To My Bestie Who Loves Someone Toxic, Seeing You Like This Kills Me

I know this is something you need to do in your own time and in no way am I pushing you to do it.

I just want you to know that when you do, I’m going to be there for you.

I know that right now, he is your home. He is the one that you always want to go after a long day. There probably isn’a day that you can stop thinking about him… Or about the thought of what is going to happen with you two.

And even though you try to hide it, I know that he’s the one you can’t help but always talk or think about. We both know that he has feelings for you, you know it, I know it… but are feelings enough?

Probably, time will favor you both one day, but if it doesn’t happen the way you expecting this is what I would tell you.

First of all, I want you to know that love isn’t supposed to hurt. You are not supposed to wait that long for someone.

There was a time you had a life before him. I remember it, I still remember when you smiled and it wasn’t for him.

I remember when you woke up every morning happy and feeling beautiful just because you knew you were incredible without the need of him telling you that you are beautiful.

I remember when you lived your life for yourself. I remember when you felt complete.

I’m your forever friend and I’m here to go through your struggle with you no matter how long it takes…

I’ve seen you happy but I’ve also seen you struggle. I know that it’s easier to breathe with him around you, but we both know that you deserve better.

So the day that you push him away, just know that it’s going to hurt, like crazy, and it is going to be so damn hard.

But believe me, you deserve a complete love, you deserve real love, you deserve happiness and flowers on your doorstep. You deserve to feel wanted. You deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else.

You deserve someone who is passionate and obsessed with the idea of you.

It is okay if you cry. Don’t even try to block it out, cry whenever you want. Just sit and let it do the damage. And then little by little you’ll start to be okay.

You will be okay, and some day, you will put all your broken pieces together by your ownself.

I know that you don’t want to leave his life… But just know that the day that you decide that you need time for yourself and to be on your own. I will be here, forever.

I Won’t Play Your Mind Games Anymore, I’m Taking Back Control

When I Lost Myself

I lost myself slowly at first, then faster and faster as I got farther from myself. I spiraled out of control. I became a dark version of myself. I could barely look in the mirror. I was a person I didn’t even recognize anymore. I didn’t love me anymore.

Thanks to you.

I walked through the days like a zombie, so numb. Constantly full of fear and anxiety. I pushed away those who loved me the most and I held you, the one who could care less about me, closest to me.

I was used by you.

We called it a friendship but, in fact, you were the most toxic relationship in my life.

In my desire for you, I lost sense of my emotions. I lost my clarity. I lost my sense of dignity, my morals, my conscience. You stripped me down and made me feel nothing.

I couldn’t feel happiness unless you allowed me to. I couldn’t feel anger even when you did me wrong, time and time again.

I couldn’t feel sadness over all the things I was losing because of you.

I felt nothing unless you gave it to me. All my emotions hinged on what you allowed me to feel.

No more.

I can no longer allow you to have that control over me.

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To The Guy Who Turned Into A Stranger Overnight, I Trusted You

The Exception

For so long, you were the one who was the only exception. Everyone else around was quick to take from me, and I let them. It’s easy to take advantage of people, who are too nice. Everyone was always quick to judge me harshly, and not treat me well. And for so long, you were the only voice countering them.

You were the one telling me what I deserved. You set the example of how I should be treated and how I should be spoken to. You set the template of what I should have look for in others.

Somewhere along the way, I guess you got too comfortable. Sometimes we don’t realize the value of something that’s in front of us when it’s been there so long.

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Don’t Let Your History Of Toxic Relationships Determine Your Future

There’s a certain kind of heartbreak you experience when you realize that the person you blindly trusted for so long turns out to be someone completely different.

This is the person who doesn’t actually see you as an equal, and they don’t have your best interests at heart. They’re the ones who seem to thrive off of tearing you down and destroying your very being.

The first time it happens, you don’t really believe it. No, there’s no way that this was who you fell in love with.

So in this way, you try to keep your cracked heart together, pretending it’s still whole. You deny that the whole thing even happened. Because it simply couldn’t be. You’re not that girl, you know what you deserve.

Time passes by and you find someone who makes you forget that your heart was even broken. See, you knew this was just a one-time thing.

But then you find yourself in the same situation, the person you thought the world of one minute manages to prove you wrong – again.

Suddenly, your heart gives in and all those little broken pieces you tried—no, forced to keep together finally shatter, shards falling down into your chest, and your lungs, until you can’t breathe anymore.

For a while, you’re lost. You can’t eat. You can’t function. You can’t think because the entire conception of your relationship has so drastically shifted.

You didn’t just lose your boyfriend or girlfriend, you lost your best friend, your partner, your person.

You might stay with them for a while and simply deal with it because you remember the good things and aren’t ready to give them up. You put effort into this person, this relationship, you can’t just abandon it. So you stick with them. But eventually, they wear you down and your love becomes too frayed at the ends. You couldn’t sew them together, even if you tried.

**So you muster up all your strength and courage to finally cut them out.**

Considering all they did to you, a breakup was the least you could do to them. It’s not revenge when you’re trying to save yourself.

Afterward, you may have cried your entire soul out for weeks on end, but you knew it was the right thing, that it had to be done, because you deserve better.

At the end of the day, as much as you may have loved someone, you have to love yourself just a little bit more.

Just because it happened to you once, or twice, or three times, doesn’t mean it has to happen again.

Even if it takes you a couple of go-arounds, you’ll start to pick up on the signs and red flags. You’ll know what to steer clear of because you’re smarter than that.

Ultimately, you’ll realize that you need to become your own best friend, your own partner, your own person…

Until someday, someone else comes around. By then you’ll know what you deserve, you’ll be smarter, and he’ll be able to prove you right when you think he could be your person.