Why You Should Avoid His Toxic “Love”

Bad News

The second I met him, I knew he was bad news. He brought chaos to my life but still was somehow my calm in my storm. My life was a routine, but then he made it an adventure. Everything changed the day he walked into my life. Good and bad, we went through it all together.

I wanted it to work out, I really did. And I held on for as long as I could but he made my life spin out of control. I lost grip on my own life. And I lost sight of who I was and who I wanted to be. He made me forget about the rest of my life so I could focus on him. Our relationship became so toxic, I forgot about life before him.

Investing In Toxic

I knew it was toxic but it made walking away impossible. I was so invested in him. Our relationship became everything to me and I couldn’t picture life without him. So I worked on myself so I could be perfect for him. I conformed to who he wanted me to be. It felt like I was brainwashed.

Apologetic Me

Apologies became my new thing. Whether it was apologizing for being myself or doing what makes me happy. It was my way of getting him to love me. Thought that if I was sorry he would believe that I was perfect for him.

Wanted To Be Worthy

Just wanted to be good enough and worthy of love. The type of love I never had before. I didn’t want to be hurt again so instead I blurred reality until I saw what I wanted to see. I made our toxic relationship look perfect in every way but it was far from being perfect.

My Reality Blurred

The day I realized I was blurring my own reality was the day I walked away. I didn’t want a love that wasn’t real. And  I wanted a love that I felt worthy of and brought me happiness. I needed someone who loved me as much as I loved them.

Hard To Forget

So I try to forget the toxic boy who treated me like I belonged outside with the trash. Forgetting the feeling of not being enough and not being able to see reality. Putting in the past all the hurt and the pain he caused.

It is just not that easy though. His narcissistic lies seem like truths. At one point, I believed in our love and so him begging for me to come back made all the good memories come back but not the bad. I long to be loved, and every time he comes back he promises he will love me right this time. He says he will change and do anything to make me happy.

Every time I consider it and wonder if just maybe he really means it this time. I question if we could have a happy ending, but deep down I know that’s not possible and that he’s just trying to fill my heart with empty promises. We are too toxic, I need to put myself first. When I say it is over this time, I mean it.

Time To Move On

When he tries to come back this time, I won’t fall for it. This time I am done for good. I’m never going to look back. Not now, and not ever. In the past, I let him walk all over me, now I am finally standing up for myself. I don’t need any more of his toxic negativity, I deserve more, I deserve better.

I walked away to better myself. So I don’t blame him or hate him for everything he did. He is only a memory now and a lesson learned. I deserve better than toxic.