensed therapist, Kayce Hodos says that it’s never personal.
“Anxiety can [also] often manifest as anger or frustration, but don’t assume he or she is upset with you. The biggest challenge you’re likely to face is feeling frustrated that you can’t fix it. You can offer support, but your partner is responsible for managing their symptoms, which can range from emotional responses, such as intense worrying and fear, to physical sensations, such as headaches or nausea. Hopefully, your partner has a good therapist, and you may need to find one, too. After all, you both need to be taking care of yourselves for your relationship to be healthy.”
4. It’ll help if you do some research.
The best thing someone can do if they don’t experience or have anxiety themselves is do their own research about the disorder. There are thousands of online articles, books, and resources that you can look over just to get an idea. According to Barbara Markway Ph.D.:
Anxiety disorders can be tricky because your partner may “look” perfectly normal at the same time they’re telling you they’re having a panic attack. This might cause you to minimize what your partner is going through. “Oh, you’re fine,” or “Just relax,” won’t be particularly helpful or well-received comments. Reading reputable books or information on the Internet can help you realize that anxiety disorders are very real, and fortunately, also treatable. See the Resources at the end of this post for places to get started.
While there is a ton of information on anxiety available to you online and in stores, it’s important to remember that no two people are exactly the same. While some anxiety symptoms are pretty universal and many people go through similar struggles–your partner’s anxiety may be completely unique and different for her. She may experience panic attacks differently than someone else, her triggers may vary, and she may have different ways of coping that work more so than others.
Although you should do some research online and know the signs, symptoms, and ways to help, realize that if it doesn’t work right away it’s not because of you, but maybe your partner just needs something different.
2. You should support her, but don’t suffocate her.
Showing support is important in terms of your relationship and helping your partner through her anxiety. However, don’t push her to talk and communicate if she’s not ready. Experts say that when your partner feels comfortable enough, she will come to you. Katharina Star, PhD points out:
Communicate to your partner that you are available to listen, but that you will not push them into discussing it until they feel ready. Additionally, do not bring up their disorder in front of others. Many panic sufferers chose to only tell trusted friends and family about their condition. It can cause embarrassment or other conflicts if you mention their struggle in a group setting.
Remember to be there, but not to put a label on your partner that she is only her anxiety.
1. You have to embrace solutions.
While you cannot necessarily “cure” your partner’s anxiety, you can help embrace positive solutions and suggestions to help make it better. This can mean a multitude of things. Doing things together that help her anxiety is one–like going to yoga or meditating together. Getting her a weighted blanket to ease her anxiety at night. Another is pushing her to go to therapy and speak to someone about her situation and condition. You can even suggest going to therapy together so that she sees you’re on board with supporting her and helping her through her anxiety. Experts say that couples therapy helps you both:
Don’t be afraid to seek outside help for your relationship if warranted. This can be a good adjunct to the individual’s therapy for the anxiety disorder. Couples therapy promotes better communication skills, which can allow people to feel more at ease in a variety of typically anxiety-provoking situations. In addition, less stress at home creates a better environment in which to work on the treatment of an anxiety disorder.
Dating a girl with anxiety is hard, but here’s why it’s worth it.
Girls with anxiety are fierce, triumphant and cunning. They are unstoppable. They don’t accept failure as an option – they push themselves to reach every single goal they set. They are never truly at ease, they are never truly the calm that comes before the storm – they are the storm. They are the raging, thundering, fiery storm that rips through towns and leave their mark.
They are invincible. They are the girls who will change your life.
It’s no secret that adult coloring books have become all the rage this past year. If you’re still on the fence about it, wondering if you should jump into the fad or pass it up, this is the place to be.
I go over just eight benefits of these most sought out books. It’s not only fun, it can change a lot of things about your life and the way you’re spending your time.
1. Escape reality
Sometimes we just need a break from real life. Just as you can become invested in a book or movie, a coloring page can do the same. It’s good to take a moment and unplug from technology and responsibilities. You deserve to enjoy a colorful getaway.
2. De-stress
Coloring is very calming. All you need is a colored pencil and a book and the rest is natural. Focusing on repetitive and detailed designs, like mandalas, helps you become present in what you are doing and leaves less room for you to worry. Putting on some smooth tunes while you color may even enhance this effect! It’s not quite “art therapy,” but it has been referred to as “color therapy” by some.
3. Re-enter childhood
Being a 20-something, I still feel a lot like a big child, and coloring is one of those things that just take me back. Coloring has actually been proven to help reduce negative thoughts and replace them with pleasant ones, such as being a child. Coloring can remind you of when you were happy and carefree, overall affecting your attitude and mood in a positive way.
4. Meditate
Coloring can actually induce a form of meditation, which is typically achieved by entering a mindful state. If you don’t know already, mindfulness is being in the present and not worrying about past or future moments. Coloring can help us achieve this because, well, have you seen those pages?! They can be super intricate, and it forces us to focus.
5. Keep creative
The great thing about coloring books is that you don’t really have to create anything. The artsy stuff is already done for you, which means you don’t need to be good at drawing or painting to enjoy it. Picking out different colors is your own form of creativity. Some people may color the dog, its natural “dog colors,” while others may color the dog purple and blue. No two people will color something the same, and that means you are still creating your own masterpiece!
6. Reduce anxiety
Mandalas have specifically been proven to help reduce anxiety levels according to several scientific studies. The complexity of these designs keeps you most focused, therefore inducing a meditative like state. The brain is less likely to wander to past or future situations while you’re coloring, which would typically provoke anxious feelings.
7. Work your brain
Coloring does require some work, you just won’t realize it. It takes logic to pick out your colors and stay in the lines – activating your analytic brain. But as you mix and match to put your masterpiece together, you are activating your creative brain. You are going to maintain, and maybe even boost, your brain’s functionality. Bonus, you are fine tuning your motor skills and coordination, too!
8. Help you fall asleep
Haven’t we heard of reading a book before bed can help you fall asleep faster? Coloring is the same way, in that it can wear your eyes (and your wrist!) out. It’s one of the best books to have on your bedside table. As mentioned above, because coloring is so relaxing, it can really help you unwind after a long day. And it’s better than being on your phone before bed!
Adult coloring is actually bomb, and it has so many benefits that it’s hard to believe they are a new trend. It is therapeutic, mood altering, and relaxing that they is so reason you shouldn’t have one. I’m not ashamed to say that I absolutely love these books, and I own a ton. So, hop on this band wagon; I saved you a seat.
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I’m in therapy. Contrary to popular belief, it’s no big deal. Depression and anxiety, quite simply, run in my family, and I use whatever methods I can to combat these issues.
However, having spoken to friends and relatives who’ve never seen a therapist, I’ve realized that many people have some false perceptions about the process. Therapy, assuming you find a talented professional in whom you can place your trust, can help you to make tremendous improvements in your life. That said, there are some things you may not realize about it.
Such as. . .
It’s Not About Cheering You Up
Your therapist’s role involves providing emotional support, but that doesn’t mean that he reminds you that you’re a great person, or tells you that the problems you’re facing are not your fault. Therapy, in fact, is closer to tough love.
When you’re in a session, it’s understood that you’re taking a practical approach to addressing your mental health and behavioral issues. As such, there’s no instance in which either you or your therapist allow yourselves to pretend that you can “wish away” your problems. There are many circumstances in our lives that we simply have no control over. If your significant other is driving you crazy, you can’t reasonably expect her to change. If your job is stressful, you can’t pretend it will simply get better. If you’re struggling with an illness, false optimism will do you no good.
Therapy, in truth, is about identifying what you can change. Much of the time, this means understanding your own bad behaviors. Whether we like to admit it or not, we often play a significant role in creating the problems in our lives. According to this hypnotherapist from Dubai, therapy forces us to confront what we’ve done wrong, because, after all, that’s what we have the most control over.
This isn’t always a comfortable experience – the ego wants very much to deny the fact that we’ve created our own unhappiness – but it’s necessary for growth. And you don’t get there if your therapist simply tries to cheer you up by telling you you’re fantastic.
Approaches Vary
Based on what we know from pop culture, many of us assume that certain practices naturally occur within a therapist’s office: dream interpretation, Rorschach tests, maybe even some hypnotherapy.
While each therapist varies in his or her approach, the familiar staples of the experience as represented in films and on TV generally never show up. I’ve never been asked to find an image in an ink blot, hypnotherapy hasn’t come up, and we only talk about my dreams when I go out of my way to mention them. Otherwise, it’s pretty much venting about what’s bothering me, and looking for patterns in my attitudes and emotional experiences.
That said, sometimes this process does lead to clichéd – but effective – methods of therapy. For instance, it’s often assumed that therapists take a keen interest in your early childhood years; this has certainly been the case during my sessions, in which my therapist and I look at profoundly emotional memories that may have wired my brain for feelings of depression.
And, speaking of wiring the brain. . .
It’s Not Magic, But It Works
When all is said and done, many people actually don’t actually understand how therapy is supposed to work. You talk about your feelings, a professional helps you understand them, and. . .you feel better?
Seems a little too simple, right?
Well, the fact of the matter is, our brains are truly “wired” in ways that predispose us to our behaviors. Sometimes, those behaviors are healthy; your parents praised you as a child, and you developed a healthy sense of self-esteem, resulting in life choices that reflect your own self-worth. Other times, though, the behaviors can work against us; a parent’s illness during your childhood may have made you think (at an age when the world seems to revolve around you) that you’ve failed to “cure” someone close to you, and as such, you’re prone to feelings of shame and guilt.
Many people pride themselves on their positive attitude, but more often than not, it’s the physical activity in your brain – shaped by your life experiences – that dictates your attitude.
Thankfully, neuroplasticity shows us that the brain can constantly be rewired, through effort. Therapy allows us to see how our current behaviors are not accurate reflections of our reality, but instead are trends established by beliefs that have been literally physically ingrained into our brains. By understanding this, we can begin to consciously reject those behaviors. Knowing where they come from, we realize that our feelings of anxiety are not appropriate and reasonable reactions to life, but are instead the remnants of experiences that shaped our attitude so profoundly that we were never able to move past these feelings.
Altering the structure of your brain takes time – you have to, through focused practice, reject beliefs that have been at the core of your identity for most your life – but over time, the brain does rewire. Therapy doesn’t make this happen magically, but it does provide you with the tools for change.
