You Should Never Feel Guilty For Outgrowing A Relationship In Your Life

There are many times in your life when you’ll meet someone and picture them by your side for years to come. You meet someone and you hit it off so well that you don’t ever want to picture your life without them. They make you feel whole in some ways, as though you were missing a piece of yourself and had never realized it wasn’t there until they walked into your life. They make you see brighter colors, clearer skies, really and truly feel the moments of pure and genuine happiness. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship. Often times, you can exhibit these emotions and feelings in genuine friendships in your life, not always with someone of the opposite sex and someone you are dating.

While meeting people who make your world feel bigger and better is a universal human experience, growth is as well. In life, we all wish to grow into better people. We’d hope, and most of the time we are, growing to become better versions of who we were in the past. No one truly stays stagnant in life. We change and we become different people as we go through different things, different phases of our lives. It’s inevitable. You won’t be the same person you were as a teen when you grow into adulthood. So, it makes sustaining relationships sometimes a bit, difficult. 

When you meet someone when you’re young, you have a particular set of wants, needs, and standards that are set in place for that particular time period in your life. And, as you grow older, these may change. You may want different things out of people growing up. You may think you want to be with someone forever when you’re younger, but as you get older, you realize you are feeling unfulfilled, or as though something else is missing in your life. This isn’t something to be ashamed of or something that should be made out to be a problem – it’s just something that happens naturally in life.

There have been times in my life where I have outgrown friends and romantic partners and at the time, I felt guilty for ending things for the sake of my own sanity or my own desires. It’s like a gut-wrenching pain you feel when you’re hurting someone else, and you don’t wish to ever cause them pain. Outgrowing relationships doesn’t mean you don’t love someone, it just means you don’t want to settle for something and regret it or hurt someone even more later down the road. But, the initial struggle of having to walk away for something you have invested time and effort into while knowing the other person still feels the brighter colors, all-too-familiar pangs of excitement – it hurts.

When you want to spend a future with someone, you don’t want to half-ass it. While it’s a juvenile way to put the feeling into words, when you outgrow a relationship – it feels as though you’re only giving it half of yourself. Things just aren’t as bright and everything seems a bit duller. While you still love this person and cherish everything you’ve built together and everything you have been through, it also feels as though you’re doing a disservice to both them and yourself by staying around. You never want to be with someone just because you know it’s a solid thing and won’t go anywhere, even though you feel as though you may be happier somewhere else.

Outgrowing people isn’t something to feel guilty over, it’s just something that needs to be recognized as what’s really happening. Sometimes, we’ll try to make excuses for why we feel the way we do. We’re having an “off few weeks,” and things will get better. Maybe we’re stressed out because of work, school or outside forces that may be interfering with our emotional balance. But, the more we push the reality of the situation away, the more we begin to resent the relationship and ourselves. It may not even be conscious. We may know in the back of our minds this relationship is no longer for me. I no longer want to be the person who does the things we usually do, I want to expand my horizons, I want to try new things and meet new people. This is totally okay, there’s nothing wrong with that. What’s wrong is lying to yourself and the person in your life about it.

You can’t force yourself to stay with someone when you are really unhappy. I mean, you can, but in the long run, things will always be a bit of a struggle. You’ll find problems in everything they do, everything that happens and everywhere you go. You will always be stuck wondering what else is out there, or how you can slowly leave without doing anyone any harm. The truth is, the longer you lie to yourself, the more pain you will cause to everyone involved. Once you address the truth, you can truly learn to make a better life for yourself, and the person you are with can find someone else, as well.

There’s an old saying that says: “stop watering dead flowers.” If a relationship is no longer working for you, you feel it in your bones. There is no need to continue to put time and energy into something that will hinder your growth and trap someone else. It isn’t because the person has done you harm, it isn’t because the relationship is toxic or unhealthy – the relationship just doesn’t work for you anymore and you need to live that truth. Don’t deny yourself the sanity of living your own, authentic life. Don’t deny someone else the opportunity to find someone who will genuinely love and appreciate them either. Face the music.

9 Things You Should Know Before Moving In With Your Boyfriend

Sometimes in long-term relationships, there comes a point where a couple discusses taking that next step from “just dating” to “moving in together.” While it seems like a natural progression in any relationship, it’s actually a huge step to take as a couple. Sure, you may think it’s not such a big deal when the two of you spend every other night at each other’s own apartments anyway, but sleeping at someone’s apartment and actually sharing an apartment together are completely different things – trust me. While moving in may seem like an adorable and magical idea – playing “house” always makes every girl excited and happy – it’s a big f*cking deal, especially if there are things you’re unsure about or questions you don’t exactly have the answers to.

1. Make sure it’s something you both want to do.

Everyone feels as though it’s natural to move in together when you are a long term couple and you’re a certain age (in your mid-20’s/early-30’s). And, while it is a normal step to take in many relationships, you want to make sure that you and your partner are both happy and comfortable with the idea of living together. If one person is more into it and the other isn’t ready – don’t f*cking do it. You both need to be ready to take this step together because if one person isn’t ready, resentment will grow and your relationship will suffer because of it. I know a lot of couples who broke up after moving in together because they just weren’t ready or at that stage in their relationship to do so.

2. Make sure you’re doing it for the same reasons.

If you’re moving in with someone because you want to build a life with them, but they’re moving in with you because it’s financially convenient for them – it’s going to create tension. Make sure you discuss your intentions before you move in together. Make sure that you’re both on the same page and understand what living together really means. It’s not the same as just dating someone and staying over their apartment, you two are no cohabitating which means what’s yours is theirs and vice versa. You don’t want to have false expectations and hope and create conflict because you were both unclear of what you want.

3. Talk about finances, no matter how weird it may get.

When you move in with someone, your finances are now up front and important in your relationship. Most people will tell you not to discuss money with your partner unless you’re married, but, if you’re living together – everything matters in terms of money. And, it’s more than just rent. You’re going to paying for rent together, electric, cable, internet, food, furniture – everything you want to put in this apartment will be both of yours, not just yours or theirs. If your partner is financially irresponsible, that’s a big consideration you need to weigh before moving in. If you make more than your partner, that’s also something to think about. You don’t ever want to be stuck paying for 90% of the things in your apartment and your partner mooches off of your financial well-being, you’ll begin to get angry and resentful and will end up blowing up on them about it. The best thing you can do is discuss how to split things and make a schedule for things such as laundry, groceries and other necessities.

I Have ‘High-Functioning Anxiety’ & Here’s How It Affects My Everyday Life

Most people don’t know that I have anxiety unless I tell them. I don’t seem like your “typical person with anxiety,” – or, whatever that means. Most people are shocked when I bring up my anxiety problems with them because, I don’t really struggle or function like the people in most stories, narratives or conversations typically do. But, that doesn’t mean that my anxiety problems are any less real or raw than others. Ever since I was young, I have always felt like my mind, my body and my life was on “over-drive.” I grew up in a very chaotic home and my childhood was never truly “stable.” With divorced parents, numerous financial issues, social struggles and other occurrences that most children don’t typically go through – I always felt as though I was “different.” After struggling for years, my mom thought that at 12-years-old, it’d be worth it for me to go “talk to someone” and see a therapist.

After years of therapy and seeing numerous specialists, I’ve been told by several doctors that I have what is known as “high functioning anxiety.” From an outsiders’ point of view, I’m a perfectionist, an ambitious worker, a social butterfly, a strong woman, a “happy-go-lucky” person, an organized individual. From a therapist’s point of view, I use work, conversations, risky decisions and non-stop schedules to mask my anxious thoughts.

Throughout my life, I have always been the girl from my small neighborhood that succeeded. Parents would always stop me when they’d run into me and say how “impressed” they were with how much I’ve achieved. Friends would reach out on Facebook and tell me how much they read my work and how awesome it was to know someone who writes for so many sites. My family would constantly speak about me in praise because I had pushed myself to succeed so well. If you looked at me, you’d never know that the majority of my accomplishments were parallel with an anxiety disorder I had struggled with and masked for years on end. While it may seem like anxiety typically is filled with despair, the kind of anxiety I had been told I deal with is “high-functioning,” which means, the majority of my disorder is masked with success. Along the way, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my anxiety and how to cope with it on an everyday basis.

My schedule is always packed because being busy means I have less time to think.

Ever since I was in high school, my schedule was jam-packed with things to do. I worked a few nights a week while in high school at a local pizzeria to keep busy. When I went to college, I picked up two more jobs while going to school full-time. Working or going to school 7-days per week kept me always running to do something and be somewhere that was important. It wasn’t the type of commitment where I could wake up and decide not to go. If I didn’t show up to a job, I would be fired. If I didn’t show up to school, I’d fail out. I kept myself preoccupied in order to keep myself constantly busy – which left my thoughts at bay and my anxieties at rest.

I have a lot of friends, yet I don’t see them very often.

Many people assume those with anxiety don’t have many friends or social circles because they get anxiety when it comes to making friends and keeping them. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I grew up being friends with several different circles and still maintain a lot of the friendships I had from middle school, high school and beyond. However, I don’t always see them. In fact, a lot of times, I don’t. Being someone with high-functioning anxiety, I feel if I’m not being productive, I’m wasting my time. Although seeing my friends is not unproductive, I do feel as though there are moments where they will cancel, or they’re late, and I have wasted my day or my time.

I have little “ticks” that most people think are just bad habits.

My mind is constantly on overdrive, and because of that, so are my habits. When I am sitting around watching TV or a movie in which I’m not doing a lot, my mind begins to scatter and I feel like I need to do something. My worst habit is that I pick skin or bite skin on my lip – it’s been a bad tick of mine since I was young. Everyone who knows me knows that it’s something I do – especially my family – and I’ve even had to get medication to heal the cuts that appear when I’ve been “picking” too much.

It sounds extremely gross, but it’s not something that I’m necessarily proud of (or feel comfortable sharing with the entire world, so congrats) but, it’s something that many people also go through. Some people pick at their cuticles or bite their nails, some people twirl their hair – and although it seems like just a “bad habit,” it can also be the sign of a deeper problem.

To The Friends Who’ve Helped Me Through My Worst Moments With Anxiety

My Dear Friends,

Before I began sharing about my anxiety, I was terrified to open up to you. I worried that disclosing my anxiety would darken the light, cheery nature of our friendships. I wondered if “anxious” would gradually become my sole identity, overshadowing the many traits that comprise who I am. My greatest hope was that you would understand that anxiety challenges me, but does not define me. The moment I disclosed my anxiety, my fears dissipated.

I am incredibly thankful that choosing to be vulnerable about my anxiety has strengthened our friendships, created inextricable, deep connections and brought us closer than I could have ever imagined. Moreover, I am extremely grateful for your presence in my life and for the numerous ways in which you have supported me through the most difficult times.

Thank you for understanding.

Whenever I arrived late to meet you for coffee, my hair disheveled, my eyes wet from an onslaught of panic and my slight figure clad in an old, shapeless sweatshirt. I appreciate that you never commented on my anxiety-ridden appearance and always took the time to listen to whatever was on my mind as we sipped our drinks.

10 Signs You’re Way Too Good For The Person You’re Dating

Your friends tell you, your parents tell you—sh*t, even their friends say something to you about it. There comes a time in some relationships where everyone starts telling you that you’re way too good for the person you’re dating. While I’m never one to say that you should believe when people tell you things about your relationship when they’re not involved in it—there are some key moments in your life where people are doing you more good than harm. If you’re constantly fighting with yourself to decide if the person you are with is “good” for you, there may be a bigger picture problem that you’re ignoring completely.

 

If you’re the one who is constantly going out of your way, giving 100% when they give maybe 45%, the one reaching out, the one making plans, the one who calls/texts first – there could be a very, very big reason. You may just be too good for the person you’re currently dating.

 

1. The people who know you best think you deserve better.

While you may not want to believe everything other people say about your own, personal life – the people who know you best are only going to want what’s best for you. If they’re telling you that you deserve better, finding reasons for you to leave the person you’re with – there could be a very good reason for it. They want you to be happy and also want you to be treated the way in which you deserve. Maybe you need to wake up and smell the coffee of the reality of things, no matter how much you love someone, they may not be the best person for you.

 

 

2. The person you’re with is jealous, insecure or always picking fights.

If you’re the type of person who allows your significant other to have freedom and independence, but they don’t reciprocate, it’s a big red flag. Jealousy and insecurity at times can be something to manage and work on in a relationship, but if someone is unwilling to change, you can’t force them. You can’t be allowing someone to have their freedom but be forbidden to do things, say things or wear things that you want at someone else’s expense. Don’t let someone stomp all over you, who you are and what you bring to the table.

 

Why Honesty Will Always Be The Best Policy

When it come to things you don’t want to hear, the truth is going to hurt. It may even bring you to your knees. But you will heal faster than being confused and finding yourself crying on a cold floor at 3 am.

 

As an adult, I’ve realized just how much I appreciate honesty. This could be because my past was riddled with life-changing lies or because I’ve become so frustrated with being confused when all I need is the truth.

 

This is especially true when it comes to relationships or potential ones. Starting a relationship with a lie is not healthy and not being honest with your feelings isn’t healthy either.

 

I know the truth is hard. Sometimes it really sucks. I know that it is easier to “ghost” someone then tell them “hey, I think you’re great but I’m not really feeling the romantic connection.” I get it. You don’t ever want to intentionally hurt someone.

 

But think of it this way.

 

8 Small Ways To Combat Anxiety When It’s At Its Worst

When I first experienced anxiety in high school, I didn’t understand what was happening to me. Why was I always so sad? Why did my heart beat so fast? Why was I worrying all the time and why couldn’t I breathe? When I was able to put a label on it, go to therapy and figure out how to deal with it, it was so much easier to handle my issues. Even though I have come to terms with how to handle my anxiety, for someone who is just experiencing anxiety for the first time (and there’s definitely a lot of people who don’t know how to handle it), it can be a very jarring experience.  Something that was really difficult for me to deal with when my anxiety attacks were getting worse, was how to deal with the anxiety in a public place. I knew how to handle myself when I was home, in my own space but when I started having anxiety attacks in public: in class, in the bar, at work… it was a real problem. But, I’ve learned there are ways to handle anxiety in situations that are always going to help – especially when panic attacks strike.

 

1. Remove yourself from any situation that triggers you.

When you feel an anxiety attack coming on, the first thing you should do is remove yourself from whatever situation you’re in. Clearly, what you’re doing or where you are is what therapists call “a trigger.” Whether that’s at the office, out with friends, or at a party, just get out of where you are. Your anxiety could be made worse by the crowd surrounding you or the situation you’re in so it’s best to step aside. Once you feel as though you’re in a safer environment, your mood and anxiety will shift.

 

2. Try the 4-2-4 breathing method.

The best breathing exercise for anxiety is four in, hold two, four out; inhale for four seconds and hold it in for 2 seconds, then exhale for four seconds. Once you have the rhythm going, you’ll feel much better and be able to think a little more clearly. Focus on your breathing and how your body feels. Even focus on your stomach as the air goes in and out. Getting your mind off of whatever is worrying you and focusing in on something will be helpful.

15 Things Your Anxious Girlfriend Wants To Hear When Her Anxiety Is At Its Worst

More often today, people are experiencing high levels of anxiety and panic disorders. Whether it be the influx of technology and stimulation we’re becoming accustomed to, or possibly the continuous piles of stress and responsibilities we have to take on—it’s no secret that many of us do suffer from anxiety disorders that, at times, can be debilitating. While doing everyday things can be quite difficult when you have anxiety, being in a healthy relationship is definitely something you have to work on.

Not all partners are understanding and compassionate when it comes to anxiety and anxiety attacks. There are those who understand, who go through it themselves and can relate. But, there are also those who have never dealt with anxiety—and, they believe the go-to mechanism is “relax.”

We all know—there is no worse trigger for anxiety than hearing the words, “just relax.” So, if you’re someone who is in a relationship with a girl who has anxiety and panic attacks—strap in, we’re here to help you out.

Dating A Girl With Anxiety Can Be The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You – Here’s How To Do It

Having anxiety is not an easy battle. Some days, you feel on top of the world, enjoying life, like nothing can bring you down. Other days, you wake up feeling trapped in your own body – crawling out of your own skin as though you’re a prisoner who cannot escape. Anxiety is a real illness, no matter how many people deny its existence and as someone who suffers with it on a regular basis, it is harshly real.

 

Just because you have an illness that is not physical—unable to be seen on your body by the naked eye – does not mean it is invalid or nonexistent. With the numerous stigmas against mental illness within society, it makes it even harder for people who struggle with anxiety to speak out and get themselves the proper help needed to aid in their battles.

 

This, of course, makes everyday situations in life increasingly difficult. For example: relationships.

 

While dating is hard enough on it’s own for someone of pristine health – it’s even harder when you’re someone who suffers from anxiety and panic disorders. But, if you give the girl with anxiety a chance – looking past the stress, the worries, the overthinking – it can be one of the best relationships you’ll ever have in your life.

 

Girls with anxiety are not people who are sick – girls with anxiety are warriors.

 

We wake up every day knowing that—there’s a chance my anxiety will be bad today or, there’s a chance my anxiety will be good today—but, we never truly know. Does that stop us?

 

People Reveal The One Major Secret They’re Keeping From Their Partner And Why They Refuse To Tell Them

Being in a relationship with someone usually means being upfront and honest with them—usually. Sometimes, there are couples who, for whatever reason, choose to keep things to themselves in certain situations and topics. While some couples feel that everything should be up front and in the open, there are others who feel there are certain things that should be left unsaid. Maybe it’s something in their past, or, maybe it’s something that they feel will do nothing but piss their partner off—so, they keep it quiet. From the big to the small, people are sharing that one secret they keep from their significant other and, why they decide to do it.

1.

I hate her homemade spaghetti sauce. It’s been 14 years, why tell her now?

Honkey_McCracker

2.

My wife’s dad passed away less than a week after a hip replacement.

I visited with him the day he got home from the procedure and he told me everything was going well but he was scared about the blood thinner injections he would have to give himself over the next four days.

When we were cleaning out his house I found the four unused blood thinner syringes and threw them away without saying anything.

StopCastingPorosity

3.

I inherited a few million from my mother who died when I was a child. I’ve mostly left it alone because there wasn’t anything I wanted that I couldn’t just get with some elbow grease.

Once my SO and I are at the cusp of doing the house-and-kids thing I will let him know so he can stop worrying about earning enough to put a down payment on a new home.

not_thedrink

4.

About eight years ago I discovered my wife’s sister’s reddit account accidentally. It was a variation of a username she’d used for AIM before, but with different numbers and no underscore (the numbers were a significant date to her though). There were too many coincidences in her posts for it not to be her.

She was posting on the relationship advice subreddit. Her (now ex-) husband was abusive. We’d known something was off about him, but couldn’t really put our finger on it. I created another account that I only accessed from incognito mode to send her encouragement to leave, and to ask her family or friends (but kinda steered her towards us) for help. She didn’t want to impose or be a burden on any of them (we’d just had a kid, and I make a bunch of money but we live well within our means so you wouldn’t think this based on appearances, so it was an understandable concern). I slowly, over several weeks and several different posts she made, convinced her that it’s possible her family realizes something isn’t quite right and would not consider it a burden to help her out.

After their divorce I deleted that account. Nobody will ever know that the random internet stranger who was weirdly persistent in encouraging my SIL to reach out to her family for help and leave her abusive marriage was actually me.

JollySkin

5.

That raccoon you hit with the mower wasn’t fine. I beat it to death a shovel to put it out if its misery.

She was in her 3rd trimester and was very emotional. I couldn’t tell her she’d basically cut its rear legs off.

Blacklight_Fever

6.

When going to the store one day my SO asked me last second to take our 3 Y/O daughter. I was already in the car so my SO strapped her in. She was oddly quiet the whole car ride and i acvidentally went in the store without her because of it. I remembered after being in the store only about 45 seconds but immedietly left the store to get her. I was so embarrased someone would notice so i went to a completely different store. Now it scares the shit out of me and even when i KNOW i dont have one of my kids i always check behind me before getting out of the car. One of the worst feelings ive ever had and even now i get sick to my stomach thinking about it.

crosex

7.

Sometimes when I make his favorite homemade chicken tenders.. I use mayo in the dredge before I flour it…….. He would literally keel over and die if I told him this. It would ruin his favorite dinner. We both fucking hate mayo but damn if it doesn’t make a good dredge.

Shakezula69iiinne

8.

My wife doesn’t know how deathly afraid of being alone I am. Like…it really, truly scares me to my core. Not being alone like having alone time…that doesn’t bother me…but the idea of spending my life alone is terrifying to me. I sometimes feel like I put up with things I shouldn’t, because I love her and worry so much about being alone or having her leave me. I’ve spent nights pretending to sleep so that she won’t know that thinking about it keeps me up at night.

matrix_man

9.

That I was kicked out of the army. All she and her family know is that at one point in my life, I was in the army. She’s seen my beret so I guess that’s enough proof for her.

I can’t imagine it would destroy us but I don’t just drop information like that on people.

onfire9123

10.

I have a lot of reallyREALLY unusual kinks/fetishes that I will never tell my wife about. She likes to think of herself as “kinky,” because she’s into moderate BDSM, while she thinks I’m more into plain vanilla sex. She’s expressed disgust and disdain when various, more unusual sexual kinks have been brought up online, in movies or on various TV shows, and I’ve never clued her in that I share some of them.

ThrowingAFitAway

11.

I have a brother that’s a registered sex offender in another state. From that brother I have 7 nieces and nephews. I don’t mention it because I have no reason to be in contact with that part of my family.

bangersnmash13

12.

My SO’s father used to always give her quarters growing up (he has since passed) and now every time someone in the family finds a quarter they think of him looking down on them… it’s sweet.

Before we moved into our first home, I snuck in and hid quarters in obscure places all over the house. She’s still finding them and she likes to leave them in the spot she found them as a reminder. It always makes her smile and I’ll never tell.

PidgePop

13.

I knew my girlfriend bought me slippers for christmas a few weeks in advance, and instead of telling her I just talked more about how much I needed some slippers. It made her extra excited for me to open something that I wanted/needed so much, I wouldn’t want to ruin that memory for her.

Photon_Torpedophile

14.

One night I decided I wanted to take a sick day the next day and play some Doom, I had been freshly dating my then SO, current Fiancee and didnt want her to think I was lazy, so I told her I had an upset stomach too.

At the time, the company I worked for sick leave policy was that you rang up, spoke to a registered nurse, they gave some advice and logged your absence, it was pretty good to be honest.

Well as you can imagine, I wanted to sell the lie. So I rang, told them I wasn’t well and specifically had a stomach ache, she asked some questions like “which side is it on, how bad is it out of 10” etc.

I answered COINCIDENTALLY with whatever side my appendix was on, you might be able to get this going.

They said I should monitor it and call back in an hour and let them know how I’m feeling, so I did this. I rang back, said I still wasn’t well and the pain had increased. This lead to a shocked nurse who i happened to have on speaker phone at the time tell me to go to the hospital, my appendix was playing up. My SO heard and insisted she take me to the hospital. I didnt want to tell her I was lying so, off we go to the hospital.

We get to the hospital and she does most of the talking whilst I play it cool, telling them its no biggy.

They rush me in through emergency, take some blood tests and tell me that they’ll prep me for surgery.

At this point I started to question myself and realised I should’ve come clean at home, but now? Now its too late. I’m in too deep. Strap in Michaelscarnshrute, we’re going for surgery.

I stay overnight, get healthy dose of pain killers and watch The Shield all night, then the next day the cut me op[en.

I remember asking the surgeon as he talks me through whats about to happen if theres a chance of me dying. He says probably not, but the chance is never 0.

Fast forward to the next day, I dont have an appendix and my adventure to get 1 day off work results in me getting a week off work.

My partner and I have been together for 4 years and she will NEVER know.

Michaelscarnshrute

15.

I shut down internet whenever my SO is talking trash on CoD. Not because I mind, but because he does it in such an obnoxious way. He can go on for minutes at a time. Then he comes over to me very calmly and asks; ‘Is the internet down for you too?’

Tarantulette

16.

He thinks I’m allergic to salmon.

I just don’t like salmon… he wanted to make it for me on our first “cooking date” and I didn’t want to come off as ungrateful or picky so I said I was allergic.

It’s been 4 years and he still tells waiters I’m allergic so there isn’t cross contamination. Sigh.

whatthewhatk

17.

I really didn’t like our wedding.

He loved our wedding and often brags about how close to perfect it was, better than he ever thought, etc. He cherishes that memory, but I had a pretty terrible time. Part of it was because I had to put so much of it together, me and my friends, and he just showed up and enjoyed the party. I ran every decision by him, of course – like what to eat or what kind of officiant to get, but when it came to ordering the food and finding and hiring the officiant, it was all me. I couldn’t really enjoy it the same way because I felt so responsible for everything going OK and people enjoying it.

But the biggest part of the issue is that I just remember it as a lonely experience. It was very small as we wanted it, with just each of us having our four closest friends. But all my friends were locals I see all the time, and they were mostly preoccupied with entertaining their kids and otherwise enjoying themselves at just another event I hosted. He had his friends come in from all over the country, even one from Europe, and it was such a big happy reunion for him.

As I remember it, almost nobody talked to me at the wedding. Although I am sure there was more than I remember, I know nobody gave any toasts. I don’t recall anyone even saying something as simple and acknowledging as “congratulations” or “what a lovely ceremony.” And I definitely remember at one point the officiant (who stuck around for part of the reception), whom we barely knew, looked over at me alone and broke away from his conversations to come over to me just to make some idle conversation and keep me company. I also remember standing there looking at my phone, checking some sports scores, just to keep myself entertained and look like I had something to do.

I would have loved it if we could have had a wedding that was an order of magnitude bigger. So I could have my friends and relatives who I haven’t seen in ages and only get to see when we have excuses for events like that. I bragged about our $200 food bill for the whole event, having a friend take all the pictures, and my $50 dress, but I hate the thought now of how cheap and throw away our wedding kind of was.

What really drove it home for me was that a couple who came to our wedding got married about a year later with a very similar affair (though bigger). She even wore a dress similar to mine, and she said our wedding was an inspiration for her. That made me feel better about our wedding. I knew they were having another wedding later in the year where she lived, for her friends and relatives, and I assumed that would be a smaller event just to include those folks. Later, I saw on Facebook that it was a real-deal beautiful wedding, with dancing, attendants, professional photographs, her looking utterly stunning in a gorgeous full-length gown, and dozens of amazing pictures. So, our wedding was the template for their “forget about it” wedding. She didn’t even post any pictures of the smaller wedding at all. It made me so sad.

I know people love small, inexpensive weddings here, and the idea is that anything else cheapens the love the event is meant to celebrate. But maybe, for some people, something can be too simple, too small, and maybe even too “intimate.” I wanted to celebrate with my extended family and friends – not every single bloody one of them, but maybe 20 of them. I reduced the whole thing so much to its essence that it didn’t feel like much of anything at all.

I don’t want to spoil the wonderful memory for my husband, particularly since I labored so hard to make exactly that for him.

academiclady

18.

Hmm, I did live with a man for a year – had a bit of a gay phase.

I’ve told her I was bisexual (had some man crushes, can see the appeal of Connor Mcgreggor, Jake Gillenhaal, Tom Hiddelsdon, Chris Pratt, Robert Downey Jr) but I said I’d never really gone the whole way and wasn’t thatinterested in it.

Also I was sexually assaulted and I once got an std, and I can’t taste her cooking because I did too much coke and lost my sense of smell.

Cockwombles

19.

She knows I spent time in a local mental institution as a child, but not why. The truth is because I don’t know either, I have a fragmented memory of my childhood before the age of 11 and basically nothing before the age of 7. I’m fairly sure I was under the care of the institution between the age of 7-9 but I only recall the name of the guy who ran the place and a day trip we had once to go bowling.

As a guess I suffered from some form of psychosis, but I’d rather not dive too deep into it and she would probably pressure me into finding out what happened. My parents never speak of it so that tells me all I need to know.

LetOneRip

20.

That I absolutely hate her coworker. He’s a good friend to her when they are at work and they don’t see each other outside of work, except for a couple times every few months. He likes to make suggestive comments to her though, and she plays it off as a joke. After talking to a couple of her other coworkers I know he’s not joking. I trust her 100% that’s why I haven’t said anything, but I would love to smack that dude upside his head.

derkman5167

h/t: AskReddit.

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