24 Dudes Who Tried To Sext But Ended Up Ruining Everything

Online dating means anonymity and an enormous pool of willing applicants to choose from. So it’s not really surprising that dudes are on there trying out the world’s worst pickup/sexting lines left and right. They have very little to lose, after all.

But, still. Some of these sext attempts are just…a lot. Where do these dudes even come up with this sh*t? Some of them were clearly cribbed off more clever people on Reddit. But others are the result of unrestrained horniness, and/or stupidity, and/or just willful ignorance? Honestly, I don’t know. I couldn’t tell you. Nobody can.

But there is one among us who is dedicated to documenting all these sexting fails anyway. They go by the Tumblr name of straightwhiteboystexting, and before you get all mad about the name, let me offer an explanation straight from the horse’s mouth: “The name of this blog is based off of the phenomenon of the “straight white boy text” aka asking “hey what’s your bra size ;)” in the middle of a conversation, or things like “what would you do if you were here haha lol ;)”. Basically things that even if you want to sext with the person, they either completely ruin the mood either because they’re not sexy or because it pretty much puts all the sexting work on you. The phrase “you sext like a straight white boy” comes from this. Boys of all orientations and races do this. And not all of them do it, either.”

So there.

1. Christopher, who started off so strong:

straightwhiteboystexting.org

2. This dude, who asked the perfect thing if his intention was to disgust:

straightwhiteboystexting.org

3. Sadegh, who clearly has way too much going on:

straightwhiteboystexting.org

4. This guy, with the perv cat:

straightwhiteboystexting.org

Girl Gets ‘Weirdest Snap Of Her Life’ And It’s A Lesson In How Not To Slide Into DMs

There is no shortage of unusual, pervy, and outright befuddling conversations around the web. Whether the screencap in question of of a Snapchat conversation, a Tinder/Instagram DM, or a straight-up text message, the world’s (men’s) capacity for shooting their shot, often unprovoked, defies boundaries.

Sometimes these messages are from exes, desperate for a second (or third…or fourth…) chance. Sometimes, they are from complete randos who have a lot of time, not enough attention, and a desire for nudes. And sometimes, they just…must be seen to be believed.

Such was the case with Twitter user @NatalAbusaada, who shared a recent Snap of a conversation between her and a dude named Jon.

Jon claims to have an uncle who works as an executive for  Sephora and also holds a share in Urban Outfitters (???) and could thus get free swag for Natal…provided she send him fart videos.

“ok my uncle is an executive for Sephora and has a share in Urban, so if you want you can pick whatever you want from their site and send pics of everything,” he wrote. “I’ll let him know and he’ll get it from the warehouse. I can mail it to you or he can send it to a Sephora/Urban near you with your name.” Ok, so far so good. “He sends my sister free stuff to try out all the time that she keeps.” Kinda weird to mention that she keeps it, but ok.. “Just send lots of snap vids of you farting. I’ll get u everything u want.”

We do not condone kink-shaming (to each their own!), but a word of advice to Jon: don’t put yourself out there with such aggression and not expect consequences.

A reply to Natal’s tweet also dredged up Jon’s Tinder bio:

twitter

We know this is Jon, because of the uncle/Sephora/UO connection. But we also learn that no, Jon is not joking, and is also willing to date a lucky girl rather than just getting her free makeup and fast fashion. Jon also claims that he “can probs b ur sugar daddy,” though the free stuff is coming from his uncle, so we’re skeptical.

https://twitter.com/danielbaylock/status/1081435690062233601

Oh, and he’s a finance major. A fact Twitter delighted in.

twitter
twitter

Everyone else just encouraged Natal to do the right thing.

twitter
twitter
twitter
twitter
twitter

Since the tweet went viral, it was revealed that Jon tries this tactic on many an unsuspecting young woman.

twitter

Unsurprisingly, it never works.

This Girl Curved A Dude’s Creepy DM By Inviting Him To A Really Scary Threesome

Internet, meet Bridget Nickerson. Bridget Nickerson has great style, pink hair, and nice mesh tops. Bridget also has a way with words. Specifically, words that scare away creeps sliding into her DMs. Specifically, dudes that try to ‘sex chat’ with random strangers off the Internet (what is this, MSN circa 2000???)

Anyway, take notes girls (and also guys, on what not to do):

First of all, do people really get off on sex chats with randos? PORN IS FREE, Y’ALL. Second of all, anybody who writes ‘cloths’ instead of ‘clothes’ can just go right to hell. Third of all, no descriptive sexy rhetoric between *kises you long and hard* and *takes off your cloths*? NOTHIN?

Not to mention the Shrek surprise. Bridget didn’t even use female Shrek (Fiona!) or human Shrek     (?hot?) because she a savage. Also, way to bring it around full circle with the “Damn not going to even reply???” I love a bookend.

Bridget’s tweet went viral, racking up over 100,000 retweets and 240,000 likes in just a couple of days. I think it’s safe to say we now have a new template for dealing with grody Internet creeps. Naturally, Twitter LOVED IT.

21 Times Tinder Made Us Say ‘Jesus H!’

Relationships are difficult to navigate in the era of social media. Dating apps have become a breeding ground for the “shoot your shot” approach to snagging a partner, essentially rendering any formalities utterly nonexistent. This could be both a bad thing and a good thing.

After all, why spend a bunch of time and effort wooing somebody when you can just lay it all out on the table from the very start? On the other hand, this is how folks (men) tend to “lay it all out” when dates are disposable and usernames are somewhat anonymous.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

‘The Guy Who’s Rude To Waiters’ And 6 Other Types Of Guys To Avoid Like The Plague

Rude To Waiters? Not Dating Material!

Dating is always going to be a bit of a crapshoot. You never know which person is going to ultimately sweep you off your feet—and you’ll probably be immensely surprised when it happens.

However, there are a few good general rules of thumb to follow if you want to find your best chance at a healthy, happy relationship. With that in mind, here are some basic types of guys to avoid if you want to steer clear of tepid, unfulfilling relationships:

 

1. The guy who doesn’t like it if you’re funnier/smarter/more successful than he is.

Bottom line: a partner should be proud of your successes and accomplishments, and should encourage you to shine at all times. Only guys who are insecure in their masculinity are threatened by a woman who is their intellectual equal — and that’s a pretty outdated way to go about relationships.

If he tends to bristle when you crack a successful joke in front of his friends, or when you beat him at Trivial Pursuit, then maybe it’s time to turn around and walk away.

8 Dating App Openers That Might Actually Get You A Message Back

It’s 2018, so basically, everything we do is via an app. We’re communicating with our friends via apps, shopping via apps, tracking our weightloss via apps – I’m surprised we’re not going to the bathroom via apps (if we could, I bet we would).
Continue reading 8 Dating App Openers That Might Actually Get You A Message Back

Exit mobile version