Don’t Question the Player, Question Why You’re Still Playing Their Game

It lingers in your life like an unwanted winter flu, creeping up on you in the darkness. That text message, “Hey, how’s it going?” As if the past few months since they ghosted you, you know, didn’t happen. Does he expect the two of you to pick up where you left off? “How’s it going?” How do you answer that? You consider, “My dog is about to die, I almost got hit by a taxi, a homeless man followed me for 8 blocks today… oh and I hate you.” But you don’t push send. You erase it and replace it with a “nmu” text. Totally playing it cool. One word responses. That’ll show him. “Well I’ve missed you.” That motherf*cker. “Same,” you reply with guilt. Then he says, “I needed to find myself.” What does that even mean? Did you find yourself and discover no one likes you or wants anything to do with you….. Except me?

You know you should have ignored that text, but there are some relationships, where it’s like a vortex that sucks you in, no matter how far away you may have strayed. It feels as though you have no control, and you let him take you and plop you wherever he may choose.

But you mustn’t – under any circumstances – answer that text. You’ve gotta be strong. You’ve gotta have some self-respect. People can’t just come in and out of your life, as if you’re some winter coat they only put on when it’s cold. You are better than that.

Here are some reasons you gotta ignore him and stop playing in this game.

It isn’t love

Love isn’t supposed to make you cry. Period.

If he wanted to be with you, he would have been a long time ago

When someone wants something, they stop at nothing until they get it. If someone wanted to be with you, they’d run through brick walls if they had to.

The cycle will continue if you let it

The only reason you find yourself on the merry-go-round is because you refuse to get off it.

Neither of you have changed

Time might have passed, and you might think you have grown up, but the real sign of change and maturity will be when you can walk away from him and not look back.

You’ll always be toxic for each other

There’s something quite fascinating about the things you know that are bad for you. You always want to try again. You think a different outcome will come when you drink the same poison. It won’t.

That fairytale you have in your head won’t come true

I know you have this made up idea of how you two will live happily ever after. You might have gone to bed thinking about one day. But one day won’t happen. He isn’t the prince for you. In fact, I don’t think he’s even a prince.

You deserve better

I want you to look at your best friend, and tell her what she deserves in a person. How he should treat her. What he should say. What they will do. How he should act. Now I want you to say all those things back to yourself, because you deserve all those same things. You deserve a good guy. You deserve happiness. You don’t deserve confusion or blurry lines. He isn’t what you deserve. You are sitting there settling, when you should never settle.

It’s a war no one will win

Remember: every time you participate, you’re letting him win the battle. But the only way to come out on top is win the war. And the only way to win the war is to end it. Healthy relationships shouldn’t be like a war.

**He’s an *sshole**

He’s doing this to other girls. Wanna know how you get good at anything in life? You practice. You practice until you can perform whatever task at hand blindfolded. That’s what he’s done. With much trial and error and practice, he knows what to say, how to say it, and he will win the game as long as you continue to participate in it. But if you step off the court, there’s no one he can beat because there’s no one to play with. Remember, a player only has game if people are willing to participate in it.

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Domestic Violence Isn’t Just Black Eyes And Broken Glass

Domestic violence… Let me just say this from the jump. NOBODY DESERVES TO BE ABUSED.

The abuse can come in different forms; including: controlling behavior, gas lighting, narcissistic actions, verbal abuse, mental and psychological abuse, emotional abuse, and of course, physical abuse.

Fists and objects probably come to most people’s minds when they hear domestic abuse. But, DV isn’t categorized as only physical abuse. It isn’t just limited to objects being smashed, or fists flying into faces or walls. And a lot of DV victims aren’t even aware they are being victimized, they have dealt with DV so frequently, and for so long, they are used to it, and some even think its the “norm”, which is sad, because like I said, NO ONE DESEVES ANY TYPE OF ABUSE FROM ANYONE, especially from someone who claims they “love” them.

If someone loves you, they don’t try to manipulate you. They don’t twist your own words and use them against you or try to make you feel like the crazy one when or if you point it out to them. They don’t start fights just for the fun of it. They don’t pry on your weaknesses while your guard is down, and sneakily gather all the private and personal info you’ve shared with them, then later hold, and use, it against you either.

If someone loves you, they sure in the hell don’t go out of their way to be vindictive and say mean, hurtful things to you. They don’t scream and shout at you for mopping the wrong way, or punch giant holes in the walls that you have to cover with pictures because you forgot to pick up milk at the grocery store. They don’t accuse you of ridiculous things and then break the antique vase that your grandmother gave you before she passed away. They don’t threaten you, or tell you they will kill you, or theirselves, if you leave. And sometimes people aren’t even aware that they are being abused in other way; including the victims.

Mental abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse, IT IS STILL ABUSE. And NOBODY deserves any type of abuse. Words can hurt worse than the physical abuse at times, sticking with you for the rest of your life. And some of those “scars” that aren’t visible to the human eye can take longer to heal and overcome, leading to the emotional and mental aspect of it all.

Just know if you have been a victim of DV, you are not alone. There are places to go, people you can reach out to, and hotlines you can call if you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone you know. You don’t have to deal with it alone, and you should never, NEVER have to put up with any type of abuse ever. Domestic violence is very scary, and it can take a toll on you, draining you to the core.

Stand tall, stay strong, and reach out when you see the warning signs. Those red flags are serious, and you start seeing those red flags, run like hell!

If you need help

Call 1800.799.SAFE (7233)

Live chat here: https://www.thehotline.org/stakeholders/domestic-violence-statistics/

Or Text: START to 88788

He Might Have Wounded Your Soul, But He Didn’t Dim The Light In Your Heart

He might have broken your heart but just because he failed to see your worth and didn’t appreciate your loving heart, doesn’t mean he gets to take away the best parts of you. He might have wounded your soul but he did not break you.

There’s so much more to you than what he took from you. He was just a chapter in your life you will recover from. You’ll be able to move on and start anew because the flame in your heart always flickers and gives you the strength you need to heal your wounded soul.

“Tell your heart to beat again. Close your eyes and breathe it in, let your shadows fall away, step into the light of grace. Yesterday’s a closing door, you don’t live there anymore. Say goodbye to where you’ve been and tell your heart to beat again”

Don’t dwell on the damage that he’s caused. Don’t give them your time or thoughts, he’s not worth your tears, he’s not worthy of you, especially of your loving nature. He no longer has power over your heart and you should find relief in knowing that you’re free to be yourself again. You can say goodbye to the bitter, haggard person his toxic love turned you into.

You can now focus on healing your heart and on patiently waiting for the love that you truly deserve. Don’t regret giving your heart away to the wrong person. Never apologize for having the ability to love passionately and intensely.

Giving your heart to him doesn’t just come with negative consequences. Whether you see it or not, you’re learning from this, you’ll become stronger because of this.

Live your life with zero regrets because that’s the only way to live. Don’t blame yourself for what went wrong. It’s not your fault. He missed out on loving you and his lack of commitment is not a reflection of you.

Right now you’re just bending but you won’t break. Allow yourself to feel the weight of your heavy heart but trust that the light in your heart will guide you and you’ll find your way out of this temporary darkness.

“A broken heart heals when we allow the healing to go as deep as the wound went”

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Twenty Five Things I Would Tell Him To Get Closure If I Could

1.) Yes– You deceived me. But now I know what to look for, and I will spot a guy like you in the future.

2.) Don’t worry, I already know I am better off without you. I’ll be just fine.

3.) You lied to me. About so many things. And that is on you.

4.) How many girls did you treat this way? How do you sleep at night?

5.) You are two people rolled into one. I liked the good guy in you, The other guy took over.

6.) You are a complete narcissist.

7.) I cannot believe I fell for your short lived courtship. I should have seen through the BS right away.

8.) I promise I won’t let this terrible experience ruin my future love.

9.) I will only love harder when the right person is in my life because of you.

10.) I deserve to be with someone who cares deeply and loves fairly.

11.) Maybe this love lesson will reveal even more when the right guy is in my life?

12.) I will give good guys more of a chance. Maybe what I thought was boring would actually be drama free?

13.) Your toxic love consumed me. I need to take a relationship break to heal from this.

14.) I appreciate my friends so much. Thank you for reminding me how much I need them. Oh and I should really listen to my friends. Because they never liked you.

15.) I will never lose myself in someone’s drama again.

16.) The future that I dreamed of will still happen for me. You just won’t be in the picture.

17.) If you run into me, please don’t say anything. I no longer want to hear it.

18.) I feel sorry for your next girlfriend. I really do.

19.) Remember when you rolled your eyes at me when I would say something you did not approve of? Fuck you. You aren’t my dad.

20.) I believe I speak for all women when i say this. I will eat, whatever the fuck I want. And I will wear, whatever the fuck I want. Any questions? See number 19.

21.) When you walked ahead of me instead of taking my hand when we strolled down the street together, that honestly hurt me.

22.) When you would expect me to drop everything for you but you would cancel our plans last minute. I hate you for that.

23.) You disrespected me in so many ways. How smart I am, how caring and I am and that I am easily replaced. Good luck finding someone who made an effort like me.

24.) You have lousy taste in shoes. There, I said it.

25.) Seriously, what was I thinking? You were a waste of my time. I am so much better than this. And so much better off without you. So Thanks, for nothing.

–Sincerely, your EX

To the Girl Experiencing Domestic Violence, Read This

You meet a guy that seems perfect for you, and maybe you jump into a relationship immediately, but a few months later he changes into a completely different person. He keeps tabs on you, always needing to know where you are and what you’re doing. Domestic violence is real. And you are not alone.

You have no freedom to go out on your own or do what you want.

He has all of this control over you and as much as you want to get out, you feel like you can’t because you keep holding onto that hope that he will go back to being the person when you first met.

Get out. Do whatever it takes. The truth is, he wasn’t the person you thought you met in the beginning.

He drew you in and you trusted him. As soon as he gets you hooked, a switch flips and he becomes a completely different person. It’s hard to understand why this happens and what the purpose was, but it’s too late.

You’re already invested and it is too hard to leave someone you thought you had a future with.

Don’t let yourself become engrossed in what could be because he’s never going to change. This is who he is deep down and he hid it from you to draw you in only to get whatever it was he wanted from you.

He can be a master manipulator and make you believe that he’s in love with you, but ultimately he has other goals and when you start to see these signs you should run far, far away.

The good news is that you can survive this. You can be a strong, independent woman. You can get over him.

He was never good for you and you were probably too blind to see it.

I promise you’re going to be okay, though. It’s going to take some time and it’s going to be hard to trust men again, but you will persevere.

Don’t put up with his bullshit and don’t let him make you feel like you aren’t worthy of being loved the way you should be.

You deserve a man that isn’t going to put his hands on you, that’s going to be there for you for the good times and the bad times, one that is going to encourage you and push you to be the best you can be.

Never let a man bring you down and make you think you aren’t worth anything because you are worth everything.

To Get Help Safely call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to the Domestic Violence Abuse Hotline and avoid internet tracking via sources on their site.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and This is Why It’s Important

Domestic violence doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor.

It doesn’t care if you’re young or old.

It doesn’t care if you’re tall or short, size zero of size eighteen.

Domestic violence doesn’t care if you’re a kindergarten teacher or a lawyer.

Domestic violence is not picky at all.

It is said that one in three adult women around the world are at one point abused in their lifetime by a partner. This is more than breast, ovarian and lung cancer combined.

It is said that one in five high school students report domestic or sexual violence in their relationships. Only about 70% of those incidents are reported to law enforcement.

Half of all women who are victims of homicide were killed by a current or former husband or partner.

Call me crazy, but this is simply not OK.

Domestic violence is ripping families apart every day. The cycle is more than likely to continue in children of domestic violent families.

It is time to stop the cycle. It is time to educate families, kids and law enforcement. It is time to start treating victims more like survivors.

It is time to be more concerned with why men are abusing women than why women stay in abusive relationships.

Love shouldn’t hurt.

For more information please call the Domestic Abuse Hotline At 1 800 799 SAFE (7233)

This is How Being in a Narcissistic Relationship Caused My Anxiety Disorder

Narcissists cling to those who have big hearts because they can tolerate a great deal of subliminal abuse. But it’s only so long until they finally realize the damage being inflicted on them and build up the courage to walk away. It’s a process we’ve seen play out over and over, but what no one seems to realize is the impact narcissistic abuse can have on your mental health post-relationship. Your mental health deteriorates even after you free yourself from a narcissistic relationship. I know this first hand because the truth is, being in a relationship with a narcissist was cause for my anxiety disorder.

It all started with the verbal abuse sinking deeper and deeper into my system.

The awful things my narcissistic ex-said about me echoed in my mind so often that they slowly became my reality. I felt like I was nothing without him, I thought I was too sensitive, I overreacted too much, I thought everyone hated me and honestly, I started to hate myself. I lost touch with family members, I stopped hanging out with my friends, I had completely and totally isolated myself without even realizing it. And it’s all because his narcissistic abuse convinced me to do so. I was alone and trapped in this world where I had absolutely no control over the things that happened to me… I was terrified and frozen.

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To the narcissist who broke my heart and made me move on

When We Met

It’s hard to imagine that we met almost a year ago and in less than a year, you erased me from your life like I was nothing.

Happiness

And it’s hard to imagine that I felt so secure and loved by you, that I planned to stay by your side when all your friends graduated and moved on, when you were all alone in a new city, when you were unhappy in your job. Whatever it might’ve been, I was prepared to stick by your side through it all.

Closer

It’s hard to imagine that I was looking at new jobs in a new city to move closer to you and that you were going to let me. And for what? To watch me uproot my entire life and then tell me you never loved me?

Felt Right

And it’s hard to imagine you with anyone else but me. But you’ve made it very clear in your recent pictures and newly added friends that you imagined yourself with everyone else but me.

Blame

It’s hard to imagine I blamed myself for why you couldn’t perform during sex. But I realize now, you’re the one to blame. You had other interests and attractions and it had nothing to do with me at all.

Fool

And it’s hard to imagine I was a fool. But I was your fool. You let me believe we were stable and secure. You let me believe I had finally found the one I truly deserved and longed for.

Feelings

It’s hard to imagine feelings can just disappear in less than 24 hours. But then I realized, you never really had any feelings for me.

Love

And it’s hard to imagine I loved you so much, I was willing to look past all the red flags. I made you my number one priority and respected the hell out of you. But in return I was left with abandonment, betrayal, disrespect, exclusion, and contempt.

Begged

It’s hard to imagine I begged you to stay and fight for me when you so clearly wanted nothing but yourself.

Childish

And it’s hard to imagine the man I thought you were is just a little kid throwing a temper tantrum because he didn’t get what he wanted.

It’s hard to imagine the man I thought you were is just a manipulative, abusive, narcissistic boy.

Trauma

And it’s hard to imagine I have nightmares every night that you walked away from me and when I wake up, I realize these nightmares are my reality.

It’s hard to imagine that I have chronic fatigue syndrome, yet I still can’t sleep at night. And it’s hard to imagine that the girl who always tired, now needs sleeping pills to keep her thoughts at bay.

And it’s hard to imagine this emotional and physical pain will subside, but I know one day it will.

Moving On

It’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who meets my emotional requirements like I thought you did. It’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who gives me butterflies like you did. And it’s hard to imagine one day I will find someone who makes me feel safe, secure and loved like you did.

Because I know at the end of the day, all of that can be ripped out from under you in minutes. And I know the only person I can rely on for happiness and love is myself. Because I know the only person I can rely on to fill all of my needs and requirements is myself.

I know I don’t need someone, I want someone. And I want to be loved as much as I love. I want to share my life with someone and be their equal. And I want to have passionate sex and heated arguments. I want a partnership where I am respected. And I want a relationship where I am treated as a human being. I want to be seen in all my perfections and imperfections. And I want to know at the end of the day, that someone will stay.

So one day, you will become a blur in my mind and my memories. But until then I continue to learn how to love myself one day at a time. And one day I will love myself so hard, someone deserving of that love will finally come my way and be everything you will never be.

How To Tell Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere Fast

Throughout your life, you’re going to find yourself in relationships with people you think are “the one.” No matter how much time you spend together, how much you think you’re in love and how badly you want a future together, there are those moments of epiphany when you realize that this person is not the right one for you.

Don’t worry – no harm, no foul. It happens to the best of us throughout our lives. We find ourselves with people that we become infatuated with – the idea of spending the rest of our lives with them seems like magic, sunshine and rainbows. But, when reality sets in and the red flags start to wave, we can no longer lie to ourselves. Of course, ending a relationship with someone you once thought was your better half is not always easy.

We find ourselves complacent in these kinds of relationships – scared to leave, afraid to walk out and embarrassed to even mutter the subtle words to ourselves at all. The reality is, if you’re with someone that you’re not really supposed to be with, you’ll 100% know.

1. You Find Yourself Interested In Other People:

If your partner has no longer become the object of your attention, affection and desire; it’s a tell-tale sign that the relationship is failing. That’s not to say that your significant other will be the only object of your attention, 100% all of the time throughout your relationship – however, when you find yourself more interested in texting other people, opening up to others about yourself or sharing news with other people before them, it’s a red flag that maybe you’re just not interested in what they have to say any longer. Communication and conversations are the foundation of a stable and healthy relationship. If ever you find yourself not even wanting to talk to your significant other, then you have problems you need to address, ASAP.

2. You Find Yourself Thinking You Can “Do Better”:

Your partner should be someone who makes you feel good about yourself and good about your relationship. If you find yourself thinking that you can “do better,” than the person you are currently with, it’s because there are things that are inherently missing from your relationship. Maybe you see other relationships that are flourishing better, faster, or in a way in which you wish yours would. Or, maybe you’ve met somebody who peaks your interest in ways that your partner has never, or doesn’t anymore. Either way, if you think that are people are going to treat you better than the person you’re with now is, it’s over.

3. You Get Easily Aggravated/Annoyed With Them:

When you start to get bothered by every little thing your partner is doing, it’s a sign that there’s a deeper issue arising. Things that you once found endearing, sexy or cute now cut like knives under your skin. You’re annoyed by how they act in public amongst your friends and family and how they treat you when they’re with theirs. You don’t like the way they speak to you anymore, their quirky habits you once enjoyed have now become disgusting and you find yourself wanting to spend less and less time together.

4. The Sex Is No Longer Good…or Happening:

Sex is an important factor in any relationship. When you first get together with someone, you guys may not be able to keep your hands off of each other. The “honeymoon” stage in a relationship is fun, exciting and full of hot, steamy, wild sex. Once you guys become comfortable with each other and settle into the post-honeymoon stage – you may find the sex begins to slow down. But, just because it slows down doesn’t mean it needs to stop completely – or change. You should still be having hot and steamy sex with your SO and find yourself attracted to them. However, sometimes, sparks fade faster than people can expect. If you find the sex is lacking, or not even getting you going, you may need to face that issue head-on and realize that maybe you’re just not attracted to your partner anymore – which, is a huge red flag.

5. You Question Your Decision of Being With Them:

Life is really crazy and stressful. With dozens of commitments and things to worry about, your relationship shouldn’t be on the forefront of your contemplations. If you find yourself second guessing your decision to be with them, stay with them, or spend your life with them – run for the hills. You should be with someone who doesn’t make you second guess your decisions and someone who makes you feel comfortable and not have to constantly question things.

6. You’d Rather Go Out Without Them Than With Them:

Everyone needs some time apart when they’re in a relationship – it’s healthy. Yet, when you do decide to go out and let loose, you should want your partner to be there. While everyone needs a girls/boys night with their friends, the times when everyone’s getting together in groups, you should always want your SO to be by your side. That’s not to say you need to be attached at the hip, but your partner should be someone who you have fun with, enjoy the excitement of the world with and want to spend your free time with.

7. You Can’t Picture A Future With Them:

If you’re in your late 20’s/early 30’s, you should be with someone you can consider spending your life with. Don’t worry – no pressure, you don’t have to be. But, as you get older, reality starts to set in and you want to start your life with someone – get engaged, get married, have a family. If you’re with someone who you can’t see yourself with in the long-run, why waste both of your time?

8. You Can’t Trust Them:

Whether you’re looking through their phone, stalking their social media or trying to eavesdrop on their phone calls – if you cannot trust the person you’re with, you shouldn’t be with them. It’s simple. You’ll find yourself constantly worrying about where they are and who they’re with whenever you’re not together. It’ll only drive you insane.

I’m Not A Convenience Store, You Just Can’t Come And Go As You Please

It feels like I’m stuck in this maze that has so many different routes that I just keep spinning in circles with no way out. Except you’re in this maze as well and every once in a while we meet up and it all makes sense, until the next thing you know, you’re walking away and I’m left alone again.

Just when I think that I’m making leeway on my own, we gravitate back to each other. It doesn’t matter if it’s been a few hours, days or weeks my heart automatically opens back up for you. It’s the worst kind of torture knowing that it isn’t going to last.

You know how I feel about you; hell I even took a chance and told you that I loved you. It was a risk I was willing to take, though my heart about beat out of my chest.

There’s no question on my feelings for you, however, when we turned the tables I was constantly trying to solve the complicated equation of how you felt about me.

Most of the time I think you’re a good guy, and there’s this small shimmer of hope in me that doesn’t want to let go of the fact you may actually care about me more than you let on.

But you don’t because if you actually cared for me as much as you said you did, you never would of broke up with me in the first place to just string me along whenever you decided it was convenient to you. You wouldn’t continue treating me the way you do, because you know how much it hurts me.

I can’t do it anymore. I can’t find myself waking up at 3 am thinking about you, tears filling up in my eyes. I can’t let my heart skip a beat when my phone goes off, because I never know if it’s going to be you. I can’t keep thinking I’m crazy or losing my mind for loving a guy who runs from something that could be such a great thing.

Better yet, I refuse to do it anymore. I’m not the girl that gets taken advantage of time after time, whose heart is drug through the sand.

I’m the girl that loves with her entire heart and gives more effort than you deserve. I require commitment because you should respect me and know my value. I’m the girl who refuses to believe that fairy-tales only exist in storybooks.

I bring too much to the table to be someone’s sometime girl. I deserve to be with someone who isn’t afraid to let love into their heart, who isn’t afraid to speak their true feelings and one that is going to let someone know what they actually mean to them instead of beating around the bush.

I had hoped that I could have had this with you and that we could have lasted throughout all the odds. Even after you broke my heart, I wanted my friends to be wrong about you. My mind told me to run, you’re too smart for this, but my heart fought back. Hope really is one of the saddest words out there, because when deep down you know things aren’t going to change, it keeps you holding on.

I tried tricking my head into thinking that the next time would be different, that I wouldn’t end up leaving the next day more confused and hurt as before. We wouldn’t be arguing through text messages or telling each other we couldn’t do this anymore.

I could only have my kindness taken advantage of for so long until I snapped. You can only push a loyal girl so far before she gives up, and I absolutely hate giving up, you for one know how competitive I am and mostly, I hated giving up on you.

I do love you, despite what you think, whether you deserve that or not is to be left in the area that’s painted grey. If I had been given any sign that you could change your ways, I probably would have stayed. However, I can’t keep crying and feeling like I did something wrong to deserve this.

My friends can’t keep trying to cheer me up, reassuring me that I’m perfectly fine and that I don’t deserve to be treated the way you treat me and that you’re just a scared douchebag that can’t get it together.

I fully believe that people come in and out of your life when they’re supposed to, even if it doesn’t make sense at the time.

I left you with my heart sinking into my stomach, tears streaming down my face, with a final goodbye. I’m not strong enough all the time to stay away; I try so hard but I’m only human, so if I cave I need you to not respond.

I need you to do what you do best, push me away.

Don’t give in unless you’re ready to be the one I need. Until you’re ready to give me the love and respect that I deserve and not the runaround of excuses of why we can’t be together.

I’ll get stronger as the days go on, and there will be a time where I don’t want you anymore. One day though, I hope this realization comes over you, some kind of life-altering halt that you pushed away from the girl you needed in your life more than you wanted to admit.

That unlike the convenience stores where you can find anything you want whenever you need it, the realization will hit you that the one thing you really want and need won’t conveniently be sitting on a shelf at your disposal.

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