There’s A Company Giving Away Free Vibrators To Anyone Who’s Lonely And Single This Valentine’s Day

For those who are single, there are few things to look forward to in the month of February. In all honesty, there’s not much going on—with the exception of Valentine’s Day and President’s Week. Unless you’re a huge U.S. history buff, I doubt you’re looking forward to partying down for Abe Lincoln’s birthday. Instead, we’re blinded by nothing but red hearts, pink candies, and tons of lovey-dovey Valentine’s Day love. For single people — it’s a real nightmare.

But, if you’re a lady who’s standing solo dolo this V-Day, you can spice up your evening and your V-J (see what I did there) thanks to one toy company that’s looking to make single ladies extra happy this year. PlusOne, a company that specializes in sex toys, is giving away free bullet vibrators to 250 people who have just gotten dumped right before Valentine’s Day. So, if your heart is aching and you know that you’re going to be alone — why not be alone with a smile on your face, right?

All you need to do is fill out this form explaining how you recently came into the single life — I’m sure that the sappier you are, the better chance you have of being selected to win. As long as you submit your story before February 13th, you will qualify for your own, personal, free, bullet vibrator.

Sounds like a win-win to me.

Mom Sends Precious Child To School Nativity With Inflatable Sheep Sex Doll

The annual Christmas pageant: adorable kids in a play about the virgin birth of Jesus Christ. The epitome of innocence and purity—except for the blow-up sex doll sheep that came with the child size “shepherd” costume this mom purchased from Amazon.

Helen Cox, psychology student and mother of Alfie, 5, bought her son the costume to wear in his school nativity play. It was listed on Amazon as “Labreeze kids boys brown shepherd costume inflatable sheep nativity fancy dress outfit.” There really doesn’t seem to be anything “fancy” about the costume so they must be referring to the sheep, because she does look fancy. (Also, it doesn’t look like Alfie is wearing the actual costume in those pictures, because that is definitely a bathrobe and a towel on his head.)

Screenshot by The Sun

The costume came and Cox opened it up and put the contents into another bag, with her son’s name on it, to bring to school on the day of the play. She didn’t bother inflating the sheep that came with the robe, since they could easily do that at school.

So she was confused when the school asked her to take the toy back, until she blew it up and noticed it had a big ol’ hole right there in the butt. It also has a bright red nose, a bow, and noticeable eyelashes (I guess that makes it a lady sheep?).

Alfie, being five, doesn’t know what the hole is for, so Cox reportedly told him it was for the sheep’s toilet paper, which is hilarious.

Cox told The Sun, “He’s probably in his room right now stuffing Lego in the hole.” She added, “I just can’t believe it. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! How am I going to explain this to his teachers?”

So now the only problem is that Alfie wants to keep the inflatable sheep, and Cox can’t really think of a reason she can give him as to why she doesn’t want him to.

“I told him, ‘you can’t have this sheep Alfie’ but he kept asking why so I had to make up a reason.” she said. “I told him it didn’t look like a proper sheep because it had a mustache, red lipstick and a bow on its head, but he still wanted to play with it. I couldn’t think of any more reasons why not.”

But she came with an idea to pull the wool over his eyes (SORRY). She’s going to say that the Elf on the Shelf took it. That’s right, the ol’ “blame it on the Elf” trick. [Side note: this kid is going to hate that elf.]

The listing has since been removed, an Amazon spokesperson told The Sun. And I checked, and indeed it has, so this will hopefully not happen to any other people who don’t want their sons or daughters to get attached to, um, fancy sheep.

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