Woman Hilariously Offers To Show Up To People’s Funerals For $50 And Actually Cashes In

For many of us, the idea of dying is pretty scary. Not only are we enamored by the idea of “what happens next,” but we’re also worried if anyone will care that we’re gone. Like, how much do you wonder if people will actually show up to your funeral? No? Just me? Okay then. Well, with all of my constant anxiety of being remembered as a good person and actually having people come to mourn me, I can now rest assured knowing I can always pay some great people out there to stand at my funeral to make it look like I was liked and cared for.

26-year-old writer and journalist Dana Schwartz recently shared a brilliant idea on Twitter saying that for $50, she’ll come to your funeral and stand far away, holding a black umbrella and looking shady—so people will think that you have lived a secret life and died a mystery. Honestly…amazing.

She also provided her Venmo account information, you know, in case people actually wanted to cash in and have Schwartz attend their funeral—eventually. She also made some other hefty promises along with her funeral attendance.

And, people actually Venmo’d Schwartz with some requests.

But, the jokes on those who really paid her—because, she said she’ll show up for sure. 

But, people on Twitter had a lot of other requests for Schwartz. Like, this guy who wanted a birthday mystery.

And, these wild detailed requests…

It’s great to see that everyone on Twitter wants to leave the Earth f*cking with their family and loved ones. I love me some shady folks. Thanks for making me look forward to death, y’all.

This Girl Found A Genius Way To Get Answers Out Of All The Men Who Have Ghosted Her

Many of us have had the unappealing experience of getting ghosted by someone we were truly into. Whether it was after a first date, after texting for a while, or even after sex—it sucks to be ghosted at all. After all, we do like to have the ball in our own court to ghost someone, rather than get ghosted by them. Who doesn’t like a bit of control? But, how do we decide to respond by those who have ghosted us, other than complaining to our very best friends about it and cry into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s?

One Twitter user came up with a brand new system that is not only convenient but also brilliant. @calamityjaz shared a Google survey that she sends out to men who have ghosted her, asking very specific questions to narrow down the true reason as to why she didn’t get a text/call back.

Her initial opening reads:

“Hi! It’s me! Jaz! If I sent you this survey, it’s because you abruptly stopped responding to our conversation, you outright ghosted me, and/or we unexpectedly fell out of contact in some way. I am, of course, devastated beyond repair, as your attention was all that was sustaining me in these troubled times, but somehow, I’ll soldier on. However, I’m curious, and curiosity demands data.”

She goes on to give the men multiple choice options to provide their name, how they were in contact, and exactly why they ghosted her.

Obviously, as we expected, people on Twitter were fans of Jaz’s decision and cleverness to come up with such a great way to approach people who just don’t want to speak to her. And, they wanted answers.

Unfortunately, Jaz let Twitter users know that so far, she has not gotten any responses to the survey yet—and she doesn’t think she will. But, it does lead to some inspiration for the rest of us who may have been/will be ghosted by people we like. Instead of sending a drunk text at 3 A.M. on a Saturday, why not send a pretty well-worded survey to get answers, right?

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