Wearing Your Boyfriend’s Clothes Boosts Mental Health, So Stealing His Hoodie Is Officially Self-Care

Boyfriend Jean… literally,

If you’re one of those girls who love the comfort of wearing your boyfriend’s oversized clothes, then you should know that there’s more to it than looking hella cute while enjoying the way your guy smells. A new study suggests that wearing your boyfriend’s clothes such as an oversized button-down shirt or college hoodie can be beneficial to your sanity, especially when your guy’s far away. Yes, turns out, your guy’s not just good for your heart but also your mental health, so stealing his hoodie is officially self-care.

The University of British Colombia conducted a study using 96 participating couples. The data was gathered as followed: Men were asked to wear new t-shirts for a period of 24 hours, under a set of guidelines that would prevent them from altering their scent. The t-shirts were then collected and frozen to preserve their scent and then given randomly to the women to smell. Not all women were able to smell their partner’s shirt which helped control biases.

Ready for the results…drum roll!

 

1. Your guy’s scent could make you zen.

Results gathered by the group of women who were given their boyfriend’s clothes to smell showed that having close access to your partner’s scent as in “wearing their clothes’ lowers the amount of the stress hormone cortisol in the brain. In short, these women were less stressed.

“Our findings suggest that a partner’s scent alone, even without their physical presence, can be a powerful tool to help reduce stress.”  – UBC Department of Psychology

 

2. You can miss your guy and soothe your heart at the same time.

“Many people wear their partner’s shirt or sleep on their partner’s side of the bed when their partner is away, but may not realize why they engage in these behaviors,” said UBC department of psychology grad student and the study’s lead author, Marlise Hofer.

Well, now we know and we’re loving it!

According to the results in this study, if our loved one is not around, we can assume that the next best thing would be to cozy up in one of your boyfriend’s clothes until you get the real thing. Because, although it might not be the real thing, but it can definitely give you the comfort that you need until they’re back.

On the other hand, there are other interesting findings in the study…

 

3. Another guy’s scent could have the opposite of a stress-free effect.

Not that you’re looking to wear some other guy’s shirt but in case you’re wondering. Results gathered by the group of women who didn’t get to smell their partner’s shirts indicated an elevation in the stress hormone cortisol in their brain. Researchers believe that ‘fear of the unknown played a big role in making these group of women more stressed.

“From a young age, humans fear strangers, especially strange males, so it is possible that a strange male scent triggers the ‘fight or flight response that leads to elevated cortisol. This could happen without us being fully aware of it”

 

4. Girls have a new way to tell their guys how much they want them by their side.

Sounds corny but hey, you love your guy and now science’s on your side. Next time he rolls his eyes when he catches you grabbing his bottom-down shirt to wear around the house, let him know that his scent puts you in a good mood and also makes you less prone to give him shit about him going away for a few days.

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This is How Being in a Narcissistic Relationship Caused My Anxiety Disorder

Narcissists cling to those who have big hearts because they can tolerate a great deal of subliminal abuse. But it’s only so long until they finally realize the damage being inflicted on them and build up the courage to walk away. It’s a process we’ve seen play out over and over, but what no one seems to realize is the impact narcissistic abuse can have on your mental health post-relationship. Your mental health deteriorates even after you free yourself from a narcissistic relationship. I know this first hand because the truth is, being in a relationship with a narcissist was cause for my anxiety disorder.

It all started with the verbal abuse sinking deeper and deeper into my system.

The awful things my narcissistic ex-said about me echoed in my mind so often that they slowly became my reality. I felt like I was nothing without him, I thought I was too sensitive, I overreacted too much, I thought everyone hated me and honestly, I started to hate myself. I lost touch with family members, I stopped hanging out with my friends, I had completely and totally isolated myself without even realizing it. And it’s all because his narcissistic abuse convinced me to do so. I was alone and trapped in this world where I had absolutely no control over the things that happened to me… I was terrified and frozen.

I Always Put You First, But You Always Kept Me As a Second Choice

I was a young girl when I fell for you. Over and over, I let you hurt me and come back. Repeatedly, I came second to you. Only coming back when things didn’t work with your last relationship.

 

For so long, I talked myself into believing that it was some commitment issue of yours. I made these excuses – story-like ideas – in my mind that made me believe that I meant more to you than I probably ever did.

 

I vividly remember the days when you left and I would spend hours laying on the cold, tile floor just to feel something. My chest heaving with the pain that came with being second once again.

 

I’ve spent years instinctively looking for any remnants of you. Hoping that one day you would simply realize everything that you did wrong.

 

But sadly, I found myself wishing for things that wouldn’t happen.

 

10 Signs You’re Dating The Man You’re Supposed To Marry, Not Just Date

When we’re out in the dating scene, we tend to say a lot of goodbyes to guys we thought we’d have a happily ever after with. But every once in a while, we meet someone we don’t have to say goodbye to.

1. He’s not hesitant about making plans.

A guy you date will hit you up once or twice and then never call you again. (Though he will text you saying “sup”? five months later thinking you’ll actually respond.)

But the man you marry isn’t that guy. The man you marry is firm with his intentions to see you tomorrow because he wants to turn that tomorrow into the rest of his life.

2. He immediately makes new plans if he can’t make it.

A guy you date has no problem canceling on you last minute. It’s not really a big deal for him. But the man you marry? No, he wouldn’t dare dream of it.

When he cancels, it’s ahead of time, with good reason. And if it ever comes down to that, he makes sure to make new plans, which you can bet your a** he’ll make it to.

3. He doesn’t have other women on dial.

A guy you just date has a hearty supply of other girls on his phone. The second you’re out of the picture, he’s always got his stash to fall back on. The man you marry, though, will put the rest aside for you. He’s putting all his eggs in one basket and knows it.

4. He means it when he holds the door open for you.

A guy you date will act chivalrous with the hope that he gets the gold at the end of the rainbow A.K.A. you in bed. But the guy you grow old with will continue to open doors for you, even when he’s holding a walking stick.

5. He’s not hot and cold.

The man you marry is like hot cocoa on a winter’s day – warm, delicious, and most of all, consistent. He’s a balance, not a blizzard.

6. He makes you want to live forever.

We all get down sometimes and fall into moments of darkness where we feel stuck. But the man you marry will pull you out of trenches and break the monotony of it all. He’ll reinvigorate you with the lust for life you knew you always had. And a guy you just date won’t do that.

7. He won’t get off until you get off.

Some guys think that good sex is equivalent to “lie down & c*m fast.”? But the guy you marry will make it a point to put you first in all aspects of the life, which includes the one in the bedroom.

8. He embraces commitment.

A guy you just date might be sweet and all, but when it comes down to bigger commitments, he’s suddenly squeamish. The guy you marry, though? No, the word girlfriend doesn’t scare him. Because what’s the word girlfriend when he’s got bigger things on his mind, like wifey?

9. He’s the good kinda crazy.

A man you date will show sides of his crazy that are destructive to your relationship. Or he’ll run away because he has “issues”? before he even makes the relationship official, which really means he’s batsh*t.

But the man you marry will be the right kinda crazy that complements your crazy. Your levels of weird are soulmates, just as much as you guys are.

10. He wants the same things you want.

Not all guys we date are assholes. Sometimes things just can’t progress because the two of you have different outlooks on life or you want different things.

Whether it’s kids, where you want to live, or how you want to live, the man you marry will want the same as you so that you can start building the lives you’ve both dreamed of.

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The Heartbreaking Truth Of Loving Someone You Can’t Have

“It hurts when you have someone in your heart but you can’t have them in your arms” 

I don’t know the exact moment in which my heart chose you. All I know is that I’ve been head over heels for you since and my love continues to grow a little bit more every day. It’s not a great thing though, this love I feel for you is the kind that leaves you hopeless because it’s never been reciprocated. It’s hard to understand how I can continue to love you when you barely know I exist but it’s my truth and I have no choice but to accept it.

I live with a constant feeling of absence, the sadness of not having you in my life.

It’s the wishful thinking and longing for something I don’t think I’ll ever have. It hurts because, for as much as I want my heart to forget you, I can’t. I want you, only you.

I’ve tried to masquerade my pain and pretend that getting zero attention from you affects me.

I made an effort to ignore you but every time you cross my path, my eyes can help but turn your way. I’ve done everything to survive your absence but the more I try the more my feelings for you intensify. It’s such a cruel joke life has played on me.

I couldn’t possibly blame you for not loving me back.

I’m sure you can sense my awkwardness around you and maybe deep down you know that I want you. You have to know how my heart feels. Even when I try my hardest to pretend that you don’t affect me, I know my whole being gives it away. I become semi-paralyzed, my hands become cold and sweaty and I can barely get a word out. And you just stand there, looking at me from the corner of your eye probably wondering how bad I am at faking my true intentions.

I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.

I’ve managed to be around you without completely falling apart. I’ve gotten used to the idea that your heart and mine will remain a million miles apart. I think the only thing that tames my longing for you is your kindness towards me whenever we get to interact. You’re always respectful, sweet and polite. Those brief interactions bring me so much joy and for a few moments, I feel at peace with my heart.

I know that probably someone else gets to kiss you, hug you and have all of you.

Someone else gets to be lucky to have you and love you. But I’m sure, no one loves you as I do.

I know I have to come to terms with my reality without you but I want you to know that even though it’s hard to love you from a distance, at least I know my heart is capable of loving this hard. If that’s the only reward I get from loving you, I’ll never regret that my heart chose you.

If You Keep Forgiving Him And He Doesn’t Change, This Is For You

There’s no easy breakup and nobody wants to go through it unless it’s necessary, especially when we’ve been so invested in the relationship.

I tried absolutely everything to never experience the end.

The truth is, there comes a point where enough is enough. You shouldn’t keep fighting for someone who’s not learning from past mistakes and is comfortable being less than what you truly deserve.

You might conjure up every possible rationalization for his lack of effort to continue staying with him, but nothing can change the fact that he’s not going to change.

The relationship won’t change. It’s over and the best thing for you to do is walk away and move on.

Yes, It’s hard to admit that no matter how much you loved this person, it didn’t seem to be enough for him to love you back. He had endless chances to do the right thing, to change his ways and be fair to you and the relationship, but he didn’t.

You even took some of the responsibility because you didn’t want to seem pushy or overly dramatic.

You catered to his needs because you thought that your unconditional love would change him. He was worth trying your hardest to make things work, at least that’s what you thought.

You gave him the benefit of the doubt, you were patient, kind and understanding.

The thing is, the relationship might have been doomed from the beginning.

He is who he is, who he wants to always be and he never had the intention to change. You loved this person so much, you became blind to all the signs that were clearly telling you that he was going to step all over your heart. Unfortunately, he was never going to be the one for you.

You were in love with the idea of him, you were not in love with him.

So, everything that you think you’re missing about him is not real. The truth is, he couldn’t possibly be the man of your dreams if he didn’t measure up to your ideal.

He didn’t appreciate you, so he didn’t treat you with the loyalty and respect that you deserve. So, when you think of him, remember that he was never capable of changing. He was never going to be able to be the person that was going to make you feel whole.

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12 Signs Your Anxiety Is Being Heightened By Your Relationship

At times dating can seem like an intense job interview that goes on forever. You have to constantly re-assess the situation; Do they like me? Do I like them? What did that text mean? Why haven’t I met their friends yet? Do I want to meet their friends? Honestly, it’s enough to give you dating anxiety, and you happen to already suffer from anxiety, oh boy!

People who suffer from anxiety become so used to over-thinking every little thing that it’s sometimes hard to differentiate between anxiety-induced problems and “real” problems but rest assured, just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you…When it comes to choosing that all-important s/o it’s important to recognize the difference between your anxiety and their crazy.

I’m not talking about dating a fellow anxiety suffer (that’s a whole other article), I’m talking about the kind of crazy lifetime makes movies about. The kind of crazy that should send up red flags to everyone. Fortunately, when it comes to this kind of crazy, there are telltale signs you can look for:

1. You never wonder if they’re “the one” cause your family and friends are constantly telling you they’re not:

There’s something to be said for second opinions, especially for those of us who second (and third, and fourth) guess everything. If your mom, best friend, and cat all hate them, something’s up.

2. They ignore your call, which sends you straight to panicville:

Okay to be fair, this might induce a panic attack no matter who does it (when people don’t text me back I get stressed out to the point I can’t breathe) but if they know this and still do it, or if you’re inquiries as to where they were being met with vague answers, the problem isn’t your anxiety, it’s their douchbaggery.

3. They don’t respect your personal space:

Sometimes you just need a minute, especially after a particularly rough panic attack, but your s/o demands your attention, regardless of what you’re going through. This might not seem like a huge deal, it good that they want to be with you, right? Not if it’s always on their schedule or to your detriment. If your s/o treats you more like a PA than a bae, ditch them.

4. “You…are pointing out my flaws again as if I don’t already see them…”

Once again Miss Swift (Taylor) is on point. It’s bad enough that you constantly replay things over and over in your mind, dissecting every little thing and keep a running list of your shortcomings without having someone around who reinforces these feelings of insecurity. Besides, what makes them so perfect?

5. You can’t do enough for them:

No, seriously, no matter what you do for them, it’s never enough. And it never will be. They’ll constantly complain and do everything in their power to take advantage of your anxiety and send you on a never-ending guilt trip. Trust me, that’s a trip (and a relationship) you’ll want to skip. And speaking of guilt…

6. The sky is falling…

Ever notice how your s/o seems to have a crisis every time you want to discuss one of their issues?? I mean, how can they be expected to focus on you when their life is in turmoil? And what kind of self-centered jerk would you be if you asked them to climb down off of their cross long enough to acknowledge another human being (namely you)? A manipulative douchelord/cruellabitch knows that you’re hyper-vigilant when it comes to being perceived as insensitive (or anything else negative) and will use this against you for as long as they can get away with it. Don’t let them.

7. Sometimes, the voices in your head are actual people…

In this case, the voice belongs to your s/o who claims to love you…yet, takes every possible opportunity to kick you when you’re down (And if you’re not down, they’ll be more than happy to knock you down and then kick you). They are constantly reminding you of the pecking order, at least as they see it; they are the sun, the moon, the earth, the sky, and you’re dirt. And the truly sad part? You don’t need any help in the “self-destruct” department, and they know it. Ugh! The next time they start throwing stones, remind them that they, too live in a glass house.

8. Gaslighting; it’s not just for movies anymore…

During one conversation your s/o says one thing…and says something completely contradictory in the very next convo, (occasionally in the very next sentence)! What’s worse, if you have the nerve to point this out (after internally questioning if you’re the crazy one 1,000 times) they will deny it with ease and conviction, often tossing in a “you never listen to me” for good measure. After a few rounds of this, you’ll be convinced that you’re imagining things. You’re not. This form of crazy-making (as if you needed any help) is very convenient for the douchelord/cruellabitch you graciously call an s/o because you can’t actually prove what was said. Unless you want to start recording all of your conversations or hire a court stenographer, I suggest you leave this Charles Boyer wannabe for a leading man more worthy of you.

9. It’s not just you…

You’ve accepted that you over-analyze things, and you are diligently working on rectifying this, but if you notice that others (friends, family, etc) seem anxious around them, or agitated, it’s not a red flag, it’s a neon sign! A person who corrodes the atmosphere of wherever they are is no good for your mental well being, or anyone else’s!

10. And your whiny, crybaby, problem would be…

They NEVER take your problems seriously! Never. When you attempt to talk to them about something your having difficulty with (or overreacting to) you’re met with criticism and ridicule. An anxiety suffer’s worst fear is that they won’t be taken seriously and if you’re getting it from your s/o, it’s a big hint that you’re in the wrong relationship.

11. Judgment zone:

One of the biggest components of anxiety (or at least one of the most talked about) is constantly feeling judged. We analyze the smallest glances and the briefest of interactions, the last thing we need is someone who jumps on the “over-analyzing” bandwagon.  As the saying goes “You can do bad by yourself…”

12. It’s not what you say…

Actually, sometimes it is; When people say or do things at inappropriate times and in inappropriate ways, it’s an attempt at control. They need to be the center of attention, always, and if their antics hurt someone’s feelings or rub anyone the wrong way…too bad! They are essentially more subtle, grown-up bullies.  If you continue along in a relationship with this person you will constantly waste your time stressing about what they are going to pull next, and that’s time that could be put to much better use.

8 Ways Getting Cheated On Changes Your Outlook On Relationships

In relationships, there’s no bigger pain than realizing the person you love has been disloyal. While no one wants to get cheated on, it does happen more often than we want to think. In over 1/3 of marriages, one partner has admitted to being unfaithful.
Continue reading 8 Ways Getting Cheated On Changes Your Outlook On Relationships

You’re Toxic, But I Love The Poison

You are exactly everything that’s bad for me, the epitome of all the thing toxic that  my dad warned me to stay away from when I was a kid. My very own emotional drug, giving my heart a high like no other. Knowing how your poison makes my heart feel everything a thousand times with more intensity, I can’t get enough of it.

And even though you’ve done so much damage in my life and to my heart that it’s almost irreversible at this point. I’m not ready to deal with the withdrawals I’ll experience if I accept that our story doesn’t have a happy ending.

Your love leaves me weak in the knees, it always has. I crave it from the second I wake up to the second I close my eyes at night. For the longest time, I didn’t care if I was in love with the devil, as long as he loved me in the way that he loved hell, I thought I’d be happy.

I have given you all my thoughts and now I’ve officially lost my mind. I gave you everything in me and you just stood there, watching me run on empty.

It’s funny because I wasn’t a thought in your mind, but you were screaming in mine. You consumed my thoughts like the addictive drug that you are and drove me insane until you were the only thought I could create.

I held you above ideals and I would do just about anything to protect that image I have of you. I’d make excuse after excuse for you, to my friends, my family, myself. I gave you the power to control my smile and my worth. You only abused that power. I am my own ghost haunting the memories that I love the most and those memories were all of you.

I wasn’t asking for much from you, honestly. I was just asking for all the things I know I deserve from you. But you just couldn’t give them to me. I’m not sure if you couldn’t give them to me or you just chose not to.

All I wanted from you was the effort I was putting in to be returned. I’m constantly fighting a one-sided battle and it’s exhausting. I can only give so much without getting anything in return. And I’m at a point where I have almost nothing left to give.

I need to come to the realization that you may not be part of my future and my destiny, but rather just a prominent part of my past. Going forward, I need to learn to accept the apology that I never received and probably never will. I have to realize that some people can be in your heart, but not necessarily in your life.

Even after all of this, after all of the pain and poisoning I’ve suffered, I still can’t let you go. Your smile feels like home and your arms are still my comfort. I continue to hope for a change that I know will likely never come.

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I Won’t Play Your Mind Games Anymore, I’m Taking Back Control

When I Lost Myself

I lost myself slowly at first, then faster and faster as I got farther from myself. I spiraled out of control. I became a dark version of myself. I could barely look in the mirror. I was a person I didn’t even recognize anymore. I didn’t love me anymore.

Thanks to you. 

I walked through the days like a zombie, so numb. Constantly full of fear and anxiety. I pushed away those who loved me the most and I held you, the one who could care less about me, closest to me.

I was used by you.

We called it a friendship but, in fact, you were the most toxic relationship in my life.

In my desire for you, I lost sense of my emotions. I lost my clarity. I lost my sense of dignity, my morals, my conscience. You stripped me down and made me feel nothing.

I couldn’t feel happiness unless you allowed me to. I couldn’t feel anger even when you did me wrong, time and time again.

 

I couldn’t feel sadness over all the things I was losing because of you. 

I felt nothing unless you gave it to me. All my emotions hinged on what you allowed me to feel.

 

No more. 

I can no longer allow you to have that control over me.

 

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