We were coworkers at a bar/restaurant when we met. I was adamant we were just friends and that I didn’t have a crush on her. But one night something crazy happened (I forget exactly what, it’s been several years) and I immediately started doing laps around the place trying to find her to tell her. I can’t find her to save my life. Turns out we were both circling the restaurant looking for the other person.
For people that are weirdos, life can be an unusual mix of traits and tendencies that only we can truly appreciate. We’re sorta made from some unusual ingredients, and while we might be tough for some people to totally get, and maybe more than a little bit “crazy,??? one things for sure: life will never be boring with us.
But still, there are things that only we’ll get that “normal” people will just never understand:
People are intimidated by you until you open your mouth. You unintentionally charm people, but only you know that you’re not endearing at all – you’re just a weirdo.
You enjoy randomly doing British accents. And impersonations.
You have to fight a daily impulse to make creepy faces at really serious people you pass on the street.
You hate talking on the phone. You screen your phone calls – even from your friends – and you probably hate talking when people are around. Listening to one thing and seeing something else is a lot of sensory input piled on top of everything that’s already going on in your head. Your mind often drifts away; and you have to force it back to the conversation to add in an “omg that’s craazzyyy,??? every time the person stops talking.
Lucy Shultz and her partner Steven decided to hire a photographer and do a “maternity shoot” for their new kitten they adopted. The photos, which Lucy decided to share in an album on Facebook, have gone pretty viral. At first, I thought it was because it was adorable and creative to do a photoshoot for your new kitten–but, after seeing the actual photos, I realize now why people have shared the post over 70,000 times.
Relationships are full of surprises. The more time you spend with the same person the more you learn about them, especially once you’ve moved in together.
Living with your significant other teaches you a lot about who they really are—what their weird habits are, what annoys them, and sometimes you find out they have some very odd vices. So odd, in fact, that you seek advice from the internet.
At least, that’s what one boyfriend did after he discovered his girlfriend was wiping herself with his gym socks…
Redditor u/whattodobedroom recently shared a story with the online community about something very odd that happened with his girlfriend.
He titled the post: ‘I (28) think my girlfriend (26) has been using my gym socks to wipe after going to the bathroom.’
Feeling disgusted but curious, we continued reading and um, brace yourselves…
The post reads:
I don’t even know where to start with this. I’m dumbfounded. She just stormed out the house and I’m sitting on the bed asking myself A LOT of questions.
I live a pretty normal life, and I thought so did my girlfriend. We’ve been together for a few months and after things got serious, we moved in together. We started sharing a lot of the household responsibilities, but the one thing she was adamant on doing was the laundry. She would come home and find me in the bedroom getting the laundry together and would quickly ask me to go do something else. I’d come back to finish the laundry and she would have already started it. I always thought it was sweet and never her job to do it alone, but hey, if it makes her happy to do it all the time, I wouldn’t stop her.
This is where it takes a turn for the weird.
I keep all my socks and underwear in the bottom drawer of my dresser. I also go to the gym frequently, so I always keep a good supply of clean gym socks ready to go. I never kept count, but I know by just a visual glance I several pairs. This morning when I went to grab a fresh pair to pack for the gym, I noticed there were several dress socks, but no gym socks. Again, not weird, they must have been in the laundry. I went to check the laundry basket and it was empty, so I checked the washing machine and dryer. Both were empty. I couldn’t figure out where all of my gym socks had gone. So, I did the very natural thing of asking my girlfriend what had happened to them. After all, she is the one who does the laundry all the time. She went silent, turned red and ran out of the room. When I went after her to see if she was okay she wouldn’t talk to me. I told her I wasn’t mad, I was just looking for my socks. She kinda mumbled “I’ll don’t know.” I still wasn’t mad, of course, but I was super confused. Socks just don’t disappear. So I asked her again, even laughed about it and she just looked at me and got mad and said “I’ll buy you new ones!”
The first thought that went through my head was she had somehow managed to destroy my socks while washing them. I thought the sight of that was actually pretty funny, so I joked with her about ruining my socks. Wrong. Thing. To. Say. She started immediately crying. Like, full on sobbing. At this point I don’t care about the socks anymore, I want to know what’s wrong with my girlfriend. I sat down next to her on the bed and put my arm around her and asked her of she was okay. She just kept saying she was sorry and that she would buy me new socks. I tried assuring her again it was okay. Even went so far as to say I would buy new socks and she didn’t have to. I sat with her for a few minutes trying to calm her down and eventually had to get ready for work. I told her loved her and got my things together to leave for the day.
On my way out I grabbed the garbage to take outside. When I got outside I lifted the lid off the garbage can and I noticed a small plastic bag sitting on top of the garbage already in there. I could see through the bag (kind of the semi see through ones) there were socks in the bag. Since I was sure she had somehow managed to ruin the socks washing them, I wanted to see for myself. I opened the bag and immediately regretted my choice. There, inside the bag, were several pairs of my gym socks covered in what looked like poop. As soon as the smell hit me I knew it WAS POOP.
We don’t own any pets.
We don’t have any kids.
WHOSE POOP WAS ON MY SOCKS?
Work could wait. I couldn’t go the rest of the day wondering why my gym socks were covered in poop and inside a plastic bag in the garbage can. I grabbed the bag and walked back inside. As soon as my girlfriend saw the bag she flipped out and started yelling at me. She said I shouldn’t be going through the garbage and that I was disgusting for bringing it back into the house.
I asked her to calm down and that I just wanted an answer as to why there was poop on my socks. I wasn’t blaming her of anything, but she started accusing me of blaming her. That’s when it clicked. I don’t know what it was that lead me to ask this, but everything leading up to this moment had just been so crazy. I asked her “Is this your poop?” She started sobbing again and ran out of the house. I didn’t go after her this time.
So, now I am sitting on my bed with a bag of poopy socks on the floor and a lot of questions in my head. The only conclusion is that she used them after going to the bathroom. Which that alone has its own set of questions above everything else. I sent her text asking her to come back. She hasn’t responded yet. I don’t even know what I’m going to say when (IF) she gets back.
We can imagine the author felt something like this:
Fortunately, it wasn’t long before he posted an update:
I had to leave for work and am now at work. Yes, I threw away the bag of poopy socks. She texted me back and she’s clearly embarrassed but felt she owed me an explanation. She said she didn’t want to talk about it in person and that we could discuss it over texting and to NOT bring it up in person. I’m condensing the conversation and filling in some gaps as best as I can. Her responses are super short, but I’m getting the idea.
I flat out asked her if it was a fetish. It is not a fetish. She confessed to using the socks after going to the bathroom. I found the reason she always does the laundry is because she was hiding the fact that she uses socks to wipe with, primarily her own. I had no reason to question the amount of socks she ever has because who pays attention to that kind of thing? She thought I would notice and think it was weird since she doesn’t own many socks. She admitted she has done this for a long time. Her reasoning, as best as I can understand, is that because she is a germaphobe (her word) and she is afraid toilet paper will tear and is afraid of getting her hands messy in ANY WAY. She uses socks because it covers her entire hand. After she’s done with them, she throws them away. She used mine because she didn’t have other socks.
So, my girlfriend has a fear of getting poop on her hands so she wipes with socks, and has done so for a lone time. It could be worse, I guess. I hope we can laugh about this later. I’m trying to find the humor in it now, but I’m still weirded out.
And people have a lot to say about his situation.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need a minute to erase this from our brains.
Let’s face it—sometimes in order to get the job done, we have to do it ourselves. This reigns true for several things in life, but, for sure it reigns true for giving ourselves some pleasure and TLC. While we may map out some time in our day/night to get down with ourselves, sometimes, things go wrong, things happen, and awkwardness presents itself front and center. How do we live these moments down? Welp, we don’t. So, instead, we share them online. Thankfully, some people have the balls to confess their awkward masturbation stories for our laughing pleasure.
1.
When I was younger, the only way I could get off was with the showerhead. For a while, I’d prop my foot up on the soap dish that was attached to the shower wall to get a better angle. After months or years of doing this, I guess it couldn’t take my weight anymore. It came crashing down off the wall mid-session. My parents still haven’t repaired that portion of the wall.
I was spending a few days at my best friends house after a breakup to recover. He has two cats and they were doing their own thing so I was sitting in the living room and decided to have some personal time. He and I had talked about masturbation around the house before so I didn’t feel weird or gross about doing it in his house. Anyways, I am just going at it and all of a sudden I hear an “ahem” and my name coming from the corner. I looked up and learned that he had installed a kitty cam to watch his cats and I was unintentionally putting on a webcam show for him. And to make things worse, I learned later that he was showing his boss and we aren’t sure if she’s aware of what transpired, but my friend definitely did.
I have a 5-year old nephew and we’re pretty close. He used to let himself in my room because he always wanted to play, especially when I’m sleeping during the day (I work night shifts). I was masturbating one morning when he opened the door asking for a bottle of milk. He even asked why I had no clothes on. I just told him I was going to change clothes and afterwards, I told him to knock first before entering any room. It took him a while to practice that. And to let you know, my doorknob is broken so he could easily come in. I’m not willing to change it so from now on, I block my door every time I masturbate.
This wasn’t me, but my man and I had a long distance thing going so we would send each other videos. We had been wanting to for a while but stuff kept getting in the way till finally one night we could. Right as he was at the finish line his parents walked in to talk to him. They just walked right back out.
After moving into my college dorm, a big group of us all decided to get to know each other and go see some museums. We walk into one of the museums and there’s a bag check so the security guards have to check that you don’t have any weapons or anything. Well, I had forgotten that I had my vibrator in there until the very old security guard pulls it out and holds up before asking “um, ma’am what is this” and I had to explain in was a vibrator in front of all the new people I had met at school and all the other people visiting the museum. What a great way to make friends the second day after moving in for your freshman year of college.
My boyfriend at the time and I were having phone sex while I still lived with my dad, and when I started getting handy with my tatas (I was wearing an oversized t-shirt and underwear) I felt something move under my shirt. I cringed and calmly hung up the phone, sat upright, and lifted up my shirt.
A tarantula (my least favorite animal) was perched on my boobs.
I screamed bloody murder and woke up my dad, to which he stormed into my room to find me in my underwear, screaming with a tarantula on my tits.
To this day, I have no idea how the tarantula got there.
I’d been in the shower with my vibrator/dildo when my dad knocked on the doer loudly to inform me that my step brothers pit bull has attacked my Pomeranian and had to be rushed to the vet. I quickly jumped out and got dressed to go with my dog. Only after getting home did I realize I’d left my vibe in plain sight in the middle of the bathroom floor with the door open while the rest of our family was home. Made a bad day worse.
I used to live with two girls in college and one time when we were all hanging out in the living room I went into my room to masturbate to some porn. I was confused as to why the volume on my phone wasn’t working and then all of a sudden I realized my phone was still connected to the bluetooth speaker that was in the living room. I could hear my roommates talking laughing about it and i was MORTIFIED. Now I’m always paranoid about the bluetooth.
When I was about 7, I had just discovered masturbation and I was going at it when my mum walked in. For some reason, instead of stopping, I kept going but brought my hand up so I was frantically rubbing my stomach. I then proceeded to say « my stomach feels funny » after she had JUST watched all of that.
I was watching porn on my phone and it was slipping out of my hand. My boyfriend wasn’t home and his step mom had her entire family over (about 16 people) for Christmas Eve dinner. Well the phone slipped out of my hand and somehow by the grace of god I casted the video to my TV, which was on full volume. I could hear the silence that followed after I tried to quickly turn the TV off. I was traumatized. Still am.
Just the other day. I was having me time and using something on my phone for inspiration. So super close to the top of the hill and my grandpa called. Whew. Talk about instant buzzkill. All of a sudden a pic of my grandpa was on my phone, staring back at me, and I was no longer in the mood.
I once walked in on my stepbrother masturbating in our shared bathroom when I got out of soccer practice early and thought no one was home. I walked in, saw him fully cocked, we locked eyes, I walked out and to this day we’ve never talked about it.
When I was old enough to discover the art of having a me-some, I was young enough to not understand lighted windows at night, and my bed was right next to the window. Let’s just say my street got a nice, enlarged backlit silhouette on my window shade of ONLY MY HAND AND MY PENIS and the motions that follow. Months of this went on before I noticed. My poor neighbors. How do you even bring that up.
In my early twenties I moved back home for a couple of years. The house I grew up in was in pretty remote and rural area and semi off the grid. Our primary means of heat was two cast iron wood burning stoves. While I was living there, we had an extremely long wet winter with months of nonstop rain. To keep the house warm we had a pretty strict routine for maintaining the stoves. On top of this, we couldn’t close bedroom doors at night or the rooms would get too cold. I was also going to school to finish my degree, taking extra courses to finish school and working part time. I did not have much privacy or time to myself and the time I did have was consumed by school, or helping with home heating or just other stuff around the house. One afternoon my professor wasn’t feeling great so he ended class early. I got home, spent an hour dealing with the stoves to warm up the house. After I realized I still had some time before anyone would be home or I needed to start prepping dinner since it was my night to cook. Immediately I got into bed for me time. After I came I realized it had been literal weeks since I had an orgasm because my life was so crazy. I got dressed, washed my hands and started dinner. After a bit, my mom came home, I said hello and asked how her day was. She froze and stared at me shocked. Then she started to rant about how for weeks I had been incredibly grumpy and irritable and gone days at a time without saying any basic greetings to either her or my dad. I listened and apologized and after she left I had a fit of giggles for failing to realize how my lack of orgasms had impacted everyone.
I live in a dorm. I always have this intense fear if I watch porn, I’ll accidentally play it on sound for the entire dorm to hear. I’m always afraid I’ll get in trouble. I’m masturbating (fully clothed thankfully) and I hear a knock at my door. I go over and it is the head of my res hall along with a man in uniform. By this point, I’m freaking out. So I open the door and I’m greeted with “Can we do a fire safety check?” Apparently this had nothing to do with my porn and it was just a concidence.
So for a couple weeks every year, miller moths sneak into everyone’s houses here in Colorado, attracted by the light. One night, I was having some me time using porn on my phone. Problem was, all the other lights in my room were off. Right when I started to climax, one of those pesky moths flew to the light of my phone, only to be sucked into my mouth by a deep breath in! Let me tell you, nothing messes up an orgasm like a moth! I made sure to always leave at least one other light on whenever I masturbated after that.
So when I was about 13, I was over at my grandparents house watching Mythbusters while sitting on their massage chair. My lower back had been hurting, and the chair relieved the pain… abit too much. You can expect what happened after watching a whole marathon of myths for 2 hours nonstop. When I finally finished I had no idea what I experienced and thought I was dying. Grandmother then randomly walked into the room and found me flushed and sobbing. Could never watch Mythbusters the same way again.
Okay so that headline was probably bold enough to get you to click on it and you’re probably sitting on your phone/tablet/computer rolling your eyes saying ‘Who pissed in this girl’s coffee today?’ But, in all seriousness, I’m raging. Not raging, but, I’m bothered. I can count seventeen different times on my hands and toes how many girlfriends I have that tell me they don’t “fart” in front of their boyfriends. I’m not just talking those couples who are in the Honeymoon stage…I’m talking couples who have been together for years.
They also never use the bathroom to go number two when they’re at their boyfriend’s house. They want to maintain this mystical, magical and “beautiful” social appearance of being absolutely clean, perfect and pure, so, they keep an entire aspect of themselves locked away.
Let’s be honest here – everyone farts. Didn’t your parents ever read you the book ‘Everyone Poops‘ growing up? It’s human nature, it’s natural –it’s apart of our body’s way of maintaining health and hygiene, even if it seems gross.
Girls who claim they “don’t poop or fart” are really selling themselves short.
1. Why lie?
In retrospect, they’re liars for one and I’m a firm believer that if you lie about one thing, you’re setting yourself up for disaster in romantic relationships. Yes, even if it’s about farting. Your man knows you’re a human you’re not a f*cking alien and your body operates like any other human. If you’re dating a guy who can’t “handle” the fact that his girlfriend farts, you need to find yourself a new man.
2. Now you can’t eat good food with your man.
We all know that certain foods are more likely to give us gas – i.e.: tacos and beans. So, you’re telling me you’re going to eliminate all the delicious food in the world whenever it’s date night because you might let one slip while you’re in bed watching reruns of Game of Thrones? Spare me.
3. No one said you need to dutch oven him.
Just because you fart in front of someone doesn’t mean it needs to be broadcasted and announced. No one said you have to suffocate your boyfriend under the covers after you let one loose. But, you shouldn’t be always running off and hiding in a corner in shame if you slip.
4. It’s really, really bad for your health.
If you’re constantly holding yourself in – farting or going to the bathroom – eventually it’s going to negatively impact your stomach health. Your body operates the way it does for a reason, don’t mess with nature’s calling.
5. You’re perpetuating the sexist stereotype that girls have to be “perfect and pure.”
I’m not perfect and I am by no means pure. I like to get down and dirty in the mud with the boys every once in a while. Why would you want to date someone who confines you into a box and only sees you as being a trophy? By perpetuating this stereotype that “girls don’t fart/poop,” you’re allowing men to think that women who do are disgusting.
6. If a guy can’t accept me for me – boy, bye.
If you’re dating a man who can’t handle the fact that women fart, he’s a weak person and you need to find yourself someone new. There will be times in your life where you get sick and you’re vomiting your guts up over the toilet bowl – do you want to be dating someone who holds back your hair, or someone who says you’re disgusting and runs away?
Remember when you were younger and your friends would f**k with you and stab you with a pencil? Don’t act like I’m weird for asking that question because everyone had that one friend who would do weird sh*t like that. As it turns out, we were all strange AF when we were younger, because more people than you think have led stuck in their bodies from years ago—when our friends stabbed us with pencils. How do we know?
Recently, a Twitter user asked people to share photos of them with led from pencils stuck inside their bodies. How did they get there? Only one way.
Before he knew it, people were sending photos of all sorts of body parts to show that we may have grown up in different places, but truly, we’re all the same kind of idiot.
In first grade the teacher made @El_Tor0 my reading buddy and he wasn’t too happy about it, so he stabbed my left pinky with his mechanical pencil. I’ve had this led stuck in me ever since.🙃😂 pic.twitter.com/FoBojuMo38
1987. I hit Henrik Josefsson in my class over the head with a book and he retaliated by stabbing me with his pencil. We were 8. pic.twitter.com/opaX9tgbye
Your first time is never quite what you imagine it to be. There’s no magical feeling of change that washes over you the moment you lose your virginity—it’s awkward and uncomfortable but, like anything, with practice it gets better.
At least we can find comfort in the fact that everyone experiences this graceless first encounter. In fact, some have gone as far as to tell Whisper what thoughts were running through their minds during the moment they gave up their v-card and it’s honestly amazing.
When you’re single and looking to mingle – the number one thing you need to learn is the art of flirting. Flirting can be pretty difficult if you’re socially awkward and don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other. You try to do everyday things while looking sexy and seductive but you end up looking pretty damn strange. You know exactly what I mean. Continue reading 19 Things That Are True If You’re Absolutely Horrible At Flirting
